MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Ah Touche. Without wanting to hijack the thread the purpose of Scotland, along with the rest of England, N.Ireland and Wales is to bleed the City of London dry :wink:o
Not for long, if some of your countrymen have thier way.
Although I am a Londoner, so you Sir..... 😉 😀
My little Sis, about 2/3yrs old used to call a drink of water in a bottle a
" nink a nor nor ina otoo"
Cute eh, she still can't string a sentence together 30yrs later.
Maths prof at Cambs Uni though, bless.
My nearly 3 YO had a massive breakdown about taking her shoes off last weekend. Mrs P called out to me "I think someone is tired", to which the sniveling mess on the floor whimpered "I think it is me..."
My daughter, when in reception class, turned to the boy beside her and pronounced:
'Excuse me, but you're in my personal space.'
I was delighted.
Little trb, on a hot sunny day as an rather rotund gent walked past with no shirt on :
"Dad Why's that fat man got boobs?"
And my personal favourite
"Dad, you know Grandad is dead"
"Yes"
"Have the worms eaten his eyes?"
Oh and little miss trb asked "for the moon on a stick" last week - and had a strop when she didn't get it.
When I were a lad ( 😉 ), my folks went to see the play "Vivat, Vivat, Regina". I told me kindergarden teacher the next morning but didn't quite get the name correct. Made for quite a line for the common room!
2.5-yr-old when she gets upset will, inbetween sobs, say "make the screaming go away". It just breaks yer heart, so it does 🙂
My 2yr old daughter was taking great delight in saying "Daddy is poo" over and over and over and over again last night. She's a proper charmer.
My youngest son gets 'unchanged' and used to watch 'Power Arrangers' - no explosions, just OCD at cleaning...
Our's hasn't formed many coherent sentences yet, but we've laughed over [url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/robgarrioch/6962643386/ ]this[/url] a lot...
I was in a queue at Waitrose a month or two back, the little girl (6ish) in front of me turned to her Mom and asked 'are there pirates in the store?'. 'No' said Mom. 'Yes there are' said the girl, pointing to the man standing behind me - the man with long hair, a beard, a long flowing leather coat and an eyepatch. Mom looked, goggled slightly, recovered and said 'I don't think he's a pirate, why don't you ask him his name?'. Small child does so and the man replies 'Dave the Pirate'. I grinned!
A few years ago we took our 3 year old nephew to the spectator's viewing point at Manchester airport.
There was a beautifully restored 'Trident' on show and for a few pounds you could have a look inside.
One of the guys who had helped restore it proudly gave a little talk, we then walked over to the cockpit and had a look inside, minutes later we left.
Descending the staircase, my nephew turned to me and said ' is that it, we're not flying anywhere?'.
2 year old wandered into the bedroom the other morning, clambered onto the bed
"mummy"
"yes Isabel"
"kiss my bum"
She likes bumping down the stairs on her bum (who doesnt) The other week we had visitors and when they where leaving we where all stood in the hallway when she pointed up the stairs and said "mummy and Daddy go upstairs and do bumpy-bumpy now?"
At the fireworks on Sunday she announced that "they are like aeroplanes turning into stars" before encouraging everyone around us to "blow harder and we can blow them all out"
"Dishslosher"
"Don't go in the bathroom Dad, Mum's giving her willy a haircut"...
neninja - Member
Last weekend our 2 boys stayed the night with my parents.The next morning my mum told me about a conversation she'd had with Ben (7).
Ben - Granny is cock a rude word
Mum - Not really it's just a silly word. It means a boy chicken.
Ben - Why would someone call other drivers a boy chicken?Busted
This reminds me of a story from a mate...
Him and his wife packed their daughter - aged about four - into the car, they were running a bit late for wherever they were going, but it was somewhere the daughter was keen to go. Few minutes later they hit congestion, and came to a halt at the back of a long queue. The daughter threw her hands in the air in an exasperated gesture and said "I don't f****** believe this"
It then got a bit awkward for my mate!
Few years ago I was in Manchester and I passed this small group of kids playing football in the street. I said cheekily 'This is where the talent scouts need to be hanging out'.
One of the kids replied "F you you fing c, i'll f*ing stab you in the f*ing ear you c sucking Pedo B****! Do you wanna f*ing die you fing p*?!!"
The things they say.
Since the age of 2 my daughter, now 5, refers to Premier Inn as Moontel shortened from Moon Hotel.
'I've found the wedding dress I like and the best bit is it's only £2000'.
Katherine, aged 29, bless her little cotton socks.
My 3 year old to my friend:
Mummy actually has a little willy
<pause, furtive look>
Shhh, But don't tell anyone, it's a SECRET.
I don't have a willy. I have no idea where this came from.
The daughter threw her hands in the air in an exasperated gesture and said "I don't f*** believe this"
We had a similar experience when taking our five year old niece over to granny's one afternoon..
Slowing down for a horse in the country lanes as we started the journey, my wife asked..
'so do [i]you[/i] like horses then Tu..?'
to which she sweetly replied..
'oh, yeah. They're OK.. a bit f*** annoying though'
2 ear old daughter was helping me tinker with my bike in the garage when I knocked 150 piece socket set onto the floor, all 150 pieces scatter to the four corners.
"Sh1t" she responds for me at the top of her voice.
Same daughter was seeing "youandmejacks" hanging from flag poles, cars and houses all summer.
Changing dirty nappy. Poo leaked all down leg. "Oh Sh!t" quoth I.
"Oh sit!" says 21m daughter, from changing mat.
Hmmm. Will have a job explaining that one to nursery.
My 4 year old son recently asked "Dad, why do I ask so many questions?"
And last week listening to Metallica full blast in the car he said "I like this cool, grumpy music!"
We were in the car at traffic lights once when my younger daughter was about 3.
I looked at the stationary car in the lane next to us to see two elderly ladies looking into our car with horrified looks on their faces.
I turned round to see younger daughter grinning at them and giving the old "hand shandy" gesture.
At my "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??????????" she replied, "waving at those ladies like you wave at people in the car".
One very unimpressed wife.
Also, in an aquarium on holiday. Green turtle swims into view. Small piping voice:
Tortos! Tortos! Hiyo tortos!
Turtle swims out of view:
Bye bye tortos! Hidey tortos!
Repeat for the next 15 min.
On the way back from nursery last night daughter was complaining about sore eyes.
"What's wrong with your eyes?"
"They're sore Daddy"
"What happened?"
"Father christmas did it"
"What did he do?"
"He poked me in the eye"
"Did he, well he's very naughty"
"He did it with his pink sword daddy"
"Erm, okay..."
My 2 year old daughter to me
"Can I poo on the grass?"....
My son just let out a huge fart and proclaimed at the top of his voice "it's party time". !!!!!
My son just let out a huge fart and proclaimed at the top of his voice "it's party time". !!!!!
A friend of mine's daughter just turned 16 and I reminded her of the first time I met her when she was 3. Sitting watching TV she lets out and enourmous couch wobbler of a fart.
Me: "was that you?"
Her: "No"
Me: "are you sure?
Her: "It was the bear on the television"
Me: "But there isn't a bear on the television"
Her: *world weary sigh* "Its on one of the other channels"
On the way back from nursery last night daughter was complaining about sore eyes."What's wrong with your eyes?"
"They're sore Daddy"
"What happened?"
"Father christmas did it"
"What did he do?"
"He poked me in the eye"
"Did he, well he's very naughty"
"He did it with his pink sword daddy"
"Erm, okay..."
if you're being serious, then i'm surprised you're not taking it more seriously
BEEEEEHHAVE!
I am being have!
One of my nephews used to get wagon and tanker muddled. And it wasn't tagon!
[b]Molgrips [/b]
My daughter has always had trouble saying and apparently hearing consonant clusters (she's 3). She used to say the word 'squirrel' a bit like 'swirl'.Consequently, cinnamon swirls are known as cinnamon squirrels. We used to try to correct her but she wouldn't accept it, treating us with a sort of condescending contempt... "It's swirl" "No daddy, it's squirrel" "Meg, trust me, it's swirl. SwWWWWWWWirl" "Nonono daddy, s-KK-wirrel" and so on.
I've just been to the first parents evening to see my son's teacher. My son has problems saying "ck" and it ends up as a "t". Cue words such as:
Chittin (Chicken)
Clot (clock)
Tit (Tick)
Tot (Tock)
So the Kesha song "Tick Tock" ends up as "Tit Tot on the clot".
His teacher explained that they hear the words perfectly, but just mispronounce them. She said that as they learn further word pronunciation, then it usually ironed out.
I tested this by asking him if he wanted some Chittin for tea, and he said "No Daddy, it's not Chittin, it's Chittin!".
On explaining the flu Virus and other such illness to a 5 year old.
Viruses/flu are passed between people, some may sneeze and spread germs, some people may not wash their hands after the toilet and pass it on.
Question was "If its passed on, how does the first person ever get it?"
This mornings conversation, on the way to school between my 2 daughters
"You look like daddy"
"No I do not!!!"
"You do!"
"NO I DON'T! I've got hair!"
"Yeah, but if you got alopecia, and all your hair fell out, you'd look like daddy"
"I WOULD NOT! I wear pretty dresses and he wears muddy cycling stuff!"
Jodafett, that last post just caused me to get caught looking at the forum in work time. I don't normally snort when I laugh but that was a loud one. Thanks! 😆
la la la la 😀 very funny
my sisters first word was and it helps if i describe the scene:
dropped a toy on the floor, stood over it, puts hand on hip, says 'shit'
😆
my first word was 'bugger' apparently
Question was "If its passed on, how does the first person ever get it?"
A rather interesting question, I saw an interesting article once about the role of viruses in the evolution of life.
My 5yo son brought home a page of sheet music from his recorder lesson. A basic rhythm, 3 or 4 bars, all played with one note.
My wife asked him what the tune was.
He started humming the Star Wars theme.
Wy wife was well impressed that he could read music so well after only 2 or 3 lessons.
I had to explain.
8 year old girl to step mum: -
"I'm 8 this year aren't I?"
"yes sweetie"
"And in 8 years time I can start to drive?"
"yep!"
"I like your new red mini!"
"... no, just no!"
Did NOT see that coming 😮
Last year my nephew (4 ish then), when I was out somewhere with him, a gaggle of ~12 year old girls walked past he stopped, put his hands on his hips, rocked on his heels and went "Hello ladies!" and carried on walking. Cue lots of swooning / fawning from the girls. Atta boy 😀
From today, my three year old again:
"Don't wipe your nose on your sleeve."
"I didnt. I wiped my sleeve on my nose...see watch..."
My three year old other day had a dodgy belly and said he needed a poo so off he went when he came back he said he couldn't do one and his belly still hurt he said he sat down and just paint came out , he was very sad about this 😉
Boy in a friend of mine's primary school class on being shown an olympic torch by someone who ran with on so got to keep it etc that 8000 people carried the torch and the holes on the torch represent those 8000 people
"Which hole are you?"
"it's party time" is a classic
My eldest, aged about 6 got a bit concerned about dad's roadraging tendencies and said, "try to keep calm dad - shouting at the morons doesn't help".
The wife thought this was hilarious and started taking the piss a bit, until "mum just shouts FUGGERRELL !" 😆
She also once described Stockton (where I was brought up) as a bag of skin that holds your testicles. Fair enough.
Sitting on a bench in Bourg d'oisans two years ago eating ice cream on a hot day. Middle aged english couple sitting beside us.
Son (7) turns to me and says "Dad, I'm sweating like a whore in a church"
I blame Rob Warner for that one 😳
My eldest, aged about 6 ... "try to keep calm dad - shouting at the morons doesn't help".
Your eldest should have a word with that loony bag-of-skin-that-holds-your-testicles being discussed [url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/uk-cyclist-city-vid-dozens-of-incidents-recorded ]here[/url]
Toddler P playing with a balloon he got from a birthday party..
"I'm really pleased with my balloon"
A few minutes later, once it had popped...
"Mummy, I'm less pleased now" 🙁
Bless!
And last night, after a mixed up 'nap time' that continued into 'normal sleep time', he awoke and said
"can I have some calpol, my tummy hurts"
Wife: "Is it hurting, or hungry?"
"That's it - I'm hungry.."
Proceeded to eat a whole roast dinner portion we'd saved - what a midnight snack!
DrP
one i'll never forget - we used to have some old xmas decorations hanging in the kitchen (as you do).....
"daddy will you help me reach for the stars"
Just remembered one from when my cousin stayed. He went to the toilet and when he came out his mum asked if he had washed his hands.
Why? He asked and she explained about germs on the seat when he lifted it getting onto his hands.
He replied 'you told me that last week so now I use my mouth to lift the seat'
Our twins both had a favourite bedtime toy, daughter's being a small version of Big Bird, known as Tooty. No one could get to sleep if either were missing their toy, but she had a habit of hiding Tooty and forgetting where she'd put it. Needless to say this meant that virtually every bedtime resulted in Mrs Scape telling us all that she spent half her life searching for Tooty. Her brother was far more phlegmatic than she was, and simply ensured that his toy, a glove puppet fox, was tucked up in bed ready for when he came down. One evening (they'd have been about three)I came in from work to find the kids in bed, and asked if Mum had read them a story. Scape Jr looked up and said in a deadpan voice "No, she's too busy looking for that bastard bird."
This morning we were asking my 6yo why she felt the need to wake us up at 5:45 to put her hair-band away after she'd been for an early morning trip to the loo...
The conversation had been going back and forwards with her coming out with increasingly nonsensical excuses...
In the end she erupted from nowhere with "Well anyway! I'll be Santa one day!".
That still has be confused and amused in equal measure...
Nursery nativity is 2 weeks away, Tyred Jr (4) is a shepherd. Mrs Tyred was sorting out his costume yesterday - robe, tea towel headdress, that sort of thing.
Tyred Jr, looking puzzled: "Where are my big teeth? And my claws?"
Us: "Eh???"
Tyred Jr: "And my spots? Shepherds have spots you know. They don't have stripes. Tigers have stripes."
The Tyred household is not a committed Christian one.
Yunki Jr (3) marched down this morning after a visit to the potty and declared..
'dad, there's poo on my bedroom door'
It was funny peculiar rather than funny ha ha.. and on further investigation I discovered that there was indeed poo on the bedroom door..
quite a lot of it..
I love this thread, you couldn't make it up. It actually makes me broody.
I remember when I was about 6 or 7, I shouted ‘Bring out the Bastards’ I meant to say Branston, my Mum did not see the funny side - belted for that one I was.
My son used to called them, and even now the whole family still call them ‘Smokerettes’.
scardypants
She also once described Stockton (where I was brought up) as a bag of skin that holds your testicles. Fair enough.
sorry my bag of skin is useful and i have become quite fond of it, Stockton on the other hand
Stepdaughter: "Cant wait for Sunday when Dad gives me my forst driving lesson - I'm really excited"
Me: "Cool. Er... which car will you be driving?"
Stepdaughter: "Yours"
😯
Family holiday at Flamingo land a good few years ago, me and the kids were pottering around the animal park section when we noticed that the rangers were prepping for a 'feeding time' at the tortoise section.
Kids (5&3) said they wanted to see it so they bagsied space at the fence right next to the tortoises. As the crowd grew, I dropped back to let a few more nippers in close.
feeding time starts, the rangers start telling the kids how great the tortoises were etc etc, 5 mins in my 5 yr old boy stands up, turns to me (10 feet away) and yells at me, while pointing to the tortoise
'Dad, there's good eating on one of them'
Proud moment.
Well, today I had "who's the man who licks your willy daddy".....
I blame Numberjacks....
DrP
My grandmother died recently and we explained this to my two five year olds by pointing out that she was very old at 95 and this was a normal thing to happen at that age.
The following day we took my other grandmother out for lunch....
Boy A: 'gran gran, how old are you?'
Grandmother: 'I'm 93.'
Boy B: 'you'll be dead soon, daddy will have to rent another truck to empty your house. I like trucks'
You could have heard a pin drop in the restaurant.
😀
My 2.5yr-old is going through a creepy stage - she turned to me this morning and said "the moon is still watching you".
Another for the list...
Power Rangers Samurai has the catchphrase "by the power of the Ancestors".
In our household it's migrated to "[b]by the power of the incestors[/b]".
Brilliant.
DrP
On Wednesday night was getting more exasperated with son two not going to bed. I was pronouncing it with two syllables to give it some emphasis.
Me: bed, BED, BE Deh
Him: Bed Trois
He's 5