[Closed] dadsnet.. pecking order

[i]Are they too young to fight? [/i]

clearly not.

I assume one is older/bigger than the other?

I'd be careful about letting them learn to settle their differences by having a fight, it'll translate into their behaviour with other freinds.

All that liberal hippy parenting not get them to love one another? 🙄

Do they do everything together or get time apart? Do they do fun things together? Reward with joint fun activities when they are good?

Something I heard recently from someone with two boys:

They can fight all they like but if either gets hurt, they both get in trouble.

Apparently it works well...

Who is the man in the house, the authority?

You know the one where the children wont cross/annoy?

You the man Hora everyone knows that

I told mine that if they wanted to fight, they could have boxing lessons. Then showed them a tiny bit of boxing on the telly......

They seem to get on ok now 🙂

Fighting is not acceptable.

That's the stance at present Molgrips, but it is quite stressful for the older one and I wonder what the consequences will be..

How old are they?

Just about 4 and 18 months..

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Fighting is not acceptable.

Boys fight.

(Middle of three boys myself, had several really big fights especially with my older brother, no lasting damage done - unless you count the tooth I managed to knock out of his mouth whilst jumping on his face one Christmas Eve...)

4 and 18 months is a big difference for them to "get along"; huge gaps in ability to communicate etc. I think (although have no first hand experience beyond other peoples kids) that when the second is up to 4 and the other is 6.5 they'll play together more apart from the odd flare up.

A 4 year old could do a lot of damage to an 18month old so I think you're going to have to keep your stance.

How the blinking flip can a 4mth old do anything let alone fight back?

What your saying is that your 18mth can't stop hitting the young one. You need to sort that out.

I assume he means 4 yrs old, not 4 months old...

Lol one is four years! The other is 18 months and nearly the same size..

and for the hippy parenting comment, these kids are on a short leash and I'm an ogre (shrek)

My kids (boy and girl) are 5 and nearly three, and even though they play together now they still argue/fight.

Reckon yours will start to get along when as the gap between them, ability wise, gets smaller. Especially as the older one gets older and wiser.

And if they start fighting, give them a damn good thrashing, that'll learn em.............. 😉 (wink just for those that think i'm serious!)

🙂

4 years and 18 months surely !

you need to handicap the 4yr to ensure a 'fair' fight 😉

My 12 and 8 year olds fight like fighty things and the only thing that has had any effect is collective punishment, that way I don't have to concern myself with who started it. I usually confine them to their rooms for an hour or so never the less they still kick off regularly.

Boys will be boys.

Something I heard recently from someone with two boys:
They can fight all they like but if either gets hurt, they both get in trouble.
Apparently it works well...

Works a treat on mine too.

My lads are five and six and are constantly scrapping, poking, teasing and generally getting each other into trouble.

When they aren't doing that they are best friends and woe betide ANYONE who gets between them.

Boys fight, it might not be desirable but they do.

is this a boy thing?, I've got two girls who are the same age gap and they never get physical, the odd row about who's hogging the glitter but that's about it!

This thread needs gopro footage!

Boys are boys.
Boys fight.

That's a load of gender stereotypical shite, at least until puberty. And then the testosterone simply changes the kind of fighting.

PEOPLE fight because they get angry with other people and think that you can win if you can dominate the other person, either physically or mentally. Personally, I don't think this is acceptable, and that everyone needs to learn to talk it out or just walk away.

Of course 18 months isn't old enough to talk things through, but it's old enough to learn the phrase NO HITTING and old enough to start learning that anger must be confronted not acted on.

Four years old however is easily old enough to know not to hit back. Explain that the younger is frustrated and angry and can't talk, so he has to be the big kid and not retalliate. A parent could be called on, not to tattle-tale but to help teach younger not to hit.

Getting along is one thing, but fighting when you don't get along is another issue.

is this a boy thing?

No, it's a person thing. I've got one kid who hits and one who doesn't. The younger one is the hitter and has a far hotter temprement.

I love that t shirt pic. A picture paints a thousand words! 🙂

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the wife use to fight with her little sister all the time, full on scrapping... they love each other to bits.

i never fought with my sister and i can't stand her.

with regards to the whole boys will be boys thing...

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Playpen, 5 x 3 min rounds, no biting or eye poking, 3 falls, a knockout or a submission wins. Ice cream for the winner, 50press ups for the loser. Tough love.

It's difficult because the instinctive reaction is to come down on the eldest because 'they should know better'. But the youngest knew the buttons to push to wind him up so they got collective punishment.

Seems to have worked, now teenagers and still get on ok.

That's a load of gender stereotypical shite, at least until puberty. And then the testosterone simply changes the kind of fighting.

Help, I'm being insulted by a GCSE textbook. 😉

Take the oldest to a martial arts club. He'll learn that fighting is only for protecting yourself or your family.

If the youngest is the same size as the oldest now, can't you point out to the eldest what's likely to happen in a couple of years' time? Ie, the little 'un is going to be twice the size of the big one and give him a leathering.

Incidentally,

Is it an attention thing? If the youngest is getting all mummy and daddy's time, the older one might want to seek attention for himself.

Youngest of 3 brothers here, when I was 2 and my middle brother was 4 ,we were digging in my dads garden with a hand trowel and fork.
My older brother kept demanding the fork from me so eventually I gave it him by bashing him over the head with it,result 1 family trip to casualty for my brother to have stitches to his bonce.

We never did physically fight after that but it didnt stop him and my eldest brother from shooting me in the ar5e with a pellet gun several years later.

We do all get on though.

The oldest is very eager to please mum and dad, and very calm and methodical..
He gets very frustrated that there is no failsafe method for dealing with this mischievous and irrational interloper..
He keeps his cool occasionally, but rarely for long enough to distract the little one from achieving his goal..
The little one's goal being to infuriate the big brother

Maybe his goal is really to just get attention rather than actually infuriate?

My dad's response when me and tthew (of this parish) were doing this...

'It'll all end in tears and they won't be mine'

I don't have any children but is 18months old enough to consciously aim to infuriate someone else.. as opposed to just doing it as a by product of another activity?

Just about 4 and 18 months..

They will be too mismatched physically to let them duke it out.

I suggest teaching the 18 month old how to make a shank.

Two boys here 4 and 2 (years) they annoy the shit out of each other, makes me mental. It also makes me realize why my mum got stressed out with me and my brother (18 month difference) as we did exactly the same. They poke, punch, pull, pinch and anything else to get a reaction. They get told off they go on the naughty mat, it has an effect but only for a minute. They love each other and are best friends though which is nice.

4.5 hours on a Ryanair flight tomorrow.............

is 18months old enough to consciously aim to infuriate someone else.

Some good tips here, i'm currently of the "elder should know better" thing, so he gets more of a telling off, but think I may start going with collective punishment.

*and has been doing so for several months

I went through the whole younger brother winding me up, leading to punch ups.

The elder should know better tactic will turn the younger one into a sociopath and the older one will resent you for it.

Have fun.

My lads are five and six and are constantly scrapping, poking, teasing and generally getting each other into trouble.

When they aren't doing that they are best friends and woe betide ANYONE who gets between them.

Love this yossarin - exactly my boys too. Wouldn't have it any other way.