MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
As previously posted, my (non smoking) brother in law was diagnosed with lung cancer at the very start of last year.
Due to mutuation, he has been treated so far with targetted therapy and has been getting on fine - back at work although not 'on the tools', but has had 2 episodes of requiring fluid drained from lungs.
He started with a number of tumour sites - in both lungs plus liver. CT scan 2 weeks ago showed tumours reduced - again - with only 1 tumour evident in 1 lung and this was much reduced in size.
However, he was having issues breathing so was admitted to hospital on Friday and some fluid from lung aspirated. He appears to have gone downhill quickly and today they brought up the subject of DNR.
My sis and 2 x nieces are not in a good way as you might imagine, as, due to recent good progress and recent CT scan results, this has come a bit out of the blue.
B*gg*r!
Sorry to hear this 🙁
am sorry to hear that, my best wishes to your brother in law.
Bu66er indeed.
Sorry to hear that. My thoughts to your bro-in-law, family & friends.
Sorry to hear that... I worked in a residential home and got to know the system.. Was taught cpr but we had to verify if a dns was In place first(had the situation twice...wont go into detail)... And we would see people come in with similar situations...
If a dns is in place(is it?)...he will have capacity so ultimately can decide himself if he wants it.. It could save him a lot of pain... But that's his choice Its hard to sit by and just let it happen but sometimes it's the kinder thing to do then to let someone stuffer...
Hold in there if he wants to live he will or will fight to stay that way(humans are amazingly adaptable).. And just do right by him... That's all you can do.. chin up things can always get better... Good luck
It’s good that these things get brought up. We need to talk about them before people are too unwell to talk about them.
It’s a shame that it always has to co-incident with being given bad news about prognosis. This is something we need to work on, but our society isn’t used to discussing death.
I’m sorry for the bad news about your brother-in-law. **** cancer.
Well said 'superficial'.. Glad to hear someone else isn't afraid to talk about the dark and dismal bits of life
Thees such a stigma around talking about things that hurt.. For crying out loud I took me having a mental break down to learn that...
Sometimes it's good to just let things out..
Sad story but thanks for sharing as may help others one day to be more prepared.Totally agree keeping the subjects of death and suffering in the cupboard does more harm than good in the long run .
Thanks all.
Well, he is breathing on his own, and has not had any oxygen since arriving in hospital a few days back.
He is away to have another CT scan, as the current suspicion is he may have a Pulmonary Embolism...
Sorry to hear this. Never easy.
When my mum got her terminal diagnosis, she did an EOL plan almost immediately. She was heavily involved in the local Death Cafe (not as weird as it sounds) so had some people to ask.
If the topic hasn't been discussed before, it's worth looking up Living Well, Dying Well
B*gger probably doesn't cover it.
If you can, it is worth discussing. As are many other things. I'll not say it will be easy at any point but if it looks like you might run out of time then you can make things less shit. It's not going to make it any easier being ignorant of what is happening.
I went through this with my dad. We didn't put anything in place (probably through fear of discussing the inevitable). It made some things harder than they needed to be.
You and your family aren't alone in this. It is something where you can talk to others who have experienced the same events and can possibly help.
Macmillan are a fantastic organisation that can help you. There website is full of useful information and has a phone number.
https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/at-the-end-of-life
Good luck.
Good to hear that benz...I learnt first hand(more then once...another story) that people usually don't give up without a fight..
Feel free to message or post if you or any of your lot need to talk.. I know what a symatheic ear can mean in times of hardship.. I also witnessed this with my nan(but worked at said home).. Its soul destroying.. Remember all of these people have come here to help.. Maybe not much we can do.. But we can try..
Really sorry to hear this.
My mum was diagnosed a year ago and she's been kicking it's arse ever since and gone from a bad prognosis to we have no idea how long. This has reminded me not to be complacent and make sure I spend time with her.
Thoughts are with you and your family during this stressful time.
F*** cancer.
My MIL has had a DNR for a while, her choice. Loads wrong with her, heart failure and stroke. Took a very bad turn for the worse in Feb, we all thought she was dying, including the docs, then MIL mentioned about taking off the DNR, even though she was on her last legs.. with a bad chest infection.
Anyway, hospital took her off most of her drugs, but put her on insulin injectios (she is type 2) as we mentioned her bloods were way too high (in the 20's which damages organs) as our son is a T1. Anyway, she improved massively on the insulin injections, and is OK at present, but in a nursing home being well looked after. She was shovelling sugar for a long time, and now can't to the same extent.
It's a bit crap with a DNR sometimes. Has to be an individual decision.
Make sure if you do have a DNR that everybody is aware of it and the hospice/hospital/carehome have the signed version readily to hand. Our dear old neighbour was in a home (dementia/heart failure/kidney problems), he had a DNR but the home didn't have it for some reason. He had a heart attack and was given CPR and survived. He limped along for another 4 months dying by inches. It wasn't pleasant to watch, especially when he kept asking friends and family to help him go.
I'm sorry to hear this. As a Critical Care nurse I am regularly involved in the process of breaking bad news to patients and family members and, having had my own father die from cancer two years ago, have experienced it from both sides.
On the subject of a DNR though, one of the most important things to remember is that it isn't a one-way street. Briadly speaking a DNR is purely put into place at a specific time and taking into account the (at the time) current prognosis and best interests of the patient. They can, and are often, reviewed and cancelled if prognosis improves and the use of CPR in the event of an arrest would be suitable, given potential quality of life.
Whatever happens I hope your Brother-in-Law remains comfortable through this.
On a broader note, something that is rarely mentioned in these discussions is that not having/refusing to accept a DNR is extremely unlikely to change a medical team's plan if said patient were to arrest. If the medical opinion remains that commencing CPR would be futile and/or against the best interests of the patient then it's likely the attending arrest team would cease CPR efforts fairly quickly.
It's a difficult subject to broach with family and loved ones and, as a society, it would be far better if we could have these conversations with each other well before such requirements become necessary. Within Critical Care we are generally very good at having these conversations, which is likely helped by the public's perception of what an admission to Intensive Care can mean, but elsewhere within the medical and nursing field they can be difficult conversations to have.
My (non smoking) mum was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of November last year. Her main discomfort was that it had spread to her bones which was extremely painful.
She was admitted to a hospice in March to manage the pain. The intention was to have her home after a week or two to begin chemo.
Her condition deteriorated quickly, and towards the end of the month she had a lung infection. They asked me and my step father about draining the lung, and we took the difficult decision to ask them not to drain it but to give her enough drugs to make her comfortable. She died a week later.
A very difficult decision to make, knowing we were effectively ending her life, but we had to weigh up the fact that draining the lung would have prolonged both her life and her pain and discomfort.
I feel for anyone who has to watch a loved one go through that and a DNR is the right choice at times like that.
From watching my uncle go downhill with mesothelioma in a hospice. Once the palliative care plan is in place it looks like a trippy way to die. My uncle had numerous events where the oxygen starvation caused some odd mental effects for him.
I give thanks that we have a fab hospice in the town, they get all of my charitable effort as they have seen out 3 close family members with dignity and minimal suffering.
Good luck OP and as everyone else has said **** Cancer.
Blimey, life throws some crap around eh? Really sorry to hear buddy. Hope you and the family can get through, it's gonna be tough by the sounds of it. Feel free to vent here, we'll be as supportive as we can. Hang in there.
Oh and yeah, fk cancer.
Went to visit yesterday evening. DNR has not been actioned.
Now on drugs to deal with CT confirmed 2 x blood clots in lung plus fluid in legs plus some around heart per CT scan.
The oncologist he has been under the care of is continuing with his targetted therapy and is considering some additional radio or chemo once his strength returns.
The primary objective is to deal with the clots plus reduce fluid and get his basic health back to some normality.
Appears that he has not really been sleeping for a number of weeks - a few hours a day max, and has a reluctance of lie down in bed - probably due to his fear of not being able to breathe plus some discomfort so has 'slept' in a chair. He was obviously very tired and has likely not been eating or drinking, so some basic things need addressing. He has not been on supplementary oxygen so far.
We had a laugh about a number of things, but my sense is that, although trying very hard to remain positive and optimistic for my wife and neices, he may be putting on a brave front and perhaps now needs to talk to someone neutral. However, his brother in the US called to see if he should come home for a visit and the response was a very strong "No need!".
Outwardly, he has been very much "I've got this, we can only go with the flow, remain positive, etc" and given he is 18 months down the line with significant improvement in the actual original cancer sites, a combination of things has now knocked him down - which he will hopefully pick up from. He is a genuinely good lad. Fingers crossed!
We'll just have to see how things progress over the next short while and see where things go.
Thanks all.
Thanks for the update! Keeping fingers crossed that things progress in the right direction.