A couple of weeks ago, one of the wife's work colleagues and her husband came over for some food and BOOZE. The husband plays guitar in some sort of rock / blues cover band, and I ended up drunkenly agreeing to audition for them as their drummer's just left. Thing is, I'd managed to forget all about it until my lovely wife rang me from work this morning and said 'by the way, that audition's tonight at eight'. Cue swearing, flapping and frantic searching through the garage and various cupboards for drums and stuff. I havent even played since returning to Yorkshire four years ago, and I have a sinking feeling that this band plays Thin Lizzy covers and suchlike, and they dont seem terribly familiar with irony. Arse!
[i]irony[/i]
A type of music with a high ferrous metal content?
Strut in naked and do your audition
Naked drummers always get the job 😉
Hang on just noticed that its for a rock / blues cover band, better put some shades on 😉
get drunk..
walk in and tell them all you only play in 5:4, if they look at you funny or question you then shout "THATS IT, 27:62 IT IS THEN!" and go bezerk on the kit, kick it over and set fire to your hair then walk out.
Irony Maiden?
Sounds like a good name for a band, that....
Thing is ski, I dont actually want the job - I just drunkenly agreed to it and now it's too late to back out. They've e-mailed me a set list, and there's far too many Free and Bad Co. covers on there for me.
philconsequence - Memberwalk in and tell them all you only play in 5:4, if they look at you funny or question you then shout "THATS IT, 27:62 IT IS THEN!" and go bezerk on the kit, kick it over and set fire to your hair then walk out.
lol
Got it - put on my latest knitted catsuit (optional 'peek a boo' genital aperture), turn up completely mullered on cough medicine and out of date antibiotics, smear 'help me' on the wall in my own faeces and then ask 'do you do any Bolt thrower covers?'
stop it, you're turning me on.
Disappointed...
Ever regretted agreeing to something whilst drunk?
I thought this would be going in a whole different direction.!!!
!! Boltthrower!! *goes off to YouTube* 😉
ooo, a place for me new favouritist joke:
[i]What does it mean when the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? [/i]
[b]The floor is level[/b]
🙂
😆 @ stoner
Stoner, 😀
That is gonna have me giggling all day now...can't get the image out my head...
im in no doubt i will awake at 3am laughin at that... 😀
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
----------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out!
"I don't think, therefore I drum"
"What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?"
"You only have to punch the beat into a drum machine once..."
Were they all drunk too, is their recollection of the conversation likely to be as hazy as yours? If so, turn up to the audition dressed in a Fair Isle jumper with an carrying pipe and an accordion.
Well my dears, it was simply gharstley! Too too awful. However, I was fabulous, and after a couple of restorative sherries, I shall reveal all...
🙂
They (at various times) complained I was 'too effing fast' and the bass player (who was wearing a tie dyed skull t-shirt) asked me, apparently seriously, if I was a 'punk rocker'. I am 50. He, however, appeared to be a cockweasel of the highest order.
Cockweasel pmsl!
I'm waiting - hope this is good .....
after a couple of restorative sherries
You sound like my mum.
He is your mum.
I think I knew two of their 'numbers' - alright now and sweet child o' mine, but the rest, my dears, were a terrible, terrible blur. Who the devil are wishbone ash? And just what is it they do? Oh, and 'knocking on heavens door - that was the one, apparently, where I was too effing fast. Mrs Mitch is reading this over my shoulder and has just pointed out that that one is supposed to be a slow song. She knows nothing. NOTHING! And I, drunk on cider, am a punk rocker, so eff off, you effing buggers!
[i]walk in and tell them all you only play in 5:4, if they look at you funny or question you then shout "THATS IT, 27:62 IT IS THEN!" and go bezerk on the kit, kick it over and set fire to your hair then walk out. [/i]
Proper LOL
- set fire to your hair now thenam a punk rocker
Sadly Diane, I am as bald as a coot. I could however, if I was sufficently enraged, set fire to the hair on my gentlemans agreement, but that would probably hurt A LOT, and the smell of burning pubes would disturb Mrs Mitch from doing her word search, and there would be HELL TO PAY!
😀 ahhhh - word search
LOLz
You Silly Billy.
Or sudoku, could be sudoku. Either way, I shant be setting fire to my cockleshell bay, not for you miss Diane, and not for anybody.
Did u get the gig tho??
Or have you turned it down??
I dont think I ever wanted that gig PePPeR. However, it did me a lot of good regarding giving me some confidence back, and really made me want to start playing again - just not with that particular 'band'.
Good news then 😉
Once had an audition to play Bass in a "punk" band. They name dropped all the right bands and everything was great. Audition in a proper studio as well. Strictly spacing I'm a guitarist, not a bassist, but I have a Bass, so how hard can it be.
They were all about 12, I was 26 at the time. I played as hard and fast as I could, thinking they'd be frightened, they thought it was "awesome". I struggle to keep time and have limited understanding of key, but they still offered me the "job" and kept ringing to offer me gigs!
For a while I photographed gigs. Good Lord Above did I hear some crap bands. Marnsleybitch coon't have bin any worser than some of the 'musicians' I had to listen to.
I wore industrial strength ear plugs.
Who the devil are wishbone ash? And just what is it they do?
Sacrilege! 🙂
They did that one! Awful, just awful. Oh and elfin, bugger off! I know it's not the done thing to blow yer own trumpet, but I am in fact quite a saucy drummer! Just dont wanna play in that particular band...
I'm not reading all that!
But it does remind me that we've never gotten drunk together Mitch... perhaps we can get that Consequence chap involved and make some sweet music together?
How dare you not read all that yeti, you furry dog!
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Mornin' Phil!
Best ever gig review I read spent about 4 sentences slagging off everything about them and then summed up with the final sentence. Wishbone Ash.Who the devil are wishbone ash
😆
mornin' piggies!
spent a couple of hours last night performing the flat-pack-tango with mrsconsequence last night, and now the piles of dvds that reached the ceiling are now neatly in shelving units. its beautiful.... almost.... growd-up 😀
But now you don't get to watch your flat mate playing Jenga whilst trying to get to the copy of Bigfoot & The Hendersons.
haha all his dvds went in the units last, meaning over half of his are tucked under the arm of the sofa. he's moving out at the end of the year so we're starting to make little improvements around the house in preparation for it being just mrsconsequence and I 😀
it will mean that when you come over you can stay in a 'guest bedroom' instead of on those damn sexy comfy sofas. 5 months to go and we're already fantasising about all the benefits of having the house to ourselves!