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not boring ones that every chav uses but something humorous like uphill gardener or arse.
more please. need some ammo for work tomorrow
Pillow Biter
kitten breath
"You're so stupid...you should have been a blow job" Bill hicks
“Go lick a dog's ass ‘til it bleeds!” a quote from [i]Neuromancer[/i], by William Gibson
"Go find a splintery stick, a nice quiet corner, and sodomise yourself with it”
Can't remember where I heard that, it was on telly somewhere. Made me chuckle.
I once seperated a fight between a couple of angry 7 or 8 year olds in the street.
whilst lifting the smaller one off the larger one he was trying to hit me and called me a 'demented hamster'.
I nearly dropped him I laughed so much
franksinatra - Member
I once seperated a fight between a couple of angry 7 or 8 year olds in the street.
I also did this a few years back at the local dry ski slope. Little bastard gave me a black eye! What can you do?!
My uncle has laods that he just comes out with- normally whilst driving to be honest.
'Hairy hole' is my favourite I think.
Hope yer next craps a pineapple
thrombus! ( medicalese for bloody clot)
May your sunroof be forever open! 🙂
I've always liked
Who spat in your test tube?
Or, just go with a noun and a verb.
Window licker
Trolley biter
Cabbage sniffer
Etc
I find adding 'jockey' or 'monkey' to a tame insult makes it funny
snot monkey
nob jockey
etc....
I quite like "you utter plum"
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
"I've seen better legs hanging out of a nest" 😀
Used to reinforce the predicament of those with painfully thin or weak legs 😯
Gland
Blouse
you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny - car sticker in new york
In response to the usual muppet amongst his mates who call you g@y or similar because you're on a bike:
look at the other people in the group and say 'Are you his carers?'.
100% success rate so far 🙂 Everytime, his mates have p!ssed themselves laughing at the mouthy one.
"You're so stupid I bet you have to ask people for good insults on the internet"
Oh, hang on.
does your social worker know you're out ?
Asshat
Overheard in Switzerland during an argument between a German/Swiss and an English bloke:
German Bloke : Are you Welsh?
English Bloke : No, English!
German Bloke : Strange, I thought all wnakers in the UK were Welsh!
You look like you've been let loose blindfold in a charity shop and told to dress yourself!
I know what you are, I just don't know which hand you use.
Length
Colossal Helmet
The latter is oft used in the direction of my 13 year old stepsons when they do something really daft, bless 'em.
My God you make me defecate with disappointment.
"A coal dark pigs knuckle of a brain."
"A face like a haunted cave"
Both from Charlie Brookers "Screen Burn".
I'm currently rather partial to "blithering" followed any number of possiblities and "you c#ck juggling thunder c#nt is a firm favourite.
the best days of your life are behind you
argyle wins my vote as best insult. Simple, no swearing needed and rips the soul out of the target unless they're dead to the world already.
A police officer when speaking to a slightly "limited" arresstee...
"I'm not saying that you're stupid, I'm just saying that everyone, everywhere in the whole world is cleverer than you."
Helmet, best used to describe an adversary in an important meeting.
Cheese dick. The wife uses it too now. It's great when she uses it when her mothers in the car with her and the look of disgust that follows.
If she's getting tailgated she waggles her little finger in the mirror as if to say little dick. Amazingly effective.
Been called a muppet
"Chief". You have to read White Teeth by Zadie Smith to find it funny though.
Also "weapon" is a favourite.
"Gurning meat-slapper"
Cheese dick.
Don't those words need to be the other way around?
If she's getting tailgated she waggles her little finger in the mirror
I did that this morning to a Focus ST who wanted to drive at 60mph on the motorway but didn't want to be overtaken.
Once called a female driver a slack c#nted whore. Stopped her in her tracks it did. And it was (worryingly) off the cuff - not something I'd used before. But it is now in the armoury!
Not quite an insult I guess but 'Monty, you terrible c**t' always cracks me up [Withnail and I]
My current favorites are:
You Flange!
Your such a Fanny Flap!
Look at that jizz monkey over there!
This will change tomorrow.
Calling someone a "Donkey"
Carrying on from TJ's post I worked with a couple of guys that we nicknamed Thromb & Thrush because one was a dangerous wandering clot and the other was an irritating ****
Oh I have been auto edited ... an irritating "lady garden" then
Your mother is an hamster and your father smells of elderberries!
popular ones up our way.
ya rocket
ya trumpet