There is only really one conceivable answer, but I'm not going down to speculate on that here, as I've only just returned after a visit from the ban hammer
Some sort of love thing?
[i]"Vanilla Shake"[/i] is now my new favourite euphemism...
OP, spring for the Hotel unless you're really just looking to crash a relationship your not all that into. Women love a fella who'll splash the cash, right up until the point where your finances become joint and you're being generous with money that's 50% [i]Hers[/i]...
"Generosity" is apparently a quality when wooing, You never here women saying "I really love how frugal my Boyfriend is"...
...newish GF...
Sounds like some of the glitter has fallen off already TBH...
OH very good NW
"Generosity" is apparently a quality when wooing,
Yes, but it's down to expectations again. There's a world of difference between buying someone a gift and being told to buy one.
Cougar - Moderator
Who pays should be whoever wants to.
This. We have separate bank accounts because we both believe that whats left after our mutual financial committments is our own, so she doesn't lose money to bike stuff and I don't lose money to tat.
Because she is part time 15hrs a week and earns a fraction of my salary, I insist on paying for meals out & stuff, although she'll get my birthday meal out kinda thing. She does what she can with sometimes admirable committment - pays her own phone bill, treats & entry fees for the kids days out without asking that kind of thing, she once saved £50 a month for two years to get me a Ti frame for my 40th (I felt quite guilty).
Eject eject!
It's not about the money, equality, "rules" or tradition. By all means buy a girl dinner-out somewhere classy and show her she's worth it, but...
Do you want to get emotionally involved with someone you expects you to do things she should be prepared to do herself? And gets in strop when you challenge her expectations.
[quote=P-Jay ]There's a name for people who provide sexual favours for money.
Wife?
she once saved £50 a month for two years to get me a Ti frame for my 40th (I felt quite guilty).
Can we just pause the thread there. Stop and admire this woman. Forget that its a bike part, this act shows this ladies metal. I salute you for having landed such a lady.
Separate accounts here too, for no other reason than we both have expensive hobbies and the feeling that you're taking from someone else's money to fund yours doesn't feel right.
Mrs Deviant has horses that cost more than the mortgage each month, my motorbikes and bicycles aren't that expensive but aren't cheap either.... amongst our friends joint accounts seem to work for those with children and those who sit in front of the TV every night.
Re. The original question, yes it is weird that in these days of equality a startling number of women expect to be treated to everything as they float through life!
If I invite the other half out on a date then I'll pay, if she takes me out she'll pay and if it's a joint decision like a holiday we'll split it...it works for us and seems fair.
Some of my friends have partners who earn similar amounts to them but the woman expects to be taken on holiday, never gets a round in, never pays for dinner etc etc....I couldn't do that, I hate freeloaders....but if it works for them then I suppose that's all that matters.
However what is funny is getting us all out on a lads night and hearing them moan about it when they're safely away from the girlfriend...is it an act of defiance in front of their mates or are they so afraid of being single that they'll turn into a doormat rather than sort out their dysfunctional relationship?
I know I'll have to fund virtually everything for a while if we breed but i accept that and plans are in place to move somewhere with land so the horse can be at home and not kept on livery which is Mrs Deviant's main outgoing.
emsz - you're my hero and I shall make a point of following your relationship advice forever 🙂
Rachel
Hmm need to chat to her about this as her comment at the time was along the lines of 'if you can't afford to keep a lady'. Yep I earn more than her and I want to treat her now and again and generally pay a little more. But I don't want to feel like a mug either and it would be nice if she sometimes offered to pay. Not providing photos but yes she is hot and yes she's very generous in other ways ;). Still, if she's totally closed to the idea then it's auf wiedersehn I'd say.
Any ladies please feel free to add your thoughts as would be very useful to hear it from the other side of the fence.
You know it!!
It's not like every single one of my relationships has ended in utter disaster and mounds of Kleenex and empty Ben and jerrys cartons. Oh no, wait...
Personally I think it's a plot
Happily hooked up for ten years joint bank account merged all my assets with Crankygirls she still has a current account in her name we pay I hope all expenses from the joint stuff but I suspect she also gets stuff that should be joint from her account which is supposed only to cover her needs as a student.
So I can't really recall the new dating rules that well , I think we broadly split everything unless I wanted to do something stupidly extravagant and beyond her budget in which case I paid .
Realistically if you cant talk about this and work it out are you right for each other?
I do recall a girl who asked me out to a particular restaurant when I was on the dole and she was working then at the end of the meal made it clear she expected me to pay given that was nearly 30 years ago it shows how annoyed I was by that stunt.
Bottom line how other couples manage finances is only a guide as to what is possible you need to work out what is good for you . You don't want to feel used or ripped off but on the other hand do you want to push her/him into expenses she/he can't afford and so does not enjoy or make them feel like they are using you. Do you want to forgo a romantic weekend in Paris cos your partner can't afford it and you are too tight to pay?
I can't imagine saying that to anyone, rebel12 - who want's to be "kept" for goodness sake???
Rachel
emsz - MemberIt's not like every single one of my relationships has ended in utter disaster and mounds of Kleenex
Sounds very similar to mine but probably not quite the same...
EDIT: Applauds
or keep someone
Odd attitude tbh I am now going with run away
[b]allthegear[/b]
me!
not going to happen though... back to work... 🙁
It all depends on your views regarding traditional gender models, some blokes want a wifey type that does as they're told, keeps house and is in turn kept, it works well for a lot of people. Others prefer the idea of two independent, equal people that share a life together but are still capable of supporting themselves both financially and emotionally.
I know what I prefer, even if at times I browse the patio catalogs...
'if you can't afford to keep a lady'.
RUN AWAY NOW get a real woman to sped time with, not a "lady" who thinks she is an expensive hobby for you to spend your money on .
+1
and real ladies would never call them self a "lady"...
It's not like every single one of my relationships has ended in utter disaster and mounds of Kleenex and empty Ben and jerrys cartons. Oh no, wait...
Emsz - a lot of blokes relationships both begin and end with mounds of Kleenex. Some people still go misty eyed about probably the most significant relationships of their life - that fondly remembered bumper Razzle Readers Wives Special, found in the bushes by the old electricity substation. I'm welling up here 😥
This. We do both contribute a chunk to a joint account, from which mortgage, bills etc are taken, but we still have our own accounts.
This is my arrangement and it seems to work well. I have money for shoes, she has money for sports gear...hang on, that's not right it is...
Re. the OP, first date I would say the guy offers to pay but doesn't get too upset if she wants to split the bill. After that it is split bills with an understanding that occasionally if you asked her out/took her away somewhere you may end up footing the whole lot.
If you're paying, it's not a "date".
😉
creamegg - Member
depends how fit she isweeksy - Member
Depends what she lets you do in return I guess.Amount spent should be proportional to how dirty she is.
+1
Don't get me wrong; it's **really bloody nice** to be taken out for a lovely meal and the date pick up the tab. I just couldn't imagine it being an "expectation".
Oh - and I don't like McDonalds. Maybe where this is where I'm going wrong at the moment????
Hang on a sec - I took the ex-gf to Bruges for the weekend recently, paid for motorbike jacket for her, petrol, ferry, hotel etc etc. I feel short changed!!!!
Rachel
Classy girls prefer Nandos.
Don't get me wrong; it's **really bloody nice** to be taken out for a lovely meal and the date pick up the tab. I just couldn't imagine it being an "expectation".
If the tab was picked up, would it make you more accepting of potential advances later in the evening?
I should add, I'm happily in a relationship (and we tend to split the bill). I just want to know if it's where I was going wrong during my dating days. 🙂
Off on a slight tangent: If I was single again I'd arrange a lunchtime meet first- take the lady for Sushi. If it was in the evening I'd probably go Lebanese or Sushi still. If the girl had a veracious apettite for large glasses of wine I guess I'd realise quickly she aint for me.
A meal costs **** all in the grandscheme of things. Its when you add in glasses of wine onto the bill that it gets silly. Any girl that loves a fair few glasses and taken out on a fairly regular basis wont look pretty anyway. Same with a bloke who loves his pints out on a regular basis.
Why not do a sly trade off? She drives you to a beautiful country pub, you have a few and she drives you back?
A relationship isn't all equals or 'she gives me great head in return'. You can go out for a meal cost-effectively (some great Korean places in Manchester- one doesn't sell alcohol) for instance near me.
Also- why eat out? Cook for her and watch a chickflick.
her comment at the time was along the lines of 'if you can't afford to keep a lady'
Run fast, run far..
I really couldn't GAS who pays, if we are going out I will take enough to cover us both, I know if I m short at the end of the month She will bail me out.
However the one thing that does really grip my shitt !
"Can I have a packet of crisps"
"Only if you eat 5 pickled eggs"
Picnics FTW.
Hate Nandos
Oh no, hang on...
Dates and paying is pretty easy, if I'm asking someone on a date, I'd expect to pick up the bill, and even if they offered, I'd be all " your money's no good"
2nd date, if they didnt come out with something along the lines of " you paid last time, at least lets go halves" then there pretty much wouldn't be a 3rd date.
If I was single again I'd arrange a lunchtime meet first- take the lady for Sushi. If it was in the evening I'd probably go Lebanese or Sushi still.
I'd be screwed. Our local Lebanese restaurant has just shut and the sushi place has been done for food poisoning. Again. 🙁
if you can't afford to keep a lady
Maybe she is nice, but that would put me off!
If the tab was picked up, would it make you more accepting of potential advances later in the evening?
At the moment, I probably wouldn't care who picked up the tab if I fancied them... 😉
Rachel
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should've gone to pizza hut and given her the free one
TBH I find ladies eating your food when they are hungry even more annoying just feel like telling them to **** off!
Ha ha
Right now? Packet of crips I'm yours for the night 😆
Why not do a sly trade off? She drives you to a beautiful country pub, you have a few and she drives you back?
Thats the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, you hopeless romantic you
It sounds complicated!
Right now? Packet of crips I'm yours for the night
What do I get for two pounds fifty and a Curly Wurly?
RUN AWAY NOW get a real woman to sped time with, not a "lady" who thinks she is an expensive hobby for you to spend your money on .
Sounds to me like this problem will resolve itself quite quickly. She'll be off with someone else as soon as the money runs out.
If it was in the evening I'd probably go Lebanese
That's even more confusing, who's expected to pay when there's two girls?
...if you can't afford to keep a lady
This is ridiculous. As others have said - run away. It's not some expensive horse you're taking on here, it's meant to be a relationship!
What we looking at here emsz?
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Or...
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😆
Don't even joke - I'm even wondering about these new patches...
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