[Closed] Ex moving away with my son.

Feel for you but ...

How on earth could you expect to stop someone moving?

It's only 40 miles

Go see a solicitor that specialises in family law

sorry if that all sounds a bit curt - it wasn't meant too
good luck

You can always apply for custody etc but its not a very simply process and its not going to be granted only because you would have to travel.
The other reasons you say your Son would rather live you with would be what you should consider as a reason to try though. But her not being a very happy person to live with is not a reason to say he should live with you.

Its not going to be easy or quick if possible at all, As uplink says, get legal advise.

Good luck !

Feel for you.
Cant help you but you have all my sympathy.

You need to be talking to a solicitor, not us lot.

You have my sympathy though - can't imagine not being with my kids, however much of a nightmare they can be at times.

Does anyone else here feel that the role of fathers in society has been marginalised to the point of redundancy over the years?

It is all too common, terrible state of affairs leaving some good fathers heartbroken and very bitter...... And children with no Dad or very occasional contact.

As a female, I think it very unfair that blokes are still disadvantaged in custody issues. I still get the impression mothers get priority which to me is wrong. You could try the Citizens Advice Beaureu as a starting point if you are low on money and want to know where you stand (and find out if legal aid is available) as all this stuff is so expensive.

A friends son was obstructed by his ex girlfriend and found it very hard to see his child. He was told by his solicitor to keep records of all contact he had with the child and all money spent on it as proof the father was very 'hands on' whenever he could be. In the end, she moved to Australia and took the child with her. It was all very sad.

Good luck.

You said that your ex is depressed and an angry nightmare - is this just to you or does the whole world experience this?

If it is a day to day mental state and not just aimed at you, you maybe able to prove that her mental state is detrimental to the health / living conditions of your child?

Are you sure she can do that ? Boyfriend of mine ages ago had a son, and his ex-wife wasn't allowed to move more than a certain distance away without his consent, maybe it was written into the custody agreement ?

Thanks for the support, i do feel that fathers are very overlooked in these sorts of cases.
However i have no answers.
40 miles is an awful long way to a 6yr old, i will not be able to have him on the Sunday night and take him to school.
Therefore i lose a night with him, one night is a lot to me and my son.

I need to see what occurs, and get legal advice.

Do get the advice sooner rather than later though, once she moved its all pretty academic.

She's angry at the world and everyone, she told me last night i'm the only one that understands her 🙄

Don't see how i can stop her. I do have money, and if i thought i could get residency i'd try, anyone done this?

Is there a residency order in place at the moment as a result of a previous court case?

If so you could go to court to sort out a new residency order more appropriate for the new circumstances (you won't be able to take him to school Mondays for example) and try and get the court to approve some other increase in your time elsewhere. However this normally takes a very long time and the courts generally take the view that whatever is actually happening can be made into the order. The unwritten rule seems to be that every other weekend plus half of school holidays is what you will get.

You could apply to court for residency, again this takes for ever, will cause a great deal of friction with your ex as well as costing you a lot of money, and in the vast majority of cases you will lose - two things will go against you, one, you are a man and despite what the law says judges seem to live in the past on this matter, and two, they are loathe to change whatever is happening now - so possession is 9/10ths of the law. In other words you'll need a pretty strong case to get anywhere.

I feel for you, been through exactly the same thing myself. When I went to court to get residency on the basis that my ex was breaking the agreement we had by moving far away the court welfare officer wrote in his report that he felt contact was now causing difficulty and so should be reduced! Fortunately the judge threw this out and ordered the every other weekend standard order. CWOs are extremely dodgy, they are probation officers who've had a few weeks training in family law, and can produce fairly random conclusions in their reports. Be very careful, I fell out with the one in my case because he thought I'd missed a meeting when in fact he never wrote to me, so he basically swallowed my ex's line that I was only going to court to annoy her, and my solicitor and barrister ended up fighting his conclusions, not my original case (I was the plaintiff, you'd never guess from the way you are treated like a criminal by the system).

This was 10 years ago, I'd like to think things have changed but I doubt it. Go see a solicitor and get some advice, and prepare for some commuting.

<q>Does anyone else here feel that the role of fathers in society has been marginalised to the point of redundancy over the years? </q>

I've no idea what this means, what does it mean? How does society make Fathers redundant?

I have a court order but till 6pm on the Sunday night, Sunday over night and the school run was by mutual consent.

I just looked at it.

Just read that mothers maternity leave is to be reduced to 6 mths and fathers increased and they get the extra money.

Fathers currently get 2 weeks which is shocking.

If she has commented that you are the only one that understands her then maybe its to your advantage to keep being understanding.

Rather than look at it as her moving 40mls away, ask her if you could reorganise the time you spend with the little un to make the most of it. Maybe you could get more quality time with him rather than grabbed moments like taking him to school. It may even mean that she gets more time to herself if you have him more weekends.

I would say thats a better tack to take (In the first instance) than involving solicitors or looking at getting her back up. She could make things very difficult for you in the long run which will be even worse for your son. Nothing stopping you getting legal advice as well, just as back up.

Sounds like a tough situation 🙁

Your ex-wife: is she aware she has mental/mood problems?
Is she willing, for the sake of your child's upbringing, to seek intervention for her mental problems?

Just read that mothers maternity leave is to be reduced to 6 mths and fathers increased and they get the extra money.

According to this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7971473.stm

it's a recommendation of the Equality and Human Rights Commision. What they propose is of course completely sensible and what any thinking person would conclude as the only way to break the current cycle of increasing maternity rights leading to more women staying at home longer and then surprise surprise women on average earn less than men (who are of course working overtime to make their maintainence payments).

However it seems very unlikely that the current government will change its current policy, unless a few more ministers lose their jobs over expense claims...

She knows she's deppresed she thinks moving will help, but she and my son know nobody where she wants to go.
Her main family and parents are 40 miles in the other direction!! so she'll be 80 miles from them. Her mom and dad are both ill too.
I work nights at present so it's difficult for me to have him mid week.

Either journey the 40 miles or see a good solicitor if you want custody.

Record her conversatons, record how her son feels, get her to admit depression and banning you from seeing him etc.

Then take her to cleaners.

Sorry if I sound harsh but she's been harsh with you and ruininng your sons life. You've been diplomatic now time to defend guns blazing.

Would your new family mind him moving in? do want him to move in?

Take her to court before she tops herself and takes your son too.

Post up in 12mths time when you have spent loads of money on solicitors, hate your ex and have not seen your kid in ages.

Other than you saying she is a bit depressed, you havent mentioned anything that really gives you any more right to look after the kid than yourself.

Go down amicable route first but do the solicitor thing in the background. You never know, she might decide very quickly that moving is/was a bad idea and if she hates you it would spoil any chances of her moving back.

rom experience...

i) The depression is highly, highly unlikely to make any difference in a CAFCASS report, unless she's bordering on suicidal - they are only going to upset the status quo if the child is seriously likely to come to harm.

ii) Caselaw is clear that the court would not be allowed to stop a realistic plan by the mother to move somewhere else. Realistically 40 miles isn't far (230 mile move didn't make a difference in my case)

Your [b]best[/b] bet is to negotiate a change in current access levels to make up for what you would be losing out on - increased holiday contact to include staying contact, consider applying for flexible working at work to cover change in contact (I used to do half the school holidays, half paid/half unpaid) maybe go for a late start at work every other monday morning so you can still drop him off at school - taking action like getting a prospective agreement in place for flexible working will look good on you if it does goes to cafcass/court as it makes it clear you are planning ahead and being reasonable. its not easy, and over the past 4 years my relationship with my eldest (11) has broken down quite a lot, however the one with my youngest (8) has stayed really really strong and we're off to wales for a week together at half term to visit castles and walk up Snowdon - look for quality time rather than quantity, and find memorable activities to do.

Its shit, really shit - but you've got to find a way make it work somehow - view it this way (as this is what the stasi/cafcass will say to themselves, and exactly what her solicitors will say in court!) your sons life is going to be better if mum is happy rather than depressed, if she thinks she needs to move to be happy and you are trying to stop her moving, then you're not acting in your sons best interest - bollocks logic but thats exactly how the biased and uncaring system that is stacked against you works!

Try wearing a Batman costume and sitting on her roof as a protest.

I hope you take my post in jest 🙂

the court would not be allowed to stop a realistic plan by the mother to move somewhere else

Probably not relevant but just pointing out that if there is an existing residency and contact order then "somewhere else" can't be outside the jurisdiciton, i.e., not outside England and Wales (assuming you're in England/Wales). Scotland wouldn't be allowed as it has a different legal system. So, if you had reason to believe she was planning on moving 'abroad' you'd have a valid case to try and stop it.

Portercough - true, the RP would have to make an application to the court to move out of the jurisdiction if no agreement were made, but the court would still not stop her moving as long as her request and plan was a reasonable one (ie. mapped out and for a good reason, such as "improvement in lifestyle", even if it were to the other side of the world) - caselaw on this still centres round Poel V Poel (1970)

Suffice to say, I've done a lot of research work on this one, as it directly affected me, and there are very few successfully defended leave to remove cases! your best bet remains negotiation as a father very, very rarely wins in court unless the mother is completely unreasonable.

I've no idea what this means, what does it mean? How does society make Fathers redundant?

Nick it's a good question. This is what I was thinking but feel free to dispute/discuss:
The way that the courts automatically work from the presumption that the mother is the best person to get custody of a child/children in the event of separation.
The negative portrayal of fathers in television drama and in a wider context the frequent portrayal of men as predatory paedophilles in crime drame (I confess, I have a soft spot for The Bill and this is one of the worst offenders)
The fact that documentaries that deal with issues relating to children almost always use the mother's voice rather than the fathers.

When you think about it, it's not just confined to society's attitude towards fathers and their children, it's actually a wider prejudice towards men and children in general.

Take this example. Your walking down the street and you see a five year old girl or boy on their own clearly upset. A man comes up to comfort them, gives the kid a hug and starts to ask what's wrong. Think about what might be crossing your mind at this point, whether you might be partly suspicious, and then compare that reaction to if you had seen the exact same scene but with a woman comforting the child rather than a man.

At times, I wish my missus and kid would move away and leave me in peace, but it looks like I'm lumbered for the foreseeable future...