[Closed] Anyone been a surrogate father for a friend?

Hang on, let me get another beer

Nothing to add I'm afraid other than I definitely wouldn't.
Just bookmarking for further comments

Bonkmarked.

Natural insemination or turkey baster?

You're opening yourself up to a world of child support costs, regardless of any emotional problems you all might have if you continue to meet regularly as freinds.

Im guessing it may be something a little more detached than a one night stand type thing. I havnt really explored any further details.

Would grahamt like to expand on his definately not stand? Im not criticising, just talking it out. Being mostly faceless on here makes it easier for me to explore the idea.

Definitely one to go in with your eyes open. It's going to be hard to not feel connected to the child..

Is she aware of your intentions?

She'll find what she needs here: https://www.gotinder.com/

or she could make it more ambiguous: https://www.3nderapp.com/

Simply having had the experience of being a father there is no way i could do it with someone i was not completely involved with.
Simple as that

I have a challenging red haired ten year old I could let her have for a bargain price. PayPal gift only.

He's the difficult middle child. 😉

I am a father and my daughters are now off to do stuff in the world, hopefully off to university this summer. I totally enjoy every second of being a father.
Im also adopted and i know how happy being parents made my mother and father.

Perchypanther, i will also convey your generous offer! He clearly just needs a new bike though 😉

There must be protocols and rules to ensure you don't have to support them even if done privately. Right to anonymity seems to have gone in the UK now anyway so using someone you know may not be totally daft. In the facebook age people will track down their parents anyway.

There will be support groups and forums for this sort of thing. Ask them? People must do it all the time.

I shagged a mate's missus once. Does that count?

You WILL be liable for child benefit costs regardles of what your friend says and what happens in the event of the mothers death?

No

Sure there was some chap who met women at service stations and handed over a deposit.

Im agreeing with the protocol and rules idea. I like this forum as there is a wide range of people and experiences. I wondered if in the relative anonymity of the forum someone may have a little personal experience, or experience of a friend they could relate.

Is she aware of your intentions

As said above you can be deemed the legal parent (despite any agreements you might sign), noted as such on the birth certificate and have full financial responsibility in an agreement like this. Your friend may be better going for an official sperm doner or something similar. I work in IVF and I've set through many sperm doner legal/ethical lectures!

breninbeener - your friend may be perpetually single but what are your circumstances?

I have a partner. Im divorced. Tony, thank you for this input. I wasnt aware you couldnt sign away responsibility.

the first question we all need answering here is, Is she fit!

Yes she is, but a career 30something who seems to work too hard to find time for a decent relationship

So if she doesn't have time for a relationship due to career commitments having a child and being a single mother will fit perfectly into her timetable.....

If she is that busy, perhaps a child wouldn't be a good idea...

If she works too hard to find time for a decent relationship, will she really change her lifestyle enough to allow time to have a decent relationship with her child?

Sounds like others say, she hasn't prioritised her life to want a child. I wouldn't think its a clever idea to do this donation for her. She has time on her side to change her ways if that's what she 'wants' to do and meet someone in the old fashion way. Did she actually ask you to be the donor ? How would your other half react if the woman passed away and you are the next of kin?

I think so. She is a genuinely good person who wants to be a mum. I can total see being a parent being the reason she would draw breath every morning. She has an accommodating career which makes great efforts for parents, so she would get flexi/part time working etc

If she works too hard to find a relationship then she is not ready to be a mother.

Stay well out of it. So to speak 😉

Seriously, she's really not that committed if she can't find time for a serious relationship and you would be ruining your friendship when she realises that parenthood is really the hardest job in the world and she needs your help to get through it all.

Hope it ends well for you both mate. But I would advise extreme caution.

That's coming from a father of a four and six year old in a stable marriage who struggles daily to cope with the rigours.

Its hard hard work!

I appreciate the caveats being expressed. I must admit the expression of the idea made me stop in my tracks. I suspect my gut feeling of 'no thanks' may have been correct.

I may have done her a disservice with my explainations. She works hard which i feel is a displacement activity for her lack of fulfillment in her personal life. She certainly appears to be a 'catch' for someone, but her dating and relationships dont seem to have worked out or provided what she wants.

I think prioritising her life for children is a little wide of the mark as i know she wouldnt have children with just anyone, so as a person i respect her attempting to chose a suitable partner for the creation of a family. Its not lost on me that she can hear her biological clock ticking although she is only early 30s.

Dude, I'll take one for the team. Send me her number..

Your friend may be better going for an official sperm doner

Didn't know you could get them* - always asked for chilli sauce myself...

* Although the exact ingredients in the 'elephant's leg' remain a mystery, so the presence of man-juice cannot be completely ruled out.

Yum!

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Massively disrespectful to your current partner.
Maybe she's not quite such a "genuinely good person"?

Lots of useful info disseminated here.......

Need pictures. Then I can offer advice 😉

Too complicated to get involved helping a friend. Would stretch your friendship and current relationship too far.

A couple of my wife's friends have done the single parent IVF thing when they hit 40 with no partner. They seem to have coped as well, if not better, than many parents I know in settled relationships.

They seem to have coped as well, if not better, than many parents I know in settled relationships.

Not sure being single or couple is the be all and end all for whether your kids turn out well, met some ace kids of single mums/dads and some nightmares from couples

Have a look at sperm donors from the nordic countries, apparently a big industry there

andyfla - Member

Have a look at sperm donors from the nordic countries, apparently a [b][i]big[/i][/b] industry there

you've been looking at mrsfry's porn collection again haven't you....

She should apply to adopt.

I'm sure there was a case maybe a year back where a friend/donor got copped for child support despite having an agreement from the, erm, recipient saying they absolved him of all responsibility.

Kids can be an expensive business, couple of years down the line when times are hard and you might get a strange letter from a lawyer asking for upkeep of little Johnny. From experience of friends having kids in latter life you get used to a certain level of lifestyle which those pesky kids intrude on.

I'm being totally disrespectful here of your friends situation, but from her Work/Life Balance POV maybe this would suffice..

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Maybe one of these:

Don't want legal comeback? Yet you want to sow your oats/sire a child without any financial commitment?

You want to create a single parent family, bringing a child into the world with financial support?

Shallow as a puddle. Even to consider it.

Still waiting for her to text.

breninbeener - Member
Its not lost on me that she can hear her biological clock ticking although she is only early 30s.

OP if you do it then you [u]WILL[/u] be the father. Not bad if you are allowed two wives ... 😀

However ... my view ... true story.

Tick tock! Tick tock! Her biological clock screams ...

She is very near to the edge of her biological clock now and the "sale by date" is not far away IMO ...

Soon she will not be the one doing the choosing as her time frame starts to close.

Advise her not to be too picky in life.

Advise her to find a person with good heart, love her genuinely, understand her, acceptable look then settle down.

Forget all those ideals she has in look, being money printers, trendy hipster or fashion conscious type ...

Otherwise she will become a home wrecker or a mistress or a sex toy to other men who will use her once she has passed by her sale by date.

I have seen many cases at my place of work where the women was chasing their careers and under pressure to impress or to climb the corporate ladder whatever shite ... they really don't know where they are heading ...

BANG! One day when they wake up they find themselves in their late 30s and nearly mid 40s ... single, healthy perhaps rich but still alone. They will then realise that it might be too late to have natural birth or to start own family - well they/you can adopt or buy one (in the far east people buy. Yes, buy!). Time waits for no one ... They do not even know time has passed by long time ago ... all their looks, probability of settling down to have a family ... gone! Kaput!

I actually said all the above to several of my female colleagues to warn them in advance ... some take note others don't.

I know one that recently woke up from her career dream in her mid 40s. I know her when she was in her late 20s ... time flies ...

She was once a very pretty and beautiful woman who was able to pick and choose but decided career come first ... now she goes to concert on her own, watch movie in cinema by herself (she told me all that) and recently ended a relationship with another man. I think the man left knowing that starting a family might be difficult or vice versa ... Very sad coz she is very pretty when she was younger ... now aged.

Very sad ...

edit: I can donate my life essence (sperm) to her but she got to be my woman i.e. wife ... then she must adopt the mentality of "Woman! Know your place!" 😆 ... no no just joking ... I don't do that to woman. I am kind a hearted person ... 😛

Shallow as a puddle. Even to consider it.

To be fair to the OP, it sounds like she asked him.

You want to create a single parent family, bringing a child into the world with financial support?

Are you serious?

Can she not just go and loiter round a boozer with a flat roof on a caaaaarncil estate somewhere? Those places are apparently full of the most fertile blokes on earth with nowt better to do. They can impregnate her while barely looking up between pints. They're always in the Daily Mail banging on about how they've got 24 kids from 32 different mothers....

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So it was a joke then?

gobuchul - Member

You want to create a single parent family, bringing a child into the world with financial support?

Are you serious?

binners - Member
Can she not just go and loiter round a boozer with a flat roof on a caaaaarncil estate somewhere?

Bad gene ... or knowingly inflict oneself with bad gene is a bad idea. She would be better off remaining single than to create another bad gene in the society. Cannot help then minimise the damage, contain self or try not inflict pain on others so try not to replicate bad genes coz there are plenty about ...

My cousin adopted two children with unknown gene source (parents' genes) in the far east now they have nightmare coz their children are in the late teens. Yes, you might say that's the normal teenage development but Not normal in the far east nor in our family. Bad gene is bad gene.

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lol @ Chest Rockwell 😀

[img] [/img]

😆 @ "gene" ... good that! 😛

Keep them coming ... 😆

hora
Don't want legal comeback?

Probably too late once it's done it's job

Well [i]the option[/i] is there to screw around with some random bloke, but the Gene Pool limitations may sour the taste some.
I'd offer up both genetic screening and manipulation, seems it's all the rage these days.

So no matter who/what the inherited liquid is, she can choose both flavour and colour with syrup on.

BOL.

Post pix.

On a practical note

I know two same sex couple who obtained sperm from America. Basically UK is sperm donnor free due to lack of anonimity

As with all parenting issues we criticise those who plan and make arrangements and think things through. While others produce off spring they genuinley don't want due to a lack of care

C'mon man, this is grade 'A' baby gravy we got here.

Stop bustin my balls man

Gene Pool limitations may sour the taste some.

Well she's never going to get up the duff like that!

Anyone been a surrogate father for a friend?

Not that he knows of... 😉

DISCLAIMER: The above is work of fiction with the sole excuse that someone had to say it.

IGMC

[i]sperm from America[/i]

Finest kind.

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Had friends in slightly similar situation. What put her off was the thought that if the kid looked like the father that would be a bit weird for everyone. She went for IVF.

Do you get to practise with her?

Seriously what if she makes financial claims in the future?

See a solicitor if you are serious.

Sure there was some chap who met women at service stations and handed over a deposit.

I think it's been covered, but it's not just about the mother changingher mind and choosing to make a claim. The mother simply doesn't have the authority to absolve the father of financial responsibility, which is just as well, as otherwise the taxpayer (potentially) has to pick up the bill, or the child goes without, which is hardly fair as the situation was not of their making.

Following on from thecaptains post

Where would you stand legally and emotionally if she died unexpectedly in the child's early years

wwaswas

Not sure you've followed the nature nurture debate that well

Aside from the innuendo etc I can't really see a problem with it. As long as you both understand and agree your future obligations to the child and what you may be legally liable for should that agreement break down then why not? I can understand a woman wanting to be a mother but not wanting a partner. There's far too much stigma attached to single mother-dom. And I can also understand a woman wanting to know where the donor sperm is coming from. I think in your position I'd be considering it seriously.

Suggest she looks at adoption (or fostering) . There are more than enough children in the world already who would benefit hugely from a loving home without having to orchestrate a situation in which you can create a new one.

so unless you want our babies to have sex with each I'm going to have to have sex with Melissa 😥
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[i]Not sure you've followed the nature nurture debate that well[/i]

Being a red neck isn't genetic?

Who knew!