[Closed] Anyone else feel completely hacked off, fed up

I'll join the completely hacked off club. just about ready to walk out of my life all together and go and live in a cave as a hermit, wiv a beard n everyfink.

So you've come on hear to be cheered up 😯 I know how you feel and weather ain't helping also knackered and drained from a day of drinking in the sunshine and not looking forward to work tomorrow.

I really, really think it would help me immensely if I could lunch Anneka Rice

There is nothing that could cheer me up, I am feeling evil and I've still got to sort the washing and bedroom and work stuff for tomorrow. Might get another glass of wine in me before I give that a go though

Edit: god damn sodding predictive frigging pain in the arse predictive text

There is nothing that could cheer me up,

Not even this?
[img] [/img]

Autem, illegitimi non carborundum!

Lol. I thought I had a shit weekend. Made me laugh.
Got this mental image of you pole dancing with your period.

[img] http://www.rotorburn.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=236686&d=1338919664 [/img]

Sounds like someone needs a hug.

Can't see anything CFH?

Hugor ewwww but true-always dangerous to pole dance when on a period, especially if you flash your bits and your pully cord is on show - not happened to me but have *ahem* seen it :/

hugor- that has just made my day thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou 😆

Yep! Life is currently challenging and almost 10 weeks with no bikey. 🙁

emma82 just choked on my tea that description has brought up all kinds of images, and reminded me of a joke with a punchline. "please let it be a teabag" 😆

pulley cord

Thanks, made me smile, I am a misery just now too 😐

So what, you've all been having time off - i've been in bloody work all day!

...go and live in a cave as a hermit, wiv a beard n everyfink.

[img] [/img]

I've driven 1000 miles in six days, been on two rides where I've felt awful 'cos I've struggled to keep up, had a massive row with her indoors, cleaned up several loads of cat puke and my fuel bill is exceeding my wage.
My clients keep dying, I've started smoking again, my forks are knackered and the entire cast of Shameless have moved in next door.
On top of that my football team couldn't score in the Ritz, I've broke a bone in my foot and it's bleeding raining again. And the Ice Cream shop in Llanberis has closed.

Not a happy Spanner.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

Rusty your clients keep dying?

My clients keep dying

I've broke[b]n[/b] a bone

Yeah, I'm a care worker.
Lost two in the last fortnight - one to cancer and one to, well, old age would cover it.
Not very professional, but they were both lovely people and it's really upset me.
And yes DS, even my spelling has gone downhill.

My clients keep dying,

Ffs, now the Internet has gone really slow and the second I get in the bath I need a pee. God damn it I'm not getting out.

Pink Bath Water!

Sorry, all great here.

Even the rain hasn't dampened spirits on our long weekend in the Lakes with famille STR - the sun shone yesterday, which was more than we expected, seen some beautiful scenery and had a bloody good time with the family.

All in good health, slightly merry, watching girly flicks with the girls, new truck parked outside the caravan, just been given a 6 month contract (self employed, so that's good). I can't actually think of anything crap at the moment.

I've had a flipping great long weekend. Weather has been smashing, trails dusty, short sleeves have been the order of the day.

Got a couple of cracking rides in, been out for lunch with the wife twice, played with my daughter, convinced wife that a balance bike is the way forward for the littleun, been to the cinema, museum trip, done some gardening.

Have watched some of the coverage of the jubilee stuff, with mixed results.

Overall a smashing time, sorry it's been a bit grim for others, rest assured I've had shit times too, it does get better most of the time

Well sorry you two but just bog off and start your own happy clappy thread and keep away from mine. only gloom allowed .

No pink water flip-pulley cord remember!

*Rises hand*

Me too, looking out through the rain at a lawn with knee-high grass and thinking perhaps I could get around to it sometime.

*And wishes the cheerful people would go somewhere else*

My clients keep dying

That would be great if you were a funeral director

Or a dyslexic hairdresser.

punch Anneka Rice full on in the face

"I'd buy that for a dollar"

hmmm. take a quick look at a couple of stickys on the bike forum, there is always someone worse off
misery loves company

Well, hope this cheers you up. Not sure if any of you are really,completeley hacked off. Poor soul

I logged in to start a pointless whining thread but you have beaten me to it so I will join yours.

Saturday morning I was due to meet o bloke to get some bits so I could fix the car but instead went to watch my god daughter swim. Fine with the swimming and she was brilliant but can't get the car bits before and it didn't finish until gone 1pm when the guy had gone home. All for 4 damn widths of the pool.

Saturday afternoon wasn't actually too bad.

Sunday morning ride was okay but I mistook "Back by 2pm is fine" which she said for "Back by 1pm or I will stare at you all afternoon"

Later Sunday afternoon I start doing stuff and I get a call from my crying Mum saying my brother has had a massive fit and was in the process of dying. She is on a train on an interrupted holiday in Scotland and I drive to meet her near my brother. Just to clarify, I am bitching about my brother nearly dying, not the interruption to my plans. Stay t6he night at Mum's place and drive back in the morning.

Monday wasted doing nothing but with the nagging thought about my brother and no news except 'He is comfortable". Monday night I tripped over a dozen Brakespears Triple so decided to empty them so no one else tripped over full bottles.

Today, woke up feeling bad and got worse on the ride where I was more of a dribbling idiot than a riding god. Home and did little. Still no change for my brother. Wife decided that Steel Magnolias was not the sort of play I want to watch tonight so I suggested she went with her daughter.

I am now sat alone at home with 10 little Duvals (Well 7 now), the realization that my problems are trivial and that I can not do anything about the problems that are really worrying me.

Oh well, at least I have STW. Sorry in advance if I upset you or start blathering. (6 now)

Cheers

Kinkong/burt - both very sad yes but this is just a general moan thread. No need to jump in on the high horse. I'm perfectly aware that other people have it worse and to be honest I genuinely have some massively shit issues going on at the moment, but as I say, this thread is just a general moan, not a search for people to prove they are better than the rest of us because they post a sad picture or make reference to some sad event from another thread.

This cord, does it have a penalty for improper use sign?

Yes, a smack on the knob warning sign for improper use sandwich.

ahhh I see Emma82 has studied at the Lady Daneforth finishing school for young ladies and learned lesson 21 "a swift kick to the knackers" for all impolite gentelman behaviour.

whatever, if you think having four days of rain, a spot, a period and not having any money is worse, then so be it, probably your hormones playing up a bit.

This thread needs a bit of bob! 😀

All the "ladies" I know who went to finishing school have been utter, utter filthbags. 🙂 (Well, apart from one....!)

[img] [/img]
think this sums up how my weekend went! 😀

Emma82, you've had a bad (extended) weekend. It happens from time to time. This is often when the condescending gits will chime in and quote "#firstworldproblems" or something of the sort, but remember that all of the problems you have described can and will go away with remarkably little effort, it is just bloody annoying/frustrating when they all happen at the same time...

WCA, hope your bro gets better ASAP, that's some bad news mate!

Tazzy, hope whatever it is sorts itself out. Dunno what you're going through, but I feel like I've been taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back for the past several years of my life, and I'm only 31! I've questioned the reasons why I bother countless times, and still rarely come up with any answers at all... Until I get out on my bike, and again all becomes clear... For a short while.

Hope you don't mind me saying so but you make that look like a more permanent arrangement seosamh77

Well I haven't ridden a bike since the extension started, some 4 months ago... but I still love you!

Does that help?

billysugger - Member
Hope you don't mind me saying so but you make that look like a more permanent arrangement seosamh77

Sweet carpet too

Oops, it's a mat 😳

St Trinians actually 🙂

Mboy, they will indeed go away, I only posted because generally its stupid pee take stuff, but ffs how many people when they have a down day sit and go 'right' I'll google starving kid pictures to make me feel better. That's just plain odd. And besides which I don't think my spot is EVER going to go away.

WCA - same as mboy said, hope your brother is ok.

emma82

I could be wrong, as I'm a little inebriated, but isn't your main role on this forum moaning about some shit or other?

It's a little boring.

The rain hasn't stopped most people doing something that doesn't involve moaning - we live in England, it's summer, get used to it.

You actually are moaning about your kitchen floor not being tiled because your dad fell ill - why the hell is your dad doing it anyway and not you, or your equally moany/yelling hubby?

Wow, you're skint - you and half the world. It's raining, suck it up, your hubby is yelling - leave him, don't subject us to your disfunctionality.

What the hell do you expect when you apply fake tan, we all get spots and I can't really imagine that anyone actually wants to see you dance round a pole. I have an ingrowing hair if that makes you feel better.

burt - Member

hmmm. take a quick look at a couple of stickys on the bike forum, there is always someone worse off
misery loves company

& kingkongsfinger.

Yes.
Spot on.
I feel a bit stupid now.

I predict a closure

hope not

I predict a ****ing ban to be honest. Like you bunch of tossers don't spend your lives on here wining about something or arguing, so don't go on shit little rampage that my role on here is purely to moan about something, **** you, you jumped up cock.

Mrs 82, that is top class Olympic gold medal moaning.
Madam, I salute you.

I'm with Emma on this.

Stop being utter cocks.

I'm with Emma on this.

Stop being utter cocks.

Narrow it down, who?

emma, you're only allowed to moan on here if it's regarding politics or a mid life crisis of the terminally fat and balding 🙄

seosamh77 were you pretending be homeless this weekend?

Let's summarise...

Emma has a bit of a whine (Which is what it was, and entirely acceptable in it's whininess in my opinion) about stuff that was getting her down.

Some of the usual suspects turn up with the usual, "Yeah, but there are starving children in Africa, maaaaan" stuff.

Uncalled for.

Emma was having a whine. Some of us felt the same, and had a whine as well. Most of us joined in with the humour of the piece and endeavoured to bring a little cheer to proceedings. Some didn't.

Emma, have a virtual cup of tea and a biccie from me. 🙂

eyerideit - Member
seosamh77 were you pretending be homeless this weekend?

emma82 - I really liked your OP, it made me smile. I took it for what it undoubtedly was - a general pointless whinge in an amusing manner. Actually for me [i]very[/i] amusing. I'm sorry that not everyone saw it like that. That picture was inappropriate imo and changed an otherwise lighthearted thread. Still, wouldn't life be boring if everyone had a sense of humour eh ?

Thanks for the kind words folks but lets concentrate on the whining bitch Emma.

😉

I though this forum was for everyone to unload all their personal worries, doubts and complaints. I guess that is just me being an egotistical brass stud getting people to do my worrying for me.

I predict a * ban to be honest. Like you bunch of tossers don't spend your lives on here wining about something or arguing, so don't go on shit little rampage that my role on here is purely to moan about something, * you, you jumped up cock.

all of stw, right here, perhaps not as much sanctimony as usual tho...

Im in the same boat , Skint and not been able to ride my bike for 5 weeks since I broke my collarbone. I've also given up drinking and fed up of the wife watching utter shite on the TV every night (This wouldn't normally bother me as I'd be out on the bike or Pished). 😆

Had to cancel a camping trip to Fort William for the downhill this weekend and bored taking my bikes out the shed to fettle and wash them without being able to ride them.

A famous Australian comedian wrote a very popular[url=

rude offensive but hilariously funny[/url] song that describes emmas weekend very well.

Not sure how the Brits take it though. It cheers me up if I've had a shitter.

Possibly not work safe but absolutely excellent song and totally describes some days.

Yup, my weekend started miserable and depressing. Realised I'm less than three months from hitting 40. Am taking swimming lessons, but over the past week have lost what confidence I had, so Saturday's lesson was back to the most basic of basics and just trying to float again. Then into work for a few hours to try to catch up (recently given redundancy notice, but stressed with lots to do before the end hence sneaking into work over holiday weekends). Then later on in the day discovered that a second of the three operations I had over the last two years has not entirely worked.

Might not sound like much but that last one, after all the rest, was just the kicker that really got me down. It got me thinking dangerous things again.

So Sunday dragged myself out for the longest run I've done for a long, long time. Yesterday dragged myself out for the longest bike ride I've done for a long, long time. And today was back in the office to put in a good long shift clearing a lot of the stress-and-insomnia-inducing back-log.

So am now back in the positive. Better. Calmer. More able to face the hurdles. Long may it last.

Who has had my bl00dy Duvals?

I went from 7 in the fridge to 3.

Grrrr

Burp

don simon - Member
@Rusty Spanner, that sound a bit of a shitty place to be at the moment.

Thanks.
It'll be right.

Barbary Corsairs 'n' all that:

Well, I told her that I thought life’s too short
And we really should go for a ride
Paul’s just phoned, the war’s postponed
So come on, I’ve got the Plymouth outside
The sky’s a bit dull but the fridge is full
Things could be a lot worse
It’s not like you’ve been captured by Barbary Corsairs
I said “Let’s head Winchester way”, she said “Been yesterday”
Twenty-seven yards of dental floss, and she still won’t give me a smile

Fired by wine, she was almost mine
‘Til a fight broke out in the bar
Third-Rate Les in his Burberry Fez
Had gone just a little too far
Nailing down his baling wire
To the laminate floor
He sang a salty song about a girl from Bangalore
I said “Would you like to go the zoo?”, she said “Yeah, but not with you”
Twenty-seven yards of dental floss, but she still won’t give me a smile
I’m King Euphoria, she’s Queen Victoria
Twenty-seven yards of dental floss, and she still won’t give me a smile
I’m clowning by the Serpentine, she’s still drinking turpentine
Will she ever shine her light on me?

Walking on egg shells round here at the moment. Wife is about to resign/be made redundant at her job. Long story but she has been bullied and the company will not pay redundancy(friend of ours is a HR expert and has been helping her) The better option is to walk. Have been offered a settlement. We are both under tremendous stress hoping she gets a new job.
Decided to organise a visit to Chicksands to prepare for the Alps. Mates van blew up on the M1.
But it isn't all bad. I have finally found a job that I enjoy(although it doesn't pay a massive amount) and we are off to the Alps at the end of the month.
And I still love my wife after 12 years of marriage, although she sometimes drives me crazy!
I am trying to learn to take the good with the bad. Otherwise I would go crazy.

Do something then. One thing you can definitely improve is your partner's humour, give him a helping hand and he might feel like doing some of those chores instead of moping around.

everyone has shit days/weekends sometimes, my wife and i, if we argue, its always around period time.
its normal, and i bet you feel better 2mro.
marty.

Mboy, they will indeed go away, I only posted because generally its stupid pee take stuff, but ffs how many people when they have a down day sit and go 'right' I'll google starving kid pictures to make me feel better. That's just plain odd.

It's worse than odd Emma. It's ****ing sanctimonious!

Speaking as someone with WAY too much experience, the absolute last thing you should ever do to someone who's on a proper downer (and any counsellor in the world will tell you this), is remind them just how bad others have it. OK, to be fair some of your moans can be seen as very trivial (but I took them in the light hearted manner you intended), but things do add up. If someone is so genuinely down that they can't work their way out of it, no matter how hard they try, and some self righteous tosspot comes out with "at least you're not dying of aids or starvation in Africa", it can send people over the edge. Sometimes people do need a reality check, when they're having a moan about one petty little thing, but IMO those reality checks should only ever be administered by their nearest and dearest (friend preferably, family can often have disastrous results) that knows them well enough to know how they'll react. There's been situations where I've been low enough to contemplate stupid things in the not too distant past, and had anyone who didn't know me said some of the things my best mate said to me, I'd have probably gone over the edge. As it was, he could say them to me, and get away with it, cos he knew how I'd react to it coming from him, cos after all I trust him probably more than anyone else.

Anyway... Let's be positive... Pick the low hanging fruit first, solve those problems, it'll make you feel better having tackled one or two issues, that will then lead onto you feeling more positive about solving the others. So go squeeze the hell out of that zit, so it half covers the bathroom mirror, worry about the bleeding and the crater it will leave at some other point. Get your hubby to take a brillo pad to you all over, to scrub the remains of that ghastly fake tan (why oh why, are you aspiring to WAG-dom?!?!) off your body, and shine you up all nice and white. Thank the know it all family member for pointing out about your tyres, and then steal his car, as he's obviously concerned enough for you to go on and on about your safety so will be willing to lend you his car til you can afford new tyres for yours no doubt.

Once you've done those few things, you'll find it much easier to fill your ill father full of drugs so he can get his lazy ass back into your kitchen to carry on with the tiling! 😉

Mboy speasks sense. Only one Duval left and I can see a bright side. Might be a few beers short ont thursdya night ride thoeugh

Here ya go.. something to distract you from your spot.

Prince Philip Gaffs.. Some of these made me laugh - taken from an article in the Independant newspaper entitled "90 gaffs in 90 years"

1. "Ghastly." Prince Philip's opinion of Beijing, during a 1986 tour of China.

2. "Ghastly." Prince Philip's opinion of Stoke-on-Trent, as offered to the city's Labour MP Joan Walley at Buckingham Palace in 1997.

3. "Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf." Said to a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band in 2000.

4. "If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes." To 21-year-old British student Simon Kerby during a visit to China in 1986.

5. "You managed not to get eaten then?" To a British student who had trekked in Papua New Guinea, during an official visit in 1998.

6. "You can't have been here that long – you haven't got a pot belly." To a British tourist during a tour of Budapest in Hungary. 1993.

7. "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" Asked of a Scottish driving instructor in 1995.

8. "Damn fool question!" To BBC journalist Caroline Wyatt at a banquet at the Elysée Palace after she asked Queen Elizabeth if she was enjoying her stay in Paris in 2006.

9. "It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." The Prince's verdict of a fuse box during a tour of a Scottish factory in August 1999. He later clarified his comment: "I meant to say cowboys. "I just got my cowboys and Indians mixed up."

10. "People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle." To survivors of the Lockerbie bombings in 1993.

11. "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves." During a trip to Canada in 1976.

12. "A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now that everybody's got more leisure time they are complaining they are unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want." A man of the people shares insight into the recession that gripped Britain in 1981.

13. "British women can't cook." Winning the hearts of the Scottish Women's Institute in 1961.

14. "It was part of the fortunes of war. We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking 'Are you all right - are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?' You just got on with it!" On the issue of stress counselling for servicemen in a TV documentary marking the 50th Anniversary of V-J Day in 1995.

15. "What do you gargle with – pebbles?" To Tom Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, 1969. He added the following day: "It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs."

16. "It's a vast waste of space." Philip entertained guests in 2000 at the reception of a new £18m British Embassy in Berlin, which the Queen had just opened.

17. "There's a lot of your family in tonight." After glancing at business chief Atul Patel's name badge during a 2009 Buckingham Palace reception for 400 influential British Indians to meet the Royal couple.

18. "If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." Said to a World Wildlife Fund meeting in 1986.

19. "You ARE a woman, aren't you?" To a woman in Kenya in 1984, after accepting a gift.

20. "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" To a wheelchair-bound Susan Edwards, and her guide dog Natalie in 2002.

21. "Get me a beer. I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!" On being offered the finest Italian wines by PM Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.

22. "I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family." In 1967, asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.

23. "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat,which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" In a Radio 4 interview shortly after the Dunblane shootings in 1996. He said to the interviewer off-air afterwards: "That will really set the cat among the pigeons, won't it?"

24. "Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle." To neighbour Elton John after hearing he had sold his Watford FC-themed Aston Martin in 2001.

25. "The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion." At the opening of City Hall in 2002.

26. "A pissometer?" The Prince sees the renames the piezometer water gauge demonstrated by Australian farmer Steve Filelti in 2000.

27. "Don't feed your rabbits pawpaw fruit – it acts as a contraceptive. Then again, it might not work on rabbits." Giving advice to a Caribbean rabbit breeder in Anguilla in 1994.

28. "You must be out of your minds." To Solomon Islanders, on being told that their population growth was 5 per cent a year, in 1982.

29. "Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant." At the 50th anniversary of the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme.

30. "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species." Accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991.

31. "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" In the Cayman Islands, 1994.

32. "You bloody silly fool!" To an elderly car park attendant who made the mistake of not recognising him at Cambridge University in 1997.

33. "Oh! You are the people ruining the rivers and the environment." To three young employees of a Scottish fish farm at Holyrood Palace in 1999.

34. "If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly." To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002.

35. "The French don't know how to cook breakfast." After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy – in 2002.

36. "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?" Asked in 1999 of Tory politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, whose parents are Jamaican. He replied: "Birmingham."

37. "Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease." On a visit to Australia in 1992, when asked if he wanted to stroke a koala bear.

38. "It doesn't look like much work goes on at this University." Overheard at Bristol University's engineering facility. It had been closed so that he and the Queen could officially open it in 2005.

39. "I wish he'd turn the microphone off!" The Prince expresses his opinion of Elton John's performance at the 73rd Royal Variety Show, 2001.

40. "Do you still throw spears at each other?" Prince Philip shocks Aboriginal leader William Brin at the Aboriginal Cultural Park in Queensland, 2002.

41. "Where's the Southern Comfort?" On being presented with a hamper of southern goods by the American ambassador in London in 1999.

42. "Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!" To parents during a visit to Fir Vale Comprehensive School in Sheffield, which had suffered poor academic reputation.

43. "Ah you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then? Ha, ha! Well done." Meeting 14-year old George Barlow, whose invited to the Queen to visit Romford, Essex, in 2003.

44. "So who's on drugs here?... HE looks as if he's on drugs." To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.

45. "You could do with losing a little bit of weight." To hopeful astronaut, 13-year-old Andrew Adams.

46. "You have mosquitoes. I have the Press." To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean in 1966.

47. "The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined." While hosts made effort to greet a state visit to Brazil, 1968.

48. "During the Blitz a lot of shops had their windows blown in and sometimes they put up notices saying, 'More open than usual.' I now declare this place more open than usual." Unveiling a plaque at the University of Hertfordshire's new Hatfield campus in November 2003.

49 . Philip: "Who are you?"
Simon Kelner: "I'm the editor-in-chief of The Independent, Sir."
Philip: "What are you doing here?"
Kelner: "You invited me."
Philip: "Well, you didn't have to come!"
An exchange at a press reception to mark the Golden Jubilee in 2002.

50. "No, I would probably end up spitting it out over everybody." Prince Philip declines the offer of some fish from Rick Stein's seafood deli in 2000.

51. "Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy." Discussing his role in an interview with Jeremy Paxman.

52. "Holidays are curious things, aren't they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life difficult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance." At the opening of a school in 2000.

53. "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans." In 2000.

54. "Can you tell the difference between them?" On being told by President Obama that he'd had breakfast with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia.

55. "I don't know how they are going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield." After meeting students from Brunei coming to Britain to study in 1998.

56. "Do people trip over you?" Meeting a wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident in 2002.

57. "That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?" Discussing the tartan designed for the Papal visit with then-Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie last year.

58. "I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Addressing a group of industrialists in 1961.

59. "It's not a very big one, but at least it's dead and it took an awful lot of killing!" Speaking about a crocodile he shot in Gambia in 1957.

60. "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard." To a young fashion designer at a Buckingham Palace in 2009.

61. "So you're responsible for the kind of crap Channel Four produces!" Speaking to then chairman of the channel, Michael Bishop, in 1962.

62. "Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years." Address to the General Dental Council, quoted in Time in 1960.

63. "Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance." Advice for a successful marriage in 1997.

64. "I never see any home cooking – all I get is fancy stuff." Commiserating about the standard of Buckingham Palace cuisine in 1962.

65. "I suppose I would get in a lot of trouble if I were to melt them down." On being shown Nottingham Forest FC's trophy collection in 1999.

66. "It makes you all look like Dracula's daughters!" To pupils at Queen Anne's School in Reading, who wear blood-red uniforms, in 1998.

67. "I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing." Dismissing claims that those who sell slaughtered meat have greater moral authority than those who participate in blood sports, in 1988.

68. "Ah, so this is feminist corner then." Joining a group of female Labour MPs, who were wearing name badges reading "Ms", at a Buckingham Palace drinks party in 2000.

69. "Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don't you have a slogan: 'Kill a cat and save a bird?'" On being told of a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965.

70. "All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury." Bemoaning the rate of British tax in 1963.

71. "It is my invariable custom to say something flattering to begin with so that I shall be excused if by any chance I put my foot in it later on." Full marks for honesty, from a speech in 1956.

72. "Why don't you go and live in a hostel to save cash?" Asked of a penniless student.

73. "In education, if in nothing else, the Scotsman knows what is best for him. Indeed, only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education." Said when he was made Chancellor of Edinburgh University in November 1953.

74. "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested." Of his daughter, Princess Anne.

75. "They're not mating are they?" Spotting two robots bumping in to one another at the Science Museum in 2000.

76. "I must be in the only person in Britain glad to see the back of that plane." Philip did not approve of the noise Concorde made while flying over the Buckingham Palace.

77. "The only active sport, which I follow, is polo – and most of the work's done by the pony!" 1965

78. "It looks like a tart's bedroom." On seeing plans for the Duke and then Duchess of York's house at Sunninghill Park.

79. "Reichskanzler." Prince Philip used Hitler's title to address German chancellor Helmut Kohl during a speech in Hanover in 1997.

80. "We go into the red next year... I shall probably have to give up polo." Comment on US television in 1969 about the Royal Family's finances.

81. "Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!" Showing his impatience to be fed at a dinner party in 2004.

82. "I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit." Said to a woman solicitor.

83. "You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you." Said to Sir Rennie Maudslay, Keeper of the Privy Purse, in the 1970s.

84. "What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer." Response to a comment at a small-business lunch about how difficult it is in Britain to get rich.

85. "This could only happen in a technical college." On getting stuck in a lift between two floors at the Heriot Watt University, 1958.

86. "I'd much rather have stayed in the Navy, frankly." When asked what he felt about his life in 1992.

87. "It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons" On being shown "primitive" Ethiopian art in 1965.

88. "You're not wearing mink knickers, are you?" Philip charms fashion writer Serena French at a World Wildlife Fund gathering in 1993.

89. "My son...er...owns them." On being asked on a Canadian tour whether he knew the Scilly Isles.

90. "Well, that's more than you know about anything else then." Speaking, a touch condescendingly, to Michael Buerk, after being told by the BBC newsreader that he did know about the Duke of Edinburgh's Gold Awards in 2004.

It's good to vent,

So I've been at work for 17 days solid, luckilly not everthing I've touched has fallen to peices in my hands but I'm fighting a losing battle against an elderly oil rig...

The few bits of things that needed doing to the car ended up cost the thick end of a grand. Aparently the car is too small and thristy for us to share for a drive to the alps, despite me being the only person with a decent bike rack, not that anyone is actually responding when I find them apartments for under £200 etc.

Snowboard season is looking even worse - not convinced I really want to go with anyone.

The grass will be up to my scrote by the time I get back, the eastate agents won't have called, the house will be worth about 5 grand less, but there still won't be any houses I like for sale anyway.

My Girlfriend is in Nice and will probably run away with a sheik or a Grand Prix driver.

I've been on Alll bran with soya milk for breakfast all week, it's minging. I'm losing weight but I feel a weak as a runt kitten.

I've had a cyst on my back for about 9 years, I'd lance it just for fun if I could only see it.

Blimey that's a list and a half! I just wrote a long post and lost it but long story short, I was taking the pee, if someone wants to post a pic (which has now disappeared) and come over all sanctamonious then not a lot I can do about it, it's a public forum but glad some people took the thread with a pinch of salt as it was meant, even the people who are havin a massively crap time ATM.

Had a much better weekend than I expected with some of the jubilee stuff. In a bad mood at the moment though, think it was the torrential rain mid way through my ride, discovering that my jacket is no longer waterproof, aching legs, made a rhubarb crumble and the mrs didn't like it because 'it wasn't like her mums'. Oh and probably got something to do with work tomorrow.

It only rained on Sunday??

Didn't it? Oh no I'm sorry I live in the supposed frozen north.

Apart from Sunday its been lovely here.

I struggle with long sentences. What you need is the healing power of angry sex. Dress only in stockings and go find your husband. 😉