Sometimes you just have to let folk sort out their own sh*t!
You were there for him the first time, why should you be there again when he still hasn't sorted out his life?
it was definitely Anal ogy
He should tell his wife. Then its her choice as to whether she wants to live with a cheating bastard or not, not the cheating bastards.
If the OP really wants to empathise with his mate he should go and shag his mate's wife.
bloody Jehovah's were around again today, i asked them what they thought of this and basically its easy, tell him to contact the lord, ask for forgiveness and bosh, job done, he can crack on...
I've got so much dirt on my best friend from years back (nobbing his wife's sister, sleeping with ladies who um, require payment etc etc) but we are older and i hope alot wiser than we were in our 20's so its all in the past.... leave him to it, if it starts affecting the kiddies fess up to the wife as they are numero uno and should be the first priority
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I can understand the temptation of an affair. But my advice is "If you ain't happy with what you've got, then MTFU and change it!".
If the OP really wants to empathise with his mate he should go and shag his mate's wife.
Harsh however how would the transgressor feel if hes wife turned around and said 'look honey I've been having sex on the side with Malcom from Accounts'.
It was a metaphor wasn't it? 😉
Do the Munson laugh and carry on riding.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
He's trying to dump half his sh!t on you, great mate.
even though it's not, it's 'a euphemism'.
With a bit of work, it could become a parable.
How ironic
Or even a sinile.
all of your answers lie in the first two responses that you got..
glupton1976 - Member
It is your duty to rip the p*** out of him relentlessly from now until your dying day.POSTED 3 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
Cletus - Member
Is his wife hot? - if yes you know what to do!POSTED 3 HOURS AGO # REPORT-POST
How ironic
Yeah, like rain on your wedding day.
I feel let down, in that STW as a hive mind has not recognised the possibility of blackmail in this situation 🙁
Remember this; There are many men in the world who can be your best friend, but some other bastard might get to the bike shop and take the last Santa Cruz!
Nice friend you have. Not only has he done the dirty on his wife, but now wants to paint himself the victim. You only have to be loyal to friends who deserve it you know.
And it will all come out eventually, perhaps that is why he is trying to recruit you to his team now.
It was a euphanism, for brainy people.
No, I think a euphemism is for brainy people.
Not sure what a euphanism is for, I'm assuming it means analogy for not so smart folks.
Genuine question - how does anyone find the time to have an affair?
stop posting on stw
😀
* cancels STW account *
the thing is, if you can honestly say you'll never do it, then you can judge. and seeing as no one can see into the future (apart from david icke)stop judging. as for telling the wife, if he doesn't, it will probably wreck the marriage anyway, but its up to the friend if he wants to be honest, and he doesn't sound like he is. the end. officially.
Your friend is a selfish knob. Tell him it's his mess so he needs to sort it out. It's not fair to drag you into it and he married his wife so it's his decision whether he tells her or not, he doesn't need your input unless he wants someone to pity him or put the blame on later down the line. You can't support someone like that because they'll just keep wandering around banging on about how confused they are and wanting what they can't have. It gets boring, it's repetitive and draining. You're clearly already worrying about it because you've posted on here. Just ring him and tell him its his mess, leave you out of it 🙂
Is his wife [s]hot[/s]in ownership of a v@g!na? - if yes you know what to do!
I love the smell of sanctimony in the morning. Some of you never seem to make mistakes in life, have perfect marriages, total mastery of your feelings, and never doubt the correctness of your actions. Like bloody robots. God help you if you malfunction cos your not going to be able to forgive yourselves.
Amen
High 5 all round then tell him to MTFU...he knew what he was getting into and knew what he was doing so sort himself out!
buzz-lightyear - Member
I love the smell of pu$$y in the morning.
Amen
Edited to get back OT....
Your friend is a selfish knob. Tell him it's his mess so he needs to sort it out. It's not fair to drag you into it and he married his wife so it's his decision whether he tells her or not, he doesn't need your input unless he wants someone to pity him or put the blame on later down the line
If this really is his friend. If it is you may also be shot/in trouble if he does 'fess up to his wife as you knew and said nothing...if she finds out. Someone who was a friend of mine fessed upto me that he nailed two hookers (unprotected) whilst on holiday with his new wife. I was gobsmacked, she was more a friend than he was and he put me in a terrible position. I couldn't say anything to her but I couldn't stand being near the bloke anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes in life. Its learning from them and moving on. Does he wife NEED to know? If your friend would draw a line under it and invest some real quality time in the marriage. Then no.
Tell him you value his friendship but if he wants to share his dilemmas the trade off is he listens your advice.
Cake. Eating it. Etc.
Not sure how anyone could even consider living a lie like that personally. Sure, I can see how it goes in the short term (shit happens), but anyone keeping something that big, completely quiet in the long term...well, I'd put them at the lowest ranks of the human order.
[i]Sure, I can see how it goes in the short term (shit happens), but anyone keeping something that big, completely quiet in the long term...well, I'd put them at the lowest ranks of the human order. [/i]
Without knowing the people involved, there's know way you [s]can[/s] should make that judgement of them.
If this really is his friend
Well OP if you are saying 'friend' when you really mean you then I would suggest you man up and tell your wife that you broke her trust and cheated and give her chance to get rid of you and be with someone who respects her enough not to jump into someone elses knickers. Whatever happens now the affair will taint your life going forward and you'll always be on edge wondering if she knows or it has crossed her mind or that the OW might turn up one day. You might even start to judge your wife by your own standards and start to suspect her of cheating too or end up accusing her of it to alleviate your own guilt. So there.
Well OP if you are saying 'friend' when you really mean you then I would suggest you man up and tell your wife that you broke her trust and cheated and give her chance to get rid of you and be with someone who respects her enough not to jump into someone elses knickers. Whatever happens now the affair will taint your life going forward and you'll always be on edge wondering if she knows or it has crossed her mind or that the OW might turn up one day. You might even start to judge your wife by your own standards and start to suspect her of cheating too or end up accusing her of it to alleviate your own guilt. So there.
A womans angle...
A mans, fancy a new patio?
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Affairs happen because people are complicated and relationships are complicated. There's no way that anyone without knowledge of the specific complications of the people and relationships in question can give proper advice on how those people should act.
Some very helpful things been mentioned so thanks for those they have helped me sort out how i am going to deal with this and thats been helpful. Have just had lunch with my mate, mainly to see how he is doing, listen to him at this stage and ask a few pertinent questions. Although on paper it seems like a black and white issue of he has done wrong and thats that, i don't think life is ever that clear cut, and that good people are capable of doing things they would never have dreamt of and behaving like txxts, but that does not nec mean they are like that in everything or can't learn from errors. Yes he has done wrong and my stance on that has not changed but there is nearly always 2 sides to every story and so having thought that through i'll support him best i can. He is a good mate, and affair aside, a good husband and father, these things i can vouch for from what i've seen over the years.
He has said the hardest part is that he sees her every day day at work and they don't hate each other but still get on well, he misses the emotional support he was for her.. I asked him if he would go back if she wanted him to and he said no, he still has strong feelings for her but could never go back and has told her so. I asked him if he ever thought of leaving the family to which he said no, loves his wife (i know why do it then), loves his kids, and explained that he never went looking for it just didn't say no when it happened. He also said that after a lot of thought he would only leave his wife because their relationship had totally broken down, if not he would always be wondering what if.
I think i know him well enough to know that he is being genuine and realises what a huge mistake he has made and that he is having to deal with that now. He has told me that he is putting all his effort in at home to improving his relationship there and that things have been a lot better from both sides for the last few months, both had things to improve on and that there are ways to deal with and not deal with it.
I have told him i won't make decision for him or with him about how he deals with stuff and whether he should tell her or not, but rather i will listen to him and he can ask for advise on things. I did tell him he needs to move on as best he can at work though without being rude or making work difficult for either of them.
Nice one wan-ga. Sounds to me like you're a good mate to have around.
The op shouldn't be asking for advice on a bike forum in that case then IHN. To be honest OP I could probably guarantee you you'll be having a similar conversation with him after the next affair in five years time but never mind you'll be able to look his wife in the eye with no guilt cuz you know you've been a good mate
[i]The op shouldn't be asking for advice on a bike forum in that case then IHN.[/i]
The OP's not having an affair, he's asking how best to deal with his mate who is, which is a reasonable question. He's not asking, importantly, what he should tell his mate to do, but that's the answer he's getting.
[i]I could probably guarantee you you'll be having a similar conversation with him after the next affair in five years [/i]
Again, without knowing the people involved, you've nothing to base that on.
[i] without knowing the people involved, you've nothing to base that on[/i] except your Mumsnet style kneejerkin.
emma i can see you point of view,from what i've heard, seen and know about my mate i will be even more surprised if i am dealing with this again in 5 years time than i am this time and it was a absolute shocker when he told me. I think if he gets through this as he is telling me he wants i can cope with looking his wife in the eye, because there will be a happy family and inparticular kids who love their dad, having a happy dad and mum where they want and need them. Ok there will be secrets but i think we all have somethings that we would rather others did not know, and thats just a fact. I'm not saying it is right, but may be its not totally wrong either.
If i'm wrong and i end up having the same conversation again after another affair, i will not be as supportive as i am this time.
Not sure how anyone could even consider living a lie like that personally. Sure, I can see how it goes in the short term (shit happens), but anyone keeping something that big, completely quiet in the long term...well, I'd put them at the lowest ranks of the human order.
Well it's difficult and painful at first, but once you get the hang of it, further affairs become much easier.
if it starts affecting the kiddies fess up to the wife as they are numero uno and should be the first priority
That.
Marriage is also a partnership - once the initial shagging burst is over, her tits have hit the floor and you're a MAMIL you have to remember that you committed to each other, for good and bad etc. It requires work, love and forgiveness.
If you can't forgive your significant other when they f*ck up, then there are issues which you need to redress.
Having said that I'm in no rose garden, it's a long dry spell having produced 2 kids close together, feel all the usual loneliness etc but hitherto I've kept it in my trousers & have no such problems.
