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But these are supposed to be friends – friends don’t create an issue over £10!
Again, this assumes that £10 is a trivial amount to everyone. I have at least one friend for whom it isn't. Not long ago he owed me £25, I'd have cheerfully written it off as "it's only £25 to a mate") but he was too proud to accept that, he insisted on paying me back but I'd have to wait until payday.
Hell, I've been there. I've gone out to meals that I couldn't really afford because it's someone's birthday, maybe I was out of work at the time but just about had enough cash to shove around a bowl of chips and a pint in order to be sociable. Then the bill arrives and some prick in a sharp suit who's been downing cocktails all night announces that we'll "just" split the bill and then I'm trying to work out how to tell him to get ****ed in a diplomatic manner. Because when you're down on your luck, nothing gives your self-esteem a greater boost than having to announce that you're broke across a table of a dozen people, half of whom you've never met before.
Mate1 multi millionaire. Retired 50yr old. Nicest guy in the world.
Why the actual **** is he not just going "dinner's on me tonight, lads" rather than having mate 2 resort to discount vouchers?
No this is not regular thing.
You said it was at least once a month. Do we have a different understanding of "regular"?
The voucher presentation, not the Sunday night Ruby
Why the actual **** is he not just going “dinner’s on me tonight, lads” rather than having mate 2 resort to discount vouchers?
Really?
Can you not see why that's potentially condescending and awkward - not to mention interfering with the group dynamics?
But can you explain the 'voucher' properly please..
Oh, and every other month - how is the bill divided up? By what is spent by whom, or just divided in 3?
Top tip - when in a bill splitting scenario always order more than anyone else.
Alternatively just whine about overpaying for what you had.
I can't as i didn't really get a good look at it.
It wasnt a birthday present afaik. Just some handwriting on a ' with compliments' DL sized slip of paper.
Possibly a " Here's a voucher for you to use next time" from a previous visit, or maybe a " we are sorry your meal was slow / cold / wrong, so here is a voucher as compo" type of thing.
Given, as previously mentioned, the quality of the food and service i suspect the latter.
Usual procedures is split equally. I always get shafted as i always drive amd im not a pig. 5ft 11 and 76kg. 33im waist so i dont eat alot or drink drive plus liquor coffee etc
Was the voucher a fixed amount or a % of the total bill? If it was the latter then voucher guy possibly profited off you and is a dick
I can’t as i didn’t really get a good look at it.
We are at an impasse then - if it was a £30 voucher, it was effectively his money and he therefore paid his third fair and square....well as fair and square and dividing a bill in 3 regardless is normally.
If it was a 30% off you next meal style voucher, he's been a dick.
Again - if you go dutch or not is a different matter. If it's what the 3 of you normally do, I'd struggle to see why it's a concern only this time.
if it was a £30 voucher, it was effectively his money and he therefore paid his third fair and square….well as fair and square and dividing a bill in 3 regardless is normally.
Completely disagree with that. If I had a voucher I wouldn’t demand that friends come with me to let me have my free meal. I would however help everyone have a discounted meal.
Never mind that he spent more than £30 anyway
Voucher or not, the OP admits he regularly gets shafted when the bill split comes round.
Need to sort that. Just state something like 'right lads/lasses, i'll pay for my own as im not drinking'.
Voucher or not, the OP admits he regularly gets shafted when the bill split comes round.
Need to sort that. Just state something like ‘right lads/lasses, i’ll pay for my own as im not drinking’.
This too, I wouldn't expect someone not drinking to pay 'thier share', luckily when me and my mates go for a curry, the main courses are all pretty similar priced, we'll all probably be drinking rounds of cobra beer (as is the law in currry houses) a couple of bottles of pino for the ladies if present, and we might order a few sides to share round.. so it's not worth worrying about.
If someones clearly spent less, I'd insist they contribute less to the bill.
How did he come across the voucher: was it a gift intended to benefit him directly, or did it come out of the Daily Mail? There's a difference here. Morally, you can argue it both ways, since at the end of the day its just a replacement for cash (as is how he clearly interpreted it), but if it was just a freebie from whatever source, then they're only given out to encourage people to come and spend money, which he relied on you to do, so he's essentially making you pay for his voucher...
Also, alcohol should be deducted for anyone not drinking imo.
Completely disagree with that. If I had a voucher I wouldn’t demand that friends come with me to let me have my free meal.
OK - so it's your birthday and you open your card and out pops a voucher for £30 off meal at a random restaurant. You curse your stupid relatives for giving you a stupid voucher but there is it.
alternative universe - it's your birthday and your enlightened relatives pop £30 in your card in cold hard cash. Regardless, you decide that you are going to spend the cash next time you are out for a meal with your friends and visit the self same random restaurant the alternative you got vouchers for.
So mashr - would you spread the love in both of these circumstances or just the one when the money gift came in the form of a voucher? If not, why not?
I think we are all underestimating the value of friends - especially male friends.
Not sure I could pick any male friend I'd actually go out with as an all male group.
Plenty we see as couples, but they are casual friends rather than proper mates.
@Cougar - yes, many of us have been skint.
If there's only 3 of you there's no way I'd be splitting equally if there was an obvious food/drink mismatch. In this case F1 & F2 are being a**es. Voucher is irrelevant unless F2 wants to share the love.
How did 3 of you spend £100? That's a lot of extras/beers.
having said that, if you said nothing at the time, tough. If you didn't pipe up at the time there's no point dwelling on it. treat it as a learning experience and next time say something - or eat/drink more. ;o)
Do the people who only pay for what they ate ever buy their mates a drink whilst out? I fancied one I thought you might too? We all have ups n downs in life, currently Im looking at a sizeable (to me) inheritance coming my way, but I've been on my arse for 15 years. I value my true friends company and friendship way more than a few quid on a bill, but the thing here is that I am 100% sure theyd do it for me, and have done before. If he's a true friend, let it go, you never know whats around the corner.
But to be clear, i would have expected the scene to be £30 voucher off the top line, the balance split 3 ways, all decided beforehand so anyone not amenable to this situation can choose to accept or decline these terms. Seems a bit devious to drag you off your intended course cos it suits him better. Id be viewing this person in a different light after this. No one likes to feel theyre being taken for a mug, and a true mate shouldnt put you in that position. Money is the worst thing to argue over because its so black n white.
Also, if as mentioned above, the voucher was for poor food /service , why the hell would you drag two of your mates back to the same dump for round 2 of more shit food/service? Seems highly disrespectful to your friends to me. If he needed a free meal that bad he should have just gone on his own .
Cougar
But you have the luxury of being able to afford to do so. Not everyone does.
I do now. Many times in the past I didn't. I still just paid up even when a skint student, or borderline broke new parent, because I valued my friendships more than a few quid here and there.
How did 3 of you spend £100? That’s a lot of extras/beers.
£6 a beer in most of the curry houses around here. It doesn't take much drinking to build up a big bill.
5ft 11 and 76kg. 33im waist so i dont eat alot or drink drive plus liquor coffee etc
Have a go at the fatties! My BiL is about the same size as you and would bankrupt you if cost allocation was based only on size!! he could eat the £100 worth of food and save the voucher for a snack on the way home!
£6 a beer in most of the curry houses around here. It doesn’t take much drinking to build up a big bill.
Exactly, 3 beers each between 3 people and your looking at a £50 bar bill, hardly fair to ask someone not drinking to subsidise that.
The voucher presentation, not the Sunday night Ruby
Ah, I misunderstood. Apologies.
Really?
Can you not see why that’s potentially condescending and awkward – not to mention interfering with the group dynamics?
Of course I can, for reasons as I explained above. But at the point where one is a multi-millionaire and another is still stewing over ten quid four days later... ?
Usual procedures is split equally. I always get shafted
You know, I'm increasingly forming the opinion that these mates aren't. You're the lowest earner by some margin, you're the lowest eater by some margin, and they still want to split the bill equally? Either they're so comfortable that it simply hasn't occurred to them that it might be an issue - which is highly likely - or they're a pair of pricks.
I'd say something if I were you. All other things aside, it's simply not fair. This should be an easy conversation between actual mates.
would you spread the love in both of these circumstances or just the one when the money gift came in the form of a voucher? If not, why not?
Because one of those dictates the (inferior) venue and the other does not?
Just ask to split by what you spend next time. I'm happy with splitting evenly or paying for what I ate but I'd be very unhappy if one of my friends felt uncomfortable about the amount spent but didn't feel they could say.
On the voucher I would have assumed that the voucher was just for the person who had it but if it was me personally I would have shared it with everyone.
Must be a slow work day to go through all this thread.
A lot of people take the line of just coughing up "because I valued my friendships more than a few quid here and there."
When it's a boozy lively occurence it's easy not to notice who has what and you just let it slide...but when there's only 3 people, they meet monthly and the other two still haven't noticed that one mate is subsidising their night out every time?
Surely if they equally valued the friendship they'd notice when something wasn't fair on an individual?
Yeah, the real question here is why aren't your mates clocking that you always drive and don't have any booze - and proactively suggesting you put in a bit less?
In fact, is that thoughtlessness the thing that's really annoying you?
depends a bit on the voucher imo. Freebie in the paper, yeah its shared. Birthday gift? maybe not.
This is the key for me.
If it’s a voucher that’s been given to him (as a present for instance) then it counts the same as the money in his pocket. So he’s entitled to pay his share either the voucher.
If it’s not and it’s a freebie of some kind then he takes that amount off and the remainder is all split.
Given it sounds like it was a “with compliments” voucher I’d want that taken off the top.
Especially as voucher man earns 3x what i do
This I don’t see as a factor. I earn more than some friends and less than others, this will never have any influence on bills or rounds. The exception being if someone is in genuine hardship and needs looking after, even then we wouldn’t expect the high earner to pick up the whole bill.
Because one of those dictates the (inferior) venue and the other does not?
According to the OP - voucher holder might have a different opinion - hence why he has a voucher there...
I'm surprised by the number of people saying that the OP is out of order and should suck it up. Eg:
But these are supposed to be friends – friends don’t create an issue over £10!
Yeah it might be taking the piss a bit, but worth losing a friendship over?
The point here is that miladdo2 is the one who has screwed it up by being a prize bellend.
Of course I can, for reasons as I explained above. But at the point where one is a multi-millionaire and another is still stewing over ten quid four days later… ?
Most millionaires I've known would stew over 50p never mind a tenner! 🙂
I do now. Many times in the past I didn’t. I still just paid up even when a skint student, or borderline broke new parent, because I valued my friendships more than a few quid here and there.
If you paid up as a skint student, you might have been poor but you weren't skint. If you were skint you wouldn't have been in a restaurant in the first place.
Fifteen years ago I'd maxed out every credit card (well over ten grand, probably nearer 15), was way out of the back of my overdraft, had run out of favours with any friends who might sub me money and was - quite literally - raiding a piggy bank of coppers in order to buy food a few days ahead of my first pay cheque in months at a new job. Tell me again about that "only" £10 between friends?
Money is like oxygen. It's easy to be blasé about it until you don't have any.
Most millionaires I’ve known would stew over 50p never mind a tenner! 🙂
Well, yes. How do you think they became millionaires?!
Im with cougar on this, i think you need to have a word with them, tell em how you feel. Real mates would be embarassed to have put you in that position. It should be an easy convo between people who value each other.
Usual procedures is split equally. I always get shafted as i always drive amd im not a pig. 5ft 11 and 76kg. 33im waist so i dont eat alot or drink drive plus liquor coffee etc
Can i quickly check, are you just driving yourself or the other two as well?
If the former then I think your mates are being a little out of order. If the latter then your mates are being prize ****s.
Real mates would be embarassed to have put you in that position.
Quite.
And as evidenced here, it's easy to lose sight of "it's only..." if you're flush. Today I'm far from rich but we're OK. My bank balance isn't going up, but it's not going down either.
So long as there wasn't a massive imbalance I'd be happy to split a bill with good friends who were of equal or better standing. If I knew someone was struggling though, it would be short-sighted to even suggest it and put them in an awkward position.
your mate sounds like a grade a van-ker
expecting you all to go this place so he can have a £5 meal whilst you all pay more
chuck the voucher in and then split it
or next time tell him to go to the curry place on his own and sit like a loner and eat your 30 quid curry on yourown you arsehole
LOL just read the mate a) multi millionaire - another great friend, not that you'd expect him to pay everytime you go out or something - but if its once in a blue moon meet up hes just as bad - im not sure either are really 'friends' but im more disgruntled at the voucher man than the millionaire man tbh, hes a definite ****er
Cougar
If you paid up as a skint student, you might have been poor but you weren’t skint. If you were skint you wouldn’t have been in a restaurant in the first place.
Fifteen years ago I’d maxed out every credit card (well over ten grand, probably nearer 15), was way out of the back of my overdraft, had run out of favours with any friends who might sub me money and was – quite literally – raiding a piggy bank of coppers in order to buy food a few days ahead of my first pay cheque in months at a new job. Tell me again about that “only” £10 between friends?
Money is like oxygen. It’s easy to be blasé about it until you don’t have any.
Yet again, Cougar seemingly knows more about someone else's personal circumstances than they do.
You're like a living embodiment of the Monty Python sketch - "you weren't poor until you were eating gravel: etc.
Glad you think I wasn't skint at the time. Could you go back in time and tell the bank that please?
I honestly don't know why anyone bothers offering any opinion when Cougar will just rock up and tell you you're wrong.
I’d expect to share the voucher and divide the remainder equally, unless there was a large imbalance in the cost of drinks. I don’t expect non-drinkers to subsidise me
This - I'd never put a friend in that position.
Glad you think I wasn’t skint at the time.
You had sufficient surplus money that you could choose to spend it on a social event. 🤷♂️
Cougar
You had sufficient surplus money that you could choose to spend it on a social event.
Ah, yes, you always know better. You're always right.
Notwithstanding there are lots of reasons why someone might feel, even in the face of crippling financial issues, that they have fulfil societal obligations such as going out for a meal for a special occasion. Indeed, this very thread is about someone who felt some measure of financial pressure but still went out anyway.
Anyway, I have had just about enough of every thread turning into 'Cougar knows best' and I just can't be arsed reading it any more.
I think you may be reading more into this than is necessarily there.
Suggest you put your buns down, have you seen the price of bread theses days? 😉
I don't know you or your situations past or present from a hole in the ground, and I'm genuinely sorry if I've upset you. All I can go off is what you tell us.
You say you had the money to go out in the first place, even if that was perhaps an unwise spend. Some people do not even have that luxury. I've had friends decline events because with all the 'societal obligations' in the world they simply cannot, they don't have the money and are too proud to accept charity.
People with "crippling financial issues" do not go to restaurants out of social pressure. People with crippling financial issues know the optimum time of day to go to Lidl to hoover up the reduced produce. Some of them aren't even that lucky.
And at the risk of repeating myself, that really was my point all along. It's easy to go "it's only a tenner" if you actually have a tenner, even if it's the last tenner to your name until Friday. It's not about one-upmanship (downmanship?), rather it's having a sense of perspective.
Also, I do know best. I thought you'd have worked that out by now. 😁
To be fair to Cougar, the last few months of my final year i was sufficiently skint that i didn't leave the flat except to go to Uni or go shopping just before Tescos shut to see what they had in the discount bins.
I would have gone to Asda, but that was 4 miles away.
A treat was if they had something like olives or bacon short dated as then i could stick some on my beans on toast or beans on a jacket potato (the 1996 baked bean wars quite literally meant i didn't starve). That's essentially all i ate for 5 or 6 months.
I only rode my bike that year until something broke, then it was parked up, until i got my first pay packet that got me out of my *unapproved* overdraft into my approved one.
I'm also quite glad it was a very mild and early spring.
Alan who lived round the corner ended up in hospital due to malnutrition.
TBH, i *only* finished £15 grand in debt, should really have aimed for 20 and been able to eat properly and heat the bedsit.
Though the farting from excessive bean consumption was hilarious.
So no, i didn't "chip in when my mates went for a curry". I stayed home.