[Closed] Being disowned by/disowning your family

I miss them but love my GF more.

I am used to being without the family relatives now.

(Disaproved of my GF for being a different race/colour)

Tai Bride? 😆

orion slave girl?
[img] [/img]

My wife has no contact with her family at all, except for her Grandmother on her mothers side. This has been going on since my eldest lad was 3 months old. So nearly 6 years. It started when my mother in law stopped coming to visit. My wife tried to find out what the problem is, but her mother wouldn't speak to her. Which must have been a weird phone call. She tried to stay in contact with her (step) sister but she had mad mother pressure and stopped contact too.

They are all a liability and she's better off without the grief. As for her mother, she has never even seen the other 2 grandchildren she has. I've seen her in town and she practically ran from me to avoid the things I would say to her.

I'm still close with most of my family.. well as close as we ever were anyway but one brother?... about a year after I moved over here from the states and I found I was making all the phone calls back there I asked this one once.."why do you never phone me?"
I shouldn't have asked
he replied " I felt like I lost a brother when you moved " he said it sort of half jokey but we really havent been the same since.

(Disaproved of my GF for being a different race/colour)

I don't miss my mother/father/sister at all.

Nasty, mercenary lot interested in nothing but themselves.

Saw them all together last week, having coffee in a supermarket cafe. What a set of c***s.

binners - Member

Anyone any experience of this? Do you miss 'em? Or glad to see the back of 'em?

Eh?

Why? what have you done?

I am about to disown my Dad!

His whole life has been built on lies on top lies, sad thing is, it took me to the age of 41 to realize!

Came to a head this week, his actions have destroyed so many innocent people lives. I don't think I will ever forgive him for what he has and is still doing.

Not going to be easy though, Gramp is a big part of my kids life & they are at an age not to understand.

zaskar - Member

I miss them but love my GF more.

I am used to being without the family relatives now.

(Disaproved of my GF for being a different race/colour)

I went through this too zaskar my wife's family are from HK and both family's disapproved when we said we were getting married, took 8 years for her parents to accept our relationship, now though, they are very close.

I haven't seen my sister in 20 years (I'm 36 now) as she decided for reasons unknown to my parents or myself that she wanted no contact whatsoever. No discussion or announcement just one day all contact was lost. And that was that. I went round to her last known address but no joy. My Dad used an organisation to track her down a few years back but they reported back that she didn't want any contact. We don't know what city/ country she is in now. Its a complete mystery why she is like this.

So that makes it quite upsetting but then again I often feel very angry with her given that she is bringing up children who will always wonder about the uncle and grandparents they don't know. Not a great example of a stable family environment to start them off in life. My parents are getting old and starting to sicken and one day I guess I'm going to be sitting at two funerals as the only child while she carries on with her life oblivious to the loss of her own parents. Stupid cow....!

It's her birthday today actually.

My sister has accompanied her partner of 18 (?) years to his father's funeral today.

He's a complete ****t, this we all know, and he severed all connect with his parents, for what reason I'm not privy, some 22 years ago. He was happy to receive a cheque each year for a grand, but never visited them, not in the last 22 years.
He had plans, I'm lead to belive, to go and see them at Easter. Now his father has died in the mean time.

This is not something he can recover now, no patching up the gaps, no making amends. He has to now live with this, as does his mother. My sister will now live, as best she can, with a moody ****t for the next 6 months.

I don't miss the family members who I am no longer in contact with. All they did was criticise my life choices and make me feel bad for the person I am.

I love how STW automatically assumes zaskar is white btw!

What have I done? Good question. It would appear, according to my dad, that the state of the econmony (among other things) are all down to me. According to him, my business going bust and the subsequent disasterous fallout are something I've actively courted. Cos its been a right laugh. I've enjoyed every second of it

Very bizarre

GaryLake - Member
I love how STW automatically assumes zaskar is white btw!

nope - can't see where/ how anyone has done that

I love how STW automatically assumes zaskar is not an orion slave boy btw!

92.1% of the population is so odds are! But I dont see where anybody made that assumption you troll

I havent spoken to any of my family for over 13 years, dont miss them at all. I regret that my nieces dont know me and are caught in the middle of so called grown ups arguments.

If you dont get on with your family doesn't make you a bad person.

"I felt like I lost a brother when you moved " he said it sort of half jokey but we really havent been the same since.

my mum said the same about me moving over to germany. she's not disowned me, but our relationship has changed.

we used to be very close whereas the old man and i were almost always at logger heads.

now i get on a lot better with him and can easily spend two or three hours down the pub.

i've come to resent the way in which my mum lives - with her constant spending, her views garnered from the daily mail as oppsed to having any real experiences, lighting the house at night "because it looks nice" (who the **** gives a toss, they're all asleep!!!), driving everywhere, etc, etc....

she holds a grudge against the GF as she feels the GF has stolen her little boy.

i could go on....

it's her 60th birthday in four days and i've not got her anything because there is nothing she needs (sister said i should get her a 'charm' to go on a 'charm bracelet', but 1) it has no sentimental attachment other than the cost and 2) i think they're really ****ing tacky). i'll write a letter and send a nice photo, but all the 'nice' photos where i appear happy i'm either out on the bike caked in mud or stoned - sometimes both in the same shot. and i'm not really sure what i should put in the letter....

still love her though.

Not had anything to do with my family for about 18yrs now. I guess both sides were too stubborn to make a move at appologizing at first.

As the years have gone by I care very little about the situation. Their loss as far as I concerned. I have my wife and two kids who are doing very good..thats good enough for me.

Sorry to hear about your buisness Binners, like you say, why would you put yourself out of work? Does seem a little unfair of your farther, and I have no Idea what your relationship with him is like, but its a damn shame to let it get to the stage where you dont talk. Give it time perhaps?

I found out my farther did something really crappy recently, it was in the past, I decided I love him anyway and were all entitled to make a mistake.

I don't miss the family members who I am no longer in contact with. All they did was criticise my life choices and make me feel bad for the person I am.

[b]lbg[/b] - exactly the same for me and I went along with it until I was 34 then realised that I'm ace and they are horrid. Nobody who knows me and my ex-family can believe I came from them!

Lifes too short to hold grudges.

I always leave the door open to everyone that I have met or am related to in my life regardless of what they say or how they act.

Even the people who have threatened me with violence. If I didn't forgive them I'd hurt them badly. Thats not my style though 🙂

Live with no regrets. Let other people have regrets, not you.

reading these posts, my own included, is there such a thing as a "functional" family?

(( a few years ago the word "dysfunctional" was all the rage ))

having read some of the other posts that appeared in the time it took for me to write mine, i have to say that in no-way is the relationship with my mum so taut. just different to how it once was. we still talk often (too often perhaps) via skype bt face-to-face things aren't so easy. it's the complete opposite with dad.

I have had nothing to do with my family for the past 8 years until recently that is, I heard my father was ill so I picked up the phone and got in touch, we are now meeting for lunch & I took my children over to see him. my sister is the main factor bhind the rift she manipulated a situation all those years ago so my father & I fell out, she has also told my fathers partner of 10 years to leave, so she did. basically my sister is a daddies girl and has traded on her looks and always plays the sympathy card so she has learnt how to pull my fathers strings, he is now 75 ill and alone thanks to her, I suppose her inheritance will make it all worthwhile. My mother is a differnt story.

I found it easier to just stay away cant be doing with all the family polotics as I have my own family to care about,wasted far to many years trying to get them to see my point of view and being angry, now I just let it go over my head and find it realy funny to see mny sister glaring at me or my partner, we just laugh at the situation, although it is sad.

One of the saddest threads I've seen on here I think.

All this emotional fallout with the people we should feel closest to and nurture.

I love how STW automatically assumes zaskar is white btw!

You mean you did, then realised he might not be.

As grievoustim said, can't anyone esle who made that assumption.

I have no contact with any of my family. They were emotionally abusive people. Their idea of a good child was to never become adult and to remain a puppet. Leaving my family was hard, sad and upsetting but it was the best decision in life I have ever made and I wish I had done it years sooner. I wish someone had taken me aside and explained to me how isolated and abusive my world was so that I could get perspective on it not being normal parenting.

One of the most difficult aspects is that if people ask about my family and I say I am not in touch with them, the response is usually something like 'how terrible, you must do something about it, they are your parents after all'. So I get an automatic assumption from people that I am to blame and my parents are wrongly deserted. It feels very unjust.

My mother became physically violent in the end when I would not comply with her unreasonable demands, one of which was to say I must promise her never marry or have children. My dad was not as blatent, but he would lie to me about all sorts of things so that reality was distorted to fit the view of the world that suited him and he did lots to undermine my sister and I, with critical comments. I tried to discuss and negotiate the situation with them in my 20's but my mother told me I was an evil person who must become obedient and my Dad refused to discuss my relationship with him, saying he had better things to do. Saddly the quote here is correct:

"Talking to parents about your personal well-being often does little to no good. Because of the oppressive nature of controlling parents, they have pre-existing opinions that no matter what you say to defend yourself, how right or wrong you are, how good of a person you are...all of it goes out the window. And no matter how much you know you are right and they are wrong, and no matter how many ways you can prove your correctness, it won't matter one bit to them."

There is much more on the internet now about abnormally controlling parents and related mental illnesses they may have. People need to start seperating 'controlling' behaviour from just normal family values and disipline. Not all abuse is physical.

If you are in this kind of world or know someone who is, tell them to learn more (there are not many books, internet is best) and to walk away from thier families. There seem almost no sucess stories in staying with such parents as they are not able to adjust thier behaviour or see it as unreasonable in any form. Hense the mental illness connection. My life is so much better now than when I had contact with them, the difference is amazing.

.

"What is Emotional Abuse?

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go."

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Introduction
http://www.controllingparents.com/

Sad how so many have a poor relationship with family. I can't imagine losing contact with my family, regardless of their faults, but then none would ever consider doing anything that might cause that. Such a shame.

I was disowned by my mum when I was 15, I disowned the rest of my family at 16, reintroduced to my mum 15 years later, spat (quite literally) on my dad's grave 9 years ago, my mum died about 5 years ago (passed me by with barely a blink) about to be disowned by my wife and suspect contact with my daughter will be limited and will probably fizzle out to next to nothing as she gets older.
A proper family guy me - bollocks to all of them.
Still smiling though 🙂

Mrs carlos has had no real contact with her mother since 1990 , she had by my reckoning an extremely hard upbringing , cash was in very short supply and both her mum and dad argued a lot and took their tempers out on the kids although her brothers treatment from mum was much kinder

the preferred method of punishment were a 4' cane by her mum and a leather belt(sometimes buckle end)from dad! Her dad treated them both the same and has apologised (in tears while he did it) to the pair of them , her mum refuses to accept anything she did was wrong.

As a 16 year old doing YTS work mrs carlos bought things from her mums catalogue and would pay weekly for them , her mum would tell her dad she hadn't paid then he would make her pay again ,in the end she paid the money straight to her dad so her mum wasn't ripping her off.

these things are literally just the tip of a huge iceberg and a lot of whats gone on i wouldn't put on an internet forum .

When we started house hunting her mum offered to take us round to look at properties then tried to gazump us on the house we bought! that was the final straw and all ties were severed despite her buying a house that was less than 1 minutes walk away. She turned up after 10 years of no contact and asked why we excluded her and was told why then wouldn't admit her faults so was told to walk.

Mrs carlos believes life is better without her and that her mother's the one missing out on our 5 year old son.

There are some sad stories out there. I guess it all comes back to the fact that you can't choose your families in the same way you can your friends. My Mum & Dad got divorced in the early 70s when I was 5. My Dad had no contact with me or my brother from when I was 12 and my bro was 10. It feels like I missed out on a lot not having him in my life during my teens - it probably made it a lot harder for my Mum too. I reached out in my early 20's and we had a sporadic & strained relationship up until about 3 years ago. It just always felt like I didn't know him - and that the relationship was really hard work on my part. I honestly feel that my life is much more straightforward and enjoyable without him in it - and that my family unit (wife/baby boy/ in laws/mum/etc) is better for it. I do feel that he's missing out on seeing my son grow up, but that my son's not missing anything from the experience.

****. Guys.

Sad how so many have a poor relationship with family. I can't imagine losing contact with my family, regardless of their faults, but then none would ever consider doing anything that might cause that. Such a shame.

+1. **** that. I'm even friends with ex's.

One of the most difficult aspects is that if people ask about my family and I say I am not in touch with them, the response is usually something like 'how terrible, you must do something about it, they are your parents after all'.

With you there.. I just say I am an only child now to avoid all the "oh what a shame" or "you really should try a bit harder, its family after all" comments.

I should have added that my sister and I had a truly awful upbringing, but then we shared it. What makes me angry is that I have chosen to seek help to deal with it and used it to make me stronger whilst it appears she has decided to punish my parents (and me!?) instead. No matter what they put us through they are my parents and (although I don't see them that often given we have barely two words to say to each other) I will stick with them as one day they will be gone and then I'll probably have regrets.

I don't have contact with one of my sisters. My other sister and one of my brothers feels the same way about her. The other brother tolerates her for limited periods to keep the peace.

I just don't get the imperative to get along with siblings. I would exclude anyone from my life who was making me unhappy so why should I make an exception when that person is related to me?

I have nearly lost contact with my parents, my mother falls into the emotinally abusive / controlling pot. When I told her I was going to be a dad she said, well you'll need a complete personality change, and then said she'd spent all night worrying about the fact I was going to be a parent and couldn't sleep. Recently she came to stay, we have twins and they arrived at bedtime so she got no attention as we were tending to them. She blew up screaming that she should be made to feel more welcome. She even made up abuse by me to her to make me look bad in front of my father. I told her and my father to **** off and get out of my house.

Funny thing is, my dad accuses me of the abuse of my mother, when I ask him what it is he can't give specific examples and he says you know what you are like, when the reverse is true in my mind

Funny, some people just grow into selfish old gits and some people are a bit mental, its a pity they are sometimes related to you.

My wife has't seen her parents since they kicked her out when she was 15. She keeps telling me to forget about them.

****. Guys.

Hora, clearly you have been privileged enough within your family upbringing to have avoided ill-treatment at a level strong enough to drive you to extreme measures.

Others in this thread haven't been so lucky, so I suggest that making known your incredulity is innapropriate. I doubt anyone takes or has taken this subject and their experiences lightly, so maybe a bit of sympathy or at least resisting the temptation to judge the actions of others by your own experiences and opinions would perhaps be a little more welcome.

binners - Member

What have I done? Good question. It would appear, according to my dad, that the state of the econmony (among other things) are all down to me

Are you Gordon Brown?

I too used to be amazed by family breakups. Then suddenly your own family is gone, as things have become so unbearable you pass some kind of breaking point you never even suspected was there inside yourself.

I loved my parents and missed them the first few years. I was loyal to thier bad behaviour for years before leavign. But it was not ok or acceptable for them to destoy me and my sister for some kind of need or kick they got out of it. As my mothers mental illness got worse, it became unsurvivalable to be near her. In the end it was leaving or have a breakdown myself. The instabily of my parents has I suspect contributed hugely to my own relationship failures as an adult. I wish they had divorced when I was a child as I think thier behaviour was related to thier unhappy marriage in a lot of ways.

I think we are brainwashed by society into being dutiful beyond the resonable. We are indeed taught this by people who have a vested self interest in our being obdeient and unquestioning as it gives them power and security - our parents.

Could you quantify what 'bad behaviour' is from parents that causes children to cut parents off?

Surely being a drunk or a loser isnt enough to cut someone off? If its physical violence or molestation- then YES I could understand that.

this stuff sometimes turns out just grand.
my folks both came from fairly wrecked homes so when they met they both wanted family and stability.
my brother and i have been the ones to benefit from this. they have been great parents and if i go a week without speaking to my brother we get our heads bashed by my mother.
i am very lucky.

Like many others on here I have some family members who can be less than pleasant. I prefer to give them a little hug and tell them I how much love them, then the only people who need to feel bad are the ones who are being bad.

How you feel is a choice that you make, people choose to be offended, fed up, hurt or happy. Let them feel bad, you can choose to be happy and just tolerate their silly ways. Caveat, as long as they aren't physically hurting you/loved ones/stuff, esp bikes.

Its amazing how the same people who gve comments like, but he's your dad, but their your family suddenly change their tune a few years later because of a family rift they have had, how the worm turns. I fell with a friends wife because she would insist on talking about my father when she knew full well the situation, one day she phoned me to say that she had seen my dad in the pub and he had been on holiday blahdy blah, so I asked why she insisted on talking about my father when she knows it upsets me, she has not spoken to me since, niether does her husband. What dicks, feel like giving them a peace of my mind but they are not worth it.

nonk Im hoping our son is going to turn out the way you describe your upbringing/parents.

I think we are brainwashed by society into being dutiful beyond the resonable. We are indeed taught this by people who have a vested self interest in our being obdeient and unquestioning as it gives them power and security - our parents.

Not quite how I would say it, but I more or less agree with your sentiment. Even when there is no 'harm' being done, the very concept of Family is unreasonable, dysfunctional and prohibitive. It's much easier to develop and control a cohesive Society when it is comprised of Families; hence the value that governments attribute to it. At the other end of the scale, Family offers (perceived) security against (perceived) dangers that an individual might find more difficult to manage.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is an excellent, if extreme, observation of Family life.

Well I had a pretty idylic upbringing untill my dad died when I was 18. My mum blamed me for his death and just went mental. I know they are just words but never really been able to forgive her for being so unfair. My sister has turned into my mother and is a a lying idiot who is riven with jealousy and a lot of drug induced problems. Mental health nurse mental health problems. Both are manipulative and appear so nice and respectable but neither can keep friendships for more that a few years before some huge argument and the recriminations

A bit like Mr Starship I woke up one morning and realised that it isnt my fault, it was like an epiphany. I have fabulous friends who love me as I do them and I am blessed to go out with the greatest woman in the world.

Blimey this makes me feel lucky.

My parents divorced when I was 10, now my dad lives in the US and I live in Denmark so I don't see them as often as I would like and in the last year my dad has left his 2nd wife and is now married to someone only 2 years older than me. I am apparently getting a new sister in a couple of months.

Compared to all the abusive stuff though, this all seems normal and almost pleasant!

You want some kind of justification Hora? I can't give you justification and I'm not sure why I'm typing this on to the internet for anybody and everybody to see but just as a taster:
5 children. each made, from a very early age to clean their own shoes (from about age 4) each evening for school on old newspaper on the kitchen floor. Nowt wrong with that I suppose? If just ONE of those six children got the slightest mark of shoe polish on the kitchen floor (he'd sit at the table every evening watching us, one at a time while enjoying his daily beverage) nothing would be said. We'd probably be unaware of it......until Friday tea time. ALL of us, sent to our bedroom (six kids from age 4 to 13) in one bedroom (thank god for bunk beds) where we would stay until Monday morning. Only allowed out to go to the toilet after gaining his permission by knocking from the inside of the locked bedroom door. Meals were brought to the door for one of us to collect and hand round. No games, comics, books, tv. If he came up and ONE of us was not on our own respective bed, EVERYBODY would get the belt (not figuratively speaking either) in front of each other.
That any good for you?
No wonder two of my brothers prefer being in prison than out.

barca2. I am for once gobsmacked into silence.

I didn't have a great realtionship with my father for a long time, i think his expectations of me were unattainable and i wasnt him. It all came to a head when i got kicked out of college after flunking my second year. All got a bit nasty and i got kicked out. Sorted that out, but it took a wise friend to talk him round. It wasnt until i actually got a proper job and started making my own way in the world that he saw me as a man, not just his son and we got on better. We had a few years to spend as mates with him before he died of cancer.
Im lucky that the situation was able to be resolved. Although not everyone is that lucky, or able to resolve their issues.
Its easy to see how it can go wrong for parents and their children. Only now as a father myself can i see where my father was going wrong.

barca2 that's horrific. Whilst my relationship with my family is good I share the sentiment of others on here that family don't deserve special treatment just cause they are family. I value friends equally and in a few cases much more so.

But you did shut hora up and for that we are all truly grateful. 😉

hora, sometimes its better to say NOTHING than to try and empathise.
Not having a pop, just giving friendly advice.

Sad how so many have a poor relationship with family. I can't imagine losing contact with my family, regardless of their faults, but then none would ever consider doing anything that might cause that. Such a shame.

Don't comment, don't judge.

You don't have a clue what might have gone on to be able to qualify/quantify your statement.

Many people have a truly excellent family life, and I am exceedingly envious. My ex GF's parents were absolute stars, so much so that they made me feel part of their family too, and though it is years since we broke up, I know if I saw her parents now they'd invite me in for tea and a chat... I envy people like that!

Sadly my mother died when I was 14, and my father never really got his act fully together since. The last straw (you don't need to know the rest of the stuff, but sufice to say I've given him several chances to be my Dad) for me was blaming me for the break up in his marriage to my stepmother, and the demise of his business. If he wants to apologise unreservedly, I'm all ears, but until that day it's far better for the both of us that no contact is made... Means there's nothing to argue about! 😕

My Dad was very violent. Violent to anyone who wouldnt listen or do his way. Even now he could still cause alot of trouble and hes in his 70's. Rather than turn out like him I went the other way and live peacefully 😀

My sister is an odd one. For some reason we've never got on & she has told everyone who would listen that i am the 'favoured son' and she never 'got anything'. The fact that she was the baby of the family, spoilt rotten & could twist my father round her finger never seems to have occured to her.
I stopped speaking to her over 12yrs ago and not missed the experience. He now deceased partner once had a go at me in the pub, i just laughed at him & walked away. She ruined his life, accused him of battery (false) and made him break links with his mother. When he finally walked away she used the 4 children as a weapon and he eventually drank himself to death.
Mt dad & i went to the funeral but i refused to go to the wake as i knew there would be a fight between us & it wasn't the time or the place. My dad went & she accused him of causing her ex-partners death!

My dad rang me in tears telling me he never wanted to see the 'evil bitch' ever again. How hard do you have to push to get a father to say that about his little girl? My sister hasn't spoken to my mother in years either. She has cut herself off and we are all happier for it.
When we were kids she would wait til she heard my dads key in the lock, look at me with a sly grin then scream and start crying - my dad would run in, hear her cries that i was hitting her then punch me across the room. Took me yrs to get him to understand what she was up to, and took us yrs to repair the damage between us.
Not proud of it, but i got to the point where, because i knew i was going to get a slap i would walk in the house and punch her in the gut - might as well get my retaliation in first!

If i never see her again i won't be unhappy about it. She has 5 kids now and i wonder if they will turn out as nasty and bitter as she is?

10pmix - I haven't seen my sister in 20 years... Its a complete mystery why she is like this.

10pmix, you can't see it from her point of view but she will have her reasons. they might be small to you but they're probably massive to her and if she's not looking for resolution then there would be little point in her trying to explain.

myself, i'm estranged from my mother. miss her? no... it's a relief.

My father was a drunk who used to beat my mother up two or three times a week, and from time to time us kids too. He died just as I was about to leave school, so I don't know how things would have worked as I got older and braver, but I do often wonder. Thereafter, I was hell bent on being a good husband and father when my turn came, but naively thought that as long as I wasn't like him I would be. Then of course you realise that while you know how not to be a bad husband/father, you haven't grown up with any sort of role model as to how to be a good one. So you have to work it out as you go along. I think the term emotionally guarded best describes the effect it's had on me. I get on well with my mum and brothers though, which I'm very grateful for, have a very (usually) understanding wife, and two (almost 3) generally delightful children. I can't complain with what I have now, but I wish my childhood had been different. Although I know it pales into insignificance compared to what many other people have grown up with.

barca2 in our household you are considered a great friend, and welcome anytime.

J.

I have nothing really to add other than to wish well to those that have had difficult times with their families and to agree with this.

MaverickBoy - Member

Don't comment, don't judge.

You don't have a clue what might have gone on to be able to qualify/quantify your statement.

This is something I have had to learn in the context of the lonely old people I look after. No one knows why the family don't visit. None of my business. don't comment don't judge is a good call.

I didn't see my Dad for ~7 years, then got back in touch a few years back. He died ~3 weeks ago, out of the blue.

Get back in contact while you still have the chance guys*. I regret the 7 years I didn't see him, but not as much as if I'd not got back in touch a few years ago. Im glad he got to meet his grandaughter.

*Obviously some things cant/wont/shouldn't be forgiven.

Mate of mine had to watch his mum get beaten up by his drunk dad for years as he was growing up.If he tried to intervine he would get a slap too.When he was about 18 he'd had enough.One night his dad come home and started on his mum again,but this time my mate kicked seven bells of sh1t out of him.He then took some pictures of him unconsious,covererd in blood on the floor.The following morning at the kitchin table he threw the pictures at him and said if he touched his mum again he would look alot worse than those pictures.(It worked btw).He never spoke to his dad after that.

Cheers j - very kind of you. I'm not at all sure what came over me. Very strange. I'm going back to don't care won't care, it's so much more my style.
It and indeed all are relative 🙂
Good luck to you all.

Barca2,thanks for that,and well done,one of the saddest things ive ever read on here.

I fell out with my brother when i was 16 and got an appreticeship,was forced by parents to go to his wedding,he had never told his freinds he had a brother,then when Our Mum died,i think we may have spoke,about 20 years latter,then when our dad died in 2007 we spoke again,since then we havent spoke.

Sad or what.

well, i'm currently in the process of falling out with my parents...

lyons - Member
well, i'm currently in the process of falling out with my parents...

I'm quite close to doing this too - the reason, last year I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, and they've been in so much denial about it that simply any discussion from them around the topic pisses me off majorly. I just need them to accept what has happened, that I'm not cured and probably won't be. I've been brutally honest with them, but they prefer to cling onto tales of "so & so who........", and I have to bring them back to the fact that I'm not so & so, and that they need to be fishing for more detail about so & so (tumour type & locatio0n etc).

I've realised after typing this that my reason for coming close to falling out with my parents comes across as being a very selfish one, but seeing as I'm due to start chemo/radio soon (they say they don't understand why I "want" to have this treatment), and compared to many here it is a much less significant breakdown of family relations.

That sounds hard missingfrontalobe...

I've just never got on with my parents, and moved out recently. I thought this would help, but to be honest has made matters worse. My mum is far too clingy (?) and wanta to know about everything... When I wont tell her about my work or something she just starts shouting...

Sigh.....

I don't see my Dad.
I typed out a whole load of waffle but felt too embarrassed to leave it open on here.
Its[url= ] HERE [/url]if anyone fancies a read.

my dad left my mum, me and two older sisters when i was 2. i saw him once when i was 13, and the next time was at his funeral, when i was 30, i went withmy older sister.

my mum got married to my step dad when i was 7, he had two kids who came to live with us.
from that day, i knew something was not right.
when i was 12, my two older sister left home, one was 16 the other 18
my 16 year old sister had always been a problem to my mum and stepdad, often pinching money, and getting in trouble.
when she left, there were claims of him messing with here, which today would be indicent assault.
it was denied by him, andd was soon forgotten, yet my sister was always made out to be the bad one.
when i was 16, my mum and stepfather had another daughter.
fast forward 25 yrs, in which time i have never spoken to my sister, my mum and stepdad have split up, cos of his gambleing, drunkeness and lies.
anyhow,my mum gets a visitor from a woman who has a son the same age has my youngest sister.
turns out he was having a affair with the woman whilst my mum was pregnant with my sister.
my sister went through school with the lad not knowing they had the same dad.
this was 5 years ago.
i confronted him about it all, and he told me everything, about the affair, and about abusing my older sister, who i had not spoken to since i was 13.
he had been in our lives all that time living a lie, he doted on my two kids.
i cut contact with him on that day, now he has no one at all in is life.
i hope he lives a very long and lonely life too.
has for my relationship with my sister, i still have not talked to her. it feels wrong and like it has gone too long.
she has two daughters and one of them have a child. i have not ever seen my nieces or the baby.

families eh.......

I'm actually horrified how some people have such terrible relationships with their families. I've always had a good raport with my parents/ step father (me dad died when I was 23 - Ey up Eddie!) and have continued that sort of relationship with my offspring (22,20 and 16), bless 'em. Tis such a shame.
*goes off to count blessings*

Jeez ton that's tough man. Easy to say 'talk to your sis' but 'talk to your sis'

My family are a bit odd, mum died when I was 25, kid brother in the forces, we've never really talked. Dad met another woman 6 weeks after mother passed away, he never understood why I didn't take to 'step-mum' I guess mums really are the lynch-pin of families. As my old gaffer said, 'no one will ever love you like your mother'

pick up the phone Ton. 😉

My oldest brother has completely ignored me since I was about 10. He seems to dislike us all. His loss. My other brother broke my thumb once, but I get on well with him. I left home at 17, get on well with my mum and dad, but they don't know the half of my life story and would probably be horrified at a few things I've done. I realised last week, more than 30 years on, that I spent a lot of my childhood fearfully expecting the IRA to murder my old man - very much suppressed. That's about it. Oh and there was the living in a cardboard box and cold gravel for breakfast......

One up side in this morass of dis-jointed families:

As my father has Alzheimer's, he's forgotten he and I never got on! 😉

tribal

Shoe box 'nt middle of road? You were lucky......

Doubt I'll ever see my Dad again. Not a big issue, but partner and I haev discussed the fact that our kids might want to know their biological grandfather (They have a full set inc the step though).
And, I worry that I'll grow up to be like him.
Still, he doesn't live in Aus, so I've made that change!

barca2 in our household you are considered a great friend, and welcome anytime.

That was classy bunnyhop,well done.

Not entirley on topic; but there is some relevance....

It was Nelson Mandela's 20th anniversarry of his release yesterday. When He was released people thought he would sponsor ANC action but instead he said that he wanted reconcilliation and forgiveness for those who had put him in prison, and for all of SA for that matter.

Family is family, it is better to swallow your pride and deal with it then never speak to people again. However nasty, horrible or annoying they are.

Don't bear grudges and remember that time heals all wounds. Cheesey I know but I think its true (to a certain extent).

You don;t have to stop seeing people, if they choose to stop seeing you then thats fine but don't ever shut the door.

As DJ Hype ones sampled... Peace Love and Unity 😀

Alex:
He soon dumped his Mrs once he realised she was a lost cause and had been less than honest with him!

piggin heck some sad stories on here, I am not close to any of my uncles/ aunts/ cousins/ or sister. Didnt fall out with them just circumstance of going to school away from home, college, working away from home and didnt keep in touch. I feel sad now..... 😐