[Closed] 6yr old daughter behaving like a stroppy teenager... How to handle this?

Own her with pudding.

thegreatape - Member
Own her with pudding.

Nailed it! Thanks 😉

Dunno that trying to reason with a 6 year old works (it's hard enough with a 16 year old) maybe you should assert who is boss i.e just do it because that is what you/your wife have told her to do it. Every kid is different and what works with one might not work with another.

I don't know if this is a good idea - in general or in your situation - but have you tried having a tantrum back at her? I'm not suggesting shouting and bawling is generally a good strategy or for regular use, but if used very sparingly it can have a shock value that makes kids think differently. I have done it twice in nearly 16 years with mine, and it completely stopped them in their tracks, and afterwards they agreed that it wasn't nice having someone going completely apeshit at them, so they saw it from the other side. Depends on the kid though. I'm not a child psychologist or anything, I'm sure there are plenty who wouldn't approve of it, but I've found giving them a taste of their own medicine can be a most effective way of getting a point across and influencing behaviour. (Last one was 'Well me and friends are all sarcastic so you'll just have to get used to it', which was reevaluated after half a day of constant sarcasm from her mother and I).

Increase the exercise regime, whatever she likes, to deal with all the energy she has. If the family can join in the better as everyone will become healthier.

Also try make some of the Indian Lassi drink (milk with yogurt) for her after meal as that will clam her down to make her sleepy. Lassi is well known as drink to calm children down. Even I get sleepy after an Indian meal drinking Lassi. I love Lassi me.

+1 for lassi 😉

There's no easy answer but sounds like she needs some sort of mental stimulation, reading might help or give her extra work whilst she's in the classroom. Then some form of physical activity brownies or other clubs.

I'd not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

I'd not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

And ice, Drac, and ice...

Plus cardamom.

Have a read of some of this stuff: http://www.ahaparenting.com/

And also try some Headspace to keep you calm in these situations!

Tell her what to do , if she doesn't do it send her to her room until she does it
You should be the boss of a 6 year old child, not the other way round
If you take privileges away from her for long enough and stick to your guns she will respond.
She is testing your resolve, and sounds like she is winning .
If my child tried to kick my door down I would take hold of her by the shoulders lead her to the bedroom and keep hold of her until she had calmed down.
My daughter was very smart at 6, but didn't have tantrums and treat us like shit, in fact she's 28 now and still is respectful to us .
It's not easy with a disruptive child, my son was badly behaved, you really have to show them who is boss, I wouldent be listening and reasoning with her until her behaviour improves

Drac - Moderator
I'd not be keen of giving her milky youghurt filled with sugar.

Ermmm!

Sounds pretty normal for half the six year olds I know.

I have a 13 year old who tried to batter a door in last week as well.

As above, I find that excercise and mental stimulation work well with ours, I can tell when they haven't had a walk or ride in a day, even more so if too much screen time or sat with homework.

Hi zeesaffa . Read this out to my oh. She said she had been exactly the same when she was a kid to the point where her parents took her to see a psychiatrist. The shrink basically said she was bored and suggested finding something that mentally challenged her. If you can afford it then something like lessons in a foreign language (which is what my oh started) or similar. Apparently this really helped.

She doesn't really respond to rewards for good behaviour (behaviour charts, etc) and doesn't really respond to punishments like taking away treats or privileges (apart from just getting very angry again).

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/positive-discipline

http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/Does_Peaceful_Parenting_Mean_Kids_Just_Do_Whatever_They_Want

http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/The_Secret_of_Raising_a_Self-Disciplined_Child

This approach seems to be working pretty well for our elder one (3.5 going on 13... 😉 ), too soon to tell with the younger one. I think the brighter the child, the quicker they see the problems with traditional discipline - and once they're teenage they often rebel - and once they're 18 they can do whatever they want anyway.

Don't expect immediate miracles but I think it's the right approach.

Not more lessons. She needs to be child too. Try walks in the woods, cycling (come on it STW after all). Also have a watch of this [url=

which explains that we might be setting our kids up for burn out.

Is she an only child?

cycling (come on it STW after all).

No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

Smack?

IANAP

i think dosing the kid with heroin might be considered going a tad far, Donald?

Nothing a damn good hiding wouldn't resolve I'm sure.

Feel for you . Is it just a phase that needs to be ridden out?

Ask her if she wants the belt or the slipper.

Unless there is an underlying medical/behavioural issues, sounds like she's just being a brat. LittleMissMC has her moments, but she was never allowed to win when she was little. You are the parent, not her friend, and you set the boundaries.

Does she only do the one gymnastics session a week? Some other sport or skill to learn will distract her and hopefully interest her enough that the threat of missing a session for bad behaviour will make her think. We've always had 2-3 activities a week to interest and tire her out.

Limit screen time as well - the more time ours spend on screens the worse the attitude gets.

We try to maintain a level of calmness and we will listen to her and try to reason with her

Dont do this.
Tell her what to do, expect her to do it and mean it. If she doesnt do it. Send her to her room with no pudding.
You have to expect her to do it though. Behaviour management is like a Jedi mind trick.

Christ, our neighbours 7 and 9 year old do floorball twice a week, swimming once a week and running once or twice a week. Then they'll be out on their bikes up and down the road and round to random mates any spare seconds they have. The oldest even goes round to the guy at the end of the road and offers to take his dog for a run......

No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

Usually poorly stained and obscured by weeds.

Star jumps or burpees, there are very few behavioural anomalies that cannot be cured by a strictly enforced exercise regime.

See here for further info 😀

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/8-year-old-boys-v-kevin-the-teenager

Really, you just have to train children as you'd train a dog so, in other words, they need to realise that you're pack leader.

Dogs, humans, I'm sorry, but I don't get that. Kids need love, encouragement, support.

Kids need love, encouragement, support.

Drac - Moderator

cycling (come on it STW after all).

No one here actually rides bikes we just lean them against the fence.

STW is the answer, but not riding or bike photography!

Get her an account on here, and let her argue to her hearts content!!! After a while of dealing with the Big Hitters, she will understand the error of her ways and become a model child. 8)

If that doesn't work, try alcohol. Whether for yourself or the child...

[quote=oldtalent ]Nothing a damn good hiding wouldn't resolve I'm sure.

Who gets to do the seeking?

My 6yr old son is a gem at school. He told his Auntie that he hated her last week (every 5mins). Acts very very cheeky, back chats and then constantly talks about his bits n Bob's.

It's like we have a 14yr old in the house 🙁

Stick him in a kennel then

In our case (6 and 8 yo girls) we've found that bad behaviour is directly proportional to screen/stuck inside time.

As a result, they generally get no more than about an hour a day of TV/tablet and play outside as much as they can. It helps that this year they've made new friends a couple of doors up to play with in the street.

My Aunt asked him today what he would like to be when he's older?

He replied 'a binman'. 😆

Tell her what to do , if she doesn't do it send her to her room until she does it
You should be the boss of a 6 year old child, not the other way round

Exactly this.
Too much "reasoning" and discussion" with kids these days, leading to precocious, rude little brats.

My 6yr old son is a gem at school. He told his Auntie that he hated her last week (every 5mins). Acts very very cheeky, back chats and then constantly talks about his bits n Bob's.

Have a read of some of this stuff: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/school-age

Good quote: "The only leverage we ever really have with our children is their love for us."

The only leverage we ever really have with our children is their love for us."

🙄

The clue is in the question.

As said above - "reason".

Reasoning and discussion doesn't mean you can't lay down strict rules - but it does mean that rules are more likely to be followed. I'm often very autocratic.

Drac - exactly how can you control a teenager then? Fear? Bribery? Blackmail?

Wi-Fi. Seriously.

Drac - exactly how can you control a teenager then? Fear? Bribery? Blackmail?

Well I never use my love as leverage it's easy as said removal of something works a treat.

Shock collar

IANAP.

Drac - so every single time you want them to do something they don't want to do you have to resort to the removal of some kind of privilege? Would be a pretty angry household if that was really the case!

Drac - so every single time you want them to do something they don't want to do you have to resort to the removal of some kind of privilege? Would be a pretty angry household if that was really the case!

No that would be silly which is why I didn't say you have to do it every time. Normally I ask them and they do it with a bit of sigh.

No that would be silly which is why I didn't say you have to do it every time. Normally I ask them and they do it with a bit of sigh.

Sounds like mine, very rarely have to do anything as drastic as taking a phone away or cutting off the wifi 😆

so every single time you want them to do something they don't want to do you have to resort to the removal of some kind of privilege? Would be a pretty angry household if that was really the case!

Every time ? Really ? You can't get kids to do something quickly and easily without discussion or debate ? ok, so there's the odd 1% of times where my lad will rebel and give me the "why?"... which is mostly answered by "Because i said so, just get on with it".... But on the other 99% of times, i ask him, he does it, there's no anger or confrontation... it's just how the world it.

I'm the complete pussycat in our household, i'm the one that says yes to anything he asks... but he knows, when the law needs laying down, it's enforced quickly and without discussion.

If my kids play up I stick the in The Chokey!

P.s. I dont have any kids.

But I will say there's nothing more sad to witness than a hempweave-wearing, sandal shod parent trying to reason with their little angel Tarquin. Seen it many a time when I worked in retail, always ends in tears from someone.

Wow at 6 years old I already knew not to backchat or misbehave with my parents, there was no reasoning, it was a quick whack on the backside and I knew who was in charge, too much political correctness is damaging society, we now have a generation (or two) who expect everything straight away and wont work for anything.

Teach them respect early and it will be with them all through their life.

Has health and safety gone mad too deker?

I bet you played out all day, summers were always sunny and only went home when the street lights came on.

Drac, yes it certainly has!

I never had to go home that early though 😉

On a serious note, i was still at school when punishment was banned and witnessed first hand kids starting to backchat teachers the very next day after the ban, you could see that once the threat (and that's all it took sometimes) was removed then the classroom instantly changed.

Could always buy this
[img] [/img]
and then chase her until she sees reason?

Knife optional.

I was at school when it was banned too. Noticed no difference the cheeky kids were still cheeky it's we had to stay in at playtime which was worse.

What the OP has written about sounds similar (ish) to what our 6yr old lad is like at the minute.

A simple stop it was sufficient, now he continues to do whatever it is, but more so. We get answered back "how are you going to stop me doing it?". On the naughty step he now asks how long he has left, and says it doesn't work. Sometimes he will randomly 'play fight' with one of us, hurting us a little, we tell him it hurt and to stop, so he does it more, we end up having to restrain him, and then walk away.

Sounds bad, but 99% of the time he is actually a great kid.

Afterwards he says he doesn't realise he has done these things, and we actually believe him (stupidly?). We think its a stage thing. Certainly his brain is developing and he is learning that he has independence, we think this is just how it is manifesting at times. He is genuinely upset after.

All I would say to OP is do you make her aware of the consequence of her actions. ie does she know she will have to pay for damage ie no money for treats/pocket money etc.

[url=

this?[/url]

Thank you all for the advice. That website look very good so I'll definitely be spending some time on there.

Some unusual pieces of advice as well... always good to have last resorts!

[img] [/img]

My bright 4 year old was spiralling out of control for a bit.. I ramped up the discipline as some here have suggested and it just totally exacerbated the problems.. Some kid's wills cannot be broken (thankfully)

I was at a complete loss.. It had been going on for months and was just getting worse..
My partner took over all handling of him for a while and killed it with kindness.. Patience, distractions, a little pandering and a lot of love and understanding did the trick.. Firm but fair with no room for negotiation..
The kid is now a little angel, well able to control himself and full of jokes and joy..

It seemed counter intuitive to me to give this naughty kid kindness but he just needed love and to break the cycle of thinking that all his behaviours would be met with negative reactions..

Our household is much like weeksy's above

Supernanny stuff works if you and your kids are a bit dim probably.. If there was a simple answer to the problems of parenting the world would be unrecognisable

It's not about breaking their will. Just the real world of actions having consequences. In my example, be polite/respectful and carry on using the Wi-Fi, keep on being rude and don't have it, your choice.

+1 for Yunki

the most useful phrase I use with my kids (13 and 8) is "What's the matter?". It's a great opener for them to tell you they are behaving badly because...

We get answered back "how are you going to stop me doing it?". On the naughty step he now asks how long he has left, and says it doesn't work.

Are you answering him?

Sounds to me like he's craving attention, as long as you keep responding he'll keep pushing. Ignore him other than to put him back on the step if he moves off and reset the timer, then give him plenty of attention when he's not being a little shit.

IANAP.

Are you answering him?

Yes we do, and reading my initial post it comes across as we do not engage, that to me is just all the given stuff...

Sounds to me like he's craving attention

I think there is some truth in that (hard to say as a parent). My wife works very long hours and doesn't get to see much of Jnr FD, and then when Mrs FD is at home it is my only opportunity to get out on the bike/run, so he gets little time with us both at home. 🙁

Don't get me wrong though, we make every effort we can to do joint family stuff that doesn't involve TV !

This sounds horribly familiar...

I have 2 kids, 8 and 6.
The 6 year is a bit special, autism, sensory processing, adhd, all of the above? Dunno, too young to get a reliable diagnosis. But gets 1to1 attention in school.

The eight year old does what he's told by in large.
The 6 year old - not so much.
Ask him to do anything that takes him away from what he wants to be doing and it's either WW2 or ignorance.

Remember you're the Daddy (see what I did there).
When Dylan is kicking off not wanting get dressed, I get him dressed. By the time I get to the socks he's given up.

When I need him upstairs for teeth, I know I'll have to shout him 3 times, so I start the shouting 5 mins before I need him upstairs.

All that being said after a Xbox related altercation, he made this for me and stuck it to my chest:
[img] [/img]

Teach them respect early and it will be with them all through their life.

Violence towards children doesn't teach them respect, it teaches them fear.

Violence towards children doesn't teach them respect, it teaches them fear.

Perfect!

OP...you think you've got it bad...my 4.5 year old daughter is already doing this (minus the door kicking...she tends to slam them instead)
she's as good as gold at school but at home she has her moments when she goes into full on mental tantrum mode
this normally starts off with her pulling a face and sulking, then comes the stamping of the feet, then comes the screaming and shouting, then comes the lying on the floor kicking and screaming and then the slamming of doors and throwing of toys etc
its normally over trivial little things
example 1:
she was going upstairs and was halfway up. i asked if she wanted to carry her up or if she wild go up quicker..she wanted me to carry her..so i did. she didnt like this...told me to put her down. i had to go back to the bottom of the stairs and ask her if she wanted carrying then i had to wait for her to come back down and then i had to carry her back up
example 2:
asked her to come and have her breakfast as we were running late due to her earlier tantrum over school uniform. she refused as she reckoned i'd just shouted at her. after she finished having her second mini meltdown of the morning i said i was sorry and asked her to eat her breakfast,. she then told me i didnt apologise nicely. so i did. then she said that i didnt call her by her name. so again i said im sorry amelia but can you eat your breakfast now. but still she wasnt happy as i didnt call her a princess. so again i said im sorry princess amelia now can you eat your breakfast. her response was "you didnt say please"

she is the middle child though and most of the time she is good as gold but when she goes off on one she really does go off on one

Perfect!

I'd rather my young girls didn't do what I ask because they think I'm going to hurt them. YMMV.

Too much "reasoning" and discussion" with kids these days, leading to precocious, rude little brats.

+1

Too much "reasoning" and discussion" with kids these days, leading to precocious, rude little brats.

Plus many, having seen how many kids struggle with Beavers, Cubs and Scouts. Simple clear instructions, with consequences explained, seems to work much better. The number of parents who are astonished how well their kids will behave away from the home environment, but don't seem to get that only difference is the way the adults treat them. 🙄

asked her to come and have her breakfast as we were running late due to her earlier tantrum over school uniform. she refused as she reckoned i'd just shouted at her. after she finished having her second mini meltdown of the morning i said i was sorry and asked her to eat her breakfast,. she then told me i didnt apologise nicely. so i did. then she said that i didnt call her by her name. so again i said im sorry amelia but can you eat your breakfast now. but still she wasnt happy as i didnt call her a princess. so again i said im sorry princess amelia now can you eat your breakfast. her response was "you didnt say please"

Wow, some of the behaviour I see out and about is starting to make sense.

She's got you well and truly by the delicates mate.

I think that some parents can struggle with being 'disliked' by their children for disciplining and having behavioural expectations. Nobody wants to be that bad person but it is necessary.

I think that some parents can struggle with being 'disliked' by their children for disciplining and having behavioural expectations. Nobody wants to be that bad person but it is necessary.

You've met my wife then!

I am THE ENFORCER...s'ok make me feel like Dolph Lundgren.

😆 @ The Enforcer.

She's got you well and truly by the delicates mate.

not really...she ended up on the naughty step for 10 minutes!

not really...she ended up on the naughty step for 10 minutes!

Yea but admit it, you had to ask her nicely 😉