[Closed] Damn, 'she' just wants to 'be friends' I need cheering up!

You mean you wouldn't [i]actually[/i] forcibly graft a sealion onto someone who didn't want to sleep with you in a bizarre revenge-attack tony?

Very funny - bless ;-D

BigDummy - Member

You mean you wouldn't actually forcibly graft a sealion onto someone who didn't want to sleep with you in a bizarre revenge-attack tony?

cinnamon_girl - Member
Guys, you just don't get it, do you?

What do you suggest then?

Fake your own death, then you'll see how she really feels, if she cries come back as your own twin, if she doesn't seem to care then hide in a cupboard and jump out as she passes.
Always works.

See what I mean?

Try 'Sex Panther'?

to be honest, if you're not involving her in vivisection with a large sea mammal, frankly, you're not even on her radar.

What about a manatee? You could regale both her and the manatee with tales of heroism about how you once singlehandedly foiled a shoplifter in HMV using a trick that Gary Busey did and you learnt from repeatedly watching Point Break and practising the move in your pants in front of the mirror.

If she's not impressed, the manatee will be, in which case you can tell her to look away while you hump that?

What do you suggest then?

bear in mind [b]c-g[/b] doesn't ever get it either 🙁

Kojaklollipop she obviously knows what you are after............and is not going to put out until you put some DECENT effort in (if at all). I mean riding bikes is great but you would do that with or without her!! Use some imagination 😀

Hair cut, new clothes etc and don't try too hard. Just a nice hello and a smile. Finish work early and tell the office gossip that you have a red-hot date with a Swedish au pair whose bosoms enter a room a full minute before she does. If that doesn't work she obviously thinks you're dull, fugly and hung like a chipmonk.

Yeah, MTFU and do the trails with her on a unicycle, blindfolded, using your hands instead of feet, backwards, whilst playing a cazoo. If that doesn't work then she aint worth bothering with, or go down the chloroform/sealion, knife, route.

there is nothing wrong with just being friends with women( [s]hard[/s] difficult as it might be)

Imagination, imagination....

What about a tandem? You might need a trailer for the sealion/manatee though. Perhaps see the thread on child/baby carriers for advice on trailers.

We should set up a web site dedicated to relationship advice. Seriously this is way better than all that guff you get from agony aunts

This is all great stuff, and obviously a bit tongue in cheek ... so yeah, c-g what don't we get, I'm intrigued, or are you not going to let us 'get' what 'we just don't get' ? 😉

Have you considered that she may be a lesbian?

Maybe she's a nymphomaniac trying to get over her addiction to giving BJs? Has she got big lips?

How big are her hands? Never trust a woman with big hands, very intimidating.

CG is a lesbian 😯

Have you considered that she may be a lesbian?

Could be. A lot of the women I try chatting up tell me they're lesbians. Or is that just a cunning excuse?

They may be playing hard to get Big Dave, and if that's your real name I'm not surprised.

I had a mate who told women he was gay - figured they'd see it as a challenge.

How would a seal graft work? Could human organs work a seal if it was a Symbiotic relationship?

You could try one of those!

Perhaps she's getting over the affair she had with the MD? 😯

A seal would be far more manageable than a sealion

They may be playing hard to get Big Dave, and if that's your real name I'm not surprised

The size can be a bit scary for some women to deal with...they may not have seen a stomach so large before 🙂

Hang on chaps - seals, sealions, manatees - one must be better than the others. Time for a "What pinniped for..." thread!

[EDIT]
Whoa! Choose carefully - just found this on Wikipedia..

Sexual coercion

Sexual coercion is extremely common among pinnipeds, even on other species. In one incident that was caught on videotape, a 100 kg Antarctic fur seal pinned down a 15 kg king penguin and thrusted its pelvis, trying to insert its penis into the penguin for about 45 minutes.[1]

I think BigDummy has provided the most beautiful contribution to this thread so far.

Sexual coercion

Take note.

It's not really rape if there isn't a massive weight differential and a species barrier.

Sexual coercion is extremely common among pinnipeds, even on other species. In one incident that was caught on videotape, a 100 kg Antarctic fur seal pinned down a 15 kg king penguin and thrusted its pelvis, trying to insert its penis into the penguin for about 45 minutes.[1]

Chocolate Jesus... 😯

"My female acquaintance consists almost entirely of a series of assymetrical sexual attractions, or the historic remnants of the same."

Despite a pretty good grasp of English I don't actually know what this means!? Can anyone translate?

I don't suppose the beaver counts as a pinniped?

Edit to add: Is this you Big Dave?

[img] [/img]

2nd edit: Link to image doesn't seem to work, I guess the moment has passed

When I was still reeling from a bad breakup I told Molgrips I only wanted to be friends. Figured it was just a fling with him anyhow...he stuck around and assured me and then before I knew it we were married. Now granted we were made for each other (read that as we're the only 2 people who could possibly put up with the other for any length of time).
Do you have other things is common with her besides biking? Did she bike before you, or has she only picked it up because of you? The later would be a big hint that she's thinking abt you as a possible relationship, but doesn't want to 'go there' yet.

As for the creature grafting, you guys aren't romantic enough...need more mermaidy imagery...perhaps that's the thing you're all not getting 😉

@Minty,
He means that all his friendships with ladies have come out of the fact he fancied them, they didn't fancy him i.e asymetric

sometimes he stopped fancying them i.e "historic remnants of"

I don't actually know what this means!? Can anyone translate?

"The only women I know never wanted to sleep with me, but I'm still hanging around them anyway". 🙂

sometimes he stopped fancying them i.e "historic remnants of"

Or they took out restraining orders.

[i]"My female acquaintance consists almost entirely of a series of assymetrical sexual attractions, or the historic remnants of the same."[/i]

he lusts after unobtainable women, or those who have previously rejected him...

It's like a teenage girl's novel in Big Dummy's world...full of angst and longing, but without the grinding lezzer action in the last chapter...

Edit to add: Is this you Big Dave?

That is the sort of look I try to go for. Never seems to work strangely enough...

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: Guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.

grinding lezzer action in the last chapter...

Now thats my sort of book.

a 100 kg Antarctic fur seal pinned down a 15 kg king penguin

Poor thing

[img] [/img]

"My female acquaintance consists almost entirely of a series of assymetrical sexual attractions, or the historic remnants of the same."

I thought he meant he wasn't getting anyway because his face is all lopsided, or their face's are lopsided, or gadamit there is something lopsided.

His face is all lopsided, but don't mention it, he'll get all wound up, and all we'll hear about for days is anti lobsided cream...

Really, you were doing so well up to that point. You've blown it now...

You bitch. I've been a frickin' mirror image of myself for weeks. 👿