[Closed] Adoption advice

I am a SW working in a similar field. I presume mum wishes to relinquish. If that is the case she needs to inform midwife asap. That way a positive plan can be put in place for baby on arrival.

They will need to explore dad's wishes, as well as mums, as a priority. First port of call if neither can care is family.

In first instance it won't be adoption but you acting as temporary foster carer, supported by Social Work Team under s20 Children's Act.

Permanent plans will not be considered until baby is ten weeks, as mum needs time to recover and make informed decision. Plan could be adoption or special guardianship ( if I remember rightly SGO more likely due to relationship)

Most important thing is to be open and honest with SW. Most important for baby, consider how you will support their understanding and relationship with birth mum. The days of skeletons in the family closet should be consigned to the past, they always get out and cause harm later on.

Thanks, sorry obviously left out some details, didn't want bore people. He is already here - 20th July so I believe niece has passed the time for committing to process. He is in foster care with my sister having 90 minutes /week access. My niece is totally detached, I suspect self preservation and mental health input needed but she has just returned to uni as if nothing happened. She hasn't even seen him 🙁
Dad is unknown, she is adamant wont have child, wouldn't let my sister have him but said would consent to us - incredibly stressful time all round. The SW dealing with it is newly qualified and total hopeless with a disinterested supervisor it seems.
They are applying for Section 24 ( I think) next week for us I think, but haven't even discussed this with us yet! We only fouhnd that out after I contacted our local services who contacted them to see if they could help and let us know, they declined assistance. We really don't know the options - never heard of special guardianship, thanks will read up. We are trying sort it out blind - even things like if we can go adoption then we get better work support, leave etc.

To add, given way things have progressed and my niece's behaviour we are keenest on adoption, from our limited knowledge, as it gives us more protection with taking him on from change of mind later by her. That being we don't really understand the processes or regulations. We are both healthcare workers but this is all alien to us.

I'd imagine that this is such a specialist area that it's only going to be people who have gone through a very similar scenario, or who are SW professionals, will know how this might work...

We adopted just over 4 years ago and try to keep abreast of adoption issues, and have only a vague, and probably incorrect, idea about this.

Ok, that now makes more sense reg 24 is assessing you as temporary foster carer, as they did for your sister.

Also, having slept on it, it is adoption not SGO. As mum is saying she wants someone else to care.

Next Steps is you to be assessed as temporary carer, this going well then assessed as a potential permanent carer.

Whilst that is happening, mum to meet with CAFCASS after the ten week point, consider her options and if she chooses, sign advanced consent for an adoption order.

All this in place the Social Worker applies for the adoption order and goes to court. It will feel more complex and there will be turns, but in a nut shell that is it.

Don't be too hard on mum at this point, her reaction is what we would expect, as you say self preservation. I would suggest keeping the door open to her even after an order is made. There will be lots of emotions and family dynamics right now.

Support wise,. Yes adoption leave is a legal requirement. Otherwise same support as any parent from work. But, more importantly the child is entitled to access support though the adoption support fund throughout childhood, this means if there difficulties they can have things like life story work and therapeutic intervention as and when needed.

Thanks k1sport, really appreciate your input. Yeah, I know came across as a bit harsh with niece, been hard seeing all this and what doing to my sister/ parents. She has always had odd relationship with food but at 34 weeks had BMI 16.2 - doesn't seem to have had any psych input at all and we are genuinely worried for her mental health long term.
My whole family are involved and she will remain as close to us as is now - lived same city for last year and we've seen her twice, when her mum visited.
Thanks for explaining the process, that is more that the SW team she/ my sister have been dealing with have disclosed in months. Good to hear about the longer term support too as there will be issues we need help with - we will be telling him when appropriate, as we will his brother about IVF. Currently we feel adoption best option for several reasons, but support from work and ability to have longer adoption leave rather than being carers/ foster family being a big one.
Thanks again, sorry for the long ramblings, trying to untangle it all is a challenge.

Quite happy to talk about adoption stuff... just ask away, or just drop me an email or message it you'd feel better about that.

Normally (is there ever a normal in adoption?), it takes a good number of months to be approved to become an adopter... it's a lot of work as the SW needs to know lots about you to ensure you are suitable, and so that they can find a good match. I'm not sure how much of that process you'll need to go through being part of the family, but it is the usual first steps for the SW to see if any family members are willing to take on the child. But I do know that even if you are family, it's not a certainty that you will be allowed to adopt them... it is decided in the child's best interest, but being family is a really big plus.

If SGOs are mentioned, make sure you read up on the pros and cons... they are simpler to sort out, but often don't have the same levels of support etc...

On that note, there is good support out there for adopted kids and their families, but you might need to work to get it sometimes, and post-adoption support are your friends there. I think you are adopting out of area though, so might be worth sounding out your local adoption team to find out if they can help. Our post adoption workers are fantastic...

Anyway, hopefully the little'un will be relatively unaffected through the whole process.

Something that just came to mind, as the child is fostered, I am assuming that is in local authority care, then after adoption they will qualify as a post looked after child. This means they qualify for pupil premium and preferential entry into schools.

Finally, try not to be too harsh on the SW... it's a very hard job, the amount of cases they have is usually enormous, and they have to deal with some truly horrible and heartbreaking situations. Every single one of the SW we encountered, and we still see some of them from time to time, were brilliant, and doing it for the kids.

Anyway... enough waffling... as I said earlier, just ask away...

I used to be a foster carer some 20 years ago so might be out-of-date by now but as funkynick says the approval process can seem to be quite arduous. Some of it seems daft (having a key safe to lock your car keys in, having your garden searched for any trace of poisonous plants) and some positively ridiculous (being told, in writing, that you have to provide lubricant and tissues by the bed of each child, just in case they want to w&nk furiously - even though the children are in infants school), but we just went along with it, waving and smiling. Argueing with the SWs got you nowhere.

Most of the SWs were great, but there were some who were hopeless and completely lacking in any common sense, unable to see the bigger picture. Keep plugging away with it and good luck.

Good luck with the adoption, but I’m somewhat curious on how you created a new user name

Just been keeping an eye on this to make sure someone answered you, as MrsMC transferred to adoption from child protection earlier this year and was on standby.

Argueing with the SWs got you nowhere.

Yep, been together 25 years, don't I know it! 🤣

OP - all the best to you with this, you sound like an amazing family

Thanks again all.
@funkynick - hard not to be frustrated I'm afraid due to the levels of competence displayed to date - even my aunt, a retired senior social worker, out too long to be relevant now, is amazed how rubbish. Took them 3 weeks get in touch with us about it when we expressed interest, and only did after our local team contacted them. Had email from SW today, asking me what info we want her to look up for tomorrow meeting - had point out that's the issue, we don't know what we don't know, they should be able advise! - tempted to tell her I have Google too.
Anyway, appreciate its tough and wont be antagonising them, just trying get moving so can try get him and start bonding sooner rather than later. I may message after tomorrow if that's ok, sure we will have some questions 🙂 Happy give them all info need or want, hoped they would give us idea what want to expedite tomorrow and get most from the session.
The local services, despite having no need to help, were great and happy advise more but person we spoke with on leave until 5th so thought would check here 1st and its turned up trumps. Really interesting hear about the support as is in council care now, sister saw him again today and he's happy and healthy so all good so far.
@natrix, cheers - in limited time already found very variable and frustrating but sure will be worth it in the end.
@brennak - extensive focus groups and surveys narrowed it down.
@MoreCashThanDash - thanks for keeping an eye, this place is great for the random life challenges 🙂 Thanks, but I like to think nothing amazing, just doing what most would try to do if could. Took us couple months to decide and make sure doing for the right reason, us and not anyone else - though the bonus of my sister keeping her grandchild in the family and our mum keeping 1st great grandchild in family, gives warm and fuzzy feeling, assuming all comes through.
Thanks again all, really appreciate the advice