[Closed] Depression - new stories, updates and general weigh in time

Been on and off with depression since I can remember. My 20s were toughest I was on meds and had regular solo and group therapy. Things came to a head when I was 27 and I didn't leave the house for 6 months, I dropped to 8 stone and I have no memory at all of those days. Happy to say I'm now 32 and I made it. Engaged to a stunning woman, am respected in my career and I'm getting on ok. I promised myself I am never going back no matter what. There's alot of difficult things going on at the moment but I'm coping. My biggest fear is anxiety as I suffered panic attacks, I can't go through that again.

Hi king-o, thanks for posting. Sounds like you've really been through it. I can relate to the anxiety and panic element of it. Well done on getting to a better place and coping. I guess what I really want to know is how you've got there and stayed positive? Do you find it's always a part of your life - managing it I mean?

Has anyone got any experience of 5-HTP? From what I've read I'd like to try it but I'm a bit wary about it for some reason.

Unknown - I've tried 5htp supplements from holland & Barrett. No adverse side effects but only really limited benefit and for milder symptoms in my experience...

Thanks littlei, that might be worth a try for me. I find exercise and being outdoors are the best things for my depression, but often I need a bit of help to just get up and started.

Bear in mind with the 5htp it's about serotonin so not supposed to take if on other meds affecting serotonin production.

I know what you mean about needing a bit of help to get started! That's one of my biggest issues - coupled with really intense fatigue until my body gets used to a new routine.

Hi king-o, thanks for posting. Sounds like you've really been through it. I can relate to the anxiety and panic element of it. Well done on getting to a better place and coping. I guess what I really want to know is how you've got there and stayed positive? Do you find it's always a part of your life - managing it I mean?

I can't really say there was a single factor that changed my life, however these are the main influences:
Diet. I eat healthy, for years didn't drink. I only rarely have takeaway.

Exercise. The hardest part of this can be making the effort to exercise. When I was really ill I didn't leave my bed for months the thought of leaving the house seemed a million miles away. Now I push myself and I have a dog, I know he has to be walked so I have to walk with him.

Friends and family. I wouldn't be here without them getting me through. My best mate built me back up and got me on my bike. He lost his job we used to just ride all day. Some days I would hardly say a word just ride and look at the horizon. I can't ever thank him enough for putting up with that.

Medication. I started on citalopram 20mg in my early. 20s this was upto 80mg when I was at my worse, I have had others but I can't remember them. If anyone thinks they need medication please use it. You may wish to tell people and some will feel obliged to tell you stuff like 'my friend was wrongly diagnosed have your thyroid checked' 'they give them out like sweets' etc... But just ignore that and nod.

Counselling. Talking is massive I can't stress enough how much this helps with 'managing' depression.

I hope this helps someone i don't hide from talking about it but I never really know what to say. My biggest tool in combating depression has been learning the see the signs and slipping and doing something about it. It's not easy but I know if I'm staying in too much, eating badly, not taking care in my appearance etc these are all minor triggers and I can ask myself why are they happening and go and do something to break the cycle.

I found 5htp didn't do anything. It may help others.

I'm 45 and I've had numerous episodes of depression on and off for 20 years or so. Fluoxetine used to help me but last time I took it, I couldn't stand the side effects, including stomach pain and headache. I went into a depression last September and I've been up and down since. Every time I feel like I'm out of it, I drop into another black hole. The doctors haven't managed to find a med that I can tolerate, apart from agomelatine, but I'm not sure if it works. I have a back problem and it seems to have been causing weakness and pain in my quads, which has affected my biking (although I'm still riding my bike). I've been dreadfully worried about my back, which isn't helping my mood. I've had some CBT, which helps.

Vickypea - two good points there about meds tolerance and physical health issues.

I sometimes find it hard to tell if the meds (tried three now - fluoxetine, citalopram and venlafaxine) are causing side effects or if they're just my existing health issues flaring up - because I suffer from migraines and ibs already. Either way these two conditions make depression more likely and also harder to manage.

Also what king said about being aware of the warning sides when you're on the down slide is also really crucial I think. Like you I know my own - that oversleeping, overeating and avoiding social interaction are signs I'm struggling and need to make changes. It's extremely tough to do that though - with zero motivation and fatigue.

It's so frustrating to keep coming to that same point and feeling like you're fighting a lifelong battle in hell. To keep going around and feel your life stall yet again just kills me sometimes.

Cbt techniques are useful though. But it can be a chore to constantly go through that process again and work through your issues.

I feel bad posting this here after reading what you have all sad- like a bit of a fraud. But I could do with your experience:

So, about a year ago I started a new job. It was a step up from my old job, with a different division of the same company, with far bigger customers and deals to work with. The products we sell to these customers are pretty unique and specialised. I work in technical pre-sales.

Having been bitten by the 'we give you full training, honest!" malarkey in the past, at both interviews I asked about training, and was told that I'd be fully trained up and ratified before being let loose on these big deals. They made great bones of how joined-up they were on this, and had a sly giggle at how amateurly the division I'd been working with had handled this. I was offered the job (before the end of the second interview) and went for it.

Then it starts to fall apart. My immediate line manager informs me, after I've been 2 weeks in the job, that he has been "seconded"* to supervise a huge customer bid, and won't be available to manage me. No-one is appointed to fill in. And 2 weeks after that, I learn that I'll be involved in the largest part of the second-biggest deal the division is looking at- multi-million pound, 7+ year contract, all using these specialised products.

Long story short, despite working 80+ hour weeks over about 2 months, I make a couple of schoolboy errors, the nature of which I was sure I'd had confirmation from the senior on the bid were the way to go. We didn't win anyway, but the black mark went in the book, it seems.

4 months or so back, they appointed me a temporary manager, and I had my yearly review a few weeks ago. It did not go well. In fact, I can safely say that in all my working life I've never been so humiliated. None of the good stuff I did and had been written up on (and there was some of this- I rescued bits of work that others had fluffed, amongst other things) was even mentioned. In fact, there was even a bit of work that I helped them win where a bid manager had written a fairly lengthy positive review of me, with a negative bit at the end- none of the positive was even hinted at. To say he was glib is an understatement.

So, currently, I'm on some kind of unofficial "prove yourself" 3 month thing, which, if I fail, will proceed to something formal. Curiously, all of the 'help' I'm to get is to be found by me. (Oddly, one of the actions I was asked to perform was a presentation on the general products we sell, not the specialised ones sold by this division- even though I'm recognised as the go-to guy for these products, that helps the others out when they get baffled. Frustrating).

Immediately after this review, I was appointed a new and hopefully permanent manager, who seemed to be a bit more relaxed about it all. We've had a review and he wants me just to get on with work, try and put it behind me, seemed more interested in some of the back stories behind what he'd been told, and hoped we'd get nowhere near a formal step. He seemed to think I was lacking in confidence, which is easily explainable by what had happened. But confidence is important in my job, and I can't just put this all behind me.

I'd honestly never thought I'd ever be in a situation like this at work, and my nerves are completely shattered, especially after the last year. I've had the full sleepless nights, what I think are probably panic attacks, a general weariness and a desire just to lie in bed all day. I've had occasional and strange fantasies about how life would be for those around me if I wasn't here, if you know what I mean.

It could all be fine, of course, and I'll sail though it, but the strain is tremendous and I think intentional.

Would a talk with my GP help? CBT? Meds?

*I found out later that he hadn't been seconded at all, and had volunteered. Glory hunting.

Littlei - I have migraines too, and because I don't tolerate meds well, I have under treated migraine as well as under treated depression and back pain. When I'm down I feel very sorry for myself and frustrated at what I feel is lack of medical help, but when I'm feeling ok I just get on with things and they don't bother me so much. I have become wary of saying I'm fine and feeling good because I drop into my black hole about 2 days later!

Cody, use the time you have wisely to actively seek new work. If the job is making you feel like that then it's really not worth it. You should see someone to talk, someone neutral maybe like a dr. Or re-read your post and ask what advice you would be giving to that person if it wasn't you. I can't say if you have or have not had panic attacks, but the fact you haven't slept all night due to work and the anxiety it's causing you isn't worth it. Don't even think about 'not being here' as easy as it can seem to think that way, there is no way anyone should feel like that and it sounds like you need to alter the root of your problem if you know it's work then ask yourself do you really want a job that affects your life in that way?

It sounds to me like your in a 'foggy' early phase of anxiety were you can't think straight (I may be wrong in no dr but Ive been going through this since I was 8 ) the sooner you nip it in the bud the better. I want you to look back at this as just a difficult phase you were facing and that foggy hazy feeling will just go.

Post here, talk anonymously if need be. Join me on a ride. Whatever. But find that one thing that makes you realise how important you are. All the best and your going to be fine.

Medication helped me, I was on a maintenance dose of 30 mg IIRC of citalopram till I hit my rock bottom and it went up to 80 (off specialist I think DRs can only go up to 60?) anyway it helped. I was so low I didn't care about the side effects I was completely numb they didn't even register and just spent days lying there on my bed with the door locked scared of anything I had built up in my head so much stuff that was my fault stuff that didn't happen or was unlikely to happen. I have been on various medications but citalopram worked best for me, equally I know someone who couldn't get on with it.

I had hypnosis that was a huge help . I'm hypnotised now if I feel a panic attack coming on I have a safe word that relaxes me.

This makes for a depressing post so far but I'm fine now, I'm very well respected in my career and no one has a clue what I went through. I dress well, feel confident (in work stuff ) have an active social life and good friends. If I can help one person even get 1% better im willing to do that. I don't take meds now (been off 18 months) if I felt the need to I wouldn't hesitate to ask for them.

Cody.

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martinxyz - Member

Cody.

I am surrounded by a-holes for so many years without knowing by the time I found out my career was practically over before I knew it. Now I just do whatever I can to make a living. I don't know about others but the environment that we are in can also contribute to all sorts of pains as far as I am concerned.

The symptoms of depression or stress whatever they are called as listed on the NHS website, well, at one time or another I encountered all of them for a period of time that lasted for few years.

One thing that I prefer not to give in is self harm as I know the contributing factor is not me but all the a-holes around me.

My motto is simple => get even.

Oh ya some of the a-holes are so called people that have links to our family.

oversleeping, overeating and avoiding social interaction

Hmmm. Really? How much? I've always behaved this way, apart from the overeating ( I have to force myself to eat ).

I'm a huge believer in positive thinking, so I can't ever admit to myself that I might be depressed. I don't feel sad - I feel frustrated and angry often. Same thing? I even get frustrated about feeling angry...

I work in a highly competitive industry chock full of shysters - my work is subject to the whims of the objectively viewing public. Most days I feel I'm working towards a positive goal, but the big picture says otherwise - lurching from one financial crisis to the next.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/fish-oil-supplements/faq-20058143

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2004/02/14/omega-3-depression.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/10/14/how-eating-this-type-of-fat-offers-new-hope-for-depression.aspx