[Closed] Do you keep a weapon handy at home

I keep a plethora of poisons and various delivery methods (blow pipes, syringes, special umbrellas etc) near the door. That old lady with her copy of watchtower magazine never knew what hit her.

I used to carry a heavy wrench in the cab should anyone wish to hijack my lorry. One day I decided I’d be much better at talking my way out of a situation than fighting. They could have the truck as long as I could have my underpants.... I sleep much better at night now.

Funkmaster just reminded me - I have an actual blowpipe in my hallway with darts that have very suspicious staining on the tips. Hmmm - how long does curare last? they are about 50 years old. also a crossbow of similar vintage - both from Malaysia

But every time I do I think you never know I might need to hit someone over the head one day so leave it there.

If its by the front door it seems like it would be of more use to an intruder than it would be to you

I just keep a keyboard near my front door - some of you lot might find that more handy than what you do have

A rubber fist is much easier to explain away than a rounders bat. just make sure you get all the lube off, otherwise it's hard to get a good grip on it.

I liberal sprinkling of Lego.
God it hurts.

Amateur.

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I just keep a keyboard near my front door - some of you lot might find that more handy than what you do have

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^ Hit the bossanova button and freak them out with interpretive dance

Houns - I take it you aren’t in the UK as your aircraft carrier has planes on it

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I’ve got 6 pairs of trail running trainers, 3 are still damp and a stinky muddy towel on the radiator by my front door.
If they get past the smell and fug and steaming mist then bless em’

I also have an 15th C Icon (reproduction) in full view of the open door, if they insist on passing the fug they’ve got God to deal with.

Use it as a battering ram right in their face more like, just because you don't know how to handle yourself doesn't mean we don't

Does an AR-15 count?

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Loving that Casio VL Tone - had one when I was a nipper and now I have the demo earworming me...

I do actually have a leather bound cosh with a wrist strap somewhere. Bought it after a bunch of yoofs tried to nick my camera bag on Blast Beach in Seaham years ago when I first started uni. Couldn't afford to insure my kit and the cosh was only a tenner 😀

Has a huge lump of lead at its head - pretty sure I could never bring myself to swing it in anger these days.

Hmm never given it any thought, got a 72" recurve bow un strung in the spare room. The only place high enough to draw it is the middle of the stairs.
Do chemical weapons count? Could throw a 9yr old boys dirty clothes at them, think that will be counted as excessive though.

I have stuck it in the car along with some other stuff to take to the tip tomorrow.

I read somewhere maybe here of someone who got burgled while in and decided to just stay in their bedroom and ring the police and hope they got there before the burglars went up stairs. They owner went downstairs when the police arrived to find the burglars had left, but not before scattering the contents of their knife block around different places downstairs and boiling the kettle.

I do carry one of those 'legal' ink sprays when out on my bike on my own down the lanes/canals at night. Mainly as my route crosses a couple of areas where big gangs of teens hang out. Just in case they decide they want my bike, a few of them will have non-washable red ink on their faces for a week - might be difficult explaining that when going home.

That sound like an excellent way to turn a robbery of a largely easily replaced item into a stabbing, if you ask me

If they came in the back they'd have to negotiate an unscalable mountain of washing, in the front the octonauts, Lego and rescue bots would fight a delaying action until the youngest woke up and threatened to "frow you in da lava, baddies"

Houns - Member
^ Hit the bossanova button and freak them out with interpretive dance

funniest comment all week. 😀

I live in a nice place with practically zero crime. It’s much easier that way.

Suppressed SIG MCX with holographic and red dot sights. Very unlikely I'd ever need it though as we live in a gated community with security!

Wasn't there senior copper, (possibly Teeside)
who got in trouble for recommending people keep a large knife handing for home defence.

Thats actually been my policy for 30 yrs, so far its only use has been when a drunk girlfriend cut my thumb off.

I have a cctv camera pointed at my front door, and when I see someone angry approach, I run round to their house and wee in their shoes. Does a weaponised bladder count?

In a previous house I had two ice axes near the front door (simply because that is where they were stored). I might have tried to look threatening with one.

My wife keeps an 18” dildo in her bedside drawer “just in case”.

I sleep so much better knowing she is ‘tooled up’ to protect me.

Ive always thought a big **** off crossbow would make a good weapon. Single shot and hard to load but they instill a certain primitive terror that only medieval weapons can. 150ftlb of power means that they punch harder than a. 22lr

Then a stabby short sword and a shield for if they get past the crossbow.

I have several sets of full plate armour and a collection of broadswords, maces, pikes, halberd and lances. Purely for decoration you understand.

If I have enough time to saddle the charger and the intruder tries to escape through the ballroom I'm gonna get medieval on his ass

I keep a Golok in the bedroom "just in case", hope to god I never have to pick it up.

I know someone who once went downstairs to confront a burglar with a Nerf gun! 😀 😀 😀

Jamj 😆 has she ever 'mistaken' you for a 'burglar'

Stuff that gets used outdoors lives next to the front door - so several axes, a staff and a replica sword.

thestabiliser - Member
Jamj has she ever 'mistaken' you for a 'burglar'

Thankfully, no. I did come home late one night to find her flushed, trembling and breathing hard. Apparently, she had thought there were burglars downstairs and still had the dildo in her hand “in case they came upstairs”.

Old school - bows and arrows, but just because there's a larg
e hook by the door that's just right for hanging one of the bows and a quiver from. Bows not strung so not ideal for a quick response, looks wicked though

I have a gimp mask and the fist master 5000 with upgraded jackhammer setting. Everyone runs, very fast.

fist master 500

#oursecondlineofdefence

Glock 21

This thread is enlightening and a bit concerning

Anyway, I've got noisy dogs, they would never bite anyone, but make enough noise for them to go next door.

This thread is enlightening and a bit concerning

Hopefully, you realised that my ‘assaults with a deadly sex toy’ posts were meant to be taken as a joke.

Not an issue. I live in a secure psychiatric unit.

I have a gimp mask and the fist master 5000 with upgraded jackhammer setting. Everyone runs, very fast

To your house? I’m on me way, I’ll bring the butter!

Did you mean you're coming?

I am

I have a couple of bokken behind a load of clutter in the spare room. I sometimes wonder if I would ever think to use one and under what circumstances.

I have actually been attacked by intruders in my home on two separate occasions.
The first time there was a baseball bat in the house which a friend attempted to use to defend himself, but it was taken from him and used against him.

I still manage to sleep with the house unlocked most nights although we have a very noisy dog now.

...neither me or any neighbours ever being attacked on the doorstep I'll take the chance of not being tooled up

There's also the distinct possibility of having your own weapons used against you, if you were ever to find yourself in a sketchy situation.

Especially if you're swinging a bit bat around, as it wouldn't be all that difficult for someone quite handy to disarm you.

edit: Snap. As Yunki said...

Watch you don't peg out jamj.