[Closed] dad too old to drive how to tell him nicely

hide the keys, don't tell him! 😀

sorry, i have no decent advice!

Your GP has aduty of care to report any medical condition which may preclude your dad from driving eg poor eyesight, epilepsy and in some instances diabetes. He (GP) won't discuss your Dad's medical condition directly but may be sympathetic to your concerns

take the car off him ..... he could kill someone .. I know it is harsh but it is th eonly responsible thing to do.

I got hit at the weekend by someone of a similiar age who just reversed into my staionary car in a car park(I had the horn on for their entire reverse action of about 5 seconds ...car behind me meant I could not move) and he just kept going till he made contact and then said he had not seen me. very scary.

It is harsh but cars are dangerous to other road users in the wrong hands...please i commute to work take the keys from him

Sorry not really helpful for this difficult situation but if he is not fit to drive he is not fit to drive.

Remove something from the cas so it will not start ...battery, starter solenoid wire etc if you want subtle.

At 75 does he not have to do a health declaration?

I would just tell him flat out and get him an account with the local taxi firm. Tell him that will save him money over the year. Its a tricky one for sure - as he will more than likely be denying the effects of aging and he won't want any interference.

Explain it to the doc and have the doc advise him to give it up ?

If hes doing 15 miles a fortnight he be cheaper getting taxi's anyhow .

Im not sure of the laws over there anymore but i think his doctor can actually have his driving license withdrawn if hes deemed a danger to himself .... i realize hes your dad but he might hurt himself or others if he continues to drive ....and you have the chance to stop it now.

oh i am super aware of him hurting others
thats why i want the car off him asap

All you need to know is [url= http://www.dvla.gov.uk/media/pdf/medical/aagv1.pdf ]here[/url].
Above the age of 70 the licence has to renewed and reviewed every 3 years, the doctor may have neglected to ask the questions about driving. As above a general discussion with the doctor would be a good idea.

Just tell him you've rung up an enormous bill looking at PPV internet pron, and you need to sell his car to pay it off.

trouble is it's symbol of his remaining independance, as it is for youngsters - so any attempt to remove this will be hard for him to take. passing the buck to the GP might be the only option rather than trying to reason it with him financially - we were in a similar situation with my gramdparents many moons ago - now they are 6 foot under and my mums the new danger on the roads. I'm afraid there are no easy options - in his mind he's probably thinking he's just being careful?!?!?

My dad ended up having a blazing row with my grandad a few years ago over the same thing.

I'd been in the car with him the previous day and he'd taken out a row of cones and gone through a red light "that wasn't normally red".

We just told him we wouldn't be renewing the insurance (it was a company car) as we knew he shouldn't be driving and none of us could live with ourselves if he hit anyone.

We offered to drive him anywhere he wanted to go, took him shopping once a week and got him an account with the local taxi company. He saved a fortune and I made it to adulthood thanks to not having to get in the car with him!

In short, there is no easy way to say it, but you may have to do it anyway.

My Grandad was the same, he was forever hitting bollards/other cars etc (only slow speed shunts), he once got pulled over by the police for driving too slowly! Low winter sun/glare combined with his cataract operations meant he couldn't see a thing. 🙁

Eventually after the 3rd incident the insurance company refused to cover him any more so it was easy for my Mum to persuade him to give up the car but he'd been resisting it for years. It can be really difficult to have those talks though so good luck with it.

i feel your pain, my oldman who sadly passed away 18 month ago at 73 due to cancer, we had the same saga.

he'd driven all his life and was getting , well dangerous behind the wheel. in the end the specialist told him that due to the treatment and drugs he was not allowed to drive...

i'll never forget his face, as said above it was really the last "symbol of his remaining independance"

good luck

My Dad passed away last month and we found it very difficult.
I think there should be a compulsary re-test over a certain age and I also feel that Doctors should have the authority to enforce the ceasation of driving.
We were fortunate that Dad only scraped the car a couple of times.

Get him a mobility scooter instead. It did wonders for the father in law, with a total re-invigoration and sense of independance.

Gotta love the bit about needing a car to tow the wheelie bin up the drive

much as i think mobility scooters are a good thing for some people, it realy pisses me off when one runs into the back of your ankles (which form 4mph fekign hurts) the little old lady looks at you blankly like you shouldnt be there and/or its an everyday occurance.

They are the devils own mode of transport and should be banned, or at the very least limited to cycle lanes, if the owner is incapable of walking from there to a shop then get an electric wheelchair instead.

got him a mobility scooter
he got the housekeeper to put it in the loft...

I have tried to get in touch with the doctor, but the surgery phones are switched off till quater to 2....

I talked to the housekeeper and she says he takes too many risks when he is driving, because he pulls out on people at junctions

I need to get this sorted asap

thankfully he just drives from his house to asda in rochdale, and it is a fairly quiet route, but I think I need him to stop asap

oh and fuzzy
the drive takes me 5 mins to walk down, and after his heart attack and his stroke he has problems walking, glad it made you chuckle though.

what what

In my experience GPs are reluctant to stop people driving.

My parent's neighbour is virtually blind and his GP signed him off to drive.

You need to have a tough conversation with him which it seems you are prepared to do.

Good luck

well we shall see
his GP is going to call me tomorrow, it is a start after all

tj where did you find the info on the 3 year retest i can't find anything

cheers

My link has the age restrictions in it, click on [url= http://www.dvla.gov.uk/media/pdf/medical/aagv1.pdf ][b]here[/b][/url]

He values mobility. We all do, I guess its even more important as the body starts to deteriorate. I'd say get him a test drive in a Smart car at a dealership then take it from there.

To be fair, if he's pulling out on people at junctions, a smart car won't make things any better!

we got him a small car

talking to the housekeeper she is scared being in a car with him as he uses the accelerator as an on off switch

I will try the smart route again, but no car would be so much safer (and save him a massive amount)

It's a shame no one knows any opinionated driving instructors...

I’m sorry to say that there is nothing the GP can do formally or legally, as it is the persons own responsibility to notify the DVLA of any medical condition that affect driving (barmy I know).
That said – the power and influence of GP is such that a firm word or letter is sufficient to make somebody realise that it is finally time to park the car for the last time.
As this is an issue that I face regularly in the course of my work I usually take the tack that the insurance companies will not pay out if anything untoward were to happen, even if its not there fault.
This is a difficult and sensitive issue (particularly for men) – but honest & straight talking presenting the fact in a clam way often works

There's a old boy up here who only drives to the supermarket, it's about 500m away from his house, takes him about 1/2 hour what with trying to reverse out of his driveway. Does his shopping, then sits in the car checking out the receipt with this giant magnifying glass! Drives home again. I've offered countless times, but hey, it's pride innit...

Tricky one Hmmmm, you could tip a bottle of Scotch down his neck, shove him in the car and call the old bill.

I would advise training. He needs to recognise there is a problem otherwise he will think you are targetted him.

Also loss of freedom will suck.

Ageing sucks too.

If he didn't have a heart problem I would suggest exercise and mental stimulation.

I would speak to a driving instructor who can help.

I've probably hit more things than him at parking! 😈

Disconnect battery and call friendly local garage to come and 'recover it' when he finds it wont start.
Get a friend to call him up acting as the garage and tell him something is terminally wrong with the car and it isnt worth repairing.

Tell him its probably for the best and maybe getting a taxi is a better option in future.

i have just bought him the car and he is a bit of a petrolhead, so knows his way round an engine,
I think it has to be his decision to not drive, but he will be helped on the way.

Thing is, fast forward. When our mobility starts going and the cars not an option. Well its a scary thought- we'll all be there one day. No wonder the Governments current law on self-filling of a suitability to drive form is ridiculous..what was one of the questions? 'does your Doctor know of any illnesses etc that may stop you from driving? YES/NO

If you are that bothered about him, why did you buy it for him?

You have to be honest and say you are very concerned that his driving will cause him and others harm. And its the harm to others thats the issue here...

My grandpa on one side was open enough to his son/my uncle discussing it. The son then acted and took his car keys off him - opened an account with local taxi firm etc etc My grandpa said it was a relief that someone had pushed him into it, as he would have carried on.
My wifes grandpa drove because his wife made him - she wanted the freedom it gave, and was far healthier than him. She was making him drive from Lincoln to Sheffield (incl. Motorway) regularly - and he and she both got very upset when we tried to speak to them about it. In the end it was the car dying (it did breakdown, but the family also persuaded the garage to declare it dead....) that stopped him - and a week later he had a stroke, while in a taxi off to do the shopping....

nice troll post hobo
grow up

How is that a troll post?

Your dad is old
Your dad isnt really up to driving
You bought the car recently

I tried the helpfull approach (Not really that helpfull i know) and it didnt work so then i question why you bought him a car in the first place.

Whilst I agree that contacting your dad's GP may be a good start There is not necessarily an awful lot he will be able to do. The guidance that doctors are given is essentially 'that we have to tell the patient that they have a legal obligation to report any medical condition that may effect their ability to drive to the DVLA' if they don't and continue to drive then we are to 'try and persuade them to stop'. If this fails we can 'discuss it with the patients next of kin, with the patients consent' and if all else fails we can (and only then) report it to the DVLA ourselves - but agin only after telling the patient that is what we are going to do.

This is not without its own problems as it may lead to a breakdown of trust between the patient and their doctor (i.e. the patient may not attend their GP about other serious medical conditions for fear of being dobbed in to the DVLA), so a lot of GPs will be unwilling to do this unless they absolutely have to.

And ultimately the decision whether to revoke or renew a licence lies with the 'Drivers Medical Group' at the DVLA, not the patients own GP. Which is the way it should be to ensure a healthy doctor-patient relationship....

Having said all that I don't think there is anything to stop you dobbing him in anonymously to the DVLA medical bods!

Update

firstly i bought him a new car because he was driving a 280bhp subaru, so a small honda seemed a better bet.....

he went to the doctors this morning, doctor gave him the once over and sugested that as he has problems walking and turning his head he should think about giving up driving

this went down like a sack of poo

doctor called me afterwards and told me everything that had happened

i had to wait till lunchtime and called my father who told me the doctor had sent him for a blood test and everything else was fine

i pushed him a little into telling me what happened (he did not tell me everything)

the important thing is he told me that the doctor had the audacity to tell him he shouldn't be driving as he couldn't move his head

"And i told him I have a reversing camera"

"I'm never going to that doctor again"

don't know what the next step is

thankfully he can't drive the car at the moment as the battery is flat
and i have the charger

oh taxi from doctors to supermarket cost £2

Seriously sounds like you need to have it out with him that he is not fit to drive - and keep the battery charger hidden.
Would you go as far as asking local bobby to pop round and offer 'advice'?

Can you put together a compilation of accidents caused by people who are too old to drive. Much like the drink drive adverts. Try and shock him into packing in.

If he is as bad as you say (And it sounds that way to me) you will be doing him a bigger favour falling out with him for a little while than you would letting him kill some little kid on a pedestrian crossing.

Thats my sensible input btw 😉

FWIW my dad had a bit of an episode at about 50yrs old where he got the shakes for some reason. He was on medication for 12mths and it did go away eventually. Anyhow, his driving turned to shite. I had one journey with him (After being pre warned by my brother) and afterwards told him to his face i would never get back in a car with him again as he was a dissgrace. Both my brothers told him this as well to his face. In the end my mother took on the driving duties which i appreciate isnt going to be the case for your dad.

I would rather have an argument with my dad than see him peeling some kid up off the pavement.

Get him drving lessons and have him assessed and coached by the instructor.

That sounds like a good idea.

at the moment we have tried to let him come to the conclusion his driving is too bad to carry on, and we will have a talk this weekend, i am not going to fall out with him (he is not a well man) and I think the stress of any conflict would not help in the slightest.

you know i was thinking about getting the local plod involved

Go on line and print out the news artical about that old chap that killed a motorcyclist recently, I think he got four years. He was basically too old to drive and ended up killing someone. Give the artical to your old man to read before he ends up in a similar situation.

Do something now, you may regret it later. His feelings will count for nothing if he kills / injures someone or himself.

Im sure he offered advice to you when you were young that you found hard to take, but it was the best advice.

Get in the car with him wearing all your body armour and some cushions strapped to you, and hand him a bag with 'airbag' written on it... I had the same issue with my grandad. in the end we just sat down with him and told him we where concerned about him and his safety. He had a bit of a grump and then came good a few days later. Worth a go...