[Closed] did i overreact

24 hour fast..............please, why do nutters fill kids heads with nonsense, well done you for trying to sort it out.

you might have a bit in contacting the school as there is a difference between fasting for a cause and fasting to get thin. The school may well have overreacted in taking her out of class tho.

The most important thing is not to let eating habits be an issue or she might use the threat of not eating to gain attention. Be wary of setting a precedent

Are you LDS?

Just been on the web site of Scripture Union, ah well if it floats your boat.............. as a lapse catholic the SU brain washing is blue circle cement league compared to the might of the vatican.

sorry hora don't do TLAs, whats LDS?

Much as I frown upon any religion, would a charitable 24 hours fast really encourage her into an eating disorder? But lets face it religious freaks v's overly protective dad should always ensure some hot headed debate - FIGHT!!!!!

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Fasting should always be something you choose to do - it should be personal. Away from the relgion side of things it's actually quite good for you - kind of detox you body and brian at the same time, makes you focus. A lot of sports people do it before a big event.
Try it.
You can't really knock what you've never tried.

Yes, you over-reacted, massively, in my opinion.

And you've made an insignificant part of her life into something really important, thus setting up far more trouble as far as young-impressionable-girls-and-their-relationship-to-food goes.

You've also set up the perfect your-mum-isn't-doing-the-right-thing thing, and probably annoyed the staff at the school too.

I don't know you, and I don't know the complexities of your relationship with your daughter or your ex, but on the limited info you've given, you sound like you've over-reacted to me.

setting kids up with a guilt complex and encourage them to fast............. brainwashing plain and simple.

Test, explore, argue, discuss, these are fine, but fasting no

kind of detox you body and brian at the same time.....

Does brian have any say in this, or is he too hungry?

OK, I'll come clean, I despise all forms of organised religion,coming from an area of scotland where assumption are made based on your surname, and later living in holland where the bagwans (moonie like nutters)disciples,thought I was going to be their new recruit. I was extremely insulted at their presumtion of my gulliblity.

it's funny how people add information that wasn't in the original post. he doesn't say it was 24 hrs

well lets hope its longer then !!!!!

Fella, as the husband of an ex-eating disorder wife, and the father of a 16 year old daughter, my advice regarding food and female children is DON'T **** ABOUT AT ALL. Just treat it like it's not a subject for discussion, do not make it a battleground because you will fail, over and over again.

In this case, just leave it well alone; support your daughter, apologise to the ex, and learn a big lesson.

A lot of sports people do it before a big event.

I only went with the 24 hours, as one of my daughters (also 12 at the time), did one of the SU ones last year, so thought they were all 24 hour ones. She seemed happy enough to do it as her mates were going it (she knew she didn't have to), she told me some facts about the less fortunate around the world and seemed pretty happy with her new found information and was chuffed with herself for doing it. Within a week, it was all history, she has a lot on. She managed to avoid catching religion (she knows if you have to believe in something santa is better than God), and thus far a year down the line her eating habits remain exactly the same. Terrible dad me.

What's the point of getting kids involve in something kids do not practice at home?

It's not a big deal as Moslem children (12 & above) learn to fast at young age before Ramadan.

But the point is why fast when it is not one's tradition? Just going to cause more trouble to many ...

😯

i think its a bit late for a reaction
it was sending your kid to a school with a scripture union where the problem is to be found

religon is quite plainly a load of old codswallop

I sugggested that this was a very silly idea citing importance of nutrition to the developing mind and not encouraging eating disorders in susceptible groups.

One day in her life. Might have damaged her, permanently. Good call.

I'd be far more worried about the scripture union than the fasting...

YES!!

Not eating for a day, will not do your child harm ,not going near the religious aspect,

4/5s of the world go hungry!

get some perspective!

"I despise all forms of organised religion"

why do parents always make their kids suffer by imposing their own world view on them.

this may sound harsh but;

1) you've asked your daughter to choose between you and your ex - why should she have to do that because you had a bad experience with religion in your life?
2) she's been humiliated at school - her freinds will have seen her pulled out of class.
3) even if she now does the fast it won't be an enjoyable experience.

so, in summary;

you overeacted when you ffirst found out and then compounded the problem by calling the school.

I agree with the above about scripture union - you're better off trying to talk calmly with her/her mother about the reasons she does that.

I think we had sponsored fasts at school, in part IIRC to encourage empathy with the large number of people in the world for whom fasting is something you do when you don't have enough food. I have no memory of whether they were secular fasts or not.

I think teaching children moderation and in some instances abstencence might help with the fat little ****ers loose some weight - you're daughter clearly being the exception to the 'fat little ****ers' remark of course.

Back in Oz we used to do the '40hr Famine' which was a fundraising event, wasn't a full fast but all you were allowed to eat was Barley sugar lollies and water for 40hrs. Was a tough challenge for a kid 🙂 The idea behind it was obviously to help kids understand a little about what it's like to be truly hungry, as so many people around the world are through no choice of their own...

I remember doing it as a kid - linked to a famine relief awareness sponsorship thing. It was very good and put something alien to Western children into some sort of context. No harm in the fasting - just depends what the context is.

You over reacted and now have to do the fast aswell 🙂

I think nowadays fasting is so linked to eating disorders in young children that it is more difficult to do a "sponsored fast" like we did when we were kids. I think 12 is a bit young, especially as that's a core age for developing eating disorders.So I don't think you've over reacted no. Just my views.

Is your objection to the actual fasting or to her involvement with this sinister sounding Scripture Union?

From your second post, it seems like the latter. I don't blame you at all, I wouldn't be happy either, but you're best to try to reason with her on the issue than fly off the handle.

TJ - whats fasting got to do with getting thin? It part of religious observance.

As for sponsoring a fasting - it just seems a bit dumb. Raising miney for charity in a school environment should be about fun not walking around feeling tired and grumpy (anyone with kids will know how the little ones temprement changes when hunger strikes!).

I bet the school governors would go nuts if they found out as you can be it is not sponsored by the senior leadership team.

I think its all a bit daft tbh.

LDS - Latter Day Saints, or Mormons

he doesn't say it was 24 hrs

no but he says it was on Sunday, so you would infer that it is 24 hours from that.

OK, I'm happy to get grief for this, but I did a sponsored famine every year for World Vision when I was a kid (well from age 10 to 18), they did a 40 hour famine (normally 8pm Friday to noon on Sunday) You were allowed to have either a spoon of honey or a boiled sweet once an hour, and drink as much water as you wanted.

For me, it was a great experience, not only did it make me feel like I was doing something to help a greater cause (all money went to charities to feed starving kids in Africa) it also made me realise what those kids have to go through on a daily basis and how lucky I was, to not have to worry about where my next meal was coming from.

As for the SU thing, again it's something I was involved in as a kid through my school, unless you're extremely anti religious I can't see why you would not want to expose your child to this, it will broaden her horizons, give her a taste of religion and if it's a path she wishes to chose then let her do it, if not it's a harmless life experience, which in my experience introduced me to a number of lovely people a lot of whom I am still in contact with.

Might of been over reating if you rushed over to the school, punched the head in the face and called them a pedophile, then put the story on the forum, waited until you got over 200 replies then claimed it was all for a paper you are doing at college - that's why i'm not going to judge you for your actions.

Overreacted. It only becomes linked to eating disorders if someone makes it about that for them. 24 hours without food will do no harm at all physically, in fact there's some evidence to show that animals thrive and live longer and healthier when they're starved a certain percentage of the time (I think it was around 1 day in 10). If your kid was ill for a day and didnt want to eat you'd not get in a panic about whether it wasnt developing sufficiently due to the gap, or whether it thought this throwing up thing was a lark and a good way to lose weight...

[chuckles at shoefiti]

I've fasted yearly for religious reasons since the age of about 11/12. 25 hours no food or drink. If you exclude the religious element, it doesn't half teach you some respect for those without the plentiful supply of food we enjoy in the west. I'm also pretty sure it is likely to make you eat ALOT more than eat less prior to the fast as you tend to overcompensate.

it's actually quite good for you - kind of detox you body and brian at the same time,

Bolx.

Self harm for charity tho? Seems dubious. Not sure it's a good way of teaching kids about need.

[i]why do parents always make their kids suffer by imposing their own world view on them[/i]

LOL! Any parent's here who don't do that?

I do it, I admit, in all sorts of areas and probably not deliberatly but for something like this my 12 year old boy is perfectly capable of making his own mind up as to why he's doing it and whether it's a good idea.

I just got the impression fromt he original post and follow up that the blokes anger was with his ex-wife and his past experiences. In those circumstances the last person I'd try and channel it through would be my kid. I'd make a real effort not to.

freeform5spot

there is a difference between fasting for a cause and fasting to get thin.

I agree with you.

Mmm, when did SU turn into brainwashing fundamentalists?

Their activities didn't do my kids any harm, and they had a good time. As far as I'm concerned they're decent people trying to do a bit of good. My mob took the religious content with a grain of salt.

I would be more worried about her being involved with religious groups in school. Children should make up thier own minds when older, not be brainwashed by religions (of any kind) in schools.

Agree with mucker, religious groups shouldn't be anywhere near schools nor should they be trying to influence 12 year old children.

A 12 year old has no religious beliefs - any that they do have are invariably fostered upon them by their parents or other adults. A child is no more a Christian than they are a member of the Postal Worker's Union.

tinker-belle seems to have it pretty much right in the last paragraph. let the kids have some experiance as long as it's harmless. Keep an eye on things but let them learn (which may be hard at times). Children are fed many lies from society (father Christmas etc) and most of them figure it all out. If children do not experience and learn how can they make the right choices for themselves as they get older.
What makes us think that our views are better than the ones that they may develop.

Perhaps saying despise was a bit strong its more a feeling the hopelessness of society that so many people are being duped by these organisations peddling of mumbo jumbo, rather than dealing with reasoned, rational, empirical facts, ie science not fiction.
I am disapointed that a so called NON denominational school allows groups like this to operate, this part of the curriculum should be taken care of in the RME class (religous and morale education) where the children are taught about aspects of many different relgions and teachings.
And dear wwaswas please believe me when I say my ire is not with the ex we're both in very happy places relationship wise, generally get on well and work together for our chidrens welfare and benefit.

there's a lot better things that she could do for charity rather than starve!

it's actually quite good for you - kind of detox you body and brian at the same time,

What if your body's ok with the detox, but Brian isn't?

jeez you lot take the piss! its probably in reality 12-14 hrs without food, doubt she will waste away!!

anyway if its the day you see your daughter at least it will be a cheap one for you, every cloud and all that ....

Give her some real encouragement;
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and why not join her? I did similar with my son who iirc was about 13 at the time - couldn't remember what the charity was but Tinkerbelle's post seems to ring a bell. We supported each other and felt good afterwards for having achieved something/given something.

Given that 25% of Primary Schools are church schools I'm not sure how effective the "brainwashing" is - can't say I've noticed a big problem caused by large groups of fundamentalist Christian kids on the streets of a night. As it happens I'm an atheist but my daughter goes to a church school and if she ends up a "sober" Christian rather than one of the pissed up, leery, lawless, immoral kids that cause about 99% of the problems in our town, then I'll take my chances and try not to be too down on myself

OTH my wife, who's a year 6 teacher, reckons that 24 hours (if we are actually talking about 24 hours? - mucker?) is a bit much for a 12 year old and liable to make some of them feel a bit faint/ill/grumpy - as she notices them going downhill after a few hours without food at school.

So in answer to the question, yes, you did over react, a bit.

Thanks for the post though. We've just had a really useful conversation about how we feed our 2 kids.

Hmmmm, fasting would be a nightmare for me. I tried it once in a fit of hippy experimentation and just ended up with a nasty headache and feeling sick. It doesn't have that effect on everybody of course but it might. Not nice.

Fasting at Ramadan is only during the hours of daylight. Get up before dawn and eat massive breakfast. Big dinner at sundown. Ramadan moves through the year so it's best when it falls in midwinter.

Well that was quite mental reading everyone's take on our wee family drama.

Mucker's a great dad , our daughter loves spending time with him, and we get on well for the most part, i would even say we are pretty supportive of each other... and when we hit the odd hiccup we can usually sort it our pretty amicably - we had plenty of practice dealing with one another lol ....

My worry wasn't about the fast itself , cos

(a) our daughter loves her chuck, is quite a confident wee individual and unlikely even to associate the fasting with eating disorders, and..

(b) with regard to the religious brainwashing, i would like to think we have brought our daughter up to make decisions for herself ...parental brainwashing isn't any better than religious brainwashing imho......although neither mucker or myself are very religiously inclined , both the girls have gravitated toward SU and church youth groups of their own accord - i believe they have done this because these organisations actually get off their arse and arrange things for the kids to do ( and for free mostly ) and also because they like a lot of the nice kids that hang out there. I don't think either of them will make any great commitment to the church , in a way they are really just taking what they want from the organisation, good stuff to do , people to hang with and paying lip service to the rest . I can live with that - i can think of many more worrying options that today's kids could get involved with .

My worry is that our daughter might lose her respect and trust she has for her dad if he over reacts like this ...and i would hate that . I am already having to mediate at the mo cos she is mad with him. The next 5 years or so are a time when she will need our love and support more than ever..... and i don't want her starting to turn a deaf ear on her ranting dad....

He's great but he just needs to put a sock in it sometimes 😉

My POVs

1. Personally dont agree with the whole fasting thing.
2. I dont think the SU/school should be supporting this kind of thinking.
3. Eating disorders are something to be aware of even if the child likes their food at 12 yrs old. 13,14 or 15 might be a different story. The consequences are so severe its good that you are wary of such things.
4. Ok so you ranted a bit, you are concerned for your daughter who wouldnt.

..but SV ...people switch off if you start ranting at them, ranting doesn't help them to see the point of view you are trying to make ..... it only serves to vent your own frustrations , its of no benefit to anyone else...

I fasted at school, for Oxfam IIRC. We did 24 and 48 hour ones. Raised lots of money and brought the topic of hunger to the forefront of our young minds.

Muckers EX - seems a very sensible post from you.

As I said earlier I thought the dad perhaps overreacted in making a fuss about the fast - but probably did in complaining to the school

And this being STW yu can expect the people who comment to overreact totally

will muckers-daughter be along soon as well to give her perspective on events?

Why a fast? Easy to administer I suppose. Surely exercise based sponsorship is better for kids and more fun? Or maybe anyone can fast but not everyone can walk 10 miles? Though diabetics maybe not? Or those who've had eating disorders? How about sponsored jobs like Bob-a-job? That's gotta be a better option - has purpose and anyone can do some sort of a job. Except the lazy...fek.

I haven't eaten since this thread started.