[Closed] are you the type of person who can forgive?

It would depend on the trangression.

Forgive? ........always

Forget? ..........never. Gary Barlow taught me that.

I don't let hatred or anger fester in my mind. life is to short.

I forgive others but rarely myself.

I forget others transgressions but never my own.

I'm sorry, Ton. I know I've said it so many times since it happened, but I really am sorry.

Somewhere in the middle. I forgive but pull back from the person a little

What have you done??

What have you done??

nothing. it has been done to me.

Not as much as I would like and generally not myself...

Whats up Ton? Feeling bitter about something?

listening to the J Vine show? the example there was truly astounding, i couldn't forgive that. infact i can carry a grudge for ever

it really depends on who did it and what it was - some people need second chances

listening to the J Vine show?

RD, I was. I made me think about something that I was told by a family member last year. it did not seem to bother me then, as I had too much on my plate to deal with at the time.
but now, I am ****ing seething about it. I am not a angry person, but this had got me.

Most things yes. But not wearing gym pumps on an aeroplane.

Our kid has a great theory. She says you have a mental black book of people who've really properly had you over. Their name goes in it, then you forget about them. Never think about them again. Don't waste your energy worrying about them and what they did. Don't pursue them. To quote Frozen, let it go.....

But play the long game. And should your paths cross again, and you happen to be in a position where the opportunity arises for some form of revenge, then the *er will rue the *ing day!!

So I suppose that comes down to

Forget? Yes.
Forgive? Not for the truly deserving, no.

There are two names in my black book

Friends come and go; enemies accumulate.

Mostly yes, I'll forgive loved ones almost immediately, people disrespecting my stuff seems to wind me up the most, I always looked after my stuff as a kid and as an adult, I hate to see it, however small and worthless being mistreated - but I'll only hold a grudge for a few hours.

There have been a small number of things done to me in the past that I will never forgive, I don't let them bother me, I forget them for months, even years at a time but in a small number, of these small number of transgressions I will take my revenge if a situation presents itself without mercy or regret.

If someone had treated me very badly but failed to acknowledge the seriousness of what they had done, and did not show genuine contrition and did not - as far as possible - attempt to put things right, then I would find it difficult, if not impossible, to forgive them.

I think that letting go of the past and acceptance of/coming to terms with what has been done, to prevent being consumed with self-harming bitterness, is a different thing, and that does not make it necessary to forgive the transgressor.

Forgive, forget? Never....

I am torn on this one. There are some people that I will happily never meet again.
Would I go 'out of my way' to harm them or harm myself by keeping angry? No, there are too many positive things to do in life.
Perhaps you now have an insight into how I deal with things - move on and ignore. And go for a ride/paddle/hill day....

I cherish my ability to forgive, it frees me.

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I'm sorry, Ton. I know I've said it so many times since it happened, but I really am sorry.

You don't need to apologise, 52% of men experience it at some point.

[b]@slowster[/b] - spot on, on both counts, but your thoughts on acknowledging the seriousness and showing genuine contrition are particularly pertinent.

perchypanther - Member
Forgive? ........always

Forget? ..........never. I taught me that.

Sums me up.

Amen to that Ernie

What's the more soulful choice OP ? .... there's your answer

Peace

Forgiveness is over rated.

Rusty Spanner - Member

Forgiveness is over rated.

So you didn't get a kite then?

I'm very hard to really properly anger, but when people manage it, I'm not sure I ever really forgive it, not properly. So it probably works out well on balance, in terms of unforgiven people or whatever, but I suppose it's still not all that healthy! Interesting though. Good question!

If they withheld pudding, or were not particularly enthusiastic about the gift of powerkite/London poppy, than can forget about forgiveness.

ton - Member
or are you a bitter twisted type of person, with a heart of stone?

Minor daily stuff the answer is yes on all matters coz that's life. i.e. foolish idiotic stuff without danger to lives or livelihood.

Harm my family then the answer is no unless the person(s) can turn back the clock. i.e. harm that is highly intentional, planed and premeditated causing danger to lives and livelihood.

ton - Member
or are you a bitter twisted type of person, with a heart of stone?

YES

Lifes too short to hold anger for longer than. A moment, and also those folk who you haven't forgiven?...I bet they don't care

Anger is an emotion that's part of our makeup, it's how it is directed that can be the issue. It would depend on how I'd been wronged and to what degree as to whether I'd forgive. I never forget though regardless of how hard I may try.

I always try, and normally can after a time. It's not really in my nature to hold a grudge, and will often see where I myself have been at fault. That's not a virtue; it's just a personality thing.

if you believed something for 49 years of your life, but were then told it was a lie, and were told the truth by the person who had lied to you. that is the scenario.

Still totally depends doesn't it.... did they eat your pie or did they do wrong by you in a sinister or horrific manor that makes you want to never speak to them again?

Time is a healer and if 49 years have passed fine and dandy and you can crack on then do so... if you feel sick thinking about it then do something!

Seriously though that pie would have been too old to eat by now anyway!

I am about same age as you ton, If I had found out last year that my dad was Donald Trump, then no, to both 🙂

Fish pie?

iainc......you ****...pissing myself 😆

@ton - Don't listen to them.

Santa IS real.

I am definitely in the hard to forgive camp

if you believed something for 49 years of your life, but were then told it was a lie, and were told the truth by the person who had lied to you. that is the scenario.

It would totally depend on what it was. Do you still believe in Santa ? (Edit: damn too slow)

My ex-wife found out her aunt was in fact her half sister when she was in her late 30's. It was joyous news.

What's that saying "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".

Everyone makes mistakes, hell, I make loads, but one should learn. If it is consistent and spitefull however....

In work, I have recently changed company as my previous was subject to a hostile take-over from a whole bunch of 'C U next tuesday' ex colleagues/friends that I have no desire to ever forgive or forget, or work with, due to patterns of consistent shitieness.

I think it depends on the person and the situation really, friends I generally forgive and forget fairly quickly. Forgive definitely but maybe not forget, but I certainly don't let it bug me for example I've been kept waiting for an hour before for a friend to join me for a ride. I can still remember it but its a friendship so I dont mind, we all have to make acceptances for other people in order to get along.

However, people who profess to love me.... woe betide you, I'll never forget and it'll take me a long time to forgive as well. I mean serious stuff not 'I left the window open in the bathroom'. For example I was a level 3 warning sign for cervical cancer and ended up driving myself there and back for the removal because my OH at the time forgot it was even that day until he rang and was surprised when I said 'I'll be in bed when you get here'. I never forgot and I never forgave. Didnt mean to say I didnt love him nor was I bitter every day but I never forgave it, I wouldn't of trusted him to remember a single other medical appointment. Fool me once as they say!

Friends come and go; enemies accumulate.

I like that. To which I'd also add to Binners black book scenario. Some people when they meet someone new give them no credits and you have to earn them - once you go above a certain level, then you're accepted. I'm the opposite, you start with a level of credit in my eyes, but can gain more or importantly lose them. And if you lose too many and go below a critical level then that's it - you can never get back above the line.