[Closed] any soliciters out there, divorce advice needed, am i gonna get stung?

but i have a very strong feeling she is trying to put one over on me, and im to finacially nieve to see what the possible pit falls could be

That along with the 'on benefits' and 'will' and 'she says' and the previous thread about her behaviour means I'd suggest trying to have as little finiancial involvement with her as possible. I certainly wouldn't sign up to buy a house just before splitting! I'm assuming you're not on the deeds of the current house? Why do you/she need the new house?

You've not exchanged so there'll be no penalty there. solicitors fees will need to be covered but they shouldn't be as much as £4k I reckon - IIRC mine were more like £1.5k in total if not less.

yeah, the other week she said it was 2500, then this week its nearer 4000?
it also surveyors,structual survey, morgage being reworked etc etc..

How fast can you run?

You want to do what?!?!?

Them fees sound waayy to much. The fact that you say "So she says" points out you dont trust her anyways.

Are you mad?

Take the kids and hit the road!

You are f*cking toopid!
Put both names on the mortgage at least but if you divorce you are ducked.

Charge the older kids rent/contribution?
But then again you're married for 6yrs -any reason why you both will split?

How can you not trust your wife? if you don't then you need to fix your relationship or get out.

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What tricks could she pull

1. She could stop paying and you'd be at least partially responsible for the mortgage even though you wouldn't be living there. That'd make it near impossible for you to ever buy your own place not to mention the risk of bankrupcy, etc.

2. She could live in the new place with the other bloke (if he decides not to run though based on all you're saying he'd have to be even madder than you!) with you paying for it

Seriously DON'T sign anything. If there are fees to be paid off (eg the solicitors) then pay what you owe but don't get taken for a mug.

I hope your solicitor understands the situation because I sure as hell can't follow what you typed above!

Quoi??! is that a new form of english that i havent seen before? Im sure my move to Switzerland and learning french have had an impact on my english but WTF??

I'm no lawyer but that sounds dodgier than a dodgy night down the dodgems.

i def dont trust her.she was married before and she then owned the house outright.no morgage.as the law stands she then had to take out a morgage to pay off her ex husbands share.she has always been really bitter about this and just didnt seem to "get" the fact that thats just the way it works...
but im trying to work "what possible that she could do"?

Just to be clear

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It all sounds far too complex a process, with myriad arrangements and promises to foul things up.

Get out, and don't enter into any kind of arrangement with her.

[img] [/img]

Why do you need the new house? It sounds like her attempt at setting herself up before giving you the flick but leaving you to pay for at least part of it (which maybe in itself isn't completely unfair since presumably she'll be looking after the kids).

So you buy a house together - then split financially - then you pay rent to live in your [b]own[/b] house while your wife lives of benefits!!!?

Sorry mate but if you can't trust your own wife over this sort of thing you don't want to be signing anything!

To the OP: It is really hard to read your posts. Punctuation. Helps. A lot.

but im trying to work "what possible that she could do"?

Remove the need to try and work it out - simply walk away from the house sale, pay the fees and sort the divorce out. Once the dust has settled - financially and emotionally - then you might want to have a look at this [s]car crash waiting to happen[/s] situation again (...maybe...) 😯

I have just realised you are buying your house via a PFI scheme 😯

On the original thread I advised you to talk and try and make a go of it. After reading your subsequent posts I'd like to change my advice. She is having you for a mug. After the sale, she will go on benefits and then guarentee to get a job within 12 months. She must be a pretty high flyer if she can guarentee to get a job that will cover all her outgoings (including the extra cost of childcare while she works) within a set time. Kinda makes you wonder why she isn't making that sort of cash now. Oh, and the "fees" have mysteriously gone up from £2500 to "about" £4000? Really?

You put yourself and [i]your[/i] kids first. She is taking the piss mate.

don't do it, stop now

you are not thinking straight, you have not taken the time to get decent legal advice. Once your name is on the mortgage you will have 3 long term options

- wife buys you out. It doesn't sound like she will ever be able to do this

- wife sells the house, and you split the equity. You are unlikely to get half, and she is unlikely to agree to sell if she is comfy where she is. If you want to move out you won't be able to borrow enough to buy (because of your existing commitment).

Pull out of the sale/ purchase. Stay put where you are. Talk to a couple of solicitors.

Yes, you need to think about your kids. But you need to think about you too.

You are about to get screwed, of that there is no doubt, brace yourself. You do have some control over how hard you are going to get screwed

Everyone saddle up....we got ourselves an INTERVENTION!

Buying a house doesn’t cost £4000 solicitors fees around £1000, survey less and possibly a setting up fee on the mortgage. Which possibly shows she is being devious from the start, no?

in short she wants me to sign the morgage and move there.we then split finacially and she goes on benefits and i rent as a lodger

i doubt this arrangement will work - you will be considered to be living together and you will be expected to pay for her.

Stop now

What tricks could she pull on you?

Your name would be on the mortgage. If you stop paying up, you would have to go bankrupt and the house would go from under the lot of you.

She could kick you out, separating you from your kids. You would be pretty much obliged to keep paying the mortgage in order to not go bankrupt, and to keep a roof over your kids heads. If you stopped paying out, in the divorce her Lawyer would present this as what git you are. If you carry on paying out, you can guarantee that she'll get the lions share of it.

In a situation like this, she holds a lot of power. All she has to do is hint that you're violent towards her or the kids, or even that she's afraid you might be, and you're in big trouble. Or she could move another bloke in, and get friendly with him. That wouldn't be a situation you're likely to be able to stick out.

Ultimately, for a lot of people, money can be the be all and end all. I know of siblings who have become bitter enemies following disagreements about money. If she's willing to screw you over once, she'll be willing to do it again, and this time she could really screw your life up. If she were so minded, you could end up bankrupt and with naff all access to the kids.

my main query is, what tricks could she pull on me???

Get you in the house, like you say... nice and easy false allegation of domestic violence, ouster order against you, kicked out and homeless, she moves in new bloke to live with her and you're now homeless and still liable for half the mortgage, which she'll try and claim for in the divorce settlement.

Regards the 4k solicitors bill toward the house sale - you might want to get a breakdown, as 3k of that is the relationship breakdown advice she's been taking before screwing you over good and proper.

[img] [/img]

You might get hurt by ejecting, but not as much as you will in the crash...

She doesn’t even need to use the domestic violence allegation. With the kids, no-job (housewife?) and a women it's likely a divorce court would settle in her favor i.e. liable for half the mortgage but being kicked out.

DTMFA

You are about to get screwed.

I'm not the sort of solicitor that you need (yet) but have done divorce and conveyancing ages ago.
I cannot see how the purchaser runs up £4k or indeed £2k in fees prior to completion or indeed ever. Have you exchanged contracts yet? if so you could be liable in contract law if you fail to complete ( buy the house). I assume that you have not exchanged as a) you would have had to sign and b) most people exchange and compete on the same day now. If you have not exchanged your fees ought to be some portion of the solicitors profit costs the search fees and survey fee I would guess about £800 in all.

My considered legal advise is Run Away Now! You will pay now financially and emotionally but you will pay a lot more if you go through with this scheme. You are not likely to get much out of the current split but the proposed plan effectively takes that little and ties it up in a bigger liability for you where you would be fully responsible for the whole debt (mortgage liability is joint and several you can be held liable for her share too). Once she is in that house with the kids the law will not easily move her out or make her sell but it would move you out and make you pay.
There is a reason why Divorce is so expensive..... Because it's worth it.

Odannyboy - would you advise a friend to enter into an uneeded and potentially very expensive financial arrangement with a person that the friend didn't trust?

YES / NO ?

Please do not do this. I think the responses will ALL be telling you the same thing. I'd bet that she'll try anything to make you go through with the deal though, so be very wary. As said above, she's trying to make sure that she's set up well for the future. At your expense. Through no fault of your own.

I'm just glad you cut the story short as I really couldn't follow the plot at all.

DON'T DO IT! She sounds like she is trying to screw you, and the benefit system.

The only people who stand to make anything from this are the solicitors, estate agents... oh and Jeremy Kyle 😯

GET THE **** OUT DANNYBOY!!!!

OP - following your previous post about your partner cheating on you.

You really do need to need to stop and think. Really.

PLEASE don't take this the wrong way- is this an elaborate-troll?

So she has 5 kids , is now divorced twice, is living on benefits, and you dont trust her, everyone so far has said run.

Jeremey Kyle here you go, sort this one out.

RUN AND RUN FAST.

As said before do not sign anything, if yo do sign for the new house, then I am sorry but you are too stupid and deserve what you will get.
Just pull out of the deal and run away

Isn't what you are planning fraud?

my main query is, what tricks could she pull on me???

You know her far better than anyone of the internet does. However you mentioned she had an affair recently on a previous thread.

I really think you need to speak to her maturely or make a judgement call of your own for the best of you and your children.

We can't say anything without knowing either of you IMO.

odannyboy, your forum name, along with the subject matter immediately made me think of this:

(needs sound)

The film clip above basically illustrates your predicament as well. Get out now, before you need to resort to firelighters and a tommy-gun.

Wait a second, Hora is right 😯 -is this the same woman who cheated on you? And you couldn't be bothered about the relationship?
I think you need time to fix your relationship and not even look at buying a big house without all your brain cylinders firing.

What if she breaks it off? you're screwed yourself so stop digging any deeper and talk a solicitor and a psychologist!
Is your relation now hunky dorry? I would wait, see what the relationship is like in a year.

Don't let me start at benefits either unless you both really need them you wouldn't be buying a house but foremost you trust is earned-you both need marriage guidence first if you're staying together.

Good time to buy though with low interest rates. How will you convince the social security to pay for her when you're married? fake seperation? now that they employ private detectives to check on you-fine you and no more benefits-lose your job and home.

What would you say to a friend who asked you the same question? 😯

I can't even pretend to understand any of this. 🙁

Elfinsafety - Member
I can't even pretend to understand any of this.

Married couple, relationship dead from lack of effort from both parties, last week his wife was ready to run off after having an affair but the other guy said no.
Wife shows no guilt and cries openly missing the other guy.
OP not sure what to do and asks STW massive who say ditch the b (wife)

Now this week - wife wants him to sign up a mortgage which he pays,
She will try to claim benefits to pay her side but promises to get a job
and he will be a lodger.

So OP are you saying the relationship is dead and you are staying together for kids?

She will pay half the rent/mortgage with benefits/job one day,

You will live there, pay rest of mortgage and stay with the kids?

If so -you need to divorce now and stay friends,
buy new house in your name and mortgage -you're safe.
She is your lodger and pays rent with benefits as she is divorced and you will need a contract as a landlord. If she has £10K savings-she won't get benfits. You get together or see other people while remaining friends or patch it up or stay while little kids grow up and move on. (how many yrs of your life gone?)

If you or her finds someone else while living together then you're both stuffed and should be on a talk show as the new partner will also get hurt. But I have seen some tv comedy shows where this works!

Otherwise it sounds like a plan! 💡 and she can move on anytime and so can you but do not sign the house in her name and mortgage in your name as you'll be stuffed.

1) Divorce,
2) Buy House and mortgage in your name,
3) Landlord contract from you to your tennent-her for DSS
4) Gives options for everyone to run
5) Divorce lawyer will sort this out for you.

Just scratching head about your current home and money owed to whom... ❓

Have you got a canoe ?

You know that bit in King Lear where they stick a red hot poker up the guy's bum?

That's you, that is.

Call of the purchase/chain and work on fixing your relationship first.

Or are you hoping a very large elastoplast will make you happy?

Did she say 'it was the smaller place that made me feel unhappy?!!!!!

FFS. Come on. Go back to basics. You are allowed to cool a house sale/purchase for the right reasons.

No OP is:

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[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

[img] [/img]

I hope OP comes out of this on top -seriously I do!

frankenstein is most correct.
we are splitting.im getting over the hurt and getting more suspecting of her.
this isnt a last ditch repair.we were in the process of moving before all this came out.
the new house would be better for the kids and her and im happy to help her out if it is genuine help,but seeing what has happened recently i dont trust her now.she has never messed me around in eleven years previously.for sure.
when i met her she was covering the cost of our current house as a single mum who didnt work.when we declared my money,got a joint account and went "legit" we actually lost out by around £500 per month.
she has put all the figure on paper and explained till blue in the face but the fact is i dont trust her.if she hadnt cheated and wanted an amicable split i would have done it ,no question.
the 4k breaks down roughly too include
our £1000 overdraft-not relavent but needs to be paid
£700 morgage canellation fee(apparently)
£300 surveyor
£2000 soliciter

go on flame me away!

i also overheard bits of a phone call to her sister which included phrases like "blah blah percentage blah balh well of course i wouldnt tell him that" and "yeah he just wont make up his mind about signing" and
"he probably doesnt realise that" etc etc

Overdraft is there regardless so that's a nonissue in this.

£2k solicitor fees sounds like she's been taking divorce advice...

Cancellation fee sounds high but will be easy to check.

I think she's taking you for an idiot.

Edit. Just seen your more recent post. Don't sign anything your own solicitor doesn't approve!

And the big costs will be after the initial crap is sorted, CSA - especially as she'll be on benefits.

its embarrassing to admit but i know nothing about money...as im sure you are realising!!
oh and punctuation!

csa will be there regardless.i wont deny my kids anything.most guys i know pay sod all in respect of what it costs to "run" kids.

£700 morgage canellation fee(apparently)

Eh? Correct me if I am wrong but a mortgage offer expires after a certain period. Correct me if I am wrong.

we are splitting.im getting over the hurt and getting more suspecting of her.
this isnt a last ditch repair.we were in the process of moving before all this came out.

£2000 soliciter

In a nice way. Are you mental? Seriously take some proper advice, start with friends, then sit down alone and have a think.

Sometimes breaking up IS the best thing for children if the situation between two people is not right. It takes more balls to go through with this contrary to popular urban belief.

[i]csa will be there regardless.i wont deny my kids anything.most guys i know pay sod all in respect of what it costs to "run" kids. [/i]

Mate, the CSA has nothing to do with looking after your kids.

I'd agree with others, you need to really think about what is going on - and try and talk with someone with (don't get upset) some common sense and intelligence.

This is a troll right? This and the other threads. You are posting basic questions with a twist.

Admit it, come on.

dont sign for the love of god dont sign
CSA are voluntary and she wont call as she gets only a tenner if she is on benfits and they still deduct the full amount so lots of haggle room for unofficial settlement you save she/they have more money
CSA circa 20% of your NET minus amounts for stay over assume 4 nights a fotnight and school holidays will reduce to circa 13 %. Trust me she is absolutely shafting you and she will continue to do this she will live in your house you will pay you will pay maintenance you will not be able to house yourself she and the law wont give a sh1t.She will getyou out by hook or by crook
PLEASE DONT SIGN THE MORTGAGE FEES CLEARLY INVOLVE HER SOLICITORS COSTS
PETTITION HER NOW I MEAN TOMORROW FOR DIVORCE PLEASE SHE PAYS FOR DIVIORCE AND YOUR LEGAL FEES AS IT IS HER FAULT RE ADULTERY. THAT SAVES YOU A GRANDAT LEAST AND WILL TASTE VERY SWEET
I feel for you I realy do but a divorce is inevItable it is awful you love your kids but they will cope and know you love them. Dont help her in a few mths you will agree with everyone on his thread and see her for what she is an absolute xxxx
WALK AWAY PLEASE

This is a troll surely. Its windup isn't it?

odannyboy, You need to see a Solicitor.

The last thing on earth you should be doing now is entering into a financial contract with someone you are separating from.
Your legal options if you separate from a partner and there are children involved is messy, really messy.
Your wifes plan to go onto benefits and rent you a room, will not work. It will be fraud.

Conveyancing fees should be about 1/3 of the £2000 she has told you. Plus the Home buyers survey maybe £200.
You are being stitched up big style.
As for a mtg cancellation fee , I might be wrong , but you actually don't have a new mortgage yet, just an offer on the new mortgage for the increased amount , unsigned .
Unless you want to be broke for the next 15 years i urge to back out of this con , because thats what this is.
Take control of the situation, treat her as background noise, do not believe anything she says , and sort out everything yourself.
You can do it, there are people on here who will try to help you as best they can.

If you need to find a Solicitor, then click my link below. You need one specialising in family law
http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/home.law

i do know what you mean.part of me thought ill happily pay the £4000 perhaps, cos at least then i know thats all.no hidden costs and she stays here, and my name wont be on the new house.
im going to see a soliciter tommorrow who hopefully can give me legal aid, but im now thinking, sod the aid ill just pay as much as i can up front!
one detail that is wrong in my OP.it isnt my morgage here, i just guarentee it.its not in my name, but there may be some detail where by its my money that pays it indirectly
oh and this isnt a troll, its the woman i loved, mother of my children turning into a monster.i may be nieve but i also am kind and trusted her.(too much!)

You'll only need to pay for the initial consultation if you are not eligible for legal aid, that may rise if you need further assistance. BUT you need the advice, and its money well spent if helps you out.
All the best Danny

but most soliciters ive spoken too want about £300 upfront.is this not the norm?

Oh Danny boy, the courts, the courts are calling

ha ha that even made me laugh! 😆

its even worse if you act as a guarantor but it's not in your name!

ffs mate, run a bloody mile, shoeless if you have to

pay a solicitor £300 and sign nothing re' the house

and watch for the solicitors jaw hitting the floor when you explain what you were going to do

by the fact your on STW you probably have a bike or 2 - get on your fastest one and ride it!

ok, im getting the point,soliciter hunt begins tommorrow!

Consultation may be free but as I said petitioning her for divorce on the grounds of adultery makes her liable for your costs as it is her fault you are divorcing.
Whatever it costs it will be cheaper than your current scenario where you are paying for her to have legal advice to shaft you in the settlment are you MAD? She is liable for half that anyway.
Seriously I feel very sorry for you but step back think where you will be in a years time and how you will feel then. Sign nothing and petition for divorce you could change your mind later if it works out but divorce is messy and expensive make her pay as it is clearly her fault. You are fragile right now get impartial advice and petition please.
FFS we can probably have a whip round to pay for that if you want
Chin up fella it gets better and easier. Kids kno you love them and you will always be Daddy to them no matter what happens

Mortgage cancellation fee on a mortgage you haven't taken out yet?
£2000 conveyancing fees?

You are being taken for a mug.

You'd happily pay the £4k?

Sorry to say this as I dont know you, but that would remove any doubt about your mug status if you did.

Seek professional help, and sign nothing until you do.

danny, you came here for advice. You have received the advice which is unanimous.
[img] [/img]

odannyboy - She's a woman and crafty as hell they all are (but not all nasty) I'm sure she would have looked at her options before running away.

MTFU - forget the hurt and everything else now put it behind you and get a plan-post on STW if you must! I have to hand it to you for looking out for the kids.

Women talk to women and give each other advice so don't worry about the phone call. You have the upper hand and you can do very well or **** it all up. A woman who has felt unloved for years is only going to wander and find it elsewhere and become your worst nightmare but it takes TWO to keep the relationship going. You're not innocent, you've paid the price just stop bending over waiting for her to up you in the where no man has gone before. No need to hate her but you must out think her! she is the enemy which you must beat with your brains not with fists or you'll on crimewatch and shot by Police Moat style.

Not good with money? FFS post the figures on here and some of us can do that! Get an accountant?

If you sell your old house which I take is in both your names? or are you mortgage G and she owns the house?

Basically get an approve divorce/family/home buying lawyer yourself asap, explain the situation face to face as your text is worse than mine.
They will know exactly what your options are and what she is thinking and lay the options for you straight so no more stupid posts until you know unless you support which Hora is here for although he is in shock this is happening lol.

Get a plan going with a new solicitor and don't write things down so she can find, don't be upset, get pro-active and plans/goals.

Protecting yourself will also protect your children in the long term.

Stop ****ing around and see a new solicitor and ask for the solicitor bill so you can ask what its for -get a ****ing calculator if you have to.
Hora is right you better not be trolling! but we do stupid things when an outsider can see the solutions easily.

You have your mission go get 'em boy!

Remember those bitter old men sat nursing a pint down the pub when you were younger? Well thats you one day. Alienated from your own children as you walked into something bad, then reacted really badly, left and then mummy told the bairns that you just upped and walked out one day leaving them destitute (in reality she told you tough and dont come near the kids or she'll call you a fiddler) 😉

Your not real though right?

one detail that is wrong in my OP.it isnt my morgage here, i just guarentee it.

hahahaah, hahahaha, you gotta be f'kin kidding right? 😯

<Is this the best troll ever?>