what should I expect..?
[i]what should I expect[/i]
some sort of rectal probing in a few days time?
*adds thread to favourites*
to take the postie off your chirstmas card list. he obviously doesnt like you.
its currently 11:09 on the 28th Jan 2012
I [i]expect[/i] you to double check the date of your appointment. Although for comedy value I'm secretly hoping you don't.
If its for a lower bowel exmination, or a Barium ennema, expect windy conditons for a few days, along with white poo, and always wear trackies that you can easily evacuate from.
NO BELTS, BUTTONS, DODGY ZIPS,
[i]along with white poo[/i]
'1970's pavements' retro poo's in your own home 🙂
MTFU - mix it in your camelbak and go for a ride.
([i]Disclaimer edit - that is a JOKE![/i])
Keep drinking fluids! Picolax is amazing stuff: the Mr Muscle of bowel cleaners. Once you've taken it stay near a toilet.
sorry ive got that wrong, its the 26th today, the 28th must be monday
Are you sure its Picolax & not pickle-axe??
Anyway it could have been worse mate, it could have been that gopping retro jersey off eBay ;o)
what should I expect..?
Don't trust any sneaky farts.
Avoid lifts....
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lol @ soobalias you do realise today is Friday the 27th of January 2012?
I am expecting a delivery soon. Can't wait, no sorry I can.
It's not a delivery you're expecting, quite the opposite.
I gave my wife 32g on Wednesday!
She has yet to forgive me....
And I have a large amount 'waiting to go' (so to speak!)
I gave my wife 32g on Wednesday!
Officer........
Anyone else start giggling simply by seeing the thread subject? 😀
Picolax has a faster delivery time than Royal Mail, remember dont push unless sitting down on the toilet.
Just think of mount etna errupting and youll get the idea,oh and there is plenty of sound effects before and after.
Like thwe beginning of Stingray, anything can happen in the next half hour.
Dare you to snort it
MTFU and do the lot up your bugle.
In a oner.
For the love of all things holy someone link to THAT epic picolax thread. You know for his information...
Mic up your toilet.
Remember, you just get totally harmless wind for the 1st few hours so go for some really loud farts when the feeling first comes on
Course, they're wasted unless you're out in public so go down the shops at least
Before taking any, stock up on:
-the softest toilet roll money can buy
- vaseline
- some kind of spray bottle if paper gets too much
- possibly a nappy if you have to be out of the house for any period of time.
Unusual choice of recreational pharmaceutical, Yunki.
'unusual choice of recreational pharmaceutical, Yunki.'
So it's shit shit, then?
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It helps if you go swimming. It will be fine, honest.
🙂
[url= http://singletrackworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/the-picolax-thread-returns/ ]The 'orignal' Agent Picolax thread...[/url]
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Mine actually arrived about an hour after I posted that I was expecting a package from the NHS. Oh the joy. My sister has warned me to get some Sudocreme/sore bot treatement and apply it when you start. DON'T wait until the soreness sets in. Though if like me (and here) you are having your insides looked at for similar reasons you may already be very familiar with the regular application of various ungents to ease the old ring sting.
just started reading the original thread..
sounds like a normal day at the office to me..
P-Day is tomorrow
The American equivalent which is worth a read :-
ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humour columnist for the Miami Herald.
Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis ..
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavour.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humour, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anaesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point..
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me..
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colours. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.