[Closed] Girlfriend Advice

Actually laughing out loud at some of the replies.

The other thing I failed to mention is that I bought her a toothbrush to keep at mine.

It arrived with last night grocery delivery from Asda. I showed it to her in my room and she replied "it's ok I have my own toothbrush".

I will be 40 in 7 weeks ffs

I will be 40 in 7 weeks ffs

Spooky!

I use lynx as part of my post Turbo Trainer regime when wandering around the house. My wife thinks it turns the bathroom onto a fog of overpowering teenage angst. Perhaps she thought you are younger than you are, or didn't wanted her husband thinking she was shagging a student.

(I would like to point out I use Chanel Homme Sport to impress, and some kind of Hugo all other times, like down the pub).

The other thing I failed to mention is that I bought her a toothbrush to keep at mine.

Don't forget the towelling robe, character slippers (bear ones maybe) and a lifetime subscription to House & Home

I'd leave it at that lest you freak her out some more 😉

The other thing I failed to mention is that I bought her a toothbrush to keep at mine.

Maybe you should step it up a gear by commenting on how cute babies are when you pass them in the street.

😉

Moving stuff in after 9 weeks is a bit keen IMO.

Treat them mean keep them keen. 😉

I got twice the amount I normally get for about a quid.

Was that the shower gel or the "extras"?

So that's where it came from! She told us that her 13 year old nephew had stayed over one night and left it behind. Which seemed quite credible given the Lynx. Totally fooled me, and I think the rest of the guys believed it too. Even our prop-forward, and he's a suspicious type.

😛

How old is she?

Mrs Zip reckons she has issues.
Pretty soon after we met she wanted one of my t shirts for under her pillow as she liked my smell.
We lived 70 miles apart and only met up at weekends.
Edit , I was one hell of a catch though 😉

Shows how deeply I think about things. I'd have shrugged and said "no probs" and not given it another thought.
She seems to like you but just doesn't want your stuff in her house. Seems fair enough to me. Just keep an open mind, don't get too attached and enjoy yourself dude.

Is she fit?

Maybe she's thinking "I wish this guy would stop talking about iPhone chargers and toothbrushes and just smash my back doors in"

Lol

FFS what's wrong with Lynx products? Sounds like a few of you need to man up a bit and stop caring so much about how you smell to the laydees.. Jeez.

Ref OP, she's stayed over and dabbled so there can't be much wrong with you or your Lynx products... So, she's just trying to assert her independence, chill and enjoy your relationship (hard sex) with her.

Any chance of some photos btw? (Videos even better)

I showed it to her in my room and she replied "it's ok I have my own toothbrush"

Going back a bit, that MN penis beaker thread could well be the funniest thing I've ever read. Ever. Incredible.

I think you need to drink a shit load of gin before you mak any emotional decisions. Then turn up at her house in the middle of night crying hysterically and screaming and throwing things. If she doesn't dump after that she's a keeper

Maybe she's thinking "I wish this guy would stop talking about iPhone chargers and toothbrushes and just smash my back doors in"

But do girls really think this way? And if so, why can't they make it more obvious?

If only we had verbal IQs above 130! The pratt of the day award goes to your good self.

Sorry, you're probably not a misogynist badnewz. I don't agree with a lot of what you say but you're a reasoned chap, it's just that it's like saying all men are wife beaters. Which they aren't, just like the fact that not all women are overly emotional fickle crazies, just some of them.

I tend to find that lots of people choose mirror images of themselves in partners, crazy people are drawn to other crazy people.

I just tend to sigh when people start complaining about serious character flaws in their partners as they usually need to take a look at themselves as well. For example, I have a dear friend of mine from my teens, a girl, who is actually a bit bonkers. She has BPD and of course she's going out with a man who is bipolar and they both wind each other up, start wondering why they are so down and think that the other half is representative of the other gender.

I just end up banging my head on the wall, but she's been a good friend so I put up with it.

i'm in a newer than yours long distance relationship and she has already had a t-shirt, baseball cap etc off me...

yesterday i popped my favorite cap on whilst skyping and she wanted that as well, i told her to politely forget about it, she was a little put out, but she came around after... she's already telling me she loves me etc...

...i'm great in bed though, so it might be that? 😀

Leaving your toiletries is stage 1 of moving in together

I always thought stage 1 was throwing your used johnnies in the corner of the room?

The other thing I failed to mention is that I bought her a toothbrush to keep at mine

And you thought [i]she[/i] was a bit weird?

some of the blokes on here that are misogynistic nuts

Calm down treacle.

This..

Mrs Zip reckons she has issues.

Then this...

Pretty soon after we met she wanted one of my t shirts for under her pillow as she liked my smell.

I think Mrs Zip is in no position to comment on who has issues 😉

I am definately no misogynist. I love and respect my wife as a total equal in every way (apart from beer capacity) BUT she will occasionaly do bizzare and unexpected things that leave me totaly baffled. I have learned to just go with it and pretty soon we are back to normality.
Also I doubt it is a one way street and I probably do things that she thinks are mad.

I think Mrs Zip is in no position to comment on who has issues

has she introduced you to any of her family/friends yet?

Turn gay. You'll never have trouble with women again.

[Img] [/img]

What you need is Hai Karate shower gel (or soap on a rope), Old Spice aftershave and a T-Shirt that depicts a wolf howling at the moon. This will ensure she banishes any thoughts of dumping you. If any more instances of strange behaviour occur, simply upgrade the T-shirt to one that depicts more Wolves and possibly a forlorn looking Native American.

Trust me on this.

[img] [/img]

I'd try to smooth things over by getting her a present. Perhaps a framed photo of you in cycling clobber for her bedside table (next to her beaker)?

[img] [/img]

[i]Turn gay. You'll never have trouble with women again.[/i]

errrmmmmm

i'm in a newer than yours long distance relationship and she has already had a t-shirt, baseball cap etc off me...

Mine's had my ****ing bike off me!

110 miles distance for us. Kinda sucks, kinda good to have the time to miss each other.

Emsz....unless you are a woman of course 😀

Scratch my last post as I've had a better idea! Simply have a tattoo of her face on your hand. At this stage of the relationship it will in no way freak her out and guarantee that she'll stay with you* That toothbrush buying shit just isn't enough to impress the modern lady.

*may guarantee a visit from the Police or never seeing her again

I reckon op should change tact - I never knew the blokes could use girls stuff. So I reckon he should make a point of not taking anything now and just using all her feminine products when he goes over, including her loofa... Reckon he'd soon get his own drawer!

And still, no pics?

Must say I agree with her what mad planet are you on where you start leaving stuff at hers after a few weeks and buy her a tooth brush . I assume she can make her own hygiene arrangements and is capable of speech . It is not hard to take a wash bag and change of underware when you visit and take it away with you after.
I would be rude about lynx but it has already be done , may I suggest classic Armarni .

Emsz - it's not just women who have standards. I've put my foot down and stopped hora wiping his nob on the curtains.

You refer to your phone charger as an iPhone charger and you use lynx. So you're an apple ****er and want everyone to know and you smell like a teenager. You're going to be single for a long time.

binners - Member
. I've put my foot down and stopped hora wiping his nob on the curtains.

Reminds me of a joke......

Hang on. You are 40 and use Lynx.

Fack. Dude its rank. I stopped using that in my teens and Im 42.

Juniper oil, natural Lush deoderant (from Lush the shop), I use Spicebomb aftershave (v.sparingly).

Both last forever so VFM.

Socks: M&S standard black 'fresh' - they NEVER smell. Long ride, all day trainers etc etc. Perfect for being around girls. Beckham boxers from H&Ms are good if on a budget- v.simple yet classy.

... a can of Lynx shower gel...

Either she's freaked out by you washing with deodorant, or it's the spraying shower gel under your arms after.

49 and use Lynx. It's generally the cheapest one in Boots.

48 and use Lynx, it makes me feel like the hunk I am....

hammyuk - Member
binners - Member
. I've put my foot down and stopped hora wiping his nob on the curtains.
Reminds me of a joke......

I stopped short of posting a related image. 🙂

Hang on. You are 40 and use Lynx.

Fack. Dude its rank. I stopped using that in my teens and Im 42.

Juniper oil, natural Lush deoderant (from Lush the shop), I use Spicebomb aftershave (v.sparingly).

Both last forever so VFM.

Socks: M&S standard black 'fresh' - they NEVER smell. Long ride, all day trainers etc etc. Perfect for being around girls. Beckham boxers from H&Ms are good if on a budget- v.simple yet classy.

You are my dads best friend and I claim my £5.

I though Lynx just worked?
[img] [/img]

You're '40' right??

I reckon she's only 14, freaked as she doesn't want her dad to see your wash kit and your toothbrush antics have her scared, thinking you'll do a Josef Fritzl on her next time she's over.

It's only a matter of time before Op Yewtree catches up with you.

Might be time for a new patio.

I've put my foot down and stopped hora wiping his nob on the curtains.

You stood on his knob? Bit drastic but suppose it'd work.

binners - Member
Emsz - it's not just women who have standards. I've put my foot down and stopped hora wiping his nob on the curtains.

I think you are only deluding yourself. As soon as your back is turned...

Well, I have to admit I'm shocked at your age... I was guessing at 19. Have you led a sheltered life before this relationship ? Not meaning to be nasty here, but you seem to have no knowledge of the world at all. OK, so we all get the odd signal wrong... but there's ways of knowing, ways of dealing/discussing.. but you seem to be asking from the perspective of a wet behind the ears teenager.

😕 Or recently divorced, unsure on etiquette/how fast to take things, smattered with being a sensitive soul?

Some folk don't need to convey themselves as confident, aftershave aficionados adept at the art of schmoozing and are happy to expose shortcomings by openly asking for advice.

Brave though 🙂

Edit:Agree though with "ways of dealing/discussing"; that's what op needs to work on, at a guess.

but you seem to be asking from the perspective of a wet behind the ears teenager.

We need more info OP- what is her background?

Has she recently come out of a longterm relationship? If the answers yes why do you need to even ask these questions or act confused. Its not rocket science.

Do you think she has another bloke in the house?

This line from you answers my question. Why the hell would you think that? You do realise that a small bag of toiletries is very very easy to stick in a cupboard somewhere if that was the case.

Sheesh. No hope.

MoreCashThanDash - Member

Was that the shower gel or the "extras"?

Just the shower gel, unfortunately...

hora - Member
Hang on. You are 40 and use Lynx.

Fack. Dude its rank. I stopped using that in my teens and Im 42.

Juniper oil, natural Lush deoderant (from Lush the shop), I use Spicebomb aftershave (v.sparingly).

Ha ha. Genuine LOL...... 😆

You stood on his knob? Bit drastic but suppose it'd work.

Have you not heard? The Horabags phallus a thing of great beauty, who's devastating good looks are often remarked upon by the laydeeeez, and the object of teeth-gnashing envy amongst the alpha males

I was driven insane with jealousy and tried to permanently disfigure it. Next time I'm going to hit it with a rake

[img] [/img]

what mad planet are you on where you start leaving stuff at hers after a few weeks

what mad planet are you on where you start leaving stuff at hers after a few weeks [i]without asking her first?[/i]

In a role reversal my first thought would be "ok, that's a bit presumptuous," feels like marking territory. That said, I don't think I'd have the brass neck to take them back.

Sorry to be the bearer of possible bad news OP, and I'm not sure if anybody else has said this, but if she was truly into you she probably wouldn't give a monkeys about the shower gel and phone charger. I'm not saying that you might not be the love of each others lives down the road a bit, but it strikes me that she's a little ambivalent at the mo. Tread carefully for now.

what mad planet are you on where you start leaving stuff at hers

I imagine hes been leaving stuff allover her for weeks. Infact, he feels like hes left a deposit on her. In effect.

UPDATE:-

She is 39, told me she was divorced, turns out she is only separated 17 months. She is good looking and viable however the melting down is doing my loaf.

Went out with a female friend for a curry last night, she is aware of this female friend who is only a frend.

She texted me last night and asked what I was up to so I told her the truth, woohoo, meltdown, texts saying shit like "why did you take her to a nicer restaurant than you took me etc"

I binned my last GF of 3 years because her constant meltdowns were a right pain.

Would changing shower gel solve these problems?

[img] [/img]

[b]RUN!!! [/b]

Bin that one!

[i]Mrs Zip reckons she has issues.
Pretty soon after we met she wanted one of my t shirts for under her pillow as she liked my smell.[/i]

Mrs Zip asked for that though. This is like you leaving one of your sweaty t shirts under her pillow without her asking, and then wondering why she's being weird when she complains about it.

Lol

Went out with a female friend for a curry last night, she is aware of this female friend who is only a frend.

Why would you want a female friend ? I'm in the 'no such thing as friends of the opposite sex' camp.

I just don't see why anyone would want to talk to a girl apart from being polite or wanting to nail her.

ok you moving stuff in and buying the toothbrush is a bit weird and premature. At 39 her not expecting you to have female friends and go out with them socially is very immature ,caveat think through your actual words when you told her you went for a curry with a mate , you did not try to make her jealous or insecure did you?

Have we discussed the merits of using a tried and tested STW rohypoccino to calm her down yet? Surely that is the obvious answer?

"Melt down"- ok I see you now OP.

The womans come out of a marriage/divorce and its not unreasonable for her to feel alittle down/alittle weary of moving too quick and possibly worry about trust. Why is this melt-down?

She might also be thinking 'is he really just friends with her'? Theres you thinking 'is there another bloke'?

Plus- nothing wrong with taking a member of the other sex out for dinner for a purely platonic-friend. However in the early stages of a relationship- it can be viewed as odd.

Maybe she deserves someone else tbh.

As a side-note: You can 'only afford Lynx' yet you have a iPhone 😆

She doesn't see the relationship as serious enough for you to leave a toothbrush at her place, yet it is serious enough to get all jealous and send you "WHO WAS THAT WOMAN" texts?

The only place I'd be leaving my toothbrush next time would be up her arse. Follow her ex-husband, and run away before it's too late.

I'm in the 'no such thing as friends of the opposite sex' camp.

Don't judge everyone by your own standards. I've got plenty of platonic female friends and I'm sure many other blokes do too.

Don't judge everyone by your own standards. I've got plenty of platonic female friends and I'm sure many other blokes do too.

Of course you do treacle.

I do! And I've managed not to sleep with, erm, most of them.

I've got loads of female friends who are "just good friends" as well.

Not for want of trying mind, which may not support Cougars argument, admittedly.

MoreCashThanDash - Member

I've got loads of female friends who are "just good friends" as well.

Not for want of trying mind, which may not support Cougars argument, admittedly.

Do you ring them just to chat about your day ? Or work life ?

Or just because you want a pint and fancy trying to get in their knickers ?

It is easy most men have a few platonic female friends often very good and close friends , most boys do not.

[quote=JoeBones said]UPDATE:-
She is 39, told me she was divorced, turns out she is only separated 17 months. She is good looking and viable however the melting down is doing my loaf.
Went out with a female friend for a curry last night, she is aware of this female friend who is only a frend.
She texted me last night and asked what I was up to so I told her the truth, woohoo, meltdown, texts saying shit like "why did you take her to a nicer restaurant than you took me etc"

[img] [/img]

Great bun-fight. Can I pitch in? I (obviously) have no female friends at all, and if I did I'd be constantly trying to ingratiate myself into their shreddies or they'd be trying to get in mine (in my little made up world). All male - female "platonic" close friendships are the same, it's just that folks are honest about it to widely varying degrees

Now that's established, would you rather pork madam Boiler, or madam Cuzza?

Topics of conversation with female friends:-
Work
Politics
mountainbiking
relationships advise /bragging
childcare / will I please stop talking about my son all the time
activities :-
drinking
eating out
mountainbiking rarer now due to child and wife to go biking with

reading those lists above does make me realise how odd it is it is almost as if females are human too..

Do you ring them just to chat about your day ? Or work life ?

Or just because you want a pint [s]and fancy trying to get in their knickers[/s] ?

Yes.

It is easy most men have a few platonic female friends often very good and close friends , most boys do not.

Zing!

I also have many platonic-female friends. However I wouldn't eat out alone with them. They have [i]non-threatening[/i] 'males' for that task.

You threaten people while they're eating? You're an animal.

Seems reasonable. Why would they need a threatening one?

(curse you, Binners)

We all know what I mean, they don't see you as a real-male, a sort of female friend who they know they can't see any sort of maleness in you. A sort on Eunuch male.

The OP appears to be a male but not a man. If he was a man- the said-friend would find him dreamy and yearn for him Lynx-like musk.

Saying that- give me that chicken leg you greedy cow!

Some of my best friendships are pleutonic ones with men

Which is great as im rubbish at relationships with them - and feel slightly reassured by this thread that im not the only one!!