[Closed] "A large black coffee, please"

Do you want chips in it?

Seems to be a "special" day for shop assistants 😕 (leave your brain at home day?)

"Coffee without cream please."

"Sorry, we don't have cream"

"OK, coffee without milk then."

If you've ever done a job like that, you would realise that because most people just ask for a coffee, it becomes automatic to ask if they would like milk - it generally has less to do with being thick and more to do with being tired and bored.

Of course some of the snobs that frequent this forum would never have had to demean themselves by working on a shop or cafe, so wouldn't be aware of this.

Ohh don't, some people here work in shops and seem to think that laughing at one person's idiocy is indicative of every shop worker across our once-great nation.

But great none-the-less 🙂

I asked for a black coffee in McD's once, and the young black assistant said "don't you mean coffee without milk"......no, BLACK COFFEE

My pet hate is a bit different here: the insidious corporate Americanization that tries to made us ask for ridiculous things like a 'grande Americano'. I WANT A LARGE BLACK COFFEE NOT A BLOODY GRANDE AMERICANO. It used to be so much easier.

And don't get me started on skinny lattes...

I refuse to acknowledge the words french fries in junk food places. Or regular if I don't have it every day etc

Flash on his way out of the coffee shop

[img] [/img]

Try asking for coffee in the States by the time they have gone through the 48 varieties of hot water with caffeine in it you have lost the will to live

What I hate is when you stop for a [i]damn fine cup of coffee[/i], somewhere in North America, and then become part of a David Lynch scripted murder investigation that will - eventually - cost you your soul.

[img] [/img]

cafe negro por favor... ?
cafe noir si'l vous plais... ?

Could this be 'cos in place that sell all these strange varieties of coffee if I want a normal coffee I ask for a large black coffee but with space for a splash of milk? I think many folk do that. If you ask for a white coffee you get half coffee half boiled milk which is disgusting. So asking if you want milk in your black coffee may not be as daft as it seems

Of course the best option is to avoid the chains anyway.

geoffj, if they'd asked if I wanted Venti or Grandissimo****ti, I would have been very much at a "Falling Down" state of mind.....just with better guns! 😉

Pah! "Double espresso and a glass of tap water please" is all you need to know in a coffee shop.
If it doesn't make your eyes bleed its not strong enough.

double ristretto aP you big softy!

Hardly the end of the world and pretty much as grumm said, besides you may have been talking to the next Edgar Degas or Rudyard Kipling who is currently earning their keep.

Germans have it best. "Grosse Braune bitte". I'd like a big brown one please. Speaking of which, my lah-tay is just taking effect 😯

Triple espresso in a mug. Twice. On an empty stomach. It's like the bastard son of napalm and Red Bull.

Then try walking around a busy shopping street without acting like Cornholio from Beavis and Butthead.

I refuse to acknowledge the words french fries in junk food places. Or regular if I don't have it every day etc

French fries being distinctly different from chips....and regular can be indicative of shape at least...

I've had more fun asking for white coffee with a dash of milk.....

Hardly the end of the world and pretty much as grumm said, besides you may have been talking to the next Edgar Degas or Rudyard Kipling who is currently earning their keep

If he could talk with crowds and keep his virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

the post might not have been started.

[i]you may have been talking to the next Edgar Degas or Rudyard Kipling who is currently earning their keep[/i]

Or the next Bob Dylan...

One more cup of coffee for the road
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go.
To the valley below.

Your sister sees the future
Like your mama and yourself
You've never learned to read or write
There's no books upon your shelf
And your pleasure knows no limits
Your voice is like a meadowlark
But your heart is like an ocean
Mysterious and dark.

One more cup of coffee for the road
One more cup of coffee 'fore I go.
To the valley below.

My pet hate is a bit different here: the insidious corporate Americanization that tries to made us ask for ridiculous things like a 'grande Americano'. I WANT A LARGE BLACK COFFEE NOT A BLOODY GRANDE AMERICANO. It used to be so much easier.

Then stop going to big chain coffee shops then FFS.

The nice girl at Leith Hill Tower asked me if I wanted milk in my tea once. I think I said "just a dash please". I'm not sure what she heard me say, but she definitely felt that I'd crossed the line. 😳

Small, Medium, Large. Nothing wrong with those descriptions. Whilst they're relative and not absolute I find them more useful than the toss these organisations get hung up on using. I am one of those stubborn gits that refuses to use the terminology they foist upon us. Nothing to do with living in Yorkshire...

And don't get me started on skinny lattes...

What's wrong with skinny lattes?

Then stop going to big chain coffee shops then FFS.

+1.

The world changes, get over yourself. I bet there's been plenty of old codgers coming out of bike shops then logging onto oldgitworld.com and posting 'I only wanted a bloody bike, not a flippin freeride jeycore lite fully whatsitted ponce machine'.

Embrace diversity, the world is more fun when you're not on your own bitter lonely beach fighting the tide of modernity 🙂

An Americano is espresso with hot water, 'black coffee' is usually normal filter coffee - they are different! 🙂

Nothing to do with living in Yorkshire...

I surprised the choice extends to any more than 'do you want that in a cup or a mug' and 'Sugar and milk are on the table behind you' if you live in Yorkshire.

Keva - Member

cafe negro por favor... ?

That kind of looks Spanish, but in Madrid it's customary to ask for "cafe solo , por favor?" 😉

Remind me of the movie geoffj's pic's from

Unless myfather... you are in Itlay where an Americano is filter coffee!
By the way CFH did you say "Can I get..." because you can't that's what the person behind the counter does!

it's coffee, not a life changing experience.

Was in Boden the other day, picking up another single cup French press (as I am so hamfisted they appear to be disposable) and the sales girl was wearing a company tee shirt which said 'perfectly formed' on it, and she absolutely was...She even had the grace to smile politely when I told her I liked the company dress policy...

See? It's not all bad.

don simon,

latin american Spanish - central & south america.

I think some folk need to switch to de-caf.

I guessed so.

What gets me is the rise of the phrase "Can I get.......", whatever happened to "Please may I have......."

I know words change, OK, but soon we will all grunt at each other in suedo american.

Standards matter.

whatever happened to "Please may I have......."

don't we mostly say "please [b]can[/b] I..." ? 'May' seems a bit fussy...

suedo american

AKA [b]pseudo[/b] :o) Or is the blue suedo american shoes ?

Well see, I might be the only one that did spot the irony here.

Ponce wanabe with no taste at all get into fancy coffee shop and ask for a [b]LARGE[/b] black coffee.
Shop assistant decide to take the p1$$ out of him, as no one with decent taste ask for a [b]large[/b] black coffee...

CFH you obviously read far too much GQ for a working class lad 😉

So long as I don't have to stand in the queue and listen to someone ask for a 'lar-tay' I'm OK.

Can I get a weak, decaf, soy latte please. In a large glass. (commonly called a "why bother")

Actually, make it a long flat white.

My pet hate is a bit different here: the insidious corporate Americanization

That would be Americani[u][b][i]s[/i][/b][/u]ation then?

But without the Americanisms how do we pretend that we are witty attractive urbane cast members of Friends on our way to meet our equally attractive witty friends in down town Manhattan, when in reality we're slightly harassed in rainy Rotherham, late again for another dull and pointless meeting with slightly smelly slighty chubby northerners*..?

*this is not actually a slight on Northerners despite initial appearances, but it was obvious that one or two were perhaps over due a bath night, if you know what I mean...

It would be.

Dammit people! We need to stop the rot right here, right now. From now on, _please_ start using polite, proper English and not this lazy way of talking and thinking.

After all, they are colonials.

latin american Spanish - central & south america.

Nice ironic that the distinction between New and Old world Spanish is perfectly accepted on this thread... 🙂

PS Stop bloody whining, it's only marketing and it has been going on for a good couple of hundred years.

PPS Starbucks is an American company, are they allowed to be Americanised?

PPPS In actual fact they are Italianising themselves rather than Americanising. Grande, Venti, Latte etc etc.

LOL at this thread!

Whatever happened to a nice cup of tea....

What do you do if you actually [i]like[/i] lattes?

molgrips - Member
What do you do if you actually like lattes?

Well, I think you should tell your parents first. Break it to them gently, as "coming out" can be traumatic for a family.

Whatever happened to a nice cup of tea....

They are still available. Even in Starbucks.

Btw if I could make billions upon billions of dollars selling expensive coffees with pretentiuos names, I am sure I would. They must be doing something right, since they are a massive company and Dave's Burger Van on the A49 isn't.

Well, I think you should tell your parents first. Break it to them gently, as "coming out" can be traumatic for a family.

Yeah, my mum's staunchly cappucino. And my dad only drinks tea. Oh the shame.

@ Zokes

[i]That would be Americanisation then?[/i]

Not according to the OED [url= http://http://dictionary.oed.com/cgi/entry/50007157?single=1&query_type=word&queryword=americanization&first=1&max_to_show=10 ][/url]

[i] Nothing to do with living in Yorkshire...

I surprised the choice extends to any more than 'do you want that in a cup or a mug' and 'Sugar and milk are on the table behind you' if you live in Yorkshire. [/i]

I worked in leeds for two years, the place is jam packed full of arsey coffeeshops who refuse to use the terms, 'small, medium or large', and while i'm sure plenty of yorkshiremen would argue that Leeds is not part of Yorkshire, technically it is.

@ Mattie_H

I stand corrected! I was vaguely aware there are a few actual 'z' uses for 'isations' in English - I guess that's one of them then....

@ Zokes

Even the word itself is Americanized!

Just try asking for a cup of tea without the milk in with the teabag while it brews...
'we don't do it like that'...'OK, black tea please'...'grump!'...'changed my mind, can I have some milk please...' 🙄

'we don't do it like that'

Now that's great customer service. You'll have it how we do it, and like it.

Funnily enough, the aforementioned mal-verbiated Americanized coffee chains bend over backwards to do your drink exactly how you like it...

oooh, mocha please 😉

Pulled into a McD's drivethru for a coffe:-
"white coffee please"
"sorry weve no white coffee, but I can do you a black with milk"
"EH?" ❓

While we're on the subject, since when did the minimum amount of coffee required become a bucketful ffs ? Small just isn't an option, it's either medium (or whatever that may be in Italian) or large and both of those are way too much.

Does my swede in.

Oh no trailmonkey! You're not one of these PITAs who says your portions are too big so the rest of us with healthy appetites go hungry or have to spend a fortune, are you? 😉

tl:dr

was it a costa/starschmucks/nero?

you will probably find it is due to them HAVING to ask.
they have a script, they have to stick to it or they get penalised?

she may have felt like a twerp asking if you would like your coffee "with room"
some people want a black coffee and go and put milk in it themselves.
some people just want a white coffee!
some people want it FULL of black coffee.

i resent having to have an "americano" which is in now way the same as a regular black coffee.

humph.
itll do though, i guess.

nehoo, back on point, i new a chap who worked in millets
you know when they pounce on you as you enter and ask if they can help?
it really gets my goat, WELL, according to my mate, if they get caught NOT asking a certain number of times, they get a warning, and then fired.

Funnily enough, the aforementioned mal-verbiated Americanized coffee chains bend over backwards to do your drink exactly how you like it...

Only if it is coffee or some coffee related drink. If you like tea made with boiling water (rather than just some quite hot water off the coffee machine), with the teabag put in before the milk and left for a moment to brew, and then milk put in after it. Or god forbid, if you wanted a pot of tea made with leaves (or even a pot with a teabag in), they won't do it at all.

Joe

colnagokid - Member
Pulled into a McD's drivethru for a coffe:-
"white coffee please"
"sorry weve no white coffee, but I can do you a black with milk"
"EH?"

Small just isn't an option

It is in Starbucks, called a short. They just don't put it on the board (which I thoroughly disagree with despite otherwise supporting them). It goes short, tall, grande, venti which makes a bit more sense.

If you like tea made with boiling water

A Frenchman trying to tell an Englishman how to drink tea! Wonders never cease.

you will probably find it is due to them HAVING to ask.
they have a script, they have to stick to it or they get penalised?

short, tall, grande, venti which makes a bit more sense.

noooo.

im tall, im in the upper percentiles of the population in height.
tall buildings are generally the ones where the top floors are closest to the sky.

same goes for girraffes.

tall is in the wrong place there! im sure of it :p

[IMG] [/IMG]

I don't think Starbucks has that kind of McJob attitude tbh. It's apparently not a bad place to work.

Molgrips the Short order in Starbucks is pretty well known really. I was told that it wasn't on the board so that the folks that know think it's a special thing, makes them more loyal to Starbucks...cheesy American marketing...

A Frenchman trying to tell an Englishman how to drink tea! Wonders never cease

Quite amusing. The continental tea experience :-

A Liptons Yellow Label tea bag, dangling in half a cup of luke warm water.

Served with a fresh sneer.

[chortles at MTT] 😀

As an Englishman, I have never been served a cup of tea in France which worked for me. If that's how they like it, that's fine.

In my recent experience, the caff on Newport (South Wales) station does the best tea of anywhere with pretensions to be a coffee bar. Despite serving a range of frothy-coffee milkshakes and being run by a rather flamboyant Welsh lad with facial piercings it actually featured a big, hot pot full of properly brewed tea, which he poured into a cup and added milk to before charging a sensible amount of money for.

Reminds me of that great scene in Pretty Woman....

[i]Hollister: Exactly how obscene an amount of money were you talking about? Just… profane, or really offensive?
Edward: Really offensive.
Hollister: [to himself] I like him so much.

Hollister: Mr. Lewis? How's it going so far?
Edward: Pretty well, I think. I think we need some major sucking up.
Hollister: Very well, sir. You're… not only handsome, but a powerful man. I could see the second you walked in here, you were someone to reckon with…[/i]

I think that roughly translates to something along the lines of pay peanuts get monkies. If you want good service go somewhere were you pay for it is my best advice.

Try asking for a black decaffinated coffee in Starbucks. They oblige you to play 20 questions in order to work out which variation of their multitude of crappy drinks make up a black decaf (in my defence, it was for a friend).

Mind you, the "original" Starbucks site in Seattle is surprisingly bullshit free (I did a severely jetlagged coffee run at 6am one Sunday just after getting over there).

Pulled into a McD's drivethru for a coffe:-
"white coffee please"
"sorry weve no white coffee, but I can do you a black with milk"
"EH?"

That would be because they are busy, the milk in the coffee machine has just been refilled and dropped below the safe dispensing temperature for heated milk.
So to get around this they use their brains and offer black coffee with cold milk.

How do i know this?
I am a service tech for the company who supply all the above mentioned companies and a lot more with there espresso equipment.

Working in various coffee outlets fixing makes you realise just how rude some customers are, if the machine is broken why swear at the person who can't give you your coffee? it's not their fault!

Americano with milk = black coffee with room to add my preferred amount of milk

Christ I can't believe I took part in this thread