[Closed] First date in 20+ years and because it's me, this happens.....

Tell her that you want her to arrive with no underwear on..... For starters

did you click one of the STW ads?

She sounds like fun 😉

😆

I'm all for taking a feather into the bedroom, but she wanted the full chicken!

*Swipes right*

"I'm a Sub, looking for a Dom

She even enjoyed herself and keeps phoning up wanting to do it again even though I'm not what she's after.

There's your problem right there.

The more you tell her to leave you alone, the more she'll enjoy it and keep coming back for more.

You're trapped forever now.

EDIT: Make the best of a bad situation. Command her to do your washing and ironing.

For seconds tell her she must do your washing up in a sexy nazi uniform...

bongohoohaa - pmsl

Thanks for that.

Yeah, I wouldn't know how to react to that - other than asking what she expected - goes looking for Orange, turns up to a meet a Strawberry, disappointed the Strawberry isn't an Orange in disguise.

Saying that, My Wife arranged for us to see maybe 15 houses in the last 12 months, none of which it's transpires were being advertised as what she wanted, but she was hoping it might be different when we got there, maybe it's just how some people's brain's work - hopeless, delusional optimism.

I said in my last post I needed to expand my social circle - I'm scared she would have 😉

Online dating expectations. Some people are out for a bit of fun, some people want a serious relationship and some people are batshit mental and really shouldn't be allowed out unaccompanied 🙂

Sounds like you got the first kind. If nothing else you might have a new friend and she may know someone more what you're looking for.

I don't think there's any such thing as normal.

I swear I could fall in a Barrel of tits and come out sucking my thumb!

1: Describe normal?
2: "You're just vanilla". As Obi Wan says to Anakin, "Only a Sith deals in absolutes". Which just shows how inexperienced she is in the whole Dom/Sub experience.
3: Watch the episode of CSI called Lady Heather's Box. The scene with Grissom and Lady Heather drinking tea is all about Dom/Sub.
4: Her calling you for a repeat is a good sign. Go with it. Enjoy it for however long it lasts.

For seconds tell her she must do your washing up in a sexy nazi uniform...

DaRC_L nailing his colours to the mast. I admire someone who knows exactly what they want.

Welcome to the hell hole that is online dating. I've got a co-dominant after me at the moment. Going for a drink on Monday with her see what happens... Hopefully she'll get the note about the knickers 😉

I actually got a reply from a girl the other day saying she really liked me but I was 'too nice', she wanted to play the field before settling down. How the hell can I be too nice. Maybe I should buy an Audi, upload only pics of me on the piss with my mates and send out pics of my nob as an icebreaker...

"im sub looking for a dom"

very dom approach for a 'sub'

I swear I could fall in a Barrel of tits and come out sucking my thumb!

[img] [/img]

gazc, I like the profiles that say "they don't want Players, where are all the nice/normal guys?" The answer I want to scream is "In The friend Zone where you left them!"

perchypanther - I'm impressed

I can quite honestly say that if I weren't with the wife I'd be single and celibate for the rest of my days.

soobalias - Member

"im sub looking for a dom"

very dom approach for a 'sub'

Really not, social and private can be very different. Hence cabinet ministers who're privately sub etc. Part of the nature of power exchange really. And being sub doesn't mean you don't know what you want and how to get it.

OP; I'd stick at it, at worst you'll get some practice in and have a nice time, what are the odds of regretting that? And tbh a lot of people separate out the social/romantic and play too- there's potential trouble there but just because you like to sub doesn't mean you can't have various sorts of relationship without it.

When thread titles conspire...

First date in 20+ years and because it's me, this happens.....

Dog. Difficult decision time.

[img] [/img]

"Normal" is a crock that's sold to you as a child. There is no such thing as "normal".

did you click one of the STW ads?

seriously tho, id go with keeping in contact, thats if you actually do like her. she may think that shes into sub/dom or whatever, but she may actually subconsciously just want a nice relationship with a nice bloke, and wont know that til she has one.

you enjoyed yerself, do it again, take the p1ss out of her sub/dom sh*t, joke about it, make her laugh, you never know, just dont expect it to go anywhere. it may even take the pressure off the dating side of things if you half expect it to be your last 'date' together and dont mind if it is.

if shes a nice lass and you like her, meet her again.

Coyote - someone in the middle of the spectrum, not infrablack!

🙂

did you click one of the STW ads?

On that note, I'm very pleased to see that they've stopped trying to sell me Italian Supercars I'll never be able to afford and are trying to flog me Italian Lingerie, all is forgiven, I've turned off the ad blocker and everything!

I bet shes read 50 shades of grey and fancies a bit of it.

ghostlymachine - She told me to read it, "it's fabulous"

"You're just vanilla"
is that a good thing or a bad thing ?

It's not. It's very poorly written though. go for something with a better plot, like Rankin, or try Justin Welby's poetry.

She told me to read it, "it's fabulous"

That right there tells you that, as BBS noted earlier,

how inexperienced she is in the whole Dom/Sub experience.

As far as I can glean (not having read it, but read plenty about it), 50 shades is not a book about any sort of healthy BDSM lifestyle, it's a book about domestic abuse.

you're just vanilla

Well bend over and call me Mr Whippy

I'm so far out of the dating game I have no idea what the sub/dom thing means! 😕

Spoiler: it's chocolate ice cream.

I'm more Rum n Raisin

As above - if she actually thinks 50 shades is true BDSM. she's not really understood it, and probably is not that commiited to it, and I have no idea how she can tell you aren't a serious dom just by looking at you... I believe the kink community are not big fans of 50 shades...

If you like her, and aren't looking for "the one" why not have some good dirty fun and get her to teach you a bit? What's to lose?

rossendalelemming - too true. gotta be hard on the other side of the fence mind i was talking to one girl about the whole situation (we're on tinder, but didn't meet through it she's an ex of a mate so not going there..) and she gets barraged with spam everyday. they just put that on to put off the extreme sex pests i reckon

What's to lose? - that's what I'm afraid off 😀

I think I'll just photoshop a picture of me accepting the EuroMillions cheque and add that to my profile 😉

OP top post, if you are a funny in person as your posts here you'll be just fine - plenty of fish in the sea - the saying not the website - so just keep going 🙂

I am very happily remarried to someone I met through work and was lucky to avoid to online thing. I accept its more the norm these days and have a few friends married or on ltr via web dating

I'm more Rum n Raisin

Given the circles you are about to move in, you might want to change that to nut crunch.

bongohoohaa

😀

jambalaya

I'm even funnier in real life 🙂

I'm just about back to who I was, the riding has helped a lot.
[url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/first-bike-ride-of-the-year-1 ]Back on the bike thread[/url]

I'm trying to get my fitness up so I can meet up with the Monday Night Pub n Bike ride crew from off here.

[i]Go with it. Enjoy it for however long it lasts[/i]

Nah, there's plenty of fun to be had in the bedroom without dating perverts 🙂

I suspect she only wants to be a pervert, and isn't one really........

When she's decided she is, then we can have the next date 😆

we'll need a picture to properly assess & advise on how to proceed.

I deleted the ones she sent, you couldn't see her face.

rossendalelemming - Member

I deleted the ones she sent, you couldn't see her face.

I didn't think they wore the mask at that end, but then again that isn't my scene 🙂

I'm even funnier in real life

I told you the gimp mask fashioned from old innertubes by a bearded artisan was a winner...

Thank you theoriginalpunkrockdad for your continued "support". Laughing your head off at my continued misfortune is considered support, isn't it 😛

[quote=dlr said]I'm so far out of the dating game I have no idea what the sub/dom thing means!

They're the new ant and dec.

I think they may be dom/sub?

I think that's Dick and Dom In Da Sex[s]dungeon[/s]bungalow

Typical pain threshold 0.34 on a log scale 0 to 10. Squeeeeemish, tick. Unlikely to like mess (even if placed where it can be tidily swallowed away, Alpin). Immediate response to real danger: total freak out. Sight of blood other than on a tampon: fainting.

No doubt there are exceptions that prove the rule but I suspect the lady in question would consider anything more than wearing handcuffs (fur-wrapped so they are comfortable) whilst giving you a foot massage tantamount to (quoting a previous post) "domestic abuse".

Role play is one thing, proper BDSM another. I think you need to talk in detail about what she means by dom/sub.

Do you find her attractive? If so, go out again and ask a little more about it.

Role play is one thing, proper BDSM another. I think you need to talk in detail about what she means by dom/sub.

And that there is the perception of Dom/Sub relationships. It's not about BDSM, although often Dom/Subs indulge, it's about power, and again, it's often misunderstood as the Dom being the one with all of the power. The Sub is the one in control, they have total power, because what happens between a Dom and a Sub is at the express permission of the Sub. If it isn't it's abuse.

OP, your lady friend may mean roleplay with toys, she may have a dungeon, or as 50 shades has been mentioned, she may be on the look out for a billionaire playboy. Who knows?

Online dating!

The worst type of women imaginable on those sites. I went in naively setting my sights low but sheeesh, those women online are the lowest of the low.
They literally just want one thing and some want it with multiple partners.

THERE IS A REASON THEY ARE ONLINE*

Honestly best bet for me is to join a book reading group full of lonely potentially hot fems who wear glasses and stockings and genuinely act naughty at the right kinda times but are not into infidelity.

* cause noone will put up with their slutty filthy ways.

THERE IS A REASON THEY ARE ONLINE*

* cause noone will put up with their slutty filthy ways.

I did find this to a certain degree too. It was great! 😀

If its not your scene then leave it but the worst that can happen is you have bit of fun and learn

IMHO - if she was sub * she would have said before dating she just wants a bit of "mucky fun".

* it means anything from order me about a bit, gently tie me up and pretend spank me, humiliate me, hit me so hard you draw blood whilst doing things that would earn me a ban by writing them down - i know i have conflated certain[BDSM and Sub] things there for simplicity.
The one getting the pain is the sub though they are different things as subs tend to like humiliation and the inexperienced really dont mean that.

In much the way I cycle tells you very little about my cycling.

If you are interested and get on ask her if not leaver her alone.

All you nice guys are jerks like everyone else, that's what women see through. Nice boys expect favours for being nice. Just get on with it, put a pair of mahoosive aviators on and pretend to yourself that you're liam gallagher.

Her opening line......
"I'm a Sub, looking for a Dom, and you're just vanilla"!

You can't tell by looking.

Scratch her back for half an hour (every woman's favourite sex act and as close as they really want to get to BDSM) - you get your sub without having to play some macho jerk dom like Liam (who has sung some of my favourite songs so is forgiven his car-crash lifestyle).

I'm frankly amazed that preciousmetals knows the character of every woman online and Edukator (ha!) knows the sexual preferences of EVERY woman! Amazing.

Either that or they're a pair of inexperienced dorks kidding themselves. Hard to say really.

And that there is the perception of Dom/Sub relationships. It's not about BDSM,

Remind me again what the "D" stands for? (-:

You're right in that it's a spectrum; there are people who like to get tied up or a bit spanky, and there's fully sub/dom relationships. I've a friend who is, or at least was, in a 24/7 sub/dom relationship. But unlike 50 Shades,

The Sub is the one in control, they have total power, because what happens between a Dom and a Sub is at the express permission of the Sub. If it isn't it's abuse.

... this is the key. Power is not taken by the Dom, it's given freely by the Sub. Which is where, I'm led to believe, 50 Shades got it so very very (dangerously) wrong.

I hope you haven't taken every other post on the thread to be 100% serious too DezB (though I note some have mysteriously disappeared).

How would you like your fellow STWers to deal with a thread on which they are one overly honest post away from a ban? I'd hope "humour" might be among the things you'd like to see? Or did you really not consider that describing back scratching as every woman's favourite sex act might be just a little bit tongue in cheek (even if it's true).

I'm outa here, enjoy the rest of the thread, but God forbid that anyone make light of the subject.

the dom does and does not have power that is the appeal

Obviously without their consent nothing happens - which is true for all bedroom activities.
I agree the sub tends to have the power and the dom is just pretending they have but without both there doing things you dont have anything. If the dom wont ,for example, slap someones face really hard then who is in control then ? Like all sex its a bit of both.

I find it shocking that the majority posting on this thread know a lot of detail/info on doms/subs.

😯

you comeback should have been 'speak only when you are spoken to.'

Rob Hilton - Member

You can't tell by looking.

She was right though 😆 (tbh, you often [i]can[/i] tell by looking if someone has what you're after. Not from looks but from looking- body language, deportment, eye contact etc. The 50 Shades thing is pretty offputting but she sounds like she had a clear idea in her mind of what the guy she wanted to meet would be like.)

Northwind - It's because I minced from the bar to the table isn't it? 😆

rossendalelemming - Member

Northwind - It's because I minced from the bar to the table isn't it?

I think it's the way you kissed her feet tbh. A handshake's more the thing.

I think it's because I turned her down when she asked for help with the washing. Well she mentioned "Pegging".

I find it shocking that the majority posting on this thread know a lot of detail/info on doms/subs.

I have a number of interesting friends.

Of course you do 😛

Cougar - Moderator

I have a number of interesting [s]friends[/s] internet bookmarks

The 50 Shades thing is pretty offputting

It seems to have enabled some women to allow them to explore 'that' side of themselves.