[Closed] grown up kids ..... What age should they be out the family home ?

I left of my own accord when I was 21. I couldn't stand it and needed my freedom. I was on my arse for about a year or so until I got a decent job sorted. My wife was kicked out at 15 and that never did her any harm. I still know people through friends living at home in their 40's and they don't have much about them.

Having said all that, the housing and jobs markets are different to when I left home, but if they had a job at 23 mine would certainly be sent packing.

djglover - Member
My wife was kicked out at 15 and that never did her any harm.

i hope her parents were prosecuted for child abandonment!!

I think too many people are too quick to judge other people's situations quite frankly.

I've moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20's, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to lo

personally i think people that cant be arsed to look after their kids should be sent to prison until their children are 18,

i think a lot depends on you parents income as well,

Pends though dunnit? I lived with my dad until I was 33. Worked out ok really, most of the time. Had me own space, did what I wanted, dad din't really bother me about owt. Just two blokes sharing a flat really. Council place in his name so very cheap rent. Suited me fine on a low wage. Allowed me plenty of disposable to travel, buy stuff like bikes etc.

Plus as already said, there's cultural considerations. Middle Englanders tend to like plenty of space, but many other cultural groups don't mind being in close proximity to each other. Maybe it's cos Middle Englanders are quite insecure and need to be on their own more? Selfishness?

Having said that, I now live on my own, and dunno if I want to give that up, certainly not just yet. Probbly cos I'm insecure and selfish really.

I think too many people are too quick to judge other people's situations quite frankly.

I've moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20's, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to look after myself and I did live a fairly solitary life at my folks.

I do know people almost my age that live with their folks, rent free, dinner on the table every evening, washing done for them etc. which I don't understand. It doesn't help prepare them for life on their own at all! But then my mum died when I was 14 and my dad was almost useless domestically, so I was well prepared for life at uni, on my own etc. Moving back in with the folks was mainly to save a bit of money!

My brother moved out of what he told other people was his house at the tender age of 35. He wouldn't pay rent, so my father used to take it out of his pay packet before he got it.

To the OP I would suggest a hint of confusion on his part - work out if your daughter is a kid or a grown up and treat them accordingly.

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I've moved in and out of my parents for one reason or another a couple of times during my 20's, but the deal was I always had to pay my way. No taking the piss on either side, I got charged 70 quid per week including bills, and use of all amenities, but I had to look after myself and I did live a fairly solitary life at my folks.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

Abraham Lincoln.

Take note, ilovemygears...

my dad earns more in a month than i did in a year working a ok full time job, i think him charging me would be taking the piss,
No,it wouldn't.

Part of being a grown up is paying your own way. Another part is realising just because someone else earns more than you they don't owe you anything.

yes but it means that you can get a career that benefits society that would not be feasible other wise due to its crappy pay, like looking after adults with learning disabilities for free...

like looking after adults with learning disabilities for free...

aaah.. an apt description of the parent with 'unfledged' offspring haunting the nest..

So you expect someone else to finance your charity ?

working for free != a career

no they think its really good...

get a career that benefits society

If only society had a choice as to whether or not you get to inflict yourself and your barely formed semiliterate opinions upon it. Oh well, maybe you'll grow up in the job...

i feel the hate chris i feel the hate.....

my brothers got kicked out at 16.
mum let me stay until i was older though. think it's because i was the only girl.

my sons can stay as long as they like. 🙂

no hate, just sympathy for people who you choose to 'help'.

maybe I was a bit harsh, I'm sure you're a lovely person, sorry.

Maybe it's cos Middle Englanders are quite insecure and need to be on their own more? Selfishness?

Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? 😉 Just a cultural thing like?

All depends on circumstances. Left home when went to uni and then my parents split up anyway. Would find it easier to live with my dad if I have to as mum still mothers me when I go home to visit.

1 of my new step brothers lived at home till late 20's and his mum would ring him each morning to make sure he got up for work after she had got to work herself.

Sharing flats with other folk helps you to grow up, understand and learn to tolerate other people.

If your parents accept that you are grown up and treat you as an adult and you do the same by paying your way and being considerate of your parents then it can be a useful way of saving some cash or living somewhere you wouldn't otherwise be able to afford.

Of course certain posters have to express their independence by a little light Internet trolling whilst actually still being dependent on their parents. 😉

Stoatsbrother - Member

Of course certain posters have to express their independence by a little light Internet trolling

Nothing light about it.

Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? Just a cultural thing like?

My layndlord lives with is (extended) family, and is proper cotched up. Owns a few properties, drives a s****y new car, has a very well paid job in IT (!) in That London.

Oh, and he's Bangladeshi, so yeah, a cultural thing, the extended family household. Dunno if you've much if any experience of that.

Whassamatter; did I touch a nerve? 😉

Nothing light about it.

19, living at home during the holidays due to accommodation rules at uni. Got as far away as I could via uni, and plan to stay away the next time I go.

Not quite sure how it works when you finish uni though. Skint, no job (to begin with), massive debt.. Can't see anyway I'd be able to afford a deposit on anything, unless I get a nicely timed windfall somehow.

Elfinsafety - Member
Maybe its because they want to be independent and ambitious, rather than spend their life procrastinating in their bedroom, whilst continuing to be a burden to their family? Just a cultural thing like?
My layndlord lives with is (extended) family, and is proper cotched up. Owns a few properties, drives a s****y new car, has a very well paid job in IT (!) in That London.

Oh, and he's Bangladeshi, so yeah, a cultural thing, the extended family household. Dunno if you've much if any experience of that.

Whassamatter; did I touch a nerve?

lol i think you did, good for you!!! 🙂

Thing is - the OP obviously doesn't like the situation and feels taken advantage of.

This is a whole different situation from the consensual one Elfin describes. May be closer to ILMGs than he realises 😉 But nice to see care in the community working... And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn't met many people with severe dementia.

Just put her rent up so that it's more than she'd pay if she moved out. That's what the parents of one of my staff did when he was 24. He moved out pretty quickly. If you feel bad charging her loads, put it in a savings account for her towards a deposit or something.

Stoatsbrother - Member
Thing is - the OP obviously doesn't like the situation and feels taken advantage of.

This is a whole different situation from the consensual one Elfin describes. May be closer to ILMGs than he realises But nice to see care in the community working... And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn't met many people with severe dementia.

i see

Trouble is, when kids back even for a temporary period, it's hard for all concerned. Both mine have bounced back and forth but the interesting thing was that they became a child again. In other words, they expected meals cooked, washing done etc. 😯

I think that for RealMan the situation is quite difficult. Living back at home after Uni means major adjustments, on the part of the returnee obviously. 🙂

And anyone who thinks they would never see their folks in a residential home is obviously very early in their training and hasn't met many people with severe dementia.

+1

My Nan died yesterday afternoon.. she was 96

After 15 years of severe Dementia she is now having a well deserved rest..

Ah, really sorry to hear that Yunki. 🙁

What i am incline to be doing when our Daughter is older is to either buy another
place and keep this one or buy a larger house with a good size of land and have
a house built on that for herself.
No one gave me a chance in life parents had zero money so now as a parent
and through hard work I can.

Well mine are 15, 18, 19 & 23 and all still at home, although the older one is buying a house - but it's going to take some time to sort as it needs a lot of work

TBH, they're welcome to stay as long they want, I have no desire to push them out at all
Our home is big enough to allow us all space without living in each others pockets
So why not? they're good kids, unlike me, I was evicted at 16 and deserved it 🙂

I'm 22 and my "main" home is still the family home, though I'm not living there at the minute (I'm in canada for a few months!) and I lived away at uni for 3 years, but then moved back in for a year before coming out here. With the job market being how it is and the general low pay of media-type jobs, I can't see how I'd be able to afford to move out any time soon, either. Most of my mates are in a similar position, only a couple have landed well paid enough jobs to be able to move out. Quite depressing really!

I moved out with my girlfriend (now wife) and bought a house (no financial assistance) when we were 18 and 19 😯
seems crazy now, so lucky we did it when we did.
got a 100% mortgage with 10% cash back which covered the fees, our first house recently sold again for over 3 times what we bought it for 13 years ago

It is way harder for kids nowadays, some need a nudge though and some just never will

I work with a 36 year old stereotypical IT Geek! who still lives with his mum, he's absolutely no intention of moving.

There's a woman who I work with who mothers her 18 year old so much I don't think he could actually cope on his own. She phones him up about midday everyday to wake him up tell him what she's made him for lunch and to remind him to let the dog out, she makes and deals with all Dr's and Dentist appointments and takes him to them too. Yesterday she was on the phone sorting out his Gym membership for him. FFS he's 18!!! not 12!
He had a job working at Asda for a few weeks, only a few shifts, a friend of his recommended it to him apparently. But she got him to quit as she didn't think is was right while he was at college 👿
If you hadn't guessed everybody in the office knows all about her son's life

There's good reason why some will never move out, other than the country work and housing situations we have in the UK

OP not saying you mother yours daughter btw

as and when we have kids they'll be given a deadline too 😈

I moved out at 21 to go to University. I moved back for a bit when I was between houses, I've got friends who are my age, 30, who are now back at home to save up deposits. One family has all 'children' 34,32,30 all back at home saving for deposits.

be warned, my uncle is 62 and still lives with his mum

I can relate to alot of this at the moment. Im 23 and just finished university last year. My parent moved abroad whilst I was at uni so I stayed in my student digs for the summer and had a part time job there. Now ive graduated both myself and my girlfriend have been lucky enough to get jobs that arent too far apart so we rent a house together.

The problem is that between rent and bills and travelling to work costs (the jobs arent still a few miles apart so involves a bit of commuting) and the way jobs are at the moment its really tricky to save towards anywhere near the kind of deposit you need to ever buy somewhere.

Her parents have offered that we could move in with them for a bit too save money but id feel slightly awkward about this, despite how well I get on with them.

I know a lot of friends from uni who have struggled to find jobs and have therefore moved home. They all say it takes a lot of adjusting and would rather not be there.

I love my son to bits, he's my best pal, can't really see a point where I'd ever tell him to leave, he's bursting with energy, full of fun, a great talker, the house would feel very empy without him.

I kno the dayu will come he'll want to leave but I won't be pushing him out the door.