MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Long story cut short. We're buying a house and due to exchange tomorrow, with all parties having agreed long ago to a specific completion date. We've served notice (as we're temporarily renting) and have to be out the day after completion. This evening I get a call saying the vendor that our vendor is buying from now want to move out 4 weeks later. WTF?
We've a young family and can't change our moving out date as notice has been served and another family are already scheduled to move in. So we are royally pi55ed off, as are our vendors.
EAs have already spoken and applied pressure but without any change of heart. Ok, technically these people can do as they wish as Exchange hasn't happened, but FFS it's out of order. Am going to speak with our vendor tomorrow (thankfully we get on) as they're happy to chase solicitors to get things back as they were.
Anyone experienced this? Any tips?
If nothing comes of it then I will give serious consideration to delivering a poo through the letterbox of the vendor's vendor.
Best to use someone else's so there's no DNA trace back to you.......
Don't let your arse get right against the letterbox if it's frosty weather
Can't help on the moving, other than sympathise - some people are just shitheads
Practical stuff...
If you have to move get your stuff into storage and move in with someone, speak to your letting agent also they may be able to do something.
Hmm, hadn't thought about DNA tracing. Hmm.
We had a similar issue with the vendors wanting to delay completion when we bought last year. My suggestion is that you let the solicitors sort it out. No matter how well you get on with your vendor this is a process that happens within a legal framework and sorting out the ball aches is what you are paying the solicitors for.
Wouldn't you be pooing through the letter box of the house your buying? That makes no sense
Wouldn't you effectively be pooing through your own letterbox?
Bugger, sniped!
Technically I could hang around a public convenience and wait for someone to drop an unflushable curler? That's my ammo sorted. I could then don my Milk Tray Man outfit and make my delivery with Splinter Cell-esque stealth.
No, pooing through the letterbox of the vendor's vendor, i.e the home that the people we're buying from are buying.
spacemonkey - Member
No, pooing through the letterbox of the vendor's vendor, i.e the home that the people we're buying from are buying.
Not sure that's going to encourage them to move quicker...
poo through their neighbour's letterbox and put a note saying "greetings from all at (their number)"
They'll be hounded out within the week
Are your bumcheeks in the regular configuration i.e. perpendicular to the average letter box?
If so then you will need to consider a method of achieving an adequate seal with said letter box. Alternatively you could explore ways of bringing your cleft into alignment with the target.
Unless your arse starts bleeding or forcing it out rips some hairs with skin cells attached I wouldn't be worries about DNA evidence!
I would also poo in a bag and push it through and open it out to reduce the risk of splash back!
So there is no DNA link in one's poo?
* says I, accepting the Gospel that is STW
Picolax...
Don't know who's letterbox you should aim at.
Wouldn't you be pooing through the letter box of the house your buying? That makes no sense
Talk about shitting on your own doorstep...
A quick search brought this up, so maybe it could be traced back to you if you consented to an anal swab
Can you get DNA from poop?
Yes, there is DNA in "poop". During excretion, cells from the lining of the rectum tend to slough off and there is DNA in these cells. In addition, fecal matter has a large amount of bacteria in it. The bacteria of course have DNA as well.
My bad
On a practical, no poo related note. When something similar happened to me recently I told the vendor to sort or I was pulling out.
How big are your balls?
TBH, if I was single and only looking out for myself then my stance would be more ballsy. But, having a family means the risks are higher, especially as the house we're buying ticks a heck of a lot of boxes in a very slow moving market.
I told the vendor to sort or I was pulling out.
Or say you are reducing the price by one month's rent. Risky move though
This ^^^
But us reducing the price of one's months rent is going to hit our vendor. And I don't see them trying to pass that on to their vendor.
I see your logic though. Trouble is, we're being hit worse than the vendor in the middle yet we have no relationship with those causing the problem.
You'd need some kind of poo slide. Maybe a section of plastic pipe cut in half.
Happened on last move. Ended up with a bag of clothes and living with the in laws for a month. Challenging getting two adults and a baby in a room barely big enough for a single bed....
Also, I've been on the receiving end of a last minute price chip. Agents got everyone in the chain to share the pain, so cost to us wasn't all that. Mind you, that was back in the days of a liquid market....
(I favour a wide selection of "deposit" (human, animal) and a black widow catapult so you can apply to those hard to reach places.)
Maybe I'm mistaken, but surely the correct stw protocol is wee in shoes, poo in chimney?
endurogangster - Member
I would also poo in a bag and push it through and open it out to reduce the risk of splash back!
Well, 'splash-back', or 'blow-back', could be an issue, but a few beers and a nice big curry, and you could possibly manage to re-decorate the entire entrance hall or lounge, depending on where the front door opens into.
Just a thought... 😈
so let me understand.. you havent even exhcanged contracts yet but you ve given notice on your rented accomodation?
you do know theres nothing to stop any or all partys changing thier minds?
Amateurs, you freeze it first then you can do whatever you want, letterbox, through window, up their arse etc, No mess til it thaws.
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Amateurs, you freeze it first then you can do whatever you want, letterbox, through window, up their arse etc, No mess til it thaws.
I've heard one about someone who froze their chocolate log, grated it, then sprinkled it around the house/carpets/stairs....
😯
Make sure to eat corn the day before! 
Yep, Duner's played this game before, chapeau.
I was going to suggest forgetting the poo, a pint of maggots through the letterbox would be easier.
But, before following Duner's advice, check you've got a "friend" whose freezer you could borrow?
I would imagine for this sort of jobbie, reference to the Picolax thread may be a good idea.
Supercharged with Picolax, I'm sure you'd get a better spatter pattern all down their hallway and ceiling.
Just make sure the letterbox is actually open... 🙂
Use dog poo, not traceable if DNA testing of turds is possible.
Some of you fellas seem to have too much [s]experience[/s] knowledge of scat attacks 🙂
so let me understand.. you havent even exhcanged contracts yet but you ve given notice on your rented accomodation?you do know theres nothing to stop any or all partys changing thier minds?
Yes, we know that. But the date of completion has been agreed for weeks. We've given notice for this very reason, i.e out of trust ... which in hindsight doesn't appear so wise seeing as the vendor's vendor decided on the day before exchange to completely move the goalposts.
Sorry about your situation but my experience of house moves is that if there isn't a signature on a piece of paper saying something's going to happen then it's not going to happen.
Last house we bought our vendor assured us there was 'no chain'. After 2 months of wrangling it turned out what they meant was 'the person we're buying from isn't using an estate agent for the house they're purchasing but there are two people further on from them that are'.
As above, get your stuff in storage, find a monthly rental apartment and try and get your vendor to adjust their price to reflect the costs (although don;t hold out much hope).
How awful.
My advice? Ask the solicitor to exchange in advance next time, with a fixed completion date in there. Then you are all tied in much more strongly to that date.
Ask if the family moving in to your place can wait?
Maybe I'm mistaken, but surely the correct stw protocol is wee in shoes, poo in chimney?
Agreed. But in this instance the target property has had both fireplaces blocked up*. So any chimney-oriented attack would be futile.
* Hmm, thinking about it, I assume any poo that was deposited in such a manner would ferment over time and no doubt cause curious distress to the inhabitants?
You can buy this stuff;
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It's probably not as good as real poo but at least it's not dna traceable.
Shampoo? I want to dirty their hall not clean it 🙂
When we bought our house, we were told that we'd be able to move in mid-September. We eventually moved in the end of October, but when we turned up to pick up the keys, we were told that the previous owners hadn't quite finished moving out! Fortunately it was only a couple of hours, so we just sat around in the hired transit van that was filled with our worldly possessions and drank tea.
OP, why did you hand in your notice when you hadn't even exchanged contracts - asking for trouble I'm afraid.
Your vendors have probably had the same thing done to them which is why they're delaying completion.
Your vendors have probably had the same thing done to them which is why they're delaying completion.
It's not our vendor causing the problem. It's their vendor.
So someone's probably doing the same to them. Chains are a PITA.
We've just sold my late mum's house without it even going on the open market. They buyer has cash and no chain involved at all - we might have got another £10k from someone but the hassle of a chain and all the potential problems they bring was simply not worth it.
So someone's probably doing the same to them.
Nope, they're end of chain.
Good on yer for selling without going to market. You may have lost £10k but I assume you've no agent fees either.
DNA testing of faecal matter is unlikely to produce results, I have had reason to ask the Police this very question in the past. 😕
I say trot on my friend!
Ps it wasn't my letter box.
they can dna dog poo in Naples;
[url= http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/23/world/europe/a-forensic-approach-to-a-sidewalk-nuisance.html?_r=0 ]http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/23/world/europe/a-forensic-approach-to-a-sidewalk-nuisance.html?_r=0[/url]
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Shampoo? I want to dirty their hall not clean it
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having to explain it spoils things but sham means pretend or fake so shampoo might be a bottled poo like substance with no actual dna in it 😳
How big are your balls?
Hopefully not too big, they might get trapped in the letterbox...
are we now suggesting he teabags the vendor through the letterbox? 😯
Might I suggest [url= http://www.liquidass.com/ ]liquid ass[/url]? 😯
Important - don't use it at the house that you will be buying, though! 😆
Have you recconoitered said letterbox? You may have difficulty if it one of those narrow ones with brushes inside to keep the wind out.
Have you considered perhaps an open window instead?
Not much help to be wise after the event I know, but it was for this reason that we didn't give notice on our rental place until exchange and also managed the Completion Date so it chimed nicely with the rental ending. We thought our vendor was going to pull out right down to the line. She didn't.
poo on the doorstep...stick some paper on it and set it alight...knock on door and run away...occupant comes out and stamps the small fire out and then realizes.....
Has it not happened yet?
I think it's time to poo or get out of the porch.
Somehow (!?) get hold of one of *their* poos. That way, when they inevitably complain, if they do get it DNA tested it will be of their own DNA.
That should mess with a few heads....
Rachel
Remind me not to not sell you a house.
People have difficulty in getting mail through my letter box intact, might I suggest you do a "wet" run on this?
POIDH btw!
Best eat a square meal 1st 😉
We had a similar issue when we moved to our current place. We had to go into a holiday let for a couple of weeks and did a 2 stage move - into storage and then out of storage into the new place. It was a pain - I think you should look to recover costs from your vendor who can then pass it down the chain.
Other than that I have no advice to offer other than if you suffer from 'roids you should avoid letterboxes with spring-loaded flaps at all costs.
Break in and hide some raw fish & steak under the floor boards.
I always thought the done thing was to put the jobbie on the step outside, cover with newspaper, set on fire, ring the bell, run away and hide within view.
Then when the person opens the door to find a small fire they immediately try to stamp it out..................
Man, the wisdom of this place never ceases to amaze me 🙂 I've been on the phone pretty much all day therefore unable to even think of a response until now.
Have to get back on the blower again!
TBH, if I was single and only looking out for myself then my stance would be more ballsy. But, having a family means the risks are higher, especially as the house we're buying ticks a heck of a lot of boxes in a very slow moving market.
Had the same issue, only 5 days, but it effectively rendered us homeless for those 5 days, with only a high probability of getting our new home rather than a guarantee.
In the end I had to eat the costs, and put up with it to make our move happen. If you can work around it , do so and move on - moving is bad enough without adding to your stress worrying about it and getting angry.