[Closed] Going out with someone with a kid?

What should I expect?

a wizards sleeve?

That's just bollocks isn't it. You make it sound like every woman over the age of 25 has children. Guess what, it's not true unless you hang around outside school gates chatting up single mums...

Tried it, it didn't work out... My problem with the whole thing was that I really didn't agree with the way the kid was being brought up, and there wasn't really anything I could do about it. That really upset me. Hopefully you won't have that problem though.

As to how to behave with the kids... I'd say just treat them like you would a nephew or niece, to start with at least.

What should I expect?

"are you my new daddy"

BWD sorry but I do not do highschool girls...

You're in your 20s are you not?

Why not worry about it when it happens?

Or are you shooting blanks?

How old [i]are[/i] you?

I may be wrong, but I reckon you can probably avoid mums if you want, at any age.

As for how to behave with the kids, taking pictures of them in the bath is a big no-no. 😉

BD in my 30's. AS for the picture thanks, but I would have though this one by myself 😉
Cynical well I am just wondering as it might happen, and any tips would be very welcome.

But how should I behave with the kids?

{modded}

Oh dear what have I done 😐

But how should I behave with the kids?

treat them as friends, rather than try to act as a father figure. and under no circumstances ever give them the impression that they are an annoying hindrance to your relationship with the mother, whether they are or not. that will **** them up good and proper and cause no end of resentment between them and the mother, should the relationship last.

BWD sorry but I do not do highschool girls...

Just as well you don't live round here. Then, you'd [i]have[/i] to deal with kids....

oh no, there's only one way from here, and its not up....

juan: don't fret fella, just cross that bridge when you come to it

Oh dear what have I done

LOL (no really, I am actually laughing out loud)

just go with the flow, if its meant to be it will be and if not its not.

Flatboy got it about right.

My daughter was about 5 when StuE and I got together. It was hard for him as he really isn't child-minded. 7 years on it's still hard for them both (and for me!). If the relationship is strong enough it will stand it.

Single friends with kids are very aware that their situation is a huge hurdle for any new relationship.

Be nice but not creepy. Don't attempt to lay down your own rules until you are all a family together. If you disagree with the way the mother does things, keep it quiet. But it may undermine the relationship eventually...

You're right, kid will come before you. So don't expect maybe any short notice "let's go out tonight for a meal/drink". From experience it's just a case of planning ahead a little, or maybe doing 'afternoon' things rather than nighttime. Of course, daddie may have the little one at weekends.

And just nod appreciatively when she tells you all her woes.

Oh, and always bring wine AND chocs!

Cooroo thanks that's very usefull

Easy - Don't date anyone who has kids

A good first step would be to offer to take them swimming so that she can have some time by herself.

OK, as a first step that's likely to raise some serious suspicions!

Personally if I couldnt deal with the "woman with child" thing I'd just not date any! I think I'm of a similar age to yourself, Juan, and I know dozens of women our age that have not had kids. I've been with my other half for 11 years and we haven't had a kid, not everyone wants one!

I'm with Houns....not literally!

Unless you want a ready made family then shop around, there are thousands of career women without kids who are looking for someone special. Why not try one of them dating agency for sports mad people, at least you know they are similar minded.

When I met MrsF she already had an 18month boy - his sperm donor wasn't on the scene.

Within about 4 months he was calling me 'Daddy' (only slightly worrying!) - now 8.5 years on we're married and I've adopted him and we've another 3 lovely girls. - so all good there.

so don't be put off if there are kids about just take things easily and make sure its what you want

If in doubt dont go out.

Butchers Dustbin.

or even worse a Ripped out Fireplace.

"BadlyWiredDog - Member
That's just bollocks isn't it. You make it sound like every woman over the age of 25 has children. Guess what, it's not true unless you hang around outside school gates chatting up single mums..."

Welfare mothers make better lovers.......

Me and my man got married when my son was 10 months old, his daddy was never on the scene which made it a bit less complicated. Dan told me he loved me so it seemed natural to love my son too. Its not always easy, but thats relationships for you, with or without kids.
4 years on Dan has adopted Joel and we have 2 year old daughter too. Turned out Joels profoundly autistic with serious learning difficulties.Its not easy at all being his Dad.

The most important thing is to make time for the two of you without kids and just enjoy that time together

Just be wary of the woman who's kids all have the same first name to make it easier when she wants them to do anything. You know you're in trouble when she uses their surnames to address them individually 😉

If in doubt dont go out.

I was always taught "if in doubt go flat out".

as others said if it bothers you, go out with someone without kids. There are loads of career women who are *waiting* (sometimes until too late) until they are older to have kids.

Blimey, I just got "{modded}"

Sense of humour failure?

I didn't swear, I didn't use any offensively sexist slang (unlike the very first response on the subject) - I simply used irony in the form of some very bad advice to Juan on how to win kids and their single mums round to make what I thought was actually a very serious point. Would it have helped to make that more obvious if I'd put the word "not" at the end a la Wayne's World?

Frankly, if you thought my comment was worth modding then perhaps you should have taken down the whole thread.

Your in your 30's not 40's.

Right, so most of the people he's boning will have kids who are about 16.

😉

I had one on Sunday after a 2hr ride and felt surprisingly pukka for the rest of the day.

it sounded like grooming or at the very least highly suspect manipulation 🙁

Taking your 18yr old step daughter out for her first bra fitting with her protesting that shes passed that stage..... 8) 🙄

simonfbarnes,

"I had one on Sunday after a 2hr ride and felt surprisingly pukka for the rest of the day."
it sounded like grooming or at the very least highly suspect manipulation

Who/what are you quoting?

Juan - she already has a partner.....

With some trepidation, given the author, I opened this thread with but one thought upon my little grey cells.

"I wonder", I mused to myself, "if anyone has mentioned a part of a clothing item belonging to one of a magical persuasion.

And, lo and behold,

Stoner - Member

What should I expect?

a wizards sleeve?

Rarely disappointed.

You'll either settle into a routine with them naturally or not.

If not she'll not let you hang around long enough to learn.

You'll need to learn and except you'll be mostly second in her thoughts and priorities....

Not to scare you further, if it gets to the stage where you move in you become responsible, which if you care for the ladies that much, you'll not have any worries about..
You may benefit from spending time around kids more, but not at schools and parks......you'll soon get in trouble lol..

If you have friends and family with kids explain to them and join them on days out etc....

I've got three kids of my own and if i ever want to and meet anyone else with kids, there will be a big bunch of kids around, but htat's something i've already accepted and am prepared for...

Kids are great though as they let you be one too..

Sharki many thanks

LOL at druidh I was wondering when someone will come with that 😉 but it's not her it's more local 😉
xxxx

sorry, I was quoting:

I didn't swear, I didn't use any offensively sexist slang (unlike the very first response on the subject) -

Juan, I thought you were only 29! 😯

In your 30s you say...how far into them????

Around 6" I presume (or should that be 15cm?)

druidh - Member
Around 6" I presume (or should that be 15cm?)

Post of the week. Superb!

ROFLMAO at druidh...

druidh...that is just plain rude!!!

Or is it my mind?? 😯

8)

Juan is in his very, very, very late 20s!!
FACTOMUNDO!!

I have 2 kids and dating childless men is not easy.

You cant date her on her own- she comes as a package- so dont expect it to work unless you really like kids(especially hers) and are ready to embrace all family life- good and bad.

On the positive side if there is a Dad around you may get weekends and holidays free to be together.

Good luck!

Just spilt with my partner of a couple of years at Christmas.

She has a 15 year old daughter who was a pain in the ass but manageable.

However she also had a drug taking a$$ hole of a 19 year old son who appeared at the house we had together a month after my partner moved in.

3 drug deals down the side of my house, steeling from me, getting sacked from jobs I had got him later it all went off the rails.

My issue was my partner who would not put common agreed behaviour controls around her own kids in which we all had a view of.

When she could not do that it was good night Vienna.

It was not about the kids it was about me and her, all a bit painful and raw but sadly inevitable, has it put me off no, has it made me suspicions yes.

So Simon, do you actually think I was genuinely offering Juan genuine advice on grooming techniques ????!!!!!!

rightplacerighttime - Member

So Simon, do you actually think I was genuinely offering Juan genuine advice on grooming techniques ????!!!!!!

He probably recognised them....

just be you juan 🙂 the kid/s will think you're great

and i think most women are able to balance the needs of their kid/s and a relationship quite well

I'm 38 and been dating a lot recently and the vast majority of women I've met have had no kids, so I don't agree with the OP's original premise.

NB Personally I think relationships are hard enough with just two people and wouldn't consider dating someone with children - but that's just my opinion.

[i]You cant date her on her own- she comes as a package[/i]

Err arent you supposed to work out first if theres a connection, a kinship between two people before laying on 'heres us'. Its us or nothing'.

You shouldnt introduce children/bloke until you are both sure no? Otherwise the kid will growing thinking 'how many menfriends did I see in my growing up years coming and going'? 😕

Good point hora.
That make s me think i need to cut bcak on my manfriends coming round...;-)

Firstly - Stoner - fantastic - made my dull Friday afternoon that one. Class. Had everything, short, timing, 5/5.

As for the question. Well a mate of mine was going at it hammer and tongs and his new gf's kids came barging into the room. She was, erm, have to be careful here, sort of facing the door and there was some buzzing and stuff going on and quite simply he said it was a truly dreadful experience which he never wishes to repeat as he feared the children would be forever mentally scarred. Although to be fair he said once they had sorted it she wanted to , erm, seal the deal. Anyhooo moving on swiftly.....

Another has inherited two kids and finds it quite hard but has taken the view that ist worth it int he long run.

Personally, i'm not sure what i would do.

Not very helpful but i thought i would post !

Old enough to have lots of friends in this position/
Juan - huge subject, so many things to consider - is dad still around, age of kids, etc. Can work, have a female friend who has me a chap both have 2 kids, kids get on all seems well. Another friend is widowed but now primary carer for 2 kids that are not his - he wanted it and seems happy as do the kids.
Tough subject - but go into any relationship with your eyes wide open.

thanks roger.
I can't believe hoora actually made a sensible comment...

I don't get Stoner stuff... Should I google for it or is it nsfw?

Walk away.

No in fact run away whilst phoning for a cab to meet you at the end of the street.

Can you see my scars.

what on earth is pantsonfire about?

Its lines from a poem by John Cooper Clarke

my real dad died from leukaemia when I was very young. My mum met my dad when I was 3, after a few years they married and he adopted me.

Obviously it still really hurts that i'll never know my real father but my adoptive Dad and I get on really well and I'm really pleased that my mum is happy. In fact I think it is their 20th wedding anniversary this year.

Of course I am biased but I just wanted to post that it doesn't always turn out badly!

retro thanks very much.

retro83 aye. Not everyone is bitter on here!