Am i being unreasonable? Bill share context

you're being unreasonable, it's a night out with mates, it doesn't matter.

£35 for a night out with mates - seems like a bargain to me! 🙂

I had 2popodums, chutney, tikka massala, naan bread, 1/2 coke. So £20 tops maybe £16.

And this is the [b]expensive[/b] one!!? 😀🤔

Your mate sounds like an idiot. 4 of us out last week for a curry, split 4 ways no questions asked. Whilst we were there organised to go to the cinema next week. One of us gets cheap cinema tickets through work so he bought 4 tickets on the cheap and we just pay him what he paid for them - he didn't just get a cheap ticket for himself.

On the flip side I also wouldn't dwell on it for 4 days before anonymously moaning about it on the internet.

If i had been given a voucher, in my mind that comes off the top then the rest is divvied up 3 ways.

Yep.

If i had been given a voucher, in my mind that comes off the top then the rest is divvied up 3 ways.

+1

 

Meanwhile your mate is making a smug post about his thriftiness on MSE.

You are not being unreasonable, what did your other pal think though?

If i had been given a voucher, in my mind that comes off the top then the rest is divvied up 3 ways.

I'd probably agree, but in this case it would have saved you £1.60, so, y'know, this is a bit of a big whine for £1.60

**EDIT, sorry, I see the voucher was £30, I misread.

£35 off the top, but agreed upfront to make absolutely certain

I'm with the OP. Voucher off total and devide the rest equally.

Usually  just split 3 ways unless mate with voucher had said 'look lads I am strapped for cash so can't go for curry unless you go to this place where I can use my voucher' no problem then we all know what's going on and he can use the voucher, we want a night out and it's still 3 ways so no extra cost to you.

If your share was only £16 then wtf did they get for £42 each and  your mate put in £35 so no big deal if he was out £7 on his share, its a night out with mates.

If I was you or Mate 1 I would be slightly miffed. If I was Mate 2 the internal conflict of not sharing would be crushing.

If you're driving and having 1/2 a coke then it'll always feel 'poor value' vs the others drinking beers.

Personally, if I had a voucher then it'd come off the bill and the rest would be split 3 ways.
Maybe your mate was skint though and it was the only way he could join you that evening.

How good friends are they?

Best man at wedding level, or someone you occasionally go out for a curry with.

I've had pretty much every scenario with this...

One group we take it in turns to pay the whole bill. (*Very* close friends.)
All the way to "people i know" where you pay your own way, for exactly what you ate.

Personally I'd be hammering frozen onion bhajis into his lawn.

Sort this out BEFORE you order/eat, not after.

Ive had folks with vouchers, others who have taken jars of change to pay their exact amount.

Chalk it up to experience, and make sure it doesnt happen again

Whilst voucher off the top, and split 3 ways would in my mind, be right at the time, that time has passed so forget about it, be mates and move on.

depends a bit on the voucher imo. Freebie in the paper, yeah its shared. Birthday gift? maybe not.

Why did you not raise it at the time?

Why get so bothered about it, if you don't like the people enough thar it bothers you then why go in the first place?

If it was me with the voucher I would put it in first and then split evenly, I sure wouldn't feel bitter about it if someone else using it to pay their share though.

Alternatively you could suggest to the group that one person pays the bill for their choice of where to go and take it in turns.

I think dragging you to a more expensive place and then not sharing the voucher is a bit too selfish. I'd have said something at the time but in a light hearted way.

The bill should always be split evenly not by what you ate. If someone takes the mick with the system and orders extravagantly and then doesn't offer to pay more, simply accept it and then avoid them in future.

I'd suck it up, if their good friends but really I'd agree with this sentiment "Sort this out BEFORE you order/eat, not after."
I do think you kind of in the right, as your voucher m8 has caused you all to go to a place you wouldn't normally go. But friends.. are they good friends, if so suck it up. I would be making sure your voucher welding friend is at least aware you not happy about that last meal payment.

My particular bug bear is when you go for a (not close friends) meal and only have a couple of inexpensive options, but your made to share with idiots who order the most expensive option and loads of drinks.

My particular bug bear is when you go for a (not close friends) meal and only have a couple of inexpensive options, but your made to share with idiots who order the most expensive option and loads of drinks.

You have 3 options here - Order more so you get your bit; suck it up and expect that's just the way these things go as its the social norm; don't go.

I was going to say off the top then split but

depends a bit on the voucher imo. Freebie in the paper, yeah its shared. Birthday gift? maybe not.

is an interesting twist.

What if someone had a 50% off mains voucher. Hypothetical but 3 mains at £10 each, plus sides and drinks another £15 (pure made up just to make numbers easy)

Total bill £45, but 50% off mains makes it £30. Does the voucher provider not put in at all because 'they' saved £15 by having the voucher?  Does he get his main for free as that's what the voucher was valid for, and the others get their mains for £7.50 each (they all win, to a degree)?

Your mate isn't a mate. Sounds like a selfish see you next Tuesday. You should have said something at the time though. Not sure why you didn't.

I used to go for a lunchtime curry on occasion with my workmates. It was always suggested by one guy. We were all very lowly paid journalists working for a local rag and most lunchtimes would consist of a trip to Safeway (this was 20 years ago) to see what was in the reduced isle so a curry was a bit of a treat. We didn't drink so most people's meals came to less than a tenner so we'd put a tenner in to include a tip. Every time, the organiser would "need a bit of cash for that evening" and we'd give him our cash and he'd go and pay the bill on his card. I was genuinely surprised that years later when we'd reached the dizzy heights of a national that my friend still hadn't worked out what had been going on. Suffice to say that people can be real dicks when it comes to money.

In this instance, I think the OP's mate has acted like a bit of a dick and I don't think the OP is have a moan on t'internet, I think they're a bit disappointed in their mate, as I would be.

My 2p on this might be a bit more stoic I suppose.

In the OPs circumstances, I’d know instinctively based on my Mate’s personalities how it would go.
I have friends who’d work out their share to the penny, and if they had a voucher it would come off the cost of what they had and that would be it.
I’ve got other friends who’d take it off the top, because after all it was them who suggested the change of venue but would probably be as generous when it came to ordering and spend a bit more than everyone else and expect the bill shared.
I don’t have the kind of friend who would do the double! Order more, expect an equal share of the bill AND present their voucher as sole payment, I think it would irritate me, but not enough to worry about it.

Ultimately though, a meal with friends is a great thing, and whatever happened when the bill came. I would try my best not to not let an irritation spoil it for me. After all, your Mate with the voucher might be a bit short at the moment, it might have been that or not going out at all.

I'd expect to share the voucher and divide the remainder equally, unless there was a large imbalance in the cost of drinks. I don't expect non-drinkers to subsidise me. Not sure I'd be thinking about it 4 days later though.

For me it's the fact the mate suggested that place specificaly because he had a voucher - that to me, kinda suggests you'd all benefit from a bit of a discount.

If he was skint I wouldn't care, but if he was just being tight I'd be a little miffed too, and probably think twice about future meals out.

Bills should generally just be split, including vouchers, unless as mentioned above, one person decides to have champagne and fillet mignon when everyone else is on lager and a meat pies.

There's two questions here.

Firstly, should the voucher have been used against the total bill? If the scenario was as you describe and the only reason you'd gone there is because meladdo had vouchers then absolutely it should have been against the whole bill. If you were going there anyway and he'd quietly produced them towards payment for his meal at the end, I'd say that's fair game.

Secondly, it's the age-old "how do we split a restaurant bill?" question. There's no right answer here, it's situational. There will always be someone going "lets just split it x ways" and usually it's someone you've never met before who is a colleague of a friend and who ordered a half-kilo steak and two bottles of plonk. Meanwhile in the blue corner is someone pouring over the menu and working out what they had to the last penny. There are variables here; is it a regular event where next week coppers-boy is on the steak and it will all even out over time? Is one of the group notably richer or poorer than the rest? Is someone, frankly, just taking the piss?

What I tend to do is go for a middle ground. I'm not subsidising someone else's meal, nor would I expect someone else to subsidise mine. I'll roughly work out what I ate and drank, then round it up to the nearest fiver. Fair without the fannying. That works for us, it might not work for you.

I always take the view that life is too short to moan about restaurant bills.

Yes, there's people that take the piss (lobster and steak while the rest of you have pizza etc) but I think it always comes around in due course. I'd have paid up and forget about it.

That said, I did raise a query when I was asked to contribute equally to a bar bill when the three other lads had had three pints each, and I'd had two lime and sodas as I was driving!

I know someone who would have done this. No longer a mate:)

I rented a house for a week with a mate family earlier this year. There are 4 of them and 5 of us. I offered to split the bill accordingly but he said no we are still using all the house so happy to pay half. Guess that's another reason we are mates.

Maybe I'm too generous, but if I wanted people to go to a particular restaurant because I had a voucher, then I'd gift that to the group as I'm dictating the terms (therefore £70 for everyone). With regards to drinks.... normally I just keep up with everyone else so don't mind splitting the bill, otherwise I'm not sure. If I'd gotten a share of the voucher I'd sub other people's drinks.

I'm with @Cougar on this one, if you only went there for the single reason that the mate had a voucher then yeah it was implied that it would come off the total bill but I'd equally be direct enough to say 'does that mean we're sharing the voucher'. If you were there anyway and the mate had gone to the effort to find a voucher after arranging that one particular place then it's fair game.

I'm very much of a minority where I dont drink so invariably my bill would be less so I always work out my costing and round it up, especially as I'm not paid a fortune, if I was on £50k a year it would be different!

I sometimes use tesco vouchers when going out with friends and whatever I have exchanged will go on the bill when it's worth more than my food allowance. My friends then split what's left and insist I dont need to pay any more as the vouchers were mine though.

I’d have paid up and forget about it.

But you have the luxury of being able to afford to do so. Not everyone does.

But these are supposed to be friends - friends don't create an issue over £10!

Yeah it might be taking the piss a bit, but worth losing a friendship over?

is an interesting twist.

Not really. Who would give a voucher for someone to go out for a dinner on their own?

OP I can see why you’re irritated. The learning point here is probably to have the convo in advance. I’d have probably replied to his text with something like “ah to be honest mate much prefer the normal place but if you’re offering to share the love and can save us all a few quid I could be convinced”.

The bill should always be split evenly not by what you ate.

Nah, you do how ever need to sort out which of the 4 options is going to be used. Before you get there (or stay home)

You have 3 options here – Order more so you get your bit; suck it up and expect that’s just the way these things go as its the social norm; don’t go.

Four options, with the fourth one being paying for what you ate. Which is the social norm where i'm from. And where i am now. Even with mates.

I think both things can be true.

Yes, I would have expected the voucher to come off the total bill - and I'd be a bit miffed if it didn't. Would I be annoyed enough to post about it on the internet? No I wouldn't - I'd just chalk it up to experience and let it go.

Also, a lot would depend on personal circumstances. Is this person really on his uppers? Is using the voucher in this way the difference between going out for a curry or not? Is it for you? Does he do this stupid shit regularly (but he's your mate anyway)? I have a friend like that - constantly doing stuff that to everyone else looks unreasonable, but he's been my friend for yonks, I love him and it's just part of who he is. His poor decision making makes quite good entertainment, so on balance, it's excellent value for his friends.

So either you all "pay" £35 each or you all pay £22 each?

I'm in the "how much aggro is £12 worth to this friendship?" camp.

With hindsight, how your mate used his voucher maybe should have been clarified in advance.

If money is getting tight for any of you, that's a different conversation.

Many moons ago I went for a curry in an excellent Birmingham curry house with some "workmates". When it came to paying they talked about doing a runner to which I was opposed and then did. I just sat there expecting the worse. The owner was remarkably zen about the whole thing, I paid my part of the bill and left in peace. Runners weren't unusual apparently.

I need to know more about this 'voucher' before I can have an opinion.

Are we talking about a 30% off voucher code/ token from the local paper? Or are we talking about a £30 voucher he has been given for his birthday? The former is a thing for the group for everyone to benefit from regardless of who finds it, the latter is essentially his money.

2nd issue - how friends/work colleagues split a bill.....totally separate. A universal truth tends to be that those with more expensive tastes (or heavy drinkers) tend to favour straight bill splitting. Personally if I know I've eaten/drunk more than my share I prefer to pay the extra, especially if there is a big disparity between those there.

Ok some clarity
Mate1 multi millionaire. Retired 50yr old. Nicest guy in the world.
Mate2 probably on £40k pa ish. Married, kids, mtg, good friend, not rich, not poor.
Me. £12kpa as a shop assistant.

No this is not regular thing.
Yes, we only went as he had said voucher.

The extras the other 2 had were more poppadoms, and beers and side dishes and more expensive mains.

I have a zero alcohol driving policy so no, i am not having 2 pints to level up.

I just wanted abit of clarity. Generally the concensus is voucher off top then divide by 3. Especially as voucher man earns 3x what i do. Im not after hand outs. It is what it is, i just asked the question to guage opinion.