Yet again our 23 yr old son hasn't done anything to appreciate his mom on her special day, ive had plenty of words with him in the past over things like this and birthdays etc but still doesn't give a s**t!
Even though he doesn't live with us but lives up north with his girlfriend, the wife deserves at least a card or even a txt message at worst , but no not even that ! .... she says shes ok but you can tell shes upset about the whole thing but nothing changes 🙁
Our other 2 kids have been great, flowers, cards etc , just my one lad ? .. really cant work him out as hes usually close to us ..
anyone else have a son/daughter that's ungrateful on mothers day ?
Our gang do a card and small box of choc between them, but don't really mean it. I never bothered for my mum when she was alive and she would have been quite annoyed if I had. My side of the family just don't bother with anything but birthdays and Christmas, it's all a big con to spend money that would be better spent elsewhere, forced on us by the threat of guilt trips.
Surely a little appreciation isnt a lot to ask ?
My mom passed away 6 yrs ago but ive still been up the crem today with flowers and to say hello etc
I think I like your lad already.
If you all get on fine otherwise then he's probably someone who just does appreciate those kinds of gestures. Mothers Day is a pretty odd celebration. Its not even supposed to be about your parents, the Mother in Mothers Day is your church, its about returning to the congregation you were born into, so its supposed to be a physical home-coming not a card and flowers exercise.
If he doesn't do cards and flowers then they just don't mean much to him - doing them because you're meant to because of a date on a calendar would be an empty gesture. Blokes are crap at sentimental gestures anyway, blokes in their early 20s are not very sentimental, gesturey people.
celebrate the good things in life
blokes in their early 20s are not very sentimental, gesturey people.
This.
I used to be rubbish at it and feel bad now.
Doesn't matter if it's a "made up" event, the meaning is still real to people.
EDIT: He didn't leave any shoes behind at your place did he?
Write him out of your will!
If you get on otherwise then I wouldn't let an arbitrary Sunday upset you too much, if its a symptom of a wider problem, then well, its a different problem.
I am pretty poor at this stuff still as I enter my 40s but always remember the old dears birthday and mothers day, but generally forget their wedding anniversary
He sounds normal. Buying cards is a female obsession to be ridiculed and mocked.
I sometimes get a fathers day card & sometimes I don't. Same with b/day cards.
Mums are different & get upset about that sort of stuff though, so why don't you 'forget' to get him a birthday & Xmas pressie next time?
Withhold his pudding next time he visits. Obviously.
I think that you shouldn't take it personally, kids don't deliberately set out to be hurtful. More a case of them not thinking.
Was told on the phone late afternoon yesterday that there would be something arriving for me today. Of course guess who was going to ride today and it's now nearly 2.45 pm and no delivery! First time ever that my kids have organised anything to be sent to me so mustn't grumble.
her special day
Again, unless you're of the very traditional obscure religious festival persuasion it's a commercialised day the same as fathers day. If you're normally very close then why does this one day have to be singled out for "appreciation"? I'd rather do something for my mum on a day that actually means something rather than spending money on a cheap card and a box of chocolates that will be forgotten about next week. I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks the same way, either that or he's just plain crap at remembering guff like this (as I am, I only realised when I read this).
FWIW if my girl tries to shove any fathers day nonsense at me I'll stamp on all her toys. That'll show her.
Was told on the phone late afternoon yesterday that there would be something arriving for me today.
On a Sunday? Here's hoping you've not had a wasted day!
Here's hoping squirelking! It's probably cost them a fortune too.
FWIW if my girl tries to shove any fathers day nonsense at me I'll stamp on all her toys. That'll show her.
That was my approach. Cards are despicable crap and must be opposed at every opportunity.
Funny thing the greeting card industry and expectations. On the one hand; girlfriend's rarely get owt on Valentines Day, but I'll do the Mother's Day thing because I know it makes her happy. But then, girlfriend's get regular love and treats so...
Slightly off topic, but something that annoys me is the way a lot of people expect presents and stuff. A mate in his mid-thirties literally banks on his Christmas presents from his mum. He'll say something like "Can't wait to take delivery of my new Macbook Pro, it's a [i]combined[/i] birthday/Christmas present" As if that excuses the fact that he's a spoilt little shit.
Really gets on my tits. But is it just sour grapes on my part.
Maccruiskeen and Squirrelking +1.
Just more crass commercialised bollocks IMO. Just another retail opportunity for my wife's side of the family. FFS, my MIL even buys her daughter a "Mother's Day" present...!
Maccruiskeen and Squirrelking +1.
Just more crass commercialised bollocks IMO. Just another retail opportunity for my wife's side of the family. FFS, my MIL even buys her daughter a "Mother's Day" present...!
It keeps me in a job .
sorry but mothers day is a load of crap, I would never be angry at my kids for not getting anything for their mum (when they are older). I actively discourage them for fathers day. Getting upset because you didn't get a card and a present is quite pathetic TBH.
Nothing wrong with using it as an excuse for spending some time together. Kids can make a card - much nicer than a bought one.
Write him out of your will
We've agreed to ban Mothers Day here, on the proviso that more is done spontaneously throughout the rest of the year. My wife always thinks that any show of niceness on MD is just because it's MD, and not a true reflection of their feelings.
Personally I can't stand the day.
Nah, he's a cock. You can argue about the made up event and commercialism all you want but if his mum would appreciate the sentiment he should make some sort of gesture - it's not hard (or costly) to bung a card in the post or send a text. If you have strong anti commercial views start with your 'events' and ask people not to bother for your birthday/christmas/fathers day celebrations - not bothering for others just looks lazy or uncaring, not sticking it to the man.
Having said that I remember being late to post father's/mother's day cards when I was in my 20s so they didn't get them until the following week and I've turned out ok, so maybe there's a self centred phase some folk go through at that age and it's nothing personal.
Maybe you need to just 'forget' his birthday this year and see if it bothers him or not. It might be he's wired that way or feeling ignored himself might jolt him into doing the right thing.
Made up day to sell cards and keep petrol stations busy once a year
Surely better to show spontaneous appreciation than getting some tat because he's been told to buy it
[/rant] not sure why it has to be a card.. just the act of acknowledgement and appreciation is all that is needed on the special day. After all this is for someone who presumably brought you up and looked after you when no one else did. [/rant]
on a side note I'm sure there plenty of people who equally moan when their boss doesnt acknowledge or appreciate the effort they put into their job at work ( at least they get paid for it by the employer).
I can't abide "special" occasions. Birthdays, Christmas, Mothers Day - they are poisonous occasions when people get highly emotional, overexcited and/or depressed.
I think your boy has the right idea.
Mom? Are you American?
My wife is really angry about something today. Buggered if I know what it is. Claims nothing is wrong. Now she didn't get anything from our son but when I asked him (he's away at university), he reckons he has sent a card but it's just not got here on time. He has phoned her and had a chat.
Now, what I think the problem is, that *I've* not wished her happy mothers day. But I wouldn't, would I? She's not my mum. But I think she expects me to treat her special.
Anyone else have that one?
No pudding for Samuri.
Maccruiskeen and Squirrelking +1.
Just more crass commercialised bollocks IMO. Just another retail opportunity for my wife's side of the family. FFS, my MIL even buys her daughter a "Mother's Day" present...!
Yes, it is commercial bollocks.
However, it makes my Mum happy. So that's that for me.
FWIW, I never send cards. Usually arrange some sort of plant to go into the Garden.
There's little in life more vanilla than a hallmark holiday.
I did put some effort in this year, however... Last Tuesday I taught my mum to make really nice, simple dahl 
If my mum was still alive, she'd have a heart attack if I ever got her a card lol
If that's the biggest complaint you have about your son, you've got off OK.
As others have pointed out it's just more commercialised crap designed to make us buy cards, flowers and chocolates.
For the first time im 8 years I had a lie in on Mother's day. I could get used to this being single thing. Happy days.
Bah humbug from the majority then. It is commercial BUT the key is not what the child thinks of it but what the MUM does.
Next time he returns to the roost...........hoof him in the slats 😆
Have to agree with deepreddave ,seems a lot of negative comments aimed towards a little thank you for the moms of the world ? ... it is commercial crap i agree, but its just a thank you
Yup. What Dave says.
Lots of things can be reduced to meaningless marketing (new wheels anyone?), sometimes though you have to decide whether not lining the pockets of hallmark and a bit of pen ink, is worth the moral high ground, when the result is a Mum going without that card & ink, from their (now free thinking) baby.
Perspective, people 🙂
Again, unless you're of the very traditional obscure religious festival persuasion it's a commercialised day the same as fathers day.
There does seem to be a degree of muddle over two different days, here. Cerys was talking about it on 6 this morning, and our Mother's Day is partly derived from returning to Mother Church to give thanks, but also includes a day when staff in service were given a day to go home with a small gift for their own mother, this dates back to the 17C.
In America, there was a movement to celebrate mothers, which was made official by President Woodrow Wilson in, I think, 1911 or 1913, somewhere around then, and Hallmark Cards got in on it, but the Ametican day is in June, I believe.
Our Mother's Day/Mothering Sunday does have four hundred years behind it, and doesn't have commercial roots.
I have three Phaleanopsis orchids out on the kitchen windowsill that I bought for my mum for Mother's Day, and one of them has conveniently come into bloom the last week, with the second about to come out.
Had them for quite a few years, and she loved them.
Just a shame she won't see them. 😐
Whilst it was really nice to receive flowers from my (adult) children, I clearly hit a nerve recently with my comments concerning their minimalist help when I recently moved house!
I hate any type of day where flowers are expected. Everytime I see a stall of cheap flowers in a supermarket etc I just cant help but think that they would have been better off growing some food instead. A lot of the budget ones come from Kenya as well which makes it worse.
[i]Whilst it was really nice to receive flowers from my (adult) children, I clearly hit a nerve recently with my comments concerning their minimalist help when I recently moved house![/i]
My son turned himself inside out helping me move our all stuff from one house to another. He pretty much collapsed with exhaustion on the last day.
His mother however, pffft. 😉
I did go for lunch with mine to a rustic farm shop and avoided the screaming kids and cadaverous old ladies smelling of wee from nursing homes.It was more as a birthday treat rather than celebrating some archaic religious day .As for plonking flowers on a grave ? no the same as remembering dead relatives birthdays etc in a newspaper ad there is no point as they are dead
seadog101 - Member
My wife always thinks that any show of niceness on MD is just because it's MD, and not a true reflection of their feelings.
Pretty much what my mother said years ago, she "said just treat me like a normal human being every day, that's enough for me"
I am very close to my mother and she's supported me & I her through some really tough times, but neither of us need to splash out on a special day.
We just know we are there for each other.
I think my mum would laugh at me TBH.
Although, I'm the same age as your son, and I was totally unaware it was mothers day today. 😆
Took my mum a card today.
Sadly she isn't really sure who I am these days. She was very grateful and smiled a lot but I could tell she was thinking "who's this strange fella and why's he brought me a card. 😐
We did do an event for the mothers of Mr and Mrs Ampthill today
But my wifes sister didn't get any cheery message from her daughter. The daughter is in Australia when asked via facebook just said that they don't do it there
But she did lug her arse here for Christmas and really made a fuss of everyone
She is hoping her parents will come to her for next Christmas and might have to help with flights
On balance what matters is does the kid appreciate their mum and show it. Rather than did they do a card on one day
My son turned himself inside out helping me move our all stuff from one house to another. He pretty much collapsed with exhaustion on the last day.
Well done that lad! Guess what my son told me when he said he couldn't stay longer? 'I'm riding my bike'. and he did cos I'm his Strava follower. 😕
Guess what my son told me when he said he couldn't stay longer? 'I'm riding my bike'. and he did cos I'm his Strava follower.
Apple never falls far from the tree. 🙂
My Mom told me last week to "don't waste your money on a stupid present" on mothers day, pretty perceptive for an 78 year old with advancing dimensia
when I asked him (he's away at university), he reckons he has sent a card but it's just not got here on time
Surely we've all used that one?
My 8 year old daughter made a big fuss of her mum today. I was enlisted to help make a card and breakfast in bed.
She genuinely wanted my wife to have a good day which was lovely too see 🙂
How often do we mean to visit our parents but something more important comes up?
Days like today make us actually get off our arses and put them first.
A lot of the budget ones come from Kenya as well which makes it worse.
Steady on........you begrudging our Kenyan friends a butty now ?
zippykona - Member
How often do we mean to visit our parents but something more important comes up?
Days like today make us actually get off our arses and put them first.
Seen my folks twice in 3 years, one of the things about being on the other side of the world. Birthdays get cards and skype, Christmas gets cards/presents everything else is just a normal day.
If you get on well with your parents then Mothers/Fathers day means not much, if you only send something because it's mothers day they thats more of a problem. I remember one guy I worked with made sure half the office heard him ordering his mothers day bouquet and that he wanted the more expensive ones - proper cock.
he's got a girlfriend you say? have a word with her, she'll make him do it.
I'm going to bookmark this thread, and if I ever need reminding whever STW actually reflects the opinions and feelings real people I'll open it up. What a miserable bunch of........ 🙁
I'll open it up. What a miserable bunch of........
So which is worse the people who have a genuine relationship with their family and who know that or those who send flowers and a card on one day?
Stumpy, my take on this is that if your son is in regular contact with his Mum and you and makes reasonable effort in ensuring that his Mum knows that he cares then missing out on one commercially exploited Sunday really isn't the end of the world.
Furthermore, IF his stance is one of genuine principle then maybe it's time that he made this clear or that you accept his position.
However, from what you say, it seems that your son just doesn't bother and that gets right up your nostrils doesn't it ? So maybe that's his payoff ?
He likes pissing you off and you take the bait every single time. Job done.
Dad's don't always have to be bossy "In my house ! " style autocrats, they can be really bloody good mates too.
As a much respected US Psychologist once said "If what your doing isn't working then you could try another way".
we've generally been pretty slack with this sort of thing in my family..
but we're pretty close and show our appreciation on nearly every day of the year..
err... my ma got a new fella about a decade or so ago and his family observed this sorta shit much more rigorously, he kicked up a right old stink about it so now we all try to remember to make a gesture just to stop him whingeing and upsetting her with his pomp and ceremony.. he gets a real buzz out of us making the effort
people are different
we should celebrate that, not use it as an excuse to take out our frustrations on one another
as a 20 something I was far too preoccupied to have even noticed... maybe you should look into why your lad is too busy to remember his ma.. but be nice about it hey?
I would be proud of the boy, sticking to his principles despite having a fairly ridiculous Mom and presumably "Pop" to content with. Good lad
If you stop forcing it, you may get a bit of love.
So which is worse the people who have a genuine relationship with their family and who know that or those who send flowers and a card on one day?
Because they are the only two alternatives arent they 🙄
Took my mum for Sunday lunch and she loved it. Just wish I could be a crazy guy like all you lot.
There are plenty in the middle, just quite a few on the extremes and plenty who think a card flowers on Valentines/Mothers Day/Fathers Day etc makes everything all right.
My wife is currently annoyed with me because I didn't acknowledge mothers day, but mothers day here in Australia is in May!
I'm not convinced those that applaud the boy for his anti commerce stance have actally read the op properly. He ignores/forgets family birthdays too. There is no reference to him stating he dosn't for 'moral' reasons, he could just be lazy/inconsiderate. Mir would be interesting to hear from the op what his lad expects for his own birthday.
.As for plonking flowers on a grave ? no the same as remembering dead relatives birthdays etc in a newspaper ad there is no point as they are dead
I often 'visit' my Grandfather's grave, often leave a little sprig of something seasonal. He was a landscaper, a wall-builder, an 'outdoor man'. He never talked about 'loving nature', just as a horse doesn't talk about chewing grass. We were close in the same way. Our time together in life had a sparkle of *being* that remains special to me. His irreverent humour, our walks and picnics over Bredon, daft chatter, harrowing and thrilling war stories, his grumpy misanthropy yet laughing, cheerful fascination with our species.
I cycle over to Powys now, and sit alone and have a 'chat' at his graveside. He doesn't say much of course - but his memory is that much clearer at that point in time, so much so that bright, shining little snippets of our living discourse come leaping back fresh to my mind. You're right, the dead can't appreciate the respect and love, they're gone. But I still feel it, show it, and receive much in return via memory. Maybe these little rituals are not so nonsensical after all? When my parents go (and if I'm still alive) I know that I'll pay their respects too.
PS wife's son (mid-twenties) doesn't give two hoots either, he claims it's commercialisation/fake (funnier still as he's in some kind of objectivist US-flavoured internet-capitalist mind-cult where they disown their families). He doesn't give a hoot all around really, but that doesn't get in the way of getting in touch via social media once a year to be grumbling loudly about mother's day and birthdays. She's grateful just to hear him moan about it, as is often the only contact she hears.
I don't normally comment on interfamily relationships because they're far too subjective.
However, me and my Mum just text each other, have done since the mobile phone was invented and texting a core feature.
I too don't undrstand the commercialism element, but a considered thought is worth more.
Oops, "forgot". Usually do. If I do remember I phone, but joining in with the commercial landfill part of it doesn't happen.
My uncle left the lot to the RNLI. Which made anyone who'd helped/visited/invested time in the miserable ---- feeling miffed.
As for "inconsiderate". What about the miseries who try to make other people's lives misery for having not joined in with the collective madness.
It should be renamed "Emotional Blackmail Day".
There are plenty in the middle, just quite a few on the extremes and plenty who think a card flowers on Valentines/Mothers Day/Fathers Day etc makes everything all right.
And plenty of those who are too juvenile and self obsessed to give up some of their "me" time to make a fuss of somebody else. I love the STW faithful. the independently minded who wont fall for that "marketing bollox"... oh the irony
And plenty of those who are too juvenile and self obsessed to give up some of their "me" time to make a fuss of somebody else.
and many who give up their me time over the year without needing to do it on a specific day of the year.
without needing to do it on a specific day of the year.
Keep sticking it to the man 🙄
it's not sticking it to the man, just saying not everyone requires the same methods. Plenty of people can be happy not following the rules and still be normal sensible human beings who love their families and can be thankful of what they share.
Forgot to say, I dislike commercialisation but mum loves Mother's Day (which as others have stated, is the real clincher isn't it?) so I go along and spend a few hrs with her that I might not have done otherwise. It's a kick up the ar*e for me - the modern man can be so self-absorbed - almost a religion of self. I stop at Hallmark though *shudder*. This year she got an '80s Anthems' box set and some posh cheese. Cheesefest!
Why don't yiu talk to yiur son and ask him why he doesn't send a card?
He's probably upset because you call his mum, mom
I mean are you American !
He's probably upset because you call his mum, mom
Ha, we had this discussion yesterday, our family from W Midlands, in-laws from the US. So we all use 'mom', and always have. i wonder if anywhere else in UK call mum, 'mom' or is it just a Midlands dialect thing?
I remember making a card for mothers day when I was 7 of 8. I messed up my spacing, so Happy Mothers' Day had to become Happy Moms' Day.
HTH.
and many who give up their me time over the year without needing to do it on a specific day of the year.
Exactly!
I'll bend over backwards to help my folks as they would for me. We all appreciate each other and tbh one arbitrary day means nothing really.
I'm useless at remembering birthdays and wedding anniversaries but my Mum gets a card and phone call from me on Mothering Sunday as would be disappointed if she didn't. I don't bother with Father's Day as that's more of a made up thing - I won't expect anything from my son as he gets older but for now I get cards he makes at school.