[Closed] 50 Shades of Grey...The Movie.

Am I the only woman who hasn't read the book?

I suspect a lot. Even before the internet people used to film whatever tickled their sexual fantasy and now it gets uploaded to the internet. A lot of it IS real life.

Exactly, I'm saying there is no point in getting shirty regarding the damage a film might do to the odd slackjaw when you consider the wider availability and more extreme nature of porn.

I'd link a

I genuinely don't understand the "mummy porn" criticism.

Is it really such a terribly uncool thing that people might want to go and see something mildly titillating at a normal cinema?

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

My other half hasn't read it. I had to blindfold her and tie her up but it worked.

If it stops a few people guffawing behind their copy of the Sun or Grazia at those people that enjoy a slightly different (but actually a lot more common than most realise) kind of consenting fun then all the better.
PS. Secretary is worth a watch too (it had a rather interesting effect on my better half anyway).

Love that Pam Ayres poem!

cinnamon_girl - Member
Am I the only woman who hasn't read the book?

My missus hasn't and claims she doesn't really want to. A friend of ours lent her all three of the books months ago but she's really not been all that bothered about reading them. They are sat on a shelf in the lounge.

Actually I might have a quick look and report back.

The review in the Guardian compared it to this....

That Pam Ayres poem is fantastic! 😆

Just sounds like a lot of Mills and Boon Mummy porn to me. Nowhere near as good as:

[img] [/img]

Love that Pam Ayres poem!

Just credit where it's due, it's not by her, it's by a chap named John Summers.

Love that Pam Ayres poem!

Yeah very funny but apparently wasn't by Pam Ayres...just done in her style

Good call Wooster. That is indeed a bloody great film!

Friend on FB shared this:

http://theramblingcurl.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html?m=1

I've not read the books. Don't feel any inclination to.

I however am more keen on DIY

Then just hope you don't have to go down to B&Q for a packet of zip-ties and a roll of duct tape the day after its release.

Its crap?

Ever seen Sex in the City? Epically pants.

Secretary is a really god film

the original Crash based on the JG Ballard novel is great too

Spader is ace!

Q for the girlies: I don't find him hot, is it just me?

Also I haven't read the book and have no intention of doing so.

the original Crash based on the JG Ballard novel is great too

This. A film that can make you see the erotic interest of being in a car crash is something unusual!

The Force didn't exist

I'm sorry, WHAT?!!

Didn't even read the rest of the thread, if thats the level of bullshit lies I can expect from it.

Mark E Smith's been working out...

Watch Fastbender in Shame. Jesus put some frickin trousers on!

Great shout Woppit, very well done film and actually understands how real sub/dom relationships work.

I'm more annoyed by the fact that, similarly to Pearl Harbor, it's getting panned by the critics and yet will still be a huge success. I'd prefer for films to be successful based on the quality of the script, the acting, the direction etc rather than just because of the popularity of its source material.

I believe that Lars Von Trier has already provided the answer to 'fifty shades'

Sit down with your missus this weekend and watch Nymphomaniac 1 and 2, directors cut, on Netflix

Should put her off S&M for life...and ducks!

(Aparrently there's an even longer extended directors cut with even more left in 😯 )

Just got back from watching it. Didn't think it was any good.

Tracey you come across as sane and rational. I wonder what mumsnet thinks by comparison..

I too have just returned. It was every bit as bad as the books. They even managed to include the godawful, unfunny, one liners. And I didn't find the lead actress attractive enough to grab my interest during the saucy stuff. Although the missus seemed to enjoy Mr Grey. Although having said that we're now sat at opposite ends of the sofa doing our own thing so she didn't enjoy him that much 😥

I've read the book, and a mate wants me to go and see it with her 😕

I'm struggling to get "frothy" if I'm honest 😆

Ekul. Ask her if she wants to pop a Sex in the City DVD and a foot massage..

(Whatever you do don't say some random internet bloke said this)

Ah well, it gives the post-menopausal women in our office something to have a natter and a cackle about........

Otherwise my indifference-o-meter is red-lining again.

I wonder what mumsnet thinks by comparison..

Oh my god. There must be an official thread, surely?

Otherwise my indifference-o-meter is red-lining again.

Must be broken, mine's somewhere in the middle.

I'm reminded of Victoria Coren's quip about the book:

"It puts the 'B' in 'anal'."

Tracey you come across as sane and rational. I wonder what mumsnet thinks by comparison

Yeah because god help us all if women were to actually enjoy [i]sexy movies[/i] right?

Just saw a clip on Graham Norton. WT ****ing F. Dreadfully acted even in the short clip they thought was good enough to show.

Julie Walters though - what a legend. Hilarious.

Yeah because god help us all if women were to actually enjoy sexy movies right?

Is it a sexy movie though? From what I've heard it's hardly any more erotic that the average holiday blockbuster dross.

About as sexy as Twilight which, as explained before, it is nothing more than a modified slash-fic thereof.

Another vote for Secretary.

And as Cougar said it normalises abusive relationships. The amount of times I've heard the words "but I thought that was normal" sickens me. Fantasy as a rape fantasy, whilst not everyones cup of tea, is legit. Fantasy as a rape fantasy but packaged as something else to make it more friendly or just through the complete ignorance of the writer isn't.

For maccruisekeen et al:

She stared up at me and seductively bit her lip. Unfortunately it was her top lip so she looked like a piranha

Being a girl I can say I'm with CG - i haven't and won't read the books, don't find the guy remotely appealing and am not fussed about seeing the films.

I am sure Mr Whoppit is right it will not be anywhere near as good as the secretary.

Personally I don't see anything wrong with the subject matter - I just don't understand why it has to be delivered so badly.

I don't think a lot of people who actually take part in BDSM would agree with the comments about abusive relationships.

Maybe when thrown out to the masses in the this way it may be inspiring abusive idiots to add it to their ways to excert control. But to be fair abusive people will find ways to abuse irrespective of what's going on around them.

Maybe it may inspire a fee people who think it might be fun to have ago - and they may like it 😉

Some right fools cone out of the woodwork in regards to BDSM. Its consenting adults.

I've been with a girl who wanted it rough. I objected - she was fine. She liked it. Not because 'she thought it was normal'.

People experiment and development/go down the route they prefer sexually.

People are complaining about the BDSM in the books and the film because the author obviously knows nothing about it and gives a false impression of what the life style is about. People who know what their talking about or who are actively involved know it's all about trust and consent. There's none of that it the movie and that's where the anger is coming from, not the mere fact that BDSM is involved.

+1 whatnobeer

After yesterdays MrsBouy raised left eyebrow moment when this film was talked about on The BBC, I won and we're going to watch....

Shaun the Sheep.

😛

Although having said that we're now sat at opposite ends of the sofa doing our own thing so she didn't enjoy him that much

*cough*

Went to watch it last night, very few blokes there, mainly women. You could feel the anitcipation, the place was absolutely buzzing 😉