[Closed] Blimey! What is it with you guys?

We're men what do you expect?

[b]Quote:
seem to have the most revolting personal habits - not cleaning Camelbak bladder at all, pee'ing in the shower, farting in the office etc etc. The list is endless.[/b]

Thats just what my girlfriend does!! although she farts everywhere not just the office!!

Men or neanderthal men?

It's a well known fact that ladies love a man who smells like a dog otter (pheremones), and if youre trying to imply that there's something wrong with a chap revelling in his own effluence, then I think you'll be the one without a girlfriend! or something...

Calm down love an' 'ave a nice cuppa.
Kettles over there mines two sugars 😉

You can clean Camelbak bladders?

perhaps you're just too fastidious ? Other women may have more realistic expectations 🙂

LMT - that is shocking! Point out this thread to her and the STW girlies will explain decorum 8)

I had better not to show her the thread she would beat me up! lol!

Shes not very girly at all, drinks from pint glasses, or the bottle, plays xbox loves killing people in Gears Of War, farts whenever she wants. A bit of a tom boy, only snag is she is bloody slow on the trails!!

You'd be bored if we posted threads about knitting and handbags!

Where ever you be
Let your wind blow free
In church or chapel
Let it rattle!

Ahhh, we might have bad habits, but who removes the spiders, unblocks the drains, opens all the new jars, and builds, fixes and cleans the bikes, eh? Eh? Eh?!

😉

You mean us?

It's not the lack of camelbak cleaning, peeing in the shower and garden, and farting that stop me from getting a girlfriend.

It's my wife.

🙂

Then you have the audacity to bleat about not being able to find a nice girlfriend

I'm pretty damn revolting but I've got a nice girlfriend. Too bloody nice in fact, I want a more dirty one 😉

If we were nice & proper, you'd say we weren't manly enough or something similar and that we needed to roughen up a bit.

God, you sound like my ex 😡

We need taking in hand.
It's what women love about us. 🙂

[chuckles at Moses] 🙂

It's getting worse and worse 🙁

Reckon some of you need a mother rather than a girlfriend.

If we were nice & proper, you'd say we weren't manly enough or something similar and that we needed to roughen up a bit

Not true! I'll be the first to admit to wanting men to be men but you can be clean AND manly!

What I can't get my head round is the number of threads about poncey coffee machines - is this what blokes aspire to? To impress us? I would be seriously worried if a bloke spent £500 on some espresso/latte/middle-class bit of metal ... cos you can guarantee they would never clean it, that's if they figured out how to use it 🙂

Oh well ... back to my little (perfect) world 😉

men have rights too

its obvious you have never been to barnsley if you had the word woman is just the two letters wo tagged on to the word man to describe what can only be a deviation in the theory of human evolution

at least you know men are going to fart burp and generally be a bit crude

however when the first words you hear from a lot of females round the town centre is buy us a fing dring cock followed by you fing wer when you don't take up the charming request...only to bump into said female whilst shes stuffing a greggs or chicken and gravy into her face whilst letting the odd burp and fart go at 3 am ..still she manages to fit in a few swear words in your direction "what you fing lookin at cock!!

i wonder??

you learn to think some things are just meant to be left alone

How dare you suggest that the young ladies of that South Yorkshire Shangri-la are anything other than polite and well mannered - outside now cock!

stupid expensive coffee machine was the best purchase we made in a long time!

And I'm not sure I see the problem with weeing in the shower, it all gets washed away.

And I don't clean my camelbak.

love, mrsskank.

ps I make no comments about farting. Lets just say there are advantages to being alone in the office 😉

c_g - cleanliness is a sign of a dirty mind.

Your place or mine? 😉

erm....I have known girls who pee in the shower & fart probably more than me (although perhaps without the eye watering ferocity to accompany the quantity).

I've not known enough women cyclists to comment on their camelbak hygiene regime, but the one I do know is no more fastidious than I am.

As for coffee machines - I've never known any bloke to buy a coffee machine to impress a girl! We've got a Senseo thing, but the mother of her indoors bought that for us, as it was cheap in Sainsburys!
Every bloke knows the best way to impress a girl is to get some bangin' tunes on the car stereo, drive it like you stole it & stick on a huge 'zoorst for maximum noise from the 1.2 under the bonnet. They love it!

oh believe me greggs isnt just an upper class eatery its now a "spectator sport" venue tis the best part of my night round t'old tarn

I feel like a bit of a pariah now... I always clean the bladder in my camelback after using it and try very hard not to fart in the office, or at home. I even spend a large chunk of my lunchtime cleaning the house.

Does this make me less of a man?

And as an added bonus, Kipper Jackson crooning gently in the background... beautiful.

i have a question do women squat down to pee in the shower like they do behind pubs and bars

oh well if its good enough for paula radcliffe!!!

I have a fancy coffee machine because I like good coffee. What's wrong with that?

Mrs R is known to let off a stink bomb now and again, and I cleaned out her water bottle yesterday evening. From a ride she did 3 weeks ago - yuk!

lol .........kipper jackson...now frequents wombwell i think he has an ASBO for the town centre

Does this make me less of a man?

I thought Radcliffe did a cheeky poo?

Compositepro - that's just down the road from me (Darfield) - now I really am scared. I used to work with his wife, and she was pots for rags as well.

Never clean my camelback bladder, it only ever gets water in it and it gets hung up to dry after. No problems as yet.

Peeing in the shower - not for a long time, but mainly because I usually dont need to, not for the cleanliness of it - it all goes down the same plughole only when in the shower there's more water to be washing it away - worrying about that is stupid, pee is cleaner and more sterile than most of the more grimy areas of your skin like hands and feet.

Farting - im with you on that one, its just plain orrible.

Maybe we should list the faults of women.... 😆

I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A WIFE?

I hear pee is actually sterile ?

Yes he does (or did, I believe that sadly, they divorced, due to him being a somewhat complicated chap). She was fat, as I recall, and to use a well loved Yorkshire saying 'I'd rather **** her than fight her'.

Reminds me of reasons why men are better than women.

>1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands,
>open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't.
>Jars are men's work.
>
>
>2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to
>kids makes you the man.
>
>
>3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
>Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the
>ball and crippling the man. Magic.
>
>
>4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
>
>
>5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and -
>as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
>rubbish noisy destruction.
>
>
>6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
>
>
>7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
>
>
>8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an
>iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
>
>
>9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying
>they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your
>hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look
>like.
>
>
>10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you
>to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it
>says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
>
>
>11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
>safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb.
>
>
>12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
>that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
>
>
>13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean
>you're popular, it just means your mates are *ed. However, the rest
>of the pub doesn't know that.
>
>
>14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
>Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
>
>
>15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the
>blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.
>
>
>16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
>
>
>17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
>rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
>item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
>
>
>18, TAKING OUT £500 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
>plumber (or a 'quiet one with John Sams)but with that much cash you feel
>like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll
>later.
>
>
>19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
>straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
>then. Seven. See ya."
>
>
>20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time.
>
>
>21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand
>there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer
>gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
>
>
>22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't
>make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
>
>
>23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you
>mad, bint?"
>
>
>24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's
>right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized *.
>
>
>25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a
>man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in
>hospital".

and wake up at 50...

it turns out that 50 and over isn't a wasteland of desperation :o)

Indeed, Mr Barnes - I'm 49 next, and looking forward to every reactionary, cardigan wearing minute of it.

I'm 49 next, and looking forward to every reactionary, cardigan wearing minute of it.

I don't possess a cardigan or slippers, and have to date failed to slide into reactionary incoherence :o)

I'll be the judge of that sir! Now if you'll be so kind as to help me with this damn button...

Well, what can I say? I am seriously wondering whether I should frequent this forum 🙄

Mind you, all the gentlemen guests to CG Towers have been impeccably behaved ... or perhaps they are terrified of me 😉

Finally

[tannoy] calling Captain Flashheart to the Chat Forum to dispense etiquette advice [tannoy]

or perhaps they are terrified of me

dragon lady warning 🙁

dragon lady warning

Simon - everyone who has met me will tell you I am a fluffy bunny 😉

I am a fluffy bunny

with razor sharp teef ?

with razor sharp teef ?

I only wear them when sat at the keyboard 🙂

Looks like you're completely out-voted CG, maybe time to re-think your life values? <or just keep quite and not mention them from now on lol>

Whats this about you being a fluffer?

coffeeking - I am what I am ... what isn't necessarily the same as I appear on here 😉

and have to date failed to slide into reactionary incoherence :o)

You should see it from our point of view, Simon....
😉

coffeeking - I am what I am ... what isn't necessarily the same as I appear on here

What, you mean you're not a fluffer? Damn! 😆

<my original post was, of course, tongue in cheek>

You should see it from our point of view, Simon....

I'm usually criticised for being too bleeding heart liberal, not grasping selfinterest!

<my original post was, of course, tongue in cheek>

what in cheek ??

tongue?

Mind you, all the gentlemen guests to CG Towers have been impeccably behaved

and i thought was mine [img] [/img] 🙄 😥

Mind you, all the gentlemen guests to CG Towers have been impeccably behaved

I've been to your house. It's not impossible that I could have farted in the living room and peed in the bath.....
😯

My missus bought me an all in one posh coffee machine for my birthday

Very nice, but I only drink tea

I'm rethinking going on the STW Mendips ride now. Just imagine if during a climb I accidentally farted while in front of C_G 😳

errrrr, don't pee in the shower, it blocks the drains (seriosuly!)

The drains slowly block with a mix of fat and hair, but peeing on the mixture fertilises it allowing bacteria to collonise it and turn it into a big sulphurous smelling lump of bits of you and bacterial excrament.

Peterpoddy - as long as you didn't pee in the living room!

tinas - and I always blamed the missus for blocking it with her hair. ha.

LOL @ MrsF!

I think the other guests would have noticed if I did. Although it's hard to keep my farts quiet as well, come to think of it....
😉

nothing mentioned by CG is particularly important. If i don't clean my camelbak bladder it only affects me. i could piss in her shower for a year and she wouldn't know, or be affected. farting alone, again, no harm done. there are more pressing issues in life than things that don't affect you. something is only a hygiene issue if it makes [u]you[/u] ill. i have a life, maybe you can find one too......

thisisnotaspoon is that true? Have you got reputable links to that info?
Considering the godawful mess I had to clear from the shower trap recently I feel a change of habit is imminent.

Everyone lets off noxious gases but doing it in the presence of others is bad manners, letting out a ripper and being proud of it is just immature school boy behaviour.

PMSL @ jimmys list

remember when you can smell fart its particles of shit in the air you're breathing - not something i'm keen on if it's origin is some fat hairy phucktard

[i]The drains slowly block with a mix of fat and hair, but peeing on the mixture fertilises it allowing bacteria to collonise it and turn it into a big sulphurous smelling lump of bits of you and bacterial excrament[/i]

How is fat going into your shower U bend?

Came accross it whist doing some research for interesting/gross science stuff.

also.........
The red mould/bacteria in your shower is actualy growing on a thin layer of fat washed out of your skin, it's actualy flesh eating (it can live on your skin and eats away at the oil in it) but its too easily killed to do any harm.

Bearing in mind what you say they're made of iDave what difference does the origin matter? Do skinny sexy glamour models farts smell of flowers?

[i]How is fat going into your shower U bend? [/i]

What do you think soap is made of...

No red mould in my shower. I jet wash it with piss 🙂

[i]What do you think soap is made of... [/i]
No idea, don't use the stuff.

D0NK, there are things i'd do with a fit woman that i wouldn't consider with bernard manning

Well we don't have a shower, so neither of us can piss in it, but Stealthcat can strip paint at 50' when letting rip (which she does frequently and often). There have been times when I've been tempted to nail the duvet to the bedframe to save having to get the stepladder out at 3am to retrieve it from the ceiling.

She cleans the camelbak bladders, cuz I can't be arsed, but I make the coffee (on a poncy machine, which has been one of our better investments), because a) I'm better at it, b) it means she doesn't have to get up so early.

She does have a thing about clean baths, but I can't remember her ever cleaning the bog (despite the comments above) in living memory.

It's all give and take isn't it? Living with a "perfect lady" would get a little bit wearisome.

well your skin is covered in oil by the end of the day, this gets washed off, some of if goes down the drain, some is deposited in a similar way to limestone in a cave and some sticks to surfaces as the water containg it dries out.

remember when you can smell fart its particles of shit in the air you're breathing - not something i'm keen on if it's origin is some fat hairy phucktard

That's not really true or at least, not mostly. farts are by the vast majority, just gas - smelly ones at times but gas nonetheless.
Comedy link from someone with too much time on their hands (probably a STW forum member) with everything you could ever want to know about farts.
[url] http://www.heptune.com/farts.html [/url]

guilty of all. and more...

Holy cow!

CG, your not morphing into an RB clone are you?!!!

That was borderline rant 🙂

You will be pleased to know that I have now washed and then evacuated by bladder with boiling hot water.....

😉

well your skin is covered in oil by the end of the day

some of us are not so revolted by our own bodies as to feel the need to shower every day :o)

I used to work with Kipper's missus,they are now divorced,she's an interesting shade of orange.Saw Kipper come into the William Hills in Peel square after aquiring some free booze from the cheap supermarket in Peel st,he couldn't work out why the staff threw him out.
Ian

Well, that does it! I'm going to totter off (in new killer heels) to a non-biking forum with a better class of folk. Just can't believe what a dirty bunch of beggars most of you are.

Invites to CG Towers will only be extended to previously vetted people but that excludes Mr Poddy who had the audacity to boast of his shameful behaviour 😯

will only be extended to previously vetted people

should read: "previously [b]wetted[/b]", but isn't water dangerous to the skin ?

So, that's at least three of us from Barnsley on here then - next, world domination!!