Just wanted to canvass opinion on the matter to see how "pwned" I am
possibly quite massively
it's her actually refusing to set up a joint account that disturbs me. pray tell us more of this conversation.....
Well, for many years I earned a lot less than my wife. My wages just went on the groceries and other weekly cash payments. Hers dealt with the standing orders etc.
However over time, my wages have crept up to and nudged just ahead of my wife's. So, after I did my investigation into where the money was going I got quite angry and said I wanted a joint account opened so I could see what was happening.
The answer was a blunt no way. So what do you do? Walk away from your kids?
If there is significant money unaccounted for then I would want to know where it was going. What is she hiding?
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you and your wife don't communicate very well, and at least on her side it doesnt appear that she wants to. Is the problem just with money or does it go deeper than that?
Sounds like another man is on the cards. Why else would they be so secretive about it?
Or it could be a gambling problem.
What about people who are lucky enough for the wife to stay at home and look after the kids/house ?
The bloke has no option but to share or have "our" money as opposed to "his" and "hers" monies. A nice problem to have, I guess.
For those who have "my money, your money" ... may I ask at what point in your life does it end? Or will you be buying your own supply of Worthers Orginals?
My wife and I pool our money into a joint account, but keep a little personal money in our own accounts. Sounds trivial, but that way it feels we're not buying our own birthday presents etc.
The answer was a blunt no way. So what do you do? Walk away from your kids?
it sounds very much that you are unhappy and this extends beyond the whole money thing. I had a similar situation with my ex - as she started to earn more (after earning little or nothing when the kids were younger) it felt like she was paying for very little, keeping most of her money for herself - whilst I continued to pay for most of the household expenses. It wad very difficult to talk to her about it because she had a "head in the sand" approach to money - and was always overdrawn at the end of the month with very little to show for it.
We didn't split up because of money - other stuff was far more significant, but I think having a compatible approach to money management is important, because an incompatible approach can lead to resentment. I agree that you and your wife need to try and start communicating more effectively