[Closed] Aspergers as an adult

Welcome to geek club.

Never diagnosed but I'd fully admit to showing some behaviours. The best thing I ever did was to stop caring whether the rest of world GAS. Sorry if that's a bit simplistic.

Roll with it, it's you.

If there's problems with your nearest and dearest accepting you being you, that's another issue. And possibly more their issue than yours, although life's rarely that simple.

I've never looked in to it before (even after my ex, who's a nurse said she thought I was on the scale!) but when you look at the behaviours and see how many you show start to mount up it can't be a coincidence

Edit

My behaviours (whether Aspergers or not) were the main reason why my ex and I split, I wasn't aware of how I was affecting us

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere.

Yeah have heard that before, I'm just finding it interesting

*COUGAR TO THE FORUM, STAT*

Cougar's an aspie. It's not wrong, it's just different, as the saying goes

I've read that there's very little diagnosis of ASD in adults because it serves little purpose.

By the time we grow up we're all a collection of behaviours and coping strategies. Hanging a label on someone doesn't really aid 'treatment'. This doesn't mean you can't alter your behaviour in response to knowing how you are aroudn other people and the effect it might have on them. But knowing you're ASD is not necessary to achieve that.

I always come out as fairly well on the spectrum on tests but it's not somethign I've had a formal diagnosis of. I just try and make extra effort to understand what other people expect from me in a given situation (sometimes I succeed).

mrs rkk01 works with youngsters with ASD, incl Aspergers - she was of the opinion that many of my colleagues (me included 😉 ) showed some signs of being on the "spectrum"...

It would be easy to dismiss her for ribbing our science / engineering staff base (and the stereotypical personalities involved), but she does have a point - many teens / adults manage those (otherwise negative) aspects of their personality by using them as strengths: obsession with data, detail, quality, order, routines, less bothered about social norms etc are traits that can be seen.

My wife suggests an over-representation of such traits - the question is, do people with those attributes seek out science / engineering, or does the profession emphasise those behaviours???

From my own experience, I'd suspect a bit of both...

Back to the OP though - whatever the truth of my ramblings ^^^^, being in an environment that's comfortable / suits your outlook (whatever the cause) could well be a big part of "management"

I wasn't aware of how I was affecting us

That's a real shame (splitting I mean)

But I feel your pain about being unaware of how you affect other people.

It would be easy to dismiss her for ribbing our science / engineering staff base

We're all detail oriented red dwarf fans with obsessive hobbies. Let her rib.

She broached the subject of Aspergers and highlighted that I do show quite a few typical behaviours of it.

Is posting on STW one of them?

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere.

+1

Its only a label and makes no difference to anything very much IMO. I too am borderline for ASD ( autistic spectrum disorder - aspergers is no longer used professionally)

Having got this far in life you obviously have coping strategies as I have.

ASD

Arguing spectrum disorder?

Sorry - I should stop being flippant on a serious thread.

I agree with TJ though - it's not really a disorder as such, just how people are. Some people have their traits that can make life difficult, we just hopefully figure out how to cope.

My daughter for instance is wilful, critical and independent. Makes life difficult for her and us sometimes but that's accepted as a positive due to how society views these things. Other societies in the past might not have done so - at least not for a girl.

The tone of your post seems to indicate that your therapist and possibly you view it as a 'disorder', and that your ex did too. I don't think it's helpful. Don't blame yourself for making her leave - relationships break down when people are incompatible, and that can happen for all sorts of reasons.

In other words, the concept of 'normal' is bullshit, throw off its shackles. We're all who we are, and when it comes to relationships we just need to find someone who loves us for it.

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere

Speak for yourself, I don't think these sorts of bland statements help really though

Running and hiding (in to the highlands) when things get too much TJ? :0)

I've no preconceived thoughts about it, I came here first before firing up Dr Google

nickc - thats the generally accepted usage these days. Hence "spectrum disorder" ie there is a range of things associated with ASD and we all fit on this spectrum which ranges from neurotypical to full blown autism

Cougar's an aspie. It's not wrong, it's just different, as the saying goes

Hello!

I should fess up that I don't actually have an official on-record diagnosis, though my OH does. She went through the process officially, filled in loads of questionnaires and the like, and at the the end of the interview the assessor said to her that yes, she is Aspie, then turned to me and said "and you probably are as well." I've little doubt that a formal diagnosis would confirm that though, it's pretty obvious when you start looking for it.

Why get diagnosed? Depends on severity I suppose, but it opens doors for support and the like. A friend got an official diagnosis after I suggested it, and he's now in a better place than he's been in years (after a history of various things like depression).

If you'd asked me when I was at school my answer would likely have been different, but I wouldn't change it for the world now. It's core to who I am.

Neurotypical being "normal" and Aspie being different is really one of numbers. If Aspie folk were a large majority, society would probably treat NT as a disability and run support groups for them. Not that I'm claiming any sort of superiority, rather that whilst different aspects manifest differently between individuals it's not necessarily something that's any better or worse than being NT, it's just being different.

Welcome to geek club.

I work in Engineering, joked that the office is less of a spectrum and more the complete f*****g rainbow.

Fairly sure I'm on the spectrum somewhere; always the one in the group that never quite fits in and tend to make friends one at a time rather than with a group.

Good with numbers and procedures though, I can actually read math textbooks and legislation for fun! I can solve engineering problems by looking at them (this really irritates some people when I tell them something won't work after a few minutes looking at the drawings). And I quite happily tear bits of my car's apart to fix them without a second thought, if I can see how it works, I can take it to bits.

When it comes to hobbies I obsess, my bikes are maintained immaculately, spreadsheets are drawn up, upgrades take weeks of procrastination, my boat has a mirror smooth finish to the hull and all the controls are on continuous ropes, fittings are all lockwired etc, I can barely run 5k yet have top of the range trainers and custom insoles, that level of geekery.

[edit]
What cougar said too.

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere

Speak for yourself, I don't think these sorts of bland statements help really though

You're obviously just at the neurotypical end. Still on the spectrum though.

You're probably right about it not really helping though, other than to normalise it a bit I suppose.

I found out when I was 33 and it pretty much explained my life up to that point, and why I'd always felt like life was in a room and I was stuck outside peering in through the window. Check out the Simon Baron Cohen book, it's really good.

Not formally but my neighbour happens to be a child psychologist/speech therapist ,she diagnosed me last year.
My missus had suspected some time before apparently. (Since she watched "the Bridge",ha.)
Since I "found out" it's like a key part of the plot of my life has been revealed .
I haven't mentioned it to many,and those that I have ,on the whole,have acted with complete disinterest or look at me as though I'm a freak. So I keep it on the low down.

as above, not formally but some marker show up wildly - having a son that is definitely on the spectrum has made me evaluate things with more insight possibly. Likewise I would say, similarly, my father exhibited some symptoms (but, m crucially, not all of the very common ones).

I think the bit about coping strategies and realisation is key.

Funnily enough I work in IT, and very happy with that. If I thought (looking back) I was on the spectrum, some of my colleagues - well, case closed (not the one(s) on here, I add).

It's fashionable to say that people are "on the spectrum". You should be sceptical about your counsellor's unofficial and unqualified diagnosis.

Lots of people have some behavioural traits that are typical of autistic people, but that's a correlation, not a causation.

The other thing is, autistic people are individuals (I'm a teacher so I've known several over the years) just as much as you or I. Some are introverted, some are extroverted. Some are mean, some are kind. Some are obsessed with computers or tractors or Father Ted (yes, really), some have no obsessions. Some have several close friends, some don't appear to want or need friends. Some are bright and successful students, some struggle with school full stop.

As I say, be sceptical until you have a formal diagnosis.

And good luck, by the way, with your journey of self-discovery! Hope you're making progress towards getting well and feeling better.

It's a spectrum. We're all on it somewhere.

I agree; if not that particular spectrum a different one.

Nothing worse than seeing kids at school being so obviously either on that spectrum or, more often, autistic yet getting no support as they have not been formally diagnosed. There are kids I teach that are blatantly autistic but parents have refused investigation/diagnosis.

As I say, be sceptical until you have a formal diagnosis.

I don't think I'd live to see a day where someone told me to be sceptical. (-:

I take your point and totally agree, but for me it was no shock, it (unofficially) confirmed something I'd suspected for years. (Bit of a surprise to hear it from someone else beyond me / my OH though).

Formally diagnosed earlier this year, but have 'known' for a couple of years (understanding more about the disorder having both daughters diagnosed in their teens)

As they keep saying, you meet one, autistic... you've met one autistic.

My autism spectrum quotient (80% of people with ASD score over 32, 26 cut off - [b]47[/b]
My Cambridge behaviour scale - (80% of people with ASD score below 30) - [b]6[/b]
My social communication score (15 or more is suggestive of ASD) - [b]16[/b] (sort of ok at this bit)

As people have said above, its not so much the disorder thats a problem, but how it affects daily life -

forget eye contact, thats a real red herring

things like always having to be in place early for a meeting, and setting out to places with a huge time contingency, or driving somewhere really early to avoid rush hour, lack of social reciprocity, avoiding unstructured social events, real problems with anxiety over how you have come across, getting humour wrong, being told you have upset/offended someone and not knowing what you've done wrong

I found this comment:

it's like a key part of the plot of my life has been revealed .

difficulties as a team leader, relationship and family problems, all sorts sort of fall into place, with a 'oh, yeah' consciousness.

Jim Jeffries (aussie comedian) latest vid has a great section in about his diagnosis

mrs rkk01 works with youngsters with ASD, incl Aspergers - she was of the opinion that many of my colleagues (me included ) showed some signs of being on the "spectrum"...

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through their door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic.

I've had one try to tell me that I'm a bit on the spectrum yet I score in the top 1 percentile in the Baron-Cohen eye test.

Psychologists are all ****ing quacks, learn you're own mind - don't let other people pidgeonhole you.

Controversial.

My wife works for the National Autistic Society, we've both been caring for Autistic people (adults and children) right across the spectrum for most of our adult lives. Also, most of her family are somewhere on the moderate/high functioning part of the spectrum.
Be wary of medical professionals, who often treat autism as a problem to be solved, it goes without saying that this is not the case.
If your ex couldn't get on with you because you are Autistic you obviously weren't meant to be, it certainly isn't your fault. Yes, Autistic people can be frustrating for us Neurotypicals, but I'll bet we're a whole lot more frustrating for Autistic people.
You are who you are, embrace it, surround yourself with others who embrace it and ignore anyone who suggests you need to change who you are to fit their imposed models of "typical" behaviour.
See the Autistic part of yourself as a strength, use it to its fullest and **** anyone who would have you believe it is a weakness.

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through there door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic.

Way off the mark... Sorry 😉

The problem with Psychologists, is that most of them are women - so every man that comes through there door ends up being labeled on the "spectrum" - because if you're not a touchy feely cuddly person and have an interest in inanimate objects it must be because you're autistic

I was going to disagree with you, but then I remembered going on a CBT course and the woman running it held me up as a shining example of being "comfortable with my sexuality" as I was wearing a pink shirt. I missed the next half hour of whatever she was saying worrying if I was comfortable being a heterosexual in a pink shirt, or was I over compensating, or just over thinking....

I'm resisting the urge to Google an online test for where I would sit on the spectrum, it may explain some of my many "moments" over the years. 😳

Controversial

That's considerably milder than I was going with.

I never got, being a football supporter & the whole "we" thing.

Its not WE since they ain't gonna bring you on at half-time

Am I on the spectrum 🙂 ?

I might add Cougar, the only thing worse than fluffy cuddly female psychologists are male psychiatrists.

My opinions are those, opinions - I am utterly biased in regards to the Psychology and Psychiatry professions, I don't see them as being as evidence and patient based as they like to think that they are. An old close friend of mine had an awful time in the mental health system after being made worse by a diagnosis of BPD - and only got better after she listened to my suggestion that she had PTSD and demanded a second opinion - guess what? She was diagnosed with PTSD and low and behold she got better because she stopped thinking that she was a horribly manipulative arsehole that the BPD diagnosis often causes those suffering from a low-self esteem and poor identity to feel.

Funny how she got better after not being labelled as having a disordered personality.

Any words of wisdom and advice for me?

Which order would you like them in 😆 Thoughtful through to suicidal.

It's not wrong, it's just different, as the saying goes

This is what I keep telling the GF, albeit in relation to anal sex.

Psychologists are all **** quacks, learn you're own mind - don't let other people pidgeonhole you.

+1....

I had to visit one recently. She tried telling me that I had a problem with drugs. No you stupid women....it's the police who have a problem with drugs. I've a problem without drugs....

She also wanted to diagnose me as having ADHD, but I couldn't concentrate and kept fidgeting.

I have to admit that I've found this thread interesting. Being a fairly typical IT geek I've always assumed I'm somewhere "on the spectrum", but nowhere near full bore. Yet reading comments about traits I have to admit to wondering if I'm actually a lot further towards one end of the scale than I've always assumed. Or maybe I've just spent too much time recently trying to work out why I'm failing so badly with my life.

Or maybe I've just spent too much time recently trying to work out why I'm failing so badly with my life.

This - self reporting is incredibly biased.

+1....

I had to visit one recently. She tried telling me that I had a problem with drugs. No you stupid women....it's the police who have a problem with drugs. I've a problem without drugs....

She also wanted to diagnose me as having ADHD, but I couldn't concentrate and kept fidgeting.

If I spoke my mind to a shrink they'd slap me with the Oppositional Defiant Disorder label, but balls to them - what's normal in a world where two thirds of humanity are so desperate to please authority that they would electrocute someone to death because an authority figure said they should. (See the Milgram experiment).

Mental health is too often defined by social constructs - not your own well being.

I have been having a further ponder about this. Interestingly several traits others have picked up on traits I recognise in myself.

I have not bothered going to get a formal diagnosis although I am fairly sure from the various on line testing that I do sit on the spectrum. However as someone on this thread said self reporting gives false positive diagnosis.
Getting a label would do me no good at all. i function reasonably well and have learn't ccoping mechanisims - the two I most use are I always tell the truth as I see it because "white lies" just don't work for me. I don't know what the other person wants to hear and my other is I always do my best to make sure I unsderstand what others want repeatedly asking them. I also laugh at my social awkwardness / anxiety about events.

Houns - I really don't think a formal diagnosis would make much difference to you nor do I think from what I know of you that you are really affected by this in any significant way. Like others on here t5ho I have come to understanding myself better knowing I have these traits shared with people with ASD - It was like something clicked when I realised.

Finally ASD is the current trendy diagnosis so lots of folk are being diagnosed with it who in other eras would not be.

embrace your otherness. its what makes you you.

We have a family member showing signs of being on the spectrum but as far as we know has never been diagnosed. He is actually incredibly clever, think Rainman, but cannot hold a conversation, well with us anyway. He could probably talk all day to a similar academic.

In fact I have seen the same behaviour in a lot of academics, I suppose the brain has to make allowances somewhere. Strangely enough the same clever gene appeared in a cousin.

I always tell the truth as I see it because "white lies" just don't work for me. I don't know what the other person wants to hear and my other is I always do my best to make sure I unsderstand what others want repeatedly asking them. I also laugh at my social awkwardness / anxiety about events.

The 1st comes with age, you just cant be arsed with beating around the bush. There's nothing "wrong" with being shy.
These things sound a lot like me, but I don't regard myself as having any sort of condition. People are different.

I am not shy btw - but I still find social situations bewildering at times

I used to, then I realised most people don't have anything in common with me, so I stopped trying too hard. Now I just go out with people who like me. There's not many of them and they don't live nearby, so I don't get out much 🙂