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I was the victim of some horrendous, disgusting farting on a flight last week. Yesterday I took a flight where I have to admit that due to ingesting a large quantity of beans in a chicken burrito prior to the flight, I produced some pretty bad gas myself.
Is it acceptable to fart on planes?
PS - I travel coach class so i'm not likely to be bothering CFH with any gas.
No matter where you may be....always let your wind go free.
No. NO. NONONONONONONONO!
Enclosed space? Recycled air? It's like shoving tiny bits of poo up the noses of every passenger on the plane.
You should have bottled it up until you could bear it no more, then waddled to the toilet and let rip there.
Sicko.
Boyle's Law innit? Cabin pressure is less than atmospheric pressure, so all that gas inside just expands and has to find a way out. So you have to fart - it's the (gas) law.
The lower than usual cabin pressure, and the reluctance of airlines to pipe in fresh air means that by the end of a 7 hour flight over 10% of what you breathe is recycled poogas.
Lots of fans above the seats, though, so relatively easy to get away with it....................
I still want someone to invent air-additives that turn red when someone farts - it'd be great to see the number of people that are holier than thou outwardly, but let out a cheeky parp when they think they can get away with it.
I'm surprised you can smell anything up there. Hence why airline food is full of salt etc as pressure effects taste/smell
Recycled air is an urban myth, the air is taken in from inlets around the engine
http://www.askthepilot.com/questionanswers/cabin-air-quality/
I'm surprised you can smell anything up there.
It's a nice thought, but alas...they really did stink.
Houns - MemberRecycled air is an urban myth, the air is taken in from inlets around the engine
Not quite. Usually only 50% of the air is taken from the bleed air system (the rest is recirculated) and this can be lowered to as little as 15-20% in order to extract the maximum possible efficiency from the engines.
The B787 has no bleed air at all from the engines, instead using dedicated compressors.
You should have cupped one and passed it to the stranger on the next seat
😆 @ Lodious!
In Business Class, no one can hear you trump! 😉
Of course it's acceptable to fart on a plane! I find the best approach is to stroll downstairs, head towards the blunt, cramped end, stroll around, squeeze one out incognito and then saunter back upstairs and have some more Chablis.
😉
Why bother going for a stroll amongst the 'proles when you can simply trump away under the complimentary blanket, wrap it up and stuff it in your virtually empty overhead locker. Don't even have to miss a sip of the G&T stash in your personal pod!
Try flying for 14 hours with someone letting out gas most of the time ... 😡
Having said that try letting one out just as you get out from the lift ... 😆 ... no way to run!
However, farting in an empty lift and sending it back down? Marvellous!
Cheesy, upstairs, one doesn't use the overheads. Side lockers by the seat. So, it would be too close to one's Port. Can't be having that. So, a trouser trumpet amongst the great unwashed it is.
😉
OK CHF, next time i'm gonna storm the top deck with an ass full 'o gas 😉
Coach Class fights back!
CaptainFlashheart - MemberHowever, farting in an empty lift and sending it back down? Marvellous!
Yeap! That's the idea especially when all of them rush in only to be met by some incredibly powerful bodily gas that make tears rolling down their cheeks. 😆
No one is seriously suggesting that one should not fart for the duration of a flight are they?
Most flights are at least one hour, so even on the quickest flight every passenger is guaranteed to fart at least 3 times.
next time i'm gonna storm the top deck with an ass full 'o gasCoach Class fights back!
Ah, I see! So [i]that's why[/i] they call it Cattle Class!
😉
especially when all of them rush in only to be met by some incredibly powerful bodily gas that make tears rolling down their cheeks
And they have NO IDEA who did it! 🙂 Farting in a lift, wrong on so many levels. 😉
So, a trouser trumpet amongst the great unwashed it is.
Is this the stationary executive's equivalent of me going through to ask the Inspector a trivial law question every time I need to chuck one out?
CaptainFlashheart - Member
And they have NO IDEA who did it! Farting in a lift, wrong on so many levels.
You got to do it while no one sees you leaving the lift. Just stick your backside into the lift before it closed. Oh ya ... watch out for the CCTV as they might start calling you smelly so and so.
Anyway, once you have set up your lethal bodily gas trap ... watch them in action. Bam! Tears start rolling! 😆
That will learn the for using "my private" lift ... 
CFH, side bins only on the window seats upstairs, aisle has the overhead, but you have it to yourself! My small bag and 1 big bottle of hendricks was rather lost in it the other week
True, Cheesy, but 62A or 62K are the pick. Window plus exit aisle. Tidy.
Am on 62k for next redeye back from the East Coast US. Which is nice. I shall, of course, fart away during the flight.
I seem to get 61B and 61J, no idea why. Still better that than being downstairs!
Hmm, odd that we went from farting in aircraft to farting in lifts.
I was at some airport, and was on the third floor waiting foe the lift to take me to the ground floor. Lift arrives, chap gets out, I get in, doors close.
Then it hits me. A real thick stomach churning gagger of a stench. But worse was to come.
The lift reached the ground floor, doors opened, and I was met by hoards of luggage trolley pushing passengers all clambering to get in. I made very slow progress against the traffic, with all of the passengers now eyeing me with repugnant disgust.
Gold or silver card? I'm the former and pick seats at booking. Trust me, if you can get 62a/k, they're the pick!
62a
[url= http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8192/8347351862_72fd1313b2.jp g" target="_blank">
Mind you, 4a on a 777 isn't bad, either!
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Is that a Daily Torygraph on the seat there? Pleurgh!
I've released some dreadfully potent gusts aboard planes, never caused a problem as the airflow takes them away, from me at least
I can't smell anything on planes, so I always fart. Nothing like spreading your poo particles about!
I can't smell anything on planes, so I always fart. Nothing like spreading your poo particles about!
For some, might not just be poo! 😉
Is this the same as skiers who fart really stinkily in cable cars early in the day?
Wallop, well it's hardly going to be the Graun, is it? 🙂
Not upstairs, no 😆
My farts are like velcro. Everytime I sly one out EVERYONE wants to come up close and start conversation.
WindBreaks on a plane...........
BTW, where is this mythical "upstairs" i hear people talking about?
you've just got to hunker down in your seat really hard, leaving no air gap, and install the fart in the cushion. with any luck, when you do stand up the farturated seat will release its bilious tide of heavy pooticles nice and slowly for the delictation of your fellow passengers. hopefully they'll still be chewing on it when your return to your seat.
Mantastic - Member
You should have cupped one and passed it to the stranger on the next seat
Ahhhh.
Commonly know as "the glove of love" amongst some around these parts!
[img]Fancy upstairs seats[/img]
My flights for work tomorrow are on easyjet. FML 😥
Huws, no upstairs on a 777! That one was an upgrade. T shirt, jeans, unshaven, just an upgrade. Nice.
Flying back from Denver, I found myself with 5 hours to burn at New York airport. Business class so I go to the business class lounge for a few drinkies. There's this chap making free burritoes in the lounge so I have a couple off him. They're a bit spicy.
And clearly a bit dodgy....
Halfway over the Atlantic my guts start churning. I must have made about 6 trips to the toilet during the rest of the flight and was pretty much farting for England in between. Even if I rushed out of the toilet and quickly shut the door, the smell would pervade the expensive business class area. 2 grand a ticket and they had to smell my shit.
I must try this
No one is seriously suggesting that one should not fart for the duration of a flight are they?Most flights are at least one hour, so even on the quickest flight every passenger is guaranteed to fart at least 3 times.
Try holding it in for a long-haul to LAX from LHR; 12 hours flight time... 😳
Could you not open a window or the door?
Try holding it in for a long-haul to LAX from LHR; 12 hours flight time...
Last time I flew that route, Susan Boyle was sitting next to me. I can only assume therefore, that she squeezed a couple out en route. I know I did.
Last time I flew that route, Susan Boyle was sitting next to me
There are definite advantaged to cattle class then, if you have to pay several grand for a ticket at the pointy end just to get lumped with subo!
Susan Boyle was sitting next to me
were you on your honeymoon? mile high club?
Is this a sequel to Snakes on Planes?
Brakes, not as such no....! 🙂
Nice lass, as it happens. Didn't really chat on the plane, but had done so in the lounge earlier (LAX F-lounge is v mediocre!), and she was utterly exhausted. Sounds like a crazy life to lead for her.
Back in my horrible drinking days, I went on a bitter and pickled egg binge the evening before an easyjet flight for a biking holiday in spain. I let rip so badly that the oxygen masks fell down and the woman behind (who was trapped in a window seat) had a coughing fit that ruined her holiday to the extend the insurance paid out compensation.
I let rip so badly that the oxygen masks fell down and the woman behind (who was trapped in a window seat) had a coughing fit that ruined her holiday to the extend the insurance paid out compensation.
WIN!
Trust me, if you can get 62a/k, they're the pick!
Don't try that on the 757s United runs to New York from London. Seat 62 is some distance behind the plane.
Don't try that on the 757s United runs to New York from London. Seat 62 is some distance behind the plane.
One suspects that this wouldn't prevent the from selling you a ticket for it.
Don't [s]try that on the 757s [/s] fly with United
FTFY. 🙂
Don't fly on 757s is equally sage advice!
Are United bad? I flew with them and they were OK (although the planes were old) , but lot's of people have suggested they aren't great. Is it best to avoid them?
Business Class? Tha don't know nowt lad, tha be wanting Alan Bennett Class: