[Closed] Embarrassingly stupid things you have said...

New Years eve in Germany, trying to talk to a German bloke in German.

I was actually talking to him in English in a German accent 😆

My sister, when she lived in Spain, speaking to a Dutch friend.

Dutch Friend: which side of the road do you drive on in England?
Sister: it depends which way you're going

And one from my boss. I live and work in Leeds. My then OH lived in Dewsbury. We'd been seeing each other a while by this stage.

Me: [OH] gave me a lift to work this morning.
Boss: oh, that's nice that he drove up from Dewsbury just to do that.

You could then see her brain ticking over as she worked out that he hadn't just driven over to give me a lift!

A bit of a smart arse last week in a meeting asked one of the other attendees his e mail address, Gareth Jenkins at local authority was the reply, thanks said the smart arse and whats you first name.

The place just dissolved

I worked at Sainsbury's when i was about 17, one day whilst working on the check out, i was putting a lady's shopping through whilst she was bagging at the other end. i noticed that a round green leafy vegetable was stuck at the end of the conveyor. I turned to the lady and said "excuse me luv, is that your cabbage?" i then looked up to see her son in a wheelchair!! and it was a lettuce!!!

Similar to ads. When working for Trailfinders I was booking a round the world trip for a couple that were hard work and difficult to have any craic with. I was searching availability on my computer and getting no where. I noticed the man of the couple holding his shoulder and to fill the awkward silence I asked if he had hurt his shoulder. When he informed me that he had lost his full arm several years earlier in an accident it's fair to say the silences were much more awkward from that point on.

ads678 😆

Taking some guys details over the phone at work when I was younger and somehow, inexplicably, I forgot the word for a very well known part of the country is 'Cornwall' and started calling it 'Cornland' when taking his address.

He had to correct me half way through the conversation after I'd used it repeatedly that the place is called 'Cornwall' and there is no such place as 'Cornland' and was quite annoyed/dismayed.

I was at work so don't even have the excuse that I was drunk or high which is pretty worrying.

Best thread ever.

I do this all the time, I open my mouth and stupidity falls out. It's a bit like Tourette's.

Once at my mechanic's, when a boy racer turns up. "Hey Pete," he says to my mechanic, "I've just got some alloy wheels for my Mini. "Oh, good swap" says I. He went an interesting shade of purple and Pete ran into the back of the garage to have a quiet cry to himself.

In a group of friends, one constantly papping on about how great his deceased father was, and how he'd grown up in the shadow of this great man and was constantly being compared to him. Ever the diplomat, I managed "so what did your dad do then, apart from die?"

At the hospital with my mum who was recovering from a stroke. Without looking up at us, the receptionist asked, "have you come about your eyes?" I spun around and went, "who said that?!" She went to pieces, she was still giggling when we left.

Watching an animated movie (Final Fantasy), I remarked, "the camera work there is terrible, you can blatantly tell that's only a model."

Etc, etc, etc.

Just remembered one of Mrs tthew's

MT - 'The computer's not working'
Me - 'Let's have a look' (bit of a rummage, (not like that)) 'it's not plugged in'
MT - 'I know that, but you said we'd gone wireless!'

I was helping my dad out doing some data entry on his new system at his dental practice, I was sat on reception doing a run through and the receptionist was away from the desk when the next patient (an old lady) walked in, checked the system and saw her husband was also due in after her. Being friendly I cheerily greeted her asking if her husband was parking the car, she replied no, he died 2 days ago. I wanted the world to swallow me up.

At the leisure centre I worked at I'd gone for a swim and was getting changed when a guy walked in with a very pierced penis, must have had 8 rings through the shaft and head. I got changed and ran out to the receptionists with the whole OMG story, with all the gory details. A few minutes later fella walks out and collects his wife who was sat just behind me and had heard the whole thing.

Colleague: "Oh so do you know andrea then that works in your area?"
Me: "Yeah I do!" (then, unprompted, decided to go on a bit about how andrea is ****ing brilliant)
Colleague: "My husband's leaving me for her"
Me:

My mates wife was overdue, midwife was there and was describing the process of being induced. Wifey asks what it's like and midwife quick as a flash says 'Its a bit like being fisted!' Cue open mouthed looks between my mate and his wife before the midwife realised and looked horrified.

mrhoppy wins.

Mrshora/her sister used to be able to guage the exact point when I was pissed as I always asked them both to be dual-mrs hora.

Idiot!

We call this affliction 'Social Tourette's'

Once whilst interviewing a quite fashionable, good looking blond lass I stated that "you can't just nip out at lunchtime and go shoe shopping as the office is a bit out in the sticks" cue kick in the shins from the HR Manager sitting next to me 😳

My mates wife was overdue, midwife was there and was describing the process of being induced. Wifey asks what it's like and midwife quick as a flash says 'Its a bit like being fisted!' Cue open mouthed looks between my mate and his wife before the midwife realised and looked horrified.

Overheard in ASDA,

Two blokes shopping, small girl in tow (maybe 9 or 10, I'm not good with ages). Girl pipes up, "dad, why don't you do what mummy does?" Bloke replies "what, take it up the arse?" The blokes were in hysterics, the girl was rolling her eyes, I was mortified. Different world, sometimes.

I had to get the son of a dead male to identify his body. It was a bit smelly so we moved outside to do the paperwork. As I worked through the form I got to the bit about identification. I looked the grieving man in the eye and said " I won't ask you to go back in there... but are you happy that is your father?".

The wife asks one day "have you got any sheets of MDF in the garage ?"
"Yes" says I, "12 mill and 18 mill".
"How thick is the 18 mill ?" says she.
"Nearly as thick as you" says i, heading rapidly for the door !

Staying in a caravan overlooking St Andrews. Get up in the morning and throw the curtains wide to be greeted by a glorious day. I utter the immortal words "Ah, it's all shite and briney !" Muppet.

When reading out the code using the phonetic alphabet, she said

Someone once said "Q for Cuba" to me.

There's a girl on my team who says stupid things so often, I could publish a book. In a team meeting this week, she announced how sad it was that "astronaut Lance Armstrong was dead".

Many years ago when I were a wee bairn, I said to my mum on the bus "look at that woman! Why is she so fat?" so loudly that my mum had to get off the next stop out of embarrassment.

#Edit. Someone who shall remain nameless asked me if Jesus was a carpet-fitter in the Bible.

"How thick is the 18 mill ?" says she.

About the same as two short planks?

Many years ago when I were a wee bairn, I said to my mum on the bus "look at that woman! Why is she so fat?"

Apparently, when I was very small, sometimes I'd sleep in my parents' bed. My mum used to get dressed in the same room, but stopped the day I asked her why she had two bellies.

I once met a German guy who reminded me of a friend back home. I told him he had a doppelganger, and asked if he knew what it meant. He did

Sililar to the time George W Bush said the French did not have a word for entrepreneur.

My wife once asked, as she looked up at the police helicopter (with an enclosed tail rotor) hovering overhead, why does it have a clock on the end?

We have a girl at work who asked these three gems:

'How do you spell A.K.A?
'Do Asian girls have sideways fannys?'
'Where is the black market?'

Me and the wife settled down to watch Gladiator on DVD .. The opening scene and Russel Crowe is giving his speech to his men 'On my command, unleash hell! he says, at which point, the film cuts to a dog which is running through the woods... wife says, 'that's a funny name for a dog'....
Another, on one of our first dates we went to see Titanic at the cinema, the ship is steaming towards the iceberg, the guys in the crows nest shout'iceberg, dead ahead! the film then cuts between the bridge and the engine room as they frantically try to slow the ship and generally stop it from hitting the iceberg.. At this point I leaned in and whispered (wittily, I thought) 'I reckon it's gonna miss it'... she looked at me with a concerned face, and said 'yeah, so do I....

was at a kids party on Saturday, friends of the wife that she met during pregnancy..

The birthday boy's father is a Royal Marine, and there were a fair few marines from his posse/crew/platoon/squadron (?) there with their kids, enjoying the sun and chatting while the kids played on a bouncy castle and the wives fussed about..
Now I'm from a marine town, and was feeling fairly conspicuous in this company, being very easily identified as a scruffy dope smoking townie that they would have brawled with on a Saturday night as recruits.. so I was being polite and smiley and mostly engaged with entertaining my youngest son who is just six months..

I knew the guy and his troop were due to be deployed for their first six month tour in Afghanistan next week, and was wandering how this lot of mid 30s, well payed lads had got so far without seeing active service.. perhaps I should have asked but I was feeling nervous and I'm sure that they were experiencing some strong emotions too, so I kept my thoughts to myself..

or so I thought..

While I'd been sat there observing the scene and absent mindedly humming to my son and encouraging him to make some efforts at parroting some words and noises, I suddenly realised that all the noises I had been making were bomb sounds and machine guns and RPGs, and that the tunes I'd been humming were the themes from old war films.. 😯

I simply can't properly comment due to official warnings here on STW. One of the milder ones was at a friend's BBQ. We had a good few Bangladeshis amongst our circle of mates, and it was a running joke that they were always getting called p@kis.

It so happened that none of our Indian mates were present at said BBQ, but me and a few others were discussing the issue and coming up with Sun reader attitudes to our absent friends' attributes. At one point, I was unlucky enough to blurt out, "Aye, send 'em back where they came from", in a totally sarcastic fashion, but the irony failed to penetrate the brain of our host's new ****stani girlfriend who caused a mssive scene (perhaps understandably) and kicked us all out.

We went round Shuyeb Mohammed's house for a joint.

We have a woman managing a small construction project at work at the moment. The other day she loudly announced in the office that, (because work couldn't progress, due to others not doing their jobs properly) 'I'm going to have to pull all my men off!!'

(cue s****ing from about 20 blokes in surrounding area)

Christmas shopping a few years ago, we were in a bookshop paying for a book for the wife's present from my daughter who'd have been about 2.5 at the time.

Her: 'Can i carry the book daddy'
Me: 'Yes, but we have to pay the lady first'
Her: 'That's a man'
<starting already to be aware that a pin dropping would be a racket now, the rest of the shop is now straining to see what daddy's going to say next>
Me: 'No it isn't, it's a lady with short hair. Ladies can have short hair as well'
<not bad I thought - truthful without being contentious>
Her: 'It's a very ugly lady then'

Paid and left in total silence.

Me and the wife settled down to watch Gladiator on DVD .. The opening scene and Russel Crowe is giving his speech to his men 'On my command, unleash hell! he says, at which point, the film cuts to a dog which is running through the woods... wife says, 'that's a funny name for a dog'....

You didn't copy that from about an 8 year old FHM did you?

labsey - Member

Someone once said "Q for Cuba" to me.

Z for xylophone, here.

We have a girl at work who asked these three gems:

'How do you spell A.K.A?

Called the Dell help desk.
Dell - "Business or private customer"
Me - "Business"
Dell - "Business name"
Me - "NHS"
Dell - "And how do you spell that?"

Oracle manual describes a technology called Network Information Services or NIS [i](pronounced enn - eye - ess)[/i]

'On my command, unleash hell! he says, at which point, the film cuts to a dog which is running through the woods... wife says, 'that's a funny name for a dog

Someone once said "Q for Cuba" to me.

Z for xylophone, here.

went to Mc Donalds with my son

Our first visit as he need a number 2 [ why else would a vegan go there?] so we went for a MC defecation

On leaving the toilet to the full "restaraunt"
sons say
"Daddy why are all these peole so fat"
I tried to ignore him

" is it because they eat too much and dont excercise"

"pretty much son" I said as we left

Me and the wife settled down to watch Gladiator on DVD .. The opening scene and Russel Crowe is giving his speech to his men 'On my command, unleash hell! he says, at which point, the film cuts to a dog which is running through the woods... wife says, 'that's a funny name for a dog'....

You didn't copy that from about an 8 year old FHM did you?

Zokes, It was me who sent it in to FHM years ago! it was the 'out of the mouths of babes' thing they used to do.. I sent the Titanic one as well.. They printed it in a summer, bumper sized issue from memory.

Zokes, It was me who sent it in to FHM years ago! it was the 'out of the mouths of babes' thing they used to do.. I sent the Titanic one as well.. They printed it in a summer, bumper sized issue from memory.

Ha! Brilliant!

I just want to know why my brain is capable of storing useless rubbish like this whilst forgetting much useful stuff.

We have a ditzzy receptionist at work and after discussion about luminous condoms [ and their suitability for star wars fun in a darkened room ] .she pondered for several hours and aprpos of nothing sadi............" I wonder if its so you can find your way back to your tent " ??????????

But just to show that Im not immune to the odd gaff myself I sawe the boss this morning after two weeks leave .I was aware that he had been in the south of france for the first week and asked if he'd had a good time down there.After a lenghty silence he informed me that the 2nd week was spent in hospital having a cyst removed from his left testicle.

" Oh that explains why you didn't send a card " chirps I

During one of my Uni placements I was given the task of helping the patient fill in her medical histroy form. Althought she was struggling with this we were getting on quite well but she had a long list of medical problems and she needed help with spelling,but she insisted on completing the from herself.

Patient. "How do you spell incontinence?"
Me. (brain not engaged before mouth) "Silent P"

All i heard was my mentor leaving the room in a rush......

zokes - Member

Zokes, It was me who sent it in to FHM years ago! it was the 'out of the mouths of babes' thing they used to do.. I sent the Titanic one as well.. They printed it in a summer, bumper sized issue from memory.

Ha! Brilliant!

I just want to know why my brain is capable of storing useless rubbish like this whilst forgetting much useful stuff.

I'm mulling over whether to tell the Mrs about this thread now.... it would get so complicated though.......

Young lady in our office - blonde, face of an angel, body of a pornstar, eyes of a gold digger, brain of flea - shouts out "how long is 6 inches?"

There was instant silence, followed by a lot of tittering.

In South Africa a 3 1?2" floppy disk was known as a "stiffy" disk. After 6 years of living in SA, my girlfriend got a job at a software development company near Hastings. One day she walked into a room full of developers and announced loudly, "anyone got a stiffy for me?"

I married her!

A friend of mine had a college work experience girl in her office who was studying IT, this was before email was in common use, so PCs were used pretty much for word processing and faxes for communication.

One day she was sending dozens and dozens of faxes of a single page document, so my friend politely points out that she can just put in all the numbers and then feed in the page and the machine will automatically send it out to them all.

"oh no - I'm only trying to send it to the one number. But every time I send it - it just comes straight back"

was in a bar in portugal with my uncle who isn't renowned for being able to hold his drink. at some point he points at some woman and says something similar to "look at the whale" whilst pointing at this chubby bird. some bloke next to him says "that#s my missus" and floored my uncle with one punch.

More than once I've been asked to photocopy a fax before it gets sent "so that we can keep a copy".

Trying to describe a plan to cover a portakabin with shiplap, I described it as pishflap...same day, same audience, I described a cundy and named it...5 seconds later my name says...cundy...with a d!

I walked into the engineers workshop as the new young bloke and confidently asked for one of them to cut me a new "gasket for the pump minge".....I ment flange.....(I wouldn't mind but it's a phrase I never use) 😳

Driving over to Torridon to visit relatives aged around 6.. my mother was bitching about one of them before we arrived. It was a long time ago and all I remember was blurting out 'MY MUM says you're snooty!" to my mothers aunt. The silence and the eyes popping out of my mothers head made the blood run out of my body in an instant.

We still laugh about how she tried to wriggle out of it.

Although this wasn't another stupid thing to have said.. I thought I should add this bit as it happened on the same trip. Not sure if it was before or after the visit.

I was feeling ill and we stopped off at the Loch Maree Hotel. It was either a food stop or a toilet stop. There was a corridor leading to the toilets with tables and chairs on one side and on the way to the toilet (feeling very sick) I had to start jogging. My father was with me and,well.. I didn't make it to the toilet. Projectile vomiting as I jogged past sunday lunch diners was caught mid-flight by my fathers cupped hands. All I remember was him yelling "arghhhh!"

It's November 2009, and i'm meeting 2 friends for lunch in Bushys Pub. Richy bravely put up with me living in his house for 3 years before i married my o/h (expecting me to leave after 6 months) and Andy is like Richard Hammond, but more welsh.

We're talking and i say to Richy that i saw his mum a while ago and ask how she's doing. Richy's mum puts my own god bothering in the shade, and is a constant source of bemusement to her 2 sons.

"Fine, " replies Richy, " hows your mum?" he asks....

"Still dead" i say, much to the general amusement of Andy and several others at nearby tables....

I once popped into Swaythling McDonald's having fallen for the '6 McNuggets for 99p' offer in the window.

'12 chicken nuggets please mate'

"We only do 6, 9 or 20'

"OK, 6 chicken nuggets please'

'Anything else'

'6 more'

.........

'Oh yeah'

School girl on weeks work experience: " I had a dream last night that I won the lottery, I'm so excited, I've just got this feeling that I'm going to win"

Elderly, prim museum assistant who is kindly mentoring school girl: " what would you do if you don't win the lottery on Saturday, but I do?"

School girl : *thinks*.......... "i'd kick yer c##t"

That's taken from Viz!

Not unless viz was a documentary set in a museum in the west of scotland in the late 90's. 'Killie Spice' also re-filed all our documents under 't' for 'the' and left a memo on my desk that only had the the text "gordon what?" on it

I once popped into Swaythling McDonald's having fallen for the '6 McNuggets for 99p' offer in the window.

In Burger King at a motorway services a couple of years ago (Charnock Richard? Maybe. Not important).

I ordered a beanburger without cheese. "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that" came the reply, "we've run out of cheese."

Had I been on the ball, I'd have asked for it without tomato instead.

A couple of reverse examples of deliberately saying something stupid to see if people catch on...

I got a job in a breaker's yard and took my dog, who had alsation markings, but was about the size of a collie, with me.
The yard owner's alsation had died only a few months previously.
People would come in and say to the owner "I see you've got a new dog".
So, he would say, "No, that's Graham's dog, he's a Belgian Shepherd. That's like a German Shepherd, but smaller, because Belgium is a smaller country."
Almost every single one of them would then say something like "Oh, really, I've heard of Belgian Shepherds, but I didn't know that was what the difference was."

I've told two previous grrlfriends that I used to live in Birmingham, by the docks.
I managed to keep it going for months, with the occasional mention of watching the container ships come in when I was a kid, or trying to get a job on the ferry when I left school, before they caught on.

We were visiting some friends in Vancouver Island while their 2 year old was being a right little s*.

I was driving while his dad tried to keep him calm and I went the wrong way to which Dad replies why the f did you go that way.

Cue silence and kid shouts out loud and proud F.

Silence/holding in laughing he repeats, and repeats and repeats till we have to pull over and explain why he should never say it again especially near his mum - sweets were exchanged. All finally calms down and we head back. When his mum came back from work kid appears - when asked what he did today yells F*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We made a run for the other room.

I pop into Halfords the other day for this gem:

Me (having lost my shock pump): "Hi, I know it's a pain but could I please borrow a shock pump for 30 seconds?"
Halfords employee (points to track pump): "Pump's over there."
Me: "I need a shock pump, not a track pump."
Employee (looks at me blankly):
I go and get a shock pump off the shelf in it's packaging: "I need to borrow one of these please."
Employee: "What's the difference?"

I should have given up here, but I press on.

Me: "Track pumps are designed for pumping up tyres, shock pumps are for forks and shocks."
Employee (with a big grin): "Hahaha, you almost had me there, forks don't need pumping up!"

Me : Facepalm.

I've had a simlar experience to the nuggets!
Me "hi can I have a double cheese burger please?"
Bloke "sorry mate we've run out, I can do you two singles for the same price?"
Me (Wondering if he's taking the piss....).."ok" 😆

At an office I worked at we were talking about some news item of the day:

Colleague - So wait, that bloke was sentenced abroad but has to go to prison here?
Me - What, no, of course not, why would you think that?
Colleague - It says here that he was tried in Absentia, wherever that is
Me - ....

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Marin County, Cali

This one's not on me. Thank the Lord.

I move pianos. A few years ago I got a call to come out to a house and move one. As I drove up the address I had been given, I realized that it was about the fanciest residence I had ever seen.

Went inside to move the piano, and there were the residents, [i]Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf![/i] Andre was wearing a warmup suit with the logo "New York Tennis Club." That was a big surprise, but I maintained my professional demeanor. In my business I meet rock stars all the time.

As Andre walked with us around the grounds to show us where to put the piano, my employee said to him, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look just like Andre Agassi?

After finding out that he was in fact Andre, my employee said something only slightly less dumb. "Did you ever play Pete Sampras?"

Answer, "Sure. We played (XX) times. He never beat me on clay and I never beat him on grass. Would you like to know the score of every match?"

Just remembered a couple more...

Me, "My oldest brother and sister are twins"
Friend, "Are they identical ?"

Mechanic, "We've just bought a 42" telly"
Tyre fitter, "How big's that then ?"

Asked a female customer on a job i did when was she expecting, she just had a fat belly i was mortified and promptly asked to "leave"

Called my old boss "mum" in a office full of tradesmen, harking back to school years when u did that to your teacher :/

A mate of mine used to play water polo - we were in the pub talking about a game he'd played in the pub when my wife came over to join the coversation and asked the immortal question: ' water polo - how do you get the horses in the pool?...'

This woman is a doctor!

Me, "My oldest brother and sister are twins"
Friend, "Are they identical ?"

Oddly, identical twins CAN be opposite sex. I mean yes, they're not identical as such but genetically so.

At School -

Teacher - Can anyone tell me who Roger Bannister is?

A few pupils try to guess, then I have an idea...

Me - Sir, was he the first person to run the London Marathon in a wheelchair?!

Cue laughter from the whole class & teacher as I try & work out what I just said..

"so, when is your baby due.................................................."

My girlfriend recently -

'I'd quite like a job in an F1 team, but one that doesn't carry much responsibility - maybe polishing the drivers' helmets?'

Me, this evening: 'self defecating'

Not many of my own but my GF leaves us rolling about with many gems. She is the queen of Malaprop/Weirdness. I leave you with a preview of my book I have planned.

"Do you think Deaf people dream in Black and White?"

"My Excremities are cold"

Got her pal to phone the pet shop to ask for advice on Tropical fish. She just used the number of the first receipt she found in her pocket. Which was a receipt for Harry Ramsdens. "I'm calling about the fish" Yes? we do fish!...... it was a wee while before the error became clear.

Has ridden a bicycle down a slide.

Went to the pub and got covered in lemonade. sat on a towel for the rest of the night.

At new year described the Pipe band to her mum as a Brass Band

"Blah blah you know? cause you cant see with your eyes closed..."

"I'm just talking cause I can..blah blah blah.I dont even know what I'm saying...Are you listening? You' re not even listening"

"quit yer peein iain, youre talkin pish."

"Are you ready to Transverse?" Traverse.

MP accountability Claire style. Quizzed an MP in great detail about what he actually does first thing in the morning when he gets in the office.

MP - " I sit down and switch on the computer" Claire - And then what do you after that? MP "Check the email." Claire - "and then what do you after that?"....continues...

Claire has decided that we have to check exactly what MPs actually do is important as if its not important there is no point in having them.

Is your skin still tinkling? (Tingling after a conv about sunburn)

C "You are like the Durex bunny on speed"

I "Durex?"

C "You are like the dulux bunny on speed"

I " Dulux?"

C "You are like you know , the battery bunny on speed"

Oddly, identical twins CAN be opposite sex. I mean yes, they're not identical as such but genetically so

Out of interest how did the egg split and produce two different sexes?

A twin is one of two offspring produced in the same pregnancy.[1] Twins can either be monozygotic ("identical"), meaning that they develop from one zygote that splits and forms two embryos, or dizygotic ("fraternal") because they develop from two separate eggs that are fertilized by two separate sperm.

I think you can still save it by saying it was your entry 😉

Nice Lass at work who is a bit slow fell for a cracker recently, still hasn't caught on.

Her: apparently this guy had brought his dog into the country illegally, how did they know?
Me(dismissively): obvious, the accent
Her: ....makes sense I suppose

Hook, line and sinker!

That would be genetically identical except for the gender bit then
Out of interest how did the egg split and produce two different sexes?

I can't find anything particularly online which you couldn't but supposedly although it's very rare after the egg split there is a chance of the Y chromosome being dropped in one so it changes from male to female. Obviously I'm not any sort of biologist so it's beyond me how it works. Might actually be a proper paper somewhere though

Edit
This might do the trick - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11173871

Abstract
Although discordant karyotypes are known in identical twins, cases involving differences in sex phenotype are rare. We studied identical twins with the 46,XY karyotype - a male with mixed gonadal dysgenesis and a female with "pure" gonadal dysgenesis. The testis-determining SRY gene was present in DNA from both twins but no mutations were detected in the SRY conserved motif. Monozygosity was indicated by short tandem repeat polymorphism analysis. These observations could be attributed to (i) mutation and mosaicism involving "downstream" sex-determining loci, (ii) variable penetrance of genes such as DSS/NR0B1, duplication of which can disrupt the male-determining pathway, or (iii) occurrence of cryptic 45,X gonadal cell lines.

*phew* thought I'd misremembered that fact for a moment

Fairly sure i have told this before.
Current Mrs Cursing before we were wed. Somewhere in Dorset heading for a weekends windsurfing. Sun was shining and it was high summer.
Her- how do the trees know to grow into that square shape over the road?

I guess i should have stopped the car and ran......

From my Sig. Oth.
"But there's no gravity on the moon."
[a look from me]
"That's why they wear moon boots!"

"But our bikes don't have brake pads."
[a look from me]
"They have brake disks!"

An old housemate:
"Is that fire gas or electric?"
[straight faced] "Electric, that's why the flames are blue."
"Oh of course."

In 2005 myself and Mrs PP were hiking down into the Grand Canyon. Just ahead of as were a typical American couple in their 20s, all Abercrombie & Fitch, tanned with perfect teeth, CSI Miami extras basically.
We heard her ask him what the 'piles of grass clippings were' along the trail, and he gently explained that they were piles of dung from the mule trains (They did look grassy to be fair) Then, shortly after, she asked why here, near the top, there' was just a few bushes, but down at the bottom, there, it was all mossy..?
We could virtually hear the sigh as he paused slightly before explaining, Father Ted style, that that wasn't moss, but the same bushes, but further away. He must have had the patience of a saint! 🙂

An ex-gf....

"Normandy's in the South of France, isn't it?......Of course it is! Don't be daft. It's South of us, therefore it's in the South of France."

😯

She's now a rather successful journalist!

Went to a Rotary Charter Night last night, some silly woman president from a guest club was making a speech about recruiting. She closed with:

"It just goes to show, you never know where your next member is coming from"

Cue stifled giggles from 200 blokes!

Think I have shared this before but both involve drink and ladies.

I was introduced to and started talking with a girl that had her tongue pierced (circa 2001). Noticing the lisp
Me: when did you get your tongue pierced?
Her: About a year ago...
Me: You wanna get your effing money back if you're still speaking like that!
Her: This is how I normally speak.
Me:.....

It wasn't all bad. She started seeing my housemate and left him to became a lesbian.

Being introduced to another lady in a noisy nightclub and being totally lashed (circa 1999):
Me: Whats your name?
Erm: Em
Me: Erm? Thats a stupid name for a girl. Who on earth would name their daughter Erm?
Erm: No, it's Em, short for Emma...
Me: well what didn't you say...

I had to leave the club shortly afterwards. Cheap booze had caught up with me!

Me: "Would you like an ice cream?"
Ex G/f: "Oh yes...but I don't want to get fat. I think I'll go for one of those Malteser ice-creams, Maltesers aren't very fattening are they?"
Me: "...!"

I like that many of these look very much like tongue in cheek comments.. and that when you've misinterpreted them the person that has said something 'stupid' just can't be arsed to correct you, figuring that perhaps you're not actually worth the breath..

😆