[Closed] "You're weird ..." and "You're obsessed with your bike and riding ..."

Thin end of the wedge that, I'd suggest that you could devote your time to installing a new patio with some room beneath for a complaining missus.

have my fun (group or solo)

So wrong in many ways

do you have kids?

Keep ignoring the comments and it will go 4 ways

1, She'll get used to it and stop the comments
2, Get more and more pissed off and moan more to try and stop you riding
3, Get her own hobby and be happy then for you to have yours
4, Find herself another fella who she can control to do whatever she wants

My ex took option 4........... happy days, someone elses problem now as she's still the same!!

Disguise your intention of going biking by saying you're off out to see your mistress?

Get a new mrs...
I'm lucky, mine puts up with my obsession and actually tries to keep up!
[IMG] [/IMG]

Green eyes, baby's got green eyes.

Time to get rid i'd say.
When you get your replacement, don't get one thats interested in bikes either, she'll only want to come with you 😯

Is it any wonder girls only understand one thing [url= http://www.weebls-stuff.com/wab/shoes/ ]This[/url]

Just point out that many bloes spend just as long, (and longer) and just as much money in the pub and on beer. Ask if she wants a fat alcoholic husband or a fit healthy one? 😀

Hopes LGB doesnt see this pic and notice i've nicked the pace forks of the Mrs On one and stuck them on my DB.... 😳

My Mrs has 2 horses so she is gonna lose any argument about time/money consuming obsessions

Looks like she wants to spend more time with you and is missing you at times, . . that's not always such a bad thing?

Thin end of the wedge indeed. Her resentment will develop as time goes on.

Either back down and let her control you, or continue doing what you want and let her know in no uncertain terms that all her moaning won't change who you are.

Unless you have kids that you never see and she actually has a point.

I am very lucky that my good lady doesn't mind how much time I spend with my bike, I would hate her to get into it though as then she would know how much things actually cost!!! *AHEM*

yes for the sake of a relationiship you should NEVER compromise and spend time with her. Instead you should ignore her and complain to a bunch of fat single men who only have three hobbies
Bikes , mysogyny and onanism
They of course only know what the first one means.
[b]Have you thought about discussing this with her rather than us ...I know this is a radical aprroach but I beleive that communicating with your partner can often be succesful[/b]

with me it started with cars, fixing, rallying, autotesting etc. Then it was badminton followed by squash(7 days/w). Then I got into teaching swimming+cars+squash.
Nowadays it is mostly "just" biking and a bit of gym.
Still together and still getting the "not again" remarks after 30 odd years.

She is clearly a mentalist!!!!

Mine says exactly the same. I feel your pain!

Kids - our first is on the way, ETA Sep 1st. I understand this could be part of her newly adopted attitude - fair enough. She also understands I want to get more miles in now because our whole routine is going to change - and she knows I'll still want to go out but not as often.

I know a couple of guys who's partners also ride - they both say it's a nightmare because they can't get away from them. I guess it depends how much time you want to spend together/apart.

I don't ignore her comments - I reason with her for a minute or so and then just go out. She doesn't get ar5ey, she just seems to get herself a bit wound up when I want to go out for 4hrs+.

@PP: I spent most of my formative years down the pub so I don't "need" to do it these days. She's well aware I could be wasting time and money elsewhere.

@Junkyard: I'm not airing this here because it's an issue. I'm just mentioning it because lots of us have s/o's with different attitudes, hence just wondering out of curiosity ...

They of course only know what the first one means.

You must be special then, because you're supercilious and invidious as well.

My wife is mostly OK with it though does say that I'm more interested in bikes than her - probably true. I made it clear before we married that this is what I do and if that's a problem then she has her options.

But she understands I don't spend much time in pubs or drink too much and thinks it unlikely I'll get bored and look for another woman so she seems happy really; she has a baby now so pretty busy herself these days....

she may be thinking your having an affair.it happened to my mate .

My girlfriend has her stuff she does, I have my stuff I do.

Perhaps she's just got the monk on because she's pregnant and less able to do what she likes?

Hmmm I didn't even mention going out in the last three months of my other half's pregnancy.. I figured that with all the changes she was having to go through.. and all the changes we were both about to go through.. the best thing I could do was man up and start getting used to having completely different priorities..

This paid off well in the long run.. cos of how grateful she was for my unwavering support.. and once the post-natal psychosis and depression eased off after the first seven months of our sons life she was totally at one with my need to get some space for a good few hours each week..

EDIT: massive hormonal changes (in both parents scientists have recently proved) during pregnacy can also lead to some quite pronounced personality changes..

OP see the warning signs and start talking/emphasising and listening to your other half now.

Dont become a typical self-obsessed singleton who hides from discussion and listening.

Your summing up the majority of women arnt you?
Me and my ex split because I dont think she could hack me going out and having fun without her with my own hobby, tried to get her into it but she didnt enjoy it, pretended to kinda.

find her a hobby and it will help you no end.

my mates wife does the same treatment as mine did when he's out on his bike, im not sure what it is but its certainly a common thread.

Why does she (I assume) devote so much time watching shite soaps, reading magazines that bitch about celebs etc?

I am very lucky that my good lady doesn't mind how much time I spend with my bike, I would hate her to get into it though as then she would know how much things actually cost!!! *AHEM*

Mine doesn't object to the odd couple of hours here & there, as it's time I might otherwise have spent at the gym. She does have a bit of a go when I go off on an all-day epic though, especially when eg. the shower needs regrouting.

I really don't want her to explore the actual cost of things - she thinks my (still bargain-tastic) £300 Crossmax SLRs were £100...

Andy

Ask her how many hours a week she spends watching the bloody television.

🙄 😐

I'm not obsessed - I just [s]like being out on my bike[/s] don't like spending time with her - simples.

corrected that for you 😈

Its all about balance. Obsessing too much over one hobby that starts to take over your life isn't healthy full stop. Its alittle autistic in a way.

Balance- I have circa 6hours a week to ride and I make up for it by having a great time the rest of the week with my missus 🙂

MTFU and do what want when you want! No woman finds a doormat attractive, even tho they say and think its what they want!
When i first met the wife and took her back to mine, i think the kitchen full of motorbikes, xc hardtail,2 bmx's, an all mountain teocali and a snap on three box roll cab kinda gave the game away!

I know she developed an interest in mtb to have a common interest(she was already in to motorbikes so that was half the battle) and in return i support her in any interest she develops, but if its a girlie thing, she fully expects me not to take part

What you need is one of these:

[img] [/img]

The rare 'MTBing Wife', i was one of the lucky ones to catch such a rarity 😀

she has a baby now so pretty busy herself these days....

How kind of you to give her a hobby - where did she get it from ?

my mates wife does the same treatment as mine did when he's out on his bike, im not sure what it is but its certainly a common thread

LOL @Zulu-Eleven

@Scienceoffice et al: she hardly watches TV - neither of us do really.

@hora: we're pretty cool in the listening/talking dept - but I get your gist.

@EVERYONE: I'm cool with her "attitude" and I don't have a problem with it. I think it's a combination of:

> latter stages of pregnancy
> she wants everything to be sorted ready for the new arrival (believe me, I (indeed, we) have done loads on this front recently
> there's been loads of sport on lately (WC, Wimbledon, Golf, TdF, etc) and she doesn't really get sport and she think it's obsessive

She's usually totally cool when I get back - it's just the pre-ride bit she stresses out.

More important than sharing a hobby is actually finding someone you are attracted to, like being with and get on with. Bonus if you share a hobby but its a hardly a key requirement.

she has a baby now so pretty busy herself these days....

I hope no one from mumsnet is reading this.

If she is expecting then you are probably being a bit selfish. Pregnancy is quite draining and I assume that she is quite keen to have you around to help out with household stuff, preparing baby related things and just be there if she needs you all that etc.

Kids have a way of impacting on your time that you can't really prepare for.

I'd suggest that you ride really early AM I often head off around 6.30- 7 am back at 10-11 ish and then you have the rest of your day maybe do a night a week.

Bibbbl

Pop psychology here but at a guess. She is pregnant, probably very nervous, hormones are upsetting her, anything and everything is a threat. Reassurances and warnings / planning if possible when you go out may smooth the road.

Being pregnant was a vital piece of infomation you missed out there!

Do the right thing.

@joolsburger and TheBrick: I agree it's most likely the pregnancy vibe, particularly with her only have a few weeks to go. I guess this is something that us blokes can never fully appreciated. So I think I'll have a chat with her from a couple of different angles this week to offer more support and reassurance.

Hard to say for sure without knowing you both but this late pregnancy thing isn't uncommon and quite possibly is subconsciously concern in case things kick off and you're miles away which isn't unreasonable. Not to mention that she's quite possibly feeling a bit bored, etc while not being particulary mobile/feeling great so you being away for several hours at a time isn't great.

For me, I just cut back my rides myself - down to 2-3 hrs and more local than before. In some ways it's good prep for when the baby's born, depending on how yours is - ours was pretty exhausting, some are less so - and if I'd been going out for hours regularly in the early months, I think she'd have quite justifiably lynched me...

You haven't said how frequently you go out on a ride? Every weekend?

Riding a bicycle should be lower down your priorities at the moment IMO. Im not preaching or being condescending.

Talking from experience. 🙂

yep! same as OP, women dont understand it, and when in the company of a mate who rides also, his missus and mine are constantly on at us, and whining to each other!

we just switch off as its not gonna stop us going and just let them moan at each other all night about us, it seems its part and parcel of cycling in general 🙁

I think I may have to preach

You're gonna be a Dad - sort yourself out!

To the rest of you moaning/whinging and whining about your lovely ladies either:

MTFU

Get a new model

Or

STFU

I get so fed up with this nonsense......trust me, it works both ways. Men can be just as domineering with when/where and how you are allowed to spend your free time. It comes down to successful negotiation. If you can't manage that you either need to find someone with whom you can form a proper relationship OR you need to take a good hard look at your own communicating skills.

*waits for torrent of testosterone fuelled feedback*

Oh, and U31 - you're a very naughty boy *wags finger* 😉

Make sure you tell her her hormones aren't your problem as you go out the door.

On a serious note, I've developed a habit of doing 3 things:

1) Try and make the most of any time when she's out doing anything to get the biking in then where possible.
2) Try and always tell her you'll be back about 2 hours later than you expect, thus surprising her when you get back 10 minutes earlier than that.
3) Make sure she knows and understands you like getting out and about, staying fit and healthy and being in the countryside - i.e. understands that it's not just some masochistic exercise thing.

Good luck - hope no one's said the above cos I couldn't be bothered reading everything! 🙂

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

OP- I get round the weekly issue of riding by starting most of my rides at 7.30-8am. Back intime for family. I used to think people were wierd doing this. Now it makes alot of sense.

lol Jo, is that the swiping her forks, or somethin' else i said.... :p

If I were you I'd tell her you'll go out much earlier so you can be back in time to spend the day with her, make sure you're sure to have a mobile and be where you can get a signal and reassure her that when the baby comes you'll cut down on the riding for a while so she need not worry.

I've got two of my own and my wife is very keen on my riding as it helps keep me fitter than without but kids have to take the priority time wise.

OK so I'm gonna get flamed for this but here goes...

Being pregnant is pretty shitty. You're fat. You feel hideous. The mirror tells you you look hideous. You feel like an whale/elephant. Your hormones are all over the place. Black is white and white is black. Your brain feels like it's becoming mush. You're hot. You're tired and boy are you grumpy. And you feel unlovable.

Spacemonkey - sorry but it's time to put the bike down for a few weeks and concentrate on the lady YOU got pregnant!

Right - if anyone wants to flame me I'm over at the stadium riding my hardtail...

@corroded: about 6-10hrs/week (2-3 rides inc the big one on the w/end)

@clubber and hora: agreed.

@littlegirlbunny: I'll have you know I am in no way domineering about what she does and with whom. Neither of us have an issue with attachment/jealousy/attention/etc. It's only the last few weeks where she's got a bit ranty at the amount of time I spend riding.

@philjunior: 1) I do when I can, 2) she'd go mental if I said "See you in 6 hours"!, 3) she understands why I do it - for the reasons you say

I'm seeing this a bit more from her side. I guess I am being a touch selfish in terms of riding time, especially at the weekend (even when I've got all my/our other jobs done). Will definitely have a chat and a re-think.

Cheers all

possibly is subconsciously concern in case things kick off and you're miles away

This was absolutely one of my other half's concerns..

FWIW, I [b]was[/b] out riding when things kicked off but we'd just got back from hospital and they said that they'd induce the next day so Mrs Clubber suggested that I go out for a spin while I could...

I raced home when I got the call (only took 20mins as I was staying local) but I really shouldn't have - I was as tired as her afterwards (OK, not really but I really was pretty knackered...) 🙂

Good luck though!

Oh and

4) Make sure you have some time when you're just enjoying time together - not doing all the stuff that doubtless needs to be done at some point.

@hora, unfortunately I can't ride that early - I'm at my desk (upstairs 😀 ) by 7:00-7:30. Hence I tend to wrap up around 4:30-5:30 and head out. My natural weekday instinct is to get my work sorted first and foremost.

@joolsburger: I've tried the early Sat/Sun riding but get the same response. I think it's just the fact that I'm out/away for that period of time regardless. I'll reassure her again that I'll cut right back once the little fella appears.

@carriegold: that's a pretty good description.

How many evenings a week do you ride and how many times on a weekend?

One or two 2-3:30hr weekday evenings, and then a 3-5hr session at the weekend.

EDIT: the thing is that when you look at the amount of time you spend on a hobby, e.g. let's say 8-12hrs/week, you can pretty much equate it to one- to one-and-a-half working days. No wonder it doesn't go un-noticed and we have to find a way to fit everything in.

Twice at the weekend for me. Or one Weekend and one weekday. With a newborn its too tiring (and lonely) as most mums can spend all day alone.

Shes probably thinking ahead and worrying.

You could also mix it up and do two 1hr road rides straight after work? minimal impact and an intense workout still?

She doesn't have an issue with the weekday/shorter rides.

In a way, her issue is partly to do with the fact she think I'm obsessed with trying to do more miles, hence going out for longer. She tends to feel I'm too competitive generally anyway - although my argument is that I like to get better at "stuff."

Dude, you aint got it so bad believe me....i had a nipper 8 years ago and had to forego loads of my self indulgant hobbies then just when I was getting some time back we had a second nipper, now the cycle starts all over again, and i'm not getting any younger.
She constantly moans about even a couple of hours a month let alone each week and has even started complaining about me cycling to work and back as it means i'm back half hour later than if i drove,...i try the discussion approach and just get shot down in a tyrade of overwhelming counter arguments....but i'm not bitter..

if you are about to have a baby, i think that you are going the wrong way with your training levels.

IMO you should be starting to cut back so that you do not experience such a big crash. Exercise and mental health are closely linked and if you have to STOP cycling and START being a father full time you may suffer.

Suggest you try to cut back to to a few hours one day a week, now, and hope you can maintain that level happily both before and after the kid is born.

SOOBalias +1. That makes alot of sense.

Since when did being a father become a reason to not to do anything!!

A baby has no interest in its father, get the riding now, you can spend time with the kids when their older(and more intresting).

However to keep the piece at home I suggest you steal only half the time from there, the rest you bunk from work.

Good Luck, and keep on riding.

if you are about to have a baby, i think that you are going the wrong way with your training levels.

IMO you should be starting to cut back so that you do not experience such a big crash. Exercise and mental health are closely linked and if you have to STOP cycling and START being a father full time you may suffer.

Suggest you try to cut back to to a few hours one day a week, now, and hope you can maintain that level happily both before and after the kid is born.

I reckon you've a good point there - and not one I expected to hear. I can get "irritable" if I don't run or cycle anyway, so who knows how much of an ar5e I might turn into post-arrival.

When I saw the header of this post I was going to weigh in on the OP's side because I got loads of flak from my last two boyfriends about being obsessed blah blah blah. Frankly, it was to do with their insecurity issues and inability to be alone/amuse themselves, plus some widespread puritannical hangover that we mustn't have a nice time. Knickers to that I say!

HOWEVER, she is pregnant. When you're pregnant everything changes, it's horrible. So please try to cut her some slack.

Then again, life shouldn't have to stop completely, and you will have to make sure a precedent is not being set now, hopefully you will be able to negotiate some bike time and increase it once your child arrives.

I knew a triathlete who used to take her baby on the bike with her (she said it was great training!). Probably not newborn tho.

Yes when my missus was heavily pregnant I learn not to disagree with her... 😆

I think you still need your "shed" time - we are men after all. But maybe cut back a bit and spend that time reassuring her.

"onanism" - I had to look this up!

"onanism" - I had to look this up!

Via Google with safe search off, I hope! 😛

My wife had me tannoyed at work once so I would phone her up so she could start an argument when she was pregnant. 😉

If I was expecting delivery of the thing I wanted most in the entire world, like a DB9 or something, I'd be really excited, I wouldn't be in a bad mood all the time.

Tsk, women eh?

It's the natural order of things, I'm afraid.

Your own life is now over and your only remaining purpose is to provide for and raise your family.

Get used to it until your next life.

You do believe in reincarnation, don't you?

samuri - Member
If I was expecting delivery of the thing I wanted most in the entire world, like a DB9 or something, I'd be really excited, I wouldn't be in a bad mood all the time.

😆

What you need is a wife with a more expensive and/or time-consuming hobby than biking - mine has horses.

Basically its £100 per week to point into a field and say 'thats mine', and that is before all other 'minor' costs, such as buying, vets, blacksmiths, gear, entry fees, travelling etc etc.

Nothing in mtb-ing comes close, not even my Ti/XTR habits.

Learn a new word [b]compromise [/b]also how to plead and look sorry for yourself helps, also plan ahead, your life will change when baby comes along so except that biking will be a now & again thing for the next couple of years, however she will never understand your passion especially if you hurt yourself coming off. 😕

Forget the psychology, what's needed is a tandem and sidecar...

Take her with you.

If you think its bad now, wait till the kid comes, you will not get a lot of riding in compared to what you are used to. Adapt though, I run a lot when they (we had twins) are in bed and got a trailer for the bike, but the days of 2 day epics or weeks away in the alps are very few and far between