so how do you do it?
just wrote out a whole sob-story, but decided not to in the end.
i'm just in a massive funk. my absolute best friend is away, not heard from her much, i miss her a lot. she's great. seeing a new bloke, i'm the ex. i'm happy she is happy, things didn't work in a relationship between us, and i'm definitely not wanting to resume a relationship - things are much better as they are now.
i've a dissertation to write, and i just can't get motivated to do so.
i've been miserable for days.
couple more weeks until i see my friend again, and i can't keep being like this until then.
i know it sounds weird, the whole ex/best friend thing, i'm over the relationship, she is just a friend, but one i see every day, and have done so for a long time. its weird her not being around, cos we give each other a lot of support normally.
i need a hug 🙁
I'll be negative, there's not much you can do. A bike ride will take your mind off it for a while, but when you get back the situation won't have changed.
Time's the only real cure.
You need to move on from the ex.
Strike out on your own - do the stuff that makes you happy: riding? PlLn a ride in the afternoon after starting the diss.
Brutal truth time - you are deluding yourself, you are still in love with her. Get over her, ride your bike.
You [i]absolutely cannot possibly[/i] rely on an ex-girlfriend to be there for you to cheer you up. You need to do something else and see different people.
Throw yourself into something with an outcome, stupid long ride that beats you up, make something, fettle bike to within an inch of it's life, but something other than watching the telly getting bored.
When I split up with my wife (basically we should have just stayed friends rather than a couple) after 14 years I felt shit, even though it was my idea, at my instigation.
Have basically lost her as a friend (doesn't mean you will though it is more likely than not) but going to Relate really helped me be happy with my decision.
Hope it doesn't sound too wooly and liberal but sometimes it is good to talk, especially to someone who you don't know (like on here) and who can ask you the right questions (like someone who "knows" through training or whatever).
Worked for me, your mileage may vary, but it does get better, much better.
EDIT- and I agree with those who are more succinct than me who type quicker 🙂
😐
guess so
thanks guys.
i'm off for a drive.
I've done the whole relying on an ex (who also happened to be a best mate)..
IT DOES NOT WORK..
they need to move on.. and new boyfriends.. no matter how open minded and accommodating.. will NOT be understanding.. no matter how hard they want to be.. (american soaps and sitcoms can be extraordinarily misleading in this respect) It won't be fair on her to rely on her..
change your situation.. and your circumstances for a speedier recovery.
go and meet new women... nothing cures a broken heart quite so well as falling in love..
failing that... get smashed on booze for 9 months..
Find new people to go out and have fun with. Don't think about the ex.
If you're still feeling low, maybe get some of that meow meow. (joke)
Seriously, lots of people would envy you being young, free and single. Try to focus on the positives.
I read an interesting piece of advice recently - which is that in a situation like this it's perfectly normal to feel a sense of loss. Something you really appreciated has come to an end. So don't feel bad about feeling bad!
On the other hand it's no fun feeling cr@p. Write a list of 10 things you enjoy doing. Do at least one of those things each day. I imagine riding a bike is one of them 🙂
thing is, and i know this sounds bad, until uni finishes we will be around each other a lot. we do the same course, have the same friends.
there are other circumstances which make not spending time together difficult, but unfortunately a public forum probably isn't the place.
i expect things will get a lot better after uni. she'll probably be in a place much mroe suited to her condition (illness), probably on boats in the med. all being well i'll be doing something related to bikes all summer, and i'm sure things will get better.
thought about a new gf, but with the end of uni coming, i just don't need that difficulty. did meet a couple of ladies last night, they thought i was super sweet (according to their friend), but that ain't gonna get me a shag 😉
i like the list of 10 good things. i'll probably do that.
well, off for lunch with another good friend.
thanks for the advice 🙂
my best friend is an ex-girlfiend. We went out nearly 20 years ago and have been best friends ever since.
you're both students so you can simply ask one of her friends for a hug, can't you?
+1 for Relate, people who go in for counseling are not weak just sensible, to get a different view point on personal issues from someone experienced in dealing with such things is a sensible thing to do!
Maybe someone from STW can come round and give you a hug? There must be somebody local to you.
I'm busy though.
You need to do two things:
1. Go out and have a lot of s*x.
2. Ignore your dissertation until 5 days before the deadline. I did.
By combining those two, you should be both sated and exhausted by hand in date, and your ex won't be using your spare thoughts quite so much.
make sure your eating well, drinking lots of water, exercising and sleeping well (and with routine)
when your low these things tend to slip and make the whole thing worse.
I was really down a few weeks ago and realised i'd not drunk anything but tea coffee and beer for circa 7 days. drinking water hasn't solved the problems but it's not getting me down nearly as much now.
HTH