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there is also some feeling that the bill should just be paid. If you are presented with a bill though, and you don't feel as though you had value for money, do you pay it and learn that lesson, or contest it?
She burned up £2k using a service that you contracted for at a cost that is clearly laid down on the company website. FFS - it hasn't got anything to do with VFM - they provided the contracted services at a pre-determined rate. Accept responsibility for the actions of your daughter - and your own if we're at it. You could have (should have?) prevented this very easily, yet you appear to be trying to weasel out of it after the fact. You gave a 19 year old girl an unrestricted method of communication without limits - would you give her a debit / credit card linked to your account with the same freedoms?
I think we're going to need to see some pictures of your 19 year old daughter in order to advise you correctly.
Some of the comments are harsh but essentially true. NO ONE is telling you how to be a good Father. 🙂
How many more large phonebills are you going to receive though? At what point will your daughter feel guilty about her level of spend?
When you were growing up- would you have done the same? If you had and realised would you have curtailed your behaviour?
hora - Member
I'd still put contracts etc in her name otherwise she is going to run up (potentially) monumental levels of debt at uni.Its only a small lesson!
mieszko- strangely always comes across as sorted/well thought out. mieszko are you a groomer on here of older-males?!!!
Hora, have we ever met? It seems You know me so well 😉
Paying for uni. Back home studying is free but my mum was still paying for my room, books and uni stuff. Everything else I had to pay from my own pocket (when my dad died I got some state payments out of his retirement fund). Apart from nicking some food from home I managed quite ok and also learned how to manage limited budgets 🙂 Now I study here and because it's Scotland SAAS pays for uni, but I do work nights during the weekend. So far I'm on 3rd year and manage just fine with what I earn. Working during weekends on nights sorts out the problem students here have, spending on nights out. Seeing how much my friends spend on night outs etc I do think cycling is probably a cheaper hobby 😉
Am I right in understanding that part of the reason you will be hitting the boyfriend for part of the charges is that he repeatedly did not answer the phone when your daughter called him? Would you be charging him more if he had answered the phone each time and the bill had been £3000 ? How many times a day was she calling, and what did she have to talk about that was so important? You've not given any hint that she is daft, so how big a bill was she actually expecting? Did she think that the phone pixies were letting her call for free?
I don't know any more about your daughter than you have chosen to post here - so like everyone else we are evaluating what information you've chosen to give us in terms of our own experiences and prejudices.
There's some helpful comments and some less helpful comments on here. Yes, lessons are learned - maybe even those of you with younger kids may learn the lesson my daughter has learnt from this thread. Maybe some of you would never had got into this position in the first place. But some of you might. Not that I meant this as a PSA, but as a request to see if anyone knew if there are any ways of dealing with the level of bill. It seems some people do know how to deal with it, and a hell of a lot don't. Obviously I am not going to post my families life story on here when the real issue is a phone bill.
Hopefully none of you with kids will suffer this (but what steps have you put in place to prevent it?)
Have you actually spoken to Orange yet, or are you entirely relying on the internetards to tell you what to do? 😀
what steps have you put in place to prevent it?
I wouldn't give a child effectively unrestricted credit against my bank account. What's wrong with PAYG, and if you want to give them an "allowance" for calls, pay it into their bank account?
Once they're 18, they're free to apply for contracts and run up their own bills.
simon_g
haven't spoken to them yet - waiting to get home to do a bit of digging into the bill, the moneysaver forums etc. I think I've been given all the help I need!
And my daughters paying - so the unrestricted access bit doesn't really apply.
I still say shes not even at Uni yet. Surely you are slightly concerned about whats to follow?
I'd pay her rent but the rest- she has to learn to live within her own means....to budget and control. Its a lesson in life. Surely?
The more constructive feedback on here is that I could contest it, but there is also some feeling that the bill should just be paid. If you are presented with a bill though, and you don't feel as though you had value for money, do you pay it and learn that lesson, or contest it?
Of course contest it for the reasons mentioned by others above, but i dont think orange should just pay it out of charity (in the OP).
I am sorry if you feel that I attacked your parenting skills but its MHO that she is a spoilt princess with a contract phone paid for before she was 18 anyway - its one of the many problems of yoof these days..everything is free or if not mummy & daddy will sort it out.
Sorry if its a rant, but i have two cousins who are exactly like this and are really struggling at uni/beginning of the big bad world of job & life now because they were treated in a similar fashion.
You haven't been happy at some of the replies on here, but getting replies that don't fit what you want to hear is the price of asking a question in an open forum - people are going to be open with their replies.
If I had posted asking about a mate that had gone to a pub, looked at the price list, spent 6 weeks getting hammered and then complained that the bill was more than he wanted to pay - what would you have replied?
I do hope you get it sorted out, that responsibility is taken and the right lessons learned.
Bloody hell with all the technology we have at our disposal these days, I'm staggered how someone can run up such a huge bill and be daft enough to use a flipping mobile when abroad!
Mind you, I've tried to tell friends with these fancy new 'smart' phones to use Skype, but they're just too flipping dumb. 'But I get loads of free calls with my contract' they're not 'free' you're paying £60 a month or whatever you dozy gits!
And then there's those who don't bother with a landline 'phone. 'Oh I don't need one I've got my mobile, people can call me on that' **** off! Costs me extra to call your mobile, whereas it's free for me to call a landline! I just tell them to call me back on their 'free calls' let them pay £60 a month. Idiots.
If that were my child run up £2000 bill, she'd be paying the whole flipping lot back, I can tell you. ****less youth.
Anyone else expecting a "Daughter's gone to uni - has spent all her overdraft and is asking for bailout" topic around November time?
Some of the 'spoilt princess' stuff seems a bit harsh and quite possibly wrong. If my 18yr old daughter was going travelling I would probably rather have her phone on a contract on my tab rather than PAYG quite simply so I can be sure her phone works when she needs it. Yes, 2000 would be too large a bill to be allowed but the OP clearly said that no-one was aware the bills were that large until they were both in. The mistake was in not knowing the costs or bothering to check before they actually came in. Orange know their job 🙂
simon_g - Member
> what steps have you put in place to prevent it?
I wouldn't give a child effectively unrestricted credit against my bank account.
You might if it was your child and you trusted them.
Anyone else expecting a "Daughter's gone to uni - has spent all her overdraft and is asking for bailout" topic around November time?
November? Ha! End of September more like! 😀
The worry is if you don't start giving her tough-love now what will happen in the future.
The best you can do IMO is give part-responsibility 🙂
I hope the boyfriend tells you to go forth and multiply when you ask him to stump up some cash towards the bill
hope the boyfriend tells you to go forth and multiply when you ask him to stump up some cash towards the bill
??
Youre ****ed when she goes to uni mate.
You say youre going to feed & put clothes on their backs until they have a full time job. thats what any responsible parent would do. However she is going to uni for 4 years, she wont have full time employment for a min of 4 years.
I do hope she has learnt something from this, we on here dont know whats gone on behind closed doors.
When I was 18 I ran a phone bill up for £250 and it was I that had to pay for it. My parents went ape shit. I wouldnt expect them to pay for it, nor did they. I made sacrifices, I cancelled the phone, sold some stuff. But I spoke with the provider and got to pay in installments. It tought me a LOT about managing money.
Did she do any work out there too? Sounds like she was gabbing all the time.
Good luck with calling them,however I doubt youll get anywhere.
Students - can they cover everything with the student loan or is it assumed/expected parents help out too?
Shit luck.
If it helps my wifes dad would have paid for her at 19 leaving her feeling worse. My parents would have made me pay every penny back. She would move heaven and earth for her dad and feels homesick if she doesn't see him for more than two weeks twenty years later, I see my parents twice a year.
Yes I'm independent and she's a daddys girl, but I know which parent I want to be!
Chase orange, talk to her about consequences and dumb boyfriends, but be there for her if you can. Why allow this to ruin her uni years by deferring or being crippled with more debt than she will already have if you can prevent it.
Good luck.
The more constructive feedback on here is that I could contest it, but there is also some feeling that the bill should just be paid.
The more constuctive feedback, for you, is the feedback which satisfies your need to ask for a refund, anything which goes against this is dismissed. You are just looking for support for your claim. There is also constructive feedback which says pay the bill, your daughter has used the service and that service should be paid for.
We actually wanted the relationship to end, as they're not best suited,
So, he gets the message and doesn't want to talk to her and you still want him to pay?? Perhaps she should have taken the hint, HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU LOVE, YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED CALLING!
Not that I meant this as a PSA, but as a request to see if anyone knew if there are any ways of dealing with the level of bill.
Pay it and move on!
Or do I just STFU and pay?
Yes!
Actually I've changed my mind, ask for a refund it'll give someone else a laugh. 😉
MartinGT. Brilliant post. +1
Cor blimey. Why don't you all go the whole hog and start praying for the poor chap to get cancer of the arse whilst you're at it?
Cor blimey. Why don't you all go the whole hog and start praying for the poor chap to get cancer of the arse whilst you're at it?
Yes, there do seem to be a fair amount of self-righteous twonks on this forum.
Yes, there do seem to be a fair amount of self-righteous twonks on this forum.
You must be new if you are only just noticing that now.
You must be new?
No, after several years, I've just had my moment of clarity 😉
Yes, there do seem to be a fair amount of self-righteous twonks on this forum.
I'd rather have criticism than 'yes yes you did the right thing'.
Sometimes criticism helps better than praise.
tron - MemberCor blimey. Why don't you all go the whole hog and start praying for the poor chap to get cancer of the arse whilst you're at it?
I don't think anyone has wished any harm on the OP, a bit of a harsh statement.
Yes, there do seem to be a fair amount of self-righteous twonks on this forum.
Yes, there are, aren't there?
Unfortunately can't help with the current bill woes but can really recommend getting an appropriate call-card next time any travelling is to be done.
My mum bought me one with £20 on it when I did some travelling in my first year summer as a way to stay in touch. When the end of the summer came and I still had a few hours left on the thing I started calling old mates for a friendly chat as felt guilty for not using all of the money. So cheap! You could argue that there will be times when no phone-calls can be made because of lack of land-lines etc. but if you're getting mobile reception there must be a land-line somewhere and being out of touch for at least some of the time can add to the travelling experience!
Also, next time someone travels on a contract phone check out the contract! Martin's money saving tips has some great advice for cutting down travelling costs.
Being raised quite strictly with regards to allowances and now having a little sister of a similar age to your daughter and seeing her getting allowances I (and other two siblings) never received (which does my chuffin' head in I can tell you) I hope you mean it when you say that she will pay the phone bill, even if just for her sake.
Tiger roach, my student loan was £4000 a year my accom was £4800 a year, needless to say the student loan does not cover everything. I had to have a full time job during university, my mum is on disability support but still helped out when she could, she paid for my car insurance.
I full support parents helping out their kids at uni, hopefully I'll earn enough to help my kids through uni.
Reading this thread I love how some people read what they want into the op posts.
What IP said above. Pre-top up fees, even receiving maximum loan & the 1k grant, my rent was just about covered. You needed to find another 3-4k a year for living expenses, books, transport etc.
If you're fortunate, you could find reasonably well paid & career relevant summer work. It's certainly harder now - the people who employed me over summers in the past would expect voluntary work now.
I'd rather have criticism than 'yes yes you did the right thing'.Sometimes criticism helps better than praise.
True, but 4-pages later...I think he 'gets it' don't you?
Take the contract SIM out of her phone and replace it with a Pay as You Go. Tell her she has to pay for her phone use for the next 6/12 months and you pay the contract on her contract SIM. You may also want to go as far as to tell her she has to pay you £10 a month for the next 12 months. Won't cover the £2K but should teach her a lesson. Otherwise I think you are in danger of it happening again. The trouble for youngsters with contract phones is they just don't see the cost. I would advise you to show her the true costs of running these devices.
Next time she goes away pay her boyfriend £250 to not answer the phone under any circumstances. It'll take a lot of £1.45 non-connected call charges to hit the magic £2k again.
(Although I'm sure she'll do her best!)
So, general concensus is that I should make my daughter pay. The first bill was going to be split 50:50, the 2nd bill has changed that. The intent was always that she would pay the whole bill, the only discussion then is how, when and how much. She works part time, so that helps pay a bit in either a lump sum or monthly. If I can help by reducing the bill by discussing with Orange, then that's as much support as I think she should get. What I will not do, is put her future at Uni in jeopardy - I could make her defer a year, or add hours to her working week, or remove the money she has put by to live on, but if that means she does not do as well at Uni as she could, then that would be a mistake.
From reading the above responses, I am glad it's stirred up some debate, as I hope that some other dads go home and put limits on their kids mobile contracts, or at least have a discussion with their kids who are due to go on hols or travelling. Seeing my daughters reaction when she showed me the account balance on Orange - to say she was sh*tting herself is an understatement - she knows how tight money is.
My reaction was a heart stopping moment, followed by a "well that's too big a problem to get angry about, the real issue is how to fix it, then deal with the lessons later". A smaller bill would have been hitting the roof material, a bill this size is just numbing.
ianpinder - around £100/week for accom? Wow. OK so the loan isn't enough and I think there's no excuse for that, I blame Labour.... It is possible to get additional loans from banks I think - a few grand a year?
I started as a student in '89 so I saw the introduction of the loans and grants were still pretty good though was told by older people at the time they were far better in the 70s. I managed OK without them but did work in the summer; actually I did take the loans but never needed them so just took the interest.
When I went to Uni Student halls were £70 a week and sold to us on the basis of worry to my parents. 'What if'.
That was in 1994.
Luckily We saw past that however I must admit the one positive to halls is the ontap sex that is available both to males and females.
(Seriously) if the people who ran halls had change the message 'you make friends' to 'you have serious amounts of sex' I think I'd have signed up for Halls 😥
Thankfully there were La Salles just around the corner to help out 
Yes typically it's £300 - £400 a month, I think my uni accom in my final semester was £350 a month for a tiny room. Before that £400 got me a double bed in a medium sized room. It's worse in London, I think my friend was paying close to £6k a year and her loan was around £5k, though her parents paid for that and gave her £400 a month for food. I was the only person in my house who didn't get an allowence and my accom paid.
and she is developing emotionally
I think that says it all...
Yes typically it's £300 - £400 a month
😯
I don't think I'd have gone to Uni now. I think we paid £25 a week in a shared house.
Saying this alot of the students going to 'Uni''s' now are wasting their money on most courses.
They will be sports science media studies and art based courses then,the modern replacement for looking out of a window all day(sociology in the 70s)
