Not necessarily from a depression or similar perspective, but just too much going on?
I've got 3 kids (<1, 4 and 10), 2 dogs, never get a proper nights sleep, work full time doing shifts, my wife works part time also doing shifts, my house is always a bombsite, no DIY ever gets done because I never have the energy, my bikes are gathering dust in the garage, fairly skint, and so on....
MTFU obviously, and I know how fortunate I am compared to most of the buggers on this planet, and that ^ is not meant to be a whinge, but tell me I'm not the only one who wishes life were a bit quieter and simpler sometimes.
every day
Nope. If there's too much to do, I just leave something for later. I only have one life and I'm buggered if I'm going to waste it all working.
pretty much no, but then again i've no real responsibilities(kids) so i guess that helps.
Especially this time of year. Nobody has much energy. Kids take a lot of time and energy not to mention the lack of sleep, thats the worst for me.
That said, i wouldn't change a thing.
Tired, grumpy, never get out on the bike. Then one of the little buggers wrinkles his nose at you and it doesn't seem so bad.
me too
Yes and no.
Gone from a 14hr a day job (inc travelling), but with weekends mostly free, to working for myself, with seemingly very little time free.
The reduced stress makes it seem like I'm less under the cosh than I was before though.
Biking aint happening though 😥
Yes mate sometimes I do. Two kids eldest is 3 tough job and other bits too. Only way to stay sane for me is to ride my bike and spend good time with little ones and mrs. But you do need time to chill and to give your head some room to chill to do these things I have found.
Can you take any leave? Two weeks is good a week to just drop a week to regroup. Then you can cull some outstanding jobs etc?
No shame in taking time out and actually by doing this you regain control which IMHO is the same as MTFUing!
You could always look to reduce your cost of living. One of you gives up work. Then the house can be tidy.
You need a better plan, I make the kids tidy their crap up every day before bed, that way the house stays mess free and I stay stress free. They are only 2 but they like the sticker they get as a reward 🙂
Have barely biked for 2 years but I make an hour a day on evenings or Lunchtimes to go running, and that makes a huge difference, found some great routes from work with great views too that I didn't know about and I've worked there 13 years!
Christ on a bike...
djg posts two after me and doesn't slag me off.
*faints*
he's mellowed wiv deh kids innit.
I think hora has things pretty tough...
A rare pragmatic moment for both of us perhaps?
😉
Without wanting to sound like a total arse, you choose your own lifestyle, you need to cope with it.
The thing is, it sounds like you're unhappy in life - why did you have 3 kids and 2 dogs? Jeez, surely after 1 kid and 1 dog you might have realised it wasn't the direction you wanted to go.
Just a thought.
cynic-al - MemberI think hora has things pretty tough...
Hora has things tough?
What if he was your dad?
Modern life is rubbish. So said some band or other....
Seriously, yeah - been through periods where a combination of work and parenting responsibilities have led me to feel I've been hanging on by my fingertips. Two things that have worked for me are riding (recommended) and booze (probably not recommended).
It will get better. Kids and pets cause immense stress at times but the positives they bring outweigh the negatives a thousandfold.
Hang in there!
Vasectomy? 😐
A bit late?
Whilst in the dumps do 3 things which sound really corny and I'll get my ass flamed on here, but IME:
1- Everyday think of something your're grateful for. Health, kids, frost, a nice TV - whatever floats your boat. We all take too much for granted.
2- Everyday be generous once toward somebody / something (the bold kids, road users, the attention you pay a task). Daft but it makes me realise we're all in the same boat.
3- Purpose and passion - I dont know what your's are but share / express them with those you love and try and find a way to fit them in to the busy life now and again. Those nearest wont really get it but think about a kid talking about something they love - it is infectious. An adult just slightly less so! You just need enough so you've got something as simple as a weekend away once a year to look forward to (also helps keep you active).
I know its easier said than done, but we have 6 kids (don't ask) and used to find similar feelings to what you have described. One thing that used to really help during the week was we'd both have an afternoon / evening off. That would be the other half would take care of the kids for 4-6hrs whilst the other would go off and go biking / skiing / haircut / pamper / drinks with the girls/boys etc etc. Really used to help.
When we were lucky enough to be able to get a nanny, we would pay the nanny one night a week to stay later to look after the kids and we would take the 4-6hrs to do things together.
I think it's human nature to feel like that sometimes. I have periods where I find everthing a struggle and I have probably the most carefree existence possible, being a student with lots of time to be doing fun stuff and knack all by way of responsibilities.
Yes! Most people do. Without lows there would never be highs etc.
Think of all the reasons you're lucky. There are probably an awful lot, no matter how tough life is.
A bit late?
Three is a pattern surely? He's obviously having sex goddammit!
trailertrash - MemberThree is a pattern surely? He's obviously having sex goddammit!
Doesn't seem like he has the time now anyway! 🙂
Procreating willy-nilly. The man is a machine. It would be a kindness.
Sometimes people say they can't come riding/training/go out/whatever cause they've got too much work to do.
I never do that. If there's a ride going on, if I've got training, if I want to go out, I do. Everything else gets dropped. I'll deal with it later. I do what I want to do, when I want to.
Work ultimately is supposed to make it easier to do the things you like, not harder.
Not just me then!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy or full of regret, and am very grateful for what I have. It's just exhausting, and often seems like there just isn't the time to get even the everyday things done. It'll be fine I'm sure.
Lhs is on to something though mate! Time for just you is essential! Time for just you and the mrs is essential!
No.
I make the kids tidy their crap up every day before bed, that way the house stays mess free and I stay stress free
And that works?
Pretty much the same, long hours and a long week. House is wrecked from my teenagers their parties and my dog. Wife works shifts. BUT after nearly loosing everything last year and nearly signing on the dotted line for bankruptcy this year already is looking up and control is returning.
Strangely when the chips are down I get to, and want to bike even more.
Three is a pattern surely? He's obviously having sex goddammit!
Three is a pattern surely? [s]He's[/s] She's obviously having sex goddammit!
Most days. I assume that most people are the same. No kids here but never any time. There are only two things in my life that I will not compromise time for: My mrs and riding my bike. After those there's no time for anything.
Kenny - where are your family in all of this. You really do need some help? In our family we've always had a hand in bringing up the children, having sleepovers, taking them for days out etc. Or
Take some holiday and get on top of the house work. Once a routine is in place ride those/that bike/s.
Get a rota going and a babysitter, so you have at least a few hours off each week.
You can't go on like this.
LHS really is on to something. What you are going through is completely normal. In fact if you are both working then it would probably be abnormal if it wasn't like that :-). The idea of an evening when one person is responsible and the other can run off to ride a bike, read a book etc. without feeling guilty really helps even if what you do I'd the low priority but more fun type of diy
Basicaly, it's Kids
When you have children, thats when life becomes harder. I lead pretty much the same life now as I did 10 years ago, money situtaion the same, job sit the same etccc.... but now life is hard, and I think purely its because of my kid! As toddlers they are all consuming. I m assured that it will get harder before it gets easier, but it DOES get easier in time.
Having said all that I would'nt change a thing 🙂
You need to get the kids doing stuff for you from a very early age. Makes life a lot easier. My 4yr old will happily go do the shopping and make a good dinner for the rest of us. Child labour is where it's at dude.
Yes, anyone who doesn't never know the meaning of life.
🙄
Single, no kids, can't complain.
Appreciate all the suggestions. A few hours a week to myself sounds ideal, so that's going to be the first thing.
Kenny Senior you are my Doppelgänger! (except I have 2 kids, 1 dog & a cat).
Shift work certainly makes life harder + my wife is a teacher who comes home struggles with the kids then is up until 11+ every night working. We rarely see each other & I now struggle to find time for true recreational riding.
I love my kids but think they're both mental with an inability to talk at normal volumes. I like tidiness but feel like I've descended into some kind of plastic hell. I used to own a nice Porsche, motorhome, motorbikes, and have a 6 week tour of Alpine riding spots EVERY year, but now run a (albeit mint) 16 year old Volvo estate car, own a tent and usually get to ride to work and back only.
Hey ho, dems da breaks!