Mine, several yrs ago spinning up the road climb of Blackstone Edge on my then mtb hardtail in the lowest granny gear & an old chap 70+ came alongside on an ancient steel tourer & proceeded to humiliate me further by chatting pleasantly as he slowed down to chat as i panted, puffed & gurned up the hill.
I learnt that day its not what bike & its definitely not the age of the rider that counts but the time in the saddle!
Same hill but on the off road climb up to the white house about two years ago. My mate and I were passed by a runner who also chatted as he jogged alongside before sprinting ahead. We remarked how we'd catch him on the flat bit that goes over towards the edge itself, or on the descent down the other side, which he was also doing.
We didn't. 😀
Went OTB outside my girls' school on the way to pick them up. Chain slipped on worn chain ring and I ended up in a heap in the middle of the road 😳
On my first visit to glentress, I was passed on the climb up the blue by a small child on a 16 inch bmx
Haha, yes ive had similar but over by the transmitter on windy hill - those fell runners can really shift over rough ground!
Once carrying my bike up a very steep section of BW above Peckett Well & a fell runner loomed out of the icy fog, looked at my bike & said " i used to do that, but its like carrying your own cross" then ran off through the snow wearing only a vest & shorts!
Crikey you must of been going slow if you had time to measure his frame 😀
Riding my old muddy fox in the early 90s. Bunny hopped off the pavement and intended to perform a massive rear wheel skid in front of my mates and a group of swooning girls, the plan being to scare my mates and impress the girls.
Overcooked it, and never really recovered from the bunny hop - pogo sticked it for what seemed like ages and then shot over the bars and headbutted one of the girls on her chin, laying her spark out. Also managed to knock two of her mates over.
The crash, to me, seemed to take ages and be in slow motion, but in reality was just some stoned lanky teenager riding a bike full pelt into a crowd of people, with bodies flying everywhere.
Felt like a right ****. My mates loved it.
I've mentioned it before, but OTB and into the sea.
Many years ago, after a late night in the Rubaiyat pub in Glasgow, I was biking home in the small hours and, as I approached some traffic lights, they went red. I noticed two Plod standing on the corner so I drew smoothly to a halt at the white line and felt so pleased with myself I didn't bother putting a foot down. When I opened my eyes, lying on my back in the road, they were both looking down at me and advised me politely to walk the rest of the way home.
I once got overtaken near the top of a long hill just starting to level out by a very fat middle aged man (even fatter and more middle aged than me) in an all in one white Lycra out fit that left not a lot to the imagination complete with old school cycle cap riding a cheap looking hybrid one handed.
And to add insult to injury I realised the reason why he was riding one handed was because he was puffing away on a newly light cigarette that he must have not long lit once he relised he was over the worst of the climb.
Overtaken by old people who are clearly in good shape I can handle but being overtaken by fat ****ers pees me off. 😀
Tree branch into one of the vents on my helmet left me hanging from helmet strap, feet still clipped in and hands ripped off bars. Was unable to do anything but hang there for 5 or so secs, until the branch snapped.
All in front of a group of walkers eating their lunch.
On one of my first practice rides with spd's crossed the road during rush hour stopped in on the island in the middle of the road. Forgot about the pedals and did a slow motion fall, much to the amusement of the stationary traffic. Others spd fails include seeing if I could unclip when I turn my foot in towards the bike, resulting in my foot catching under the rear stay and me going OTBs on the quiet cycle path .
Cycled into the back of a bus because I was too busy checking how cool my reflection looked in a shop window...
If we can include motorbikes ,its stalling and dropping my Triumph Bonneville pulling away from the local bikers pub.
I was popping home to get a young lady a crash helmet so I could give her a lift.
Made certain I returned on my Kawasaki.
I once got overtaken on the climb at Cwmcarn by a woman running...
...who looked to be about 8 months pregnant!
Adjusting one's sunglasses mid-jump. Two female recreational cyclists were forced to avoid my cartwheeling bike and flailing body
Also one time on Cannock's original Evil Root 2. Small group of lads sessioning it, i ride up in 'watch this' mode and in one fluid motion snag my shorts on the gear shifter and go OTB
And on High Voltage one evening another group of lads videoing themselves on the three little jumps yours truly approaches much faster than usual to show them how it's done, lands awkwardly on the second jump and completely fouls up the third before hugging a nearby tree
More Cannock on the final section before the rollers there's a little rock ramp with a short alternative route around it. Lad in front has moved aside so as he starts to go around I hit the ramp really hard and go straight over the trail into the undergrowth
I won't mention the school children or the frozen fireroad or the lost key or the broken root or the wobbly rock
Fifteen years old on my Brothers old Raleigh Racer. [s]Drooling[/s] Looking at a few girls at the Bus Shelter opposite and failed to see the large parked car in front of me. Smashed straight into into it and bent the fork along with my pride. I'll never forget the howls of laughter and my humiliation that day.
Cycling through Liverpool city centre on my folder, 20" wheels with skinny tyres. Unknowingly rode over a grid which just so happened to have slats the perfect size for my front wheel to go straight in and send me over the bars flat on my face in front of loads of shoppers. To make matters worse took me 30 seconds to untangle myself from the bike. Ended up very sore and probably illicited much mirth.
Asked to leave a cafe in Conwy because my see through shorts were 'upsetting the other customers'.
To be fair, Mrs S had warned me about them several times before, but I thought she was exaggerating.
She wasn't.
Slow motion SPD topple at the traffic lights in the middle of Wallingford.........
Ha - exactly that ^ ...
At the head of a traffic queue on a red light, clipped in, and trackstanding. The lights took a bit longer to change than I'd expected, I lost confidence in holding the trackstand any longer, wobbled, panic'd, then completely failed to unclip and we ever-so-slowly went over sideways into the road, blocking it to traffic pretty much at the [i]exact[/i] moment the lights to changed to green.
Asked to leave a cafe in Conwy because my see through shorts were 'upsetting the other customers'.
To be fair, Mrs S had warned me about them several times before, but I thought she was exaggerating.
Was putting them off their sausages.
I'm humiliated so often on the bike I've given up caring.
[b]Rusty Spanner[/b] sounds like you dropped a right bollock in there! Haha.
Some of these had me chuckling 😀
I was 16 and out on my Suzuki AP50 - drop bars, loud pipe (like a bee in a jar looking back)
I was in slow, crawling traffic going through town.
Oh yes, the 2 birds coming towards knew i was the man and i gave them both the eye ... right before i did a spectacular endo on the car in front which had stopped.
I quickly got myself together steered round the car, called him an arxxhole (for doing nothing wrong) and disappeared in a cloud of 2 stroke haze.
What a tool.
It was the rear aspect which was proving offensive, I believe. 😀
They were the ancient pair I used to save for use under baggies.
Then I stopped wearing baggies.........
Post beer festival with a gang from work I did a superb track stand and looked behind me and then went fast on my back. They do like to mention it at work...
When I was a kid, start gate at BMX racing, gate failed to open.
At least I wasn't alone in face planting... 😳
Forgot to tighten nutted axle on single speed, waiting in front of bus at lights, lights change and stomping on pedals ejects back wheel and I end up in heap over the bars. Lots of mirth on bus. 😳
On a night ride at Bedgebury, with a big group of mates, I charged into a section in full "Strava - follow me!!" mode. After about 3 metres, rode into a tree, and ended up in the bushes ! 😳
first ever try of spd pedals (that i had fitted myself/shoe cleats).clipped in and rode to the end of the street. t junction to main road.
stopped,tried to get my feet out of pedals,couldn't. fell sideways onto pavement 😯
Riding along the local canal with my old terrier alongside, another cyclist caught me up and we proceeded along together.
I have a broken ankle which causes me to be unable to unclip occasionally, I then slipped down the embankment and nearly into the canal embarrassing enough but about a mile further on a dog attacks my dog, I turn around to sort them out and fall straight into the canal!
Not a good day having to ride home soaked through, shower and then take my dog to the vets!
Popping a wheelie in the Marin Trail car park, flipping over backwards and landing hard, I was lying there thinking I hope that's mud underneath my shorts as otherwise I have just shat myself. Did the trail afterwards but I my Coccyx was in agony for weeks after.
Nice little jump at the bottom of one of the smaller Malvern hills that I'd been sessioning a few times, building up speed, when I thought I'd got the speed right. Landed about 10 yards after the jump, onto the front wheel. Managed to roll, endo style for a few yards before the back end came up over the top of me. Ended up in a big, dusty, heap as a group of school kids came round the lower path...
Was a run, not ride but hope it still counts. I was entered in a 5 mile race, just happened to be day after my 18th birthday party, from which I awoke in the bath. Though feeling like a dog, started the race and felt OK for half a mile or so, then didn't feel great at all. Finished a few places short of last out of a field of nearly 500 and was overtaken by a really fat, slow lady up the last hill. I am a fair bit older now, and the memory is still ingrained.
Bikewise, was probably an off resulting in my tackle needing urgent stitching and all that entailed.
Late 90's Wimbledon High Street, new to SPD's had just bought shoes and pedals. I keeled over very very slowly in front of about 60 schoolkids who were waiting for the bus to to go home. On quiet nights I still hear them laughing.
I was in a race where they set off a "slow" group ahead of the "fast " group . Going up a track cut into the side of a hill I caught a few slower riders who didn't move aside for me so I had to get off and walk behind while letting them know I wasn't happy .Eventually they let me through and I jumped onto my bike and rode straight off the edge of the track and ended up about 40 feet down tangled in a load of undergrowth .
There's a couple that spring to mind. Long time ago I rode with clips and straps, often with the straps one up very tightly. Cycling along a canal bank we came across some workmen who were working on the tow path. I cycled on to the new surface they were laying without realising it would be so soft that I would grind to a halt. When I stopped I couldn't pull my feet out of the straps and toppled over (slowly) in front of a couple of workmen. They found it quite hard to supress their giggles.
More recently I decided to cycle through a stagnant pool of rotting vegetation in the middle of the track (knowing that it has paving slabs at the bottom of it). Rubber on slimy paving slabs don't mix so I ended up sideways, very quickly, and was covered from head to toe in stinking slime. They made me lie in the back of the van on the way home from that one!
Tried to put a foot down on the downhill side of a river bank, while staying in the saddle, and going just beyond the balance point. At least I managed to leave the bike on the bank while diving headfirst into the river. With an audience, of course (including my girlfriend, now wife).
A poor second to that, nonchalantly leaning on a wall with both feet tied up in toeclips and straps. Cue slow overbalancing and lying on the ground trying to untie myself, this was in front of several hundreds.
Just riding along on a wide path next to my mate at about 10kph chatting away when my front wheel hit a bit of mud at the side and to prevent me from t-boning him grabed a load of front brake and went right over the bars proper style and landed in the middle of the path. He carried on as he didn't see it happen (I was behind him by the time it happened) and asked what the loud thud was he heard.
Went camping with some friends to the new forest and decided to put on some new time attack cleats while there. Went for a spin round the campsite and as I came to a stop I couldn't clip out and promptly fell flat on my arse still attached to the bike in front of all my non biking friends and other campers who pissed themselves laughing! Turns out I had put the cleats on back to front but could clip in but not out!
Go so drunk at a leaving doo I tried to cycle home.... Woke up in hospital the next morning, the nurse (my best mates wife!!) told me an off duty copper found me still clipped into my pedals just laying in the path at about 2am and had to get an ambulance as I couldn't be woken.
Few years later I got similarly smashed on Xmas eve and cycled home... Fell off but no real harm. On the 4th jan first day back the md called me in and showed me a vid from the CCTV... Me climbing over the gate at work and retrieving my bike from the shed then chucking it back over the gate and riding away. Off site security were called and so was he.
I think he actually called me a ****.
Fell off the skinny on the north face downhill to the visitor centre, somehow managed to jam myself underneath it and had to be dragged free by my feet by cousin dan bob.
Otb on the jumps at western park in Leicester in front of a family walking their dog. Had to ride home with my knee pissing blood and a mild concussion. I now wear pads 😆
[url= http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm ]Not me obviously[/url]
Lost the front at the bottom of Beacon Hill in the Downs and ended up on the farmers field rolling in cow shite..
At 2012 Bristol Bikefest - that stupid ****ting bmx jump on the finish straight, in front of about 200 people. I had in mind:
[img] https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQXjcohtE3GOkCTJnS8cU2PhMSEnQDXmz3JoPkA0suRmLTGcZzrplYVwgo [/img]
The reality was:
[img] https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSvzsDd6KSCBwFmtq-Ll0WS1urRfL6iDZXm2pSPn1_UHgi-BCsh2KrlETLG [/img]
The worst thing was everyone trying to high five me after I'd picked myself up - but I'd achieved a grade 2/3 shoulder separation and was in agony.
I once rode a Trek when i though no one would see me.
Turns out I was wrong.
Ohh the shame. 😳 😀
riding down a trail in the lakes (I forget where - near keswick somewhere I think.)
Somehow plant my wheel in a pot hole, rather than go head over the bars somehow one leg goes over instead. I pitch forward, the forks decompress and the the bike tries then throw itself and my other leg over my back. My momentum and the gradient conspire to then make me hop along, head down, bike in the air. And I can't stop.
Non of the elderly walkers further down the track are aware of this because the all have their backs to me. Until involuntarily yell. '******* shit jesus!'
.
,
On another occasion - clambering over a tall stile with bike on shoulder, the woodwork all gets a bit wobbly at the top so I decide to throw the bike to safety in a bush. Saddle rails, it turns out, are a prefect fit for the clips that hold the drink hose on my backpack. So the bike doesn't reach the bush and neither do I.
On the final day of a week with Riviera Bike we were joined by a group of French downhillers. Intent on preserving British honour, I set off from the top of the first run like a bat out of hell, and on approaching a tree that had fallen diagonally across the trail, I thought that I could easily fit beneath it if I crouched down over the bars, which I did manage to do. Unfortunately the elastocated mesh on my camelback didn't, and as it snagged on the stump of a branch everything went into slow motion, as I initially parted company with the bike, only to be shot backwards through the air, rotating helplessly before slamming back into the tree.
I gave up trying to pretend to be a riding god after that incident. 😳
Mine was bird spotting and riding at the time. Tow path with family going no more than 5 miles an hour out of the bushes there is flash of electric blue and orange "look a king fisher" one cue my family turn along with a barge full of student types to see me go over bars and rip the arse out of my shorts . Still not every day you see a king fisher .
Running one of our newbie-to-the-Alps weeks. We were going to do an intro-to-bikepark day. My gear cable had snapped while riding to the lift, so I'd gone into the shop to grab a new one. Iona had taken the group on up the hill and was doing a lesson on manuals prior to hitting the drops in the bike park. I caught up just as she was about to demo how to manual, so she says "OK, Stevo will show you!".
I came in with a bit of speed, thought I'd better make it look good, and for the first (and still only) time in my life popped a huge manual that probably looked awesome right up until the moment where I manualed myself right off the back of the bike.
The worst thing was it really, really hurt (jarred all the way up my spine) but I had to do the jump-up-I'm-fine-wasn't-that-a-laugh thing!
I rolled across the finish line, victorious. Whipped helmet off to take the acclaim, jammed strap in spokes, OTB, fractured skull.
Fell off in Inners car park once, right in front of the DH uplift guys. 😳
The 1st time I rode into a parked car on a climb the owner (in the car, just about to set-off) could hardly believe I was sprawled across his bonnet 😳
The 2nd time, I had to interrupt a kendo lesson to find the owner to apologise for the minor damage; far from hitting me with his stick he looked at me like I was a loon and questioned how I'd managed to do that going up a hill 
Last week, a steep, rutted, wet and slippery descent about 18-20 metres in length, I couldn't for the life of me get down it without sliding off, unlike everyone else who achieved it.
On the umpteenth attempt I gave up and threw my bike down in anger, only for it to stay upright all the way down and come to a nice sedate stop against a tree at the end....in full view of everyone else.
Outside Hatton Cross tube I pulled up to the lights in rush hour. As I was stopping I heard a lorry behind me, turned around to check and fell flat on my face, clipped in. Lorry driver thought he'd hit me, put his hazards on and jumped out of the cab shouting for someone to come quickly with a phone to call an ambulance. He saw the funny side though.
Approached a ford, plenty of warning signs about cyclists falling off
Good knobbly tyres, should be no problem, I thought
Finished the ride with a bleeding knee and green slime-coated side
Sessioning the hope line at gisburn in mid winter with mates, a group of 10 "novice" riders turn up watching me, so the speed and the air increase until a point when I arrived at the bottom section going so fast I couldn't stop. My head tells me to jump over the left hand berm at the end but what happened in reality was I took off over the berm and landed front wheel first into a deep frozen muddy pool that stopped my front wheel dead sending me on my head unconscious in a heap to the groups feet. Broken ribs / headache and a few days off work and the sound of the groups laughter still makes me cringe now.
Stewartc - that is brilliant, wish i'd seen that!
Took a crap line across a sea of wet roots in a corner during Garbo DH practice and had a really stupid crash that lasted forever right in front of Stevie Smith and Nick Beer.
No doubt about it that they thought 'what is this idiot doing?'
Rode the W2W at Afan in best ever time, so feeling ace rolled into the cafe at Afan. Didn't notice a tiny manhole cover lip and stacked it in front of everyone sitting at the cafe and mashed up my knee (knee pads were in the car where I'd forgotten to put them on). Couldn't ride for a week from the pain Doh.
Not me but still memorable. Standing at the start of a full field 80rider road race and the legendary Keith Butler (Surrey League) is giving us the talk. One guy in the front (complete knob) holding his bike, raises the handlebars slightly. His - not done up wheel - rolls out of the forks and 79 riders look on mesmerised as it rolls to Keith Butler who catches it without blinking or breaking the race talk. Then finishes the talk by suggesting that everyone tries using 2 wheels.
Back in my yoof I was out on my old Raleigh bike thinking I was the nuts, tried to do a jump off a speed bump in the local car park and binned it in front of some bloke and his kids. They were trying so hard not to laugh.
I worked a summer season in Alp D'Huez 10 years ago. I got a hire bike and thought I could be so cool riding down the steps outside the hire shop (only 3 of them) and went OTB landing in a heap at the side of the road in front of a very large crowd of people.
I ride 3x9 on 26" wheels in 2014. #so-red-face
(1) Aged 14. Brand new road bike. Go past bus stop with 6 girls. "PHWOOOOR!" shouts one girl. I turn and smile. "Nice bike!" she says. Cue fits of laughter.
(2) New to SPDs. Family holiday. Half a bottle of wine. Trip to the local pub. Decide to film journey on iPhone. Downhill on narrow lane. Notice tractor round corner at last minute. Brake with remaining hand. OTB, clipped in, get up… not a scratch. Cue farmer saying to my wife and daughter "He… he… just went over… he should be dead… he's not even scratched!"
Few weeks ago did the red kite gravity enduro, during one of the transitions was a river crossing with a kinda bridge constructed from logs - it was genuinely easier to ride through the river. Anyway, group of guys on the bridge so my mate rides through the river. I thought I'd be a bit cocky and go for a deeper part... Next thing I know my front wheel drops into a big hole and I'm lay on my back in the river. It was pretty funny tbf...
failed descent of a small flight of steps in the Malverns and I ended bouncing down the steps and then crashing onto the pavement next to an old dear waiting for the bus, she was genuinely concerned and came over to help and ask if I was ok, picked myself up, thanked her and slowly went on my way, when we went to the pub next door for lunch I was bleeding so badly from one knee that another customer(nurse)came over and started doing first aid
There a few for me...
When I was 14 I went to Germany with my uncle, aunt and sister to stay with relatives and my uncle and I insisted in taking our bikes because we weren't to far from some mountains. We planned a big ride but the night before the Germans introduced me to the joys of very strong Polish vodka. I was absolutely battered andffelt so sick that I slept in the bathroom floor to be near the toilet in case the worst happened. After a few hours if very bad sleep it was time to get up. I managed to force a banana and a glass of OJ down and didn't feel too bad. Half way up a steady climb I was blowing out of my behind and had to stop. I promptly threw up chunks of banana all over the trail just as some German ladies cheerfully spun last and said good morning. I felt likes proper fit. My uncle never let me forget.
When I was doing my A Levels I took design and tech and decided to try and build a bike frame for my final project so I enlisted a mate to get some action shots. First jump I decided to try and send it..overshot the landing, onto my face and broke both my brake levers. My ex-girlfriends mum had to come and pick me up.
Not bike related, but I was at the Milton Keynes indoor ski slope and mucking about on the rail. Got cocky, flew onto it nearly got to the end and somehow my board slipped out and I landed on my ribs. I remember lying on the floor unable to breathe having winded myself and having people ask if I was ok. Again felt like a tot and never lived it down.
Stuck in a an electric fence, getting electrocuted every 5 seconds when it pulsed
rolled across the finish line, victorious. Whipped helmet off to take the acclaim, jammed strap in spokes, OTB, fractured skull.
This is incredible.
Stuck in a an electric fence, getting electrocuted every 5 seconds when it pulsed
you are Homer Simpson and I claim my fiver
Lanzarote, was on a guided day riding a Ghost 100mm FS. Had got used to the reverse brakes easily and quickly enough.
Pedalling through a village later in the day and remembered an article about raising and lowering the seat using the QR and holding seat with your legs while riding along. Thought I'd give it a go... Completely went wrong and I grabbed a handful of brake, sadly it was the front brake and I went straight over the bars into a crumpled heap on the tarmac and many cuts and bruises.
Out on a group ride starting in Oxford.
Stop in a line by the traffic lights.
Rider at the end falls into the rider next to him, starts a domino effect.
Five of us on the floor all recorded by Japanese tourists with cameras.
Pedalling extremely slowly uphill at the end of a long ride, on an MTB on the road. Front wheel hits a pebble - a PEBBLE FFS - and stops dead. In my brain-dazed state I keep pedalling, forks compress, and catapult me spectacularly over the bars to much acclaim.
Or the time I proceeded to demonstrate how to ride over a boggy patch, which finished with me lying flat on my back still clipped in, and facing the wrong way with the front wheel firmly embedded in the bog.
Or the time I didn't see a tiny little tree in the trail and managed to ride straight into it.
Duggan - Member
Stuck in a an electric fence, getting electrocuted every 5 seconds when it pulsed
Thanks Duggan. Mentally picturing that has brightened up a dull Monday morning 😆
There are so many, but mine was probably the aftermath of too many post-work pints convincing me I was Danny Macaskill on the way home. So I attempted to jump a (small) flight of steps in the city centre. The combination of questionable Stella-fuelled balance, locked-out forks and wet, slippery paving resulted in the front wheel washing out, and me hitting the deck like the proverbial sack of ****! To add insult to injury, a concerned looking old dear tottered over and helped pick me up. I broke two ribs 😳
My slow-motion OTB, then disappearing head-first, forward rolling down an embankment, a few weeks ago on the Monday night pub ride, was pretty special too.
First one - SPD's, big wheelie, and straight up and onto my a***e. Right in fron of my sister in law and the kids, my own kids, the wife and my mother in law, what a ****.
Second one - off to Golspie I goes on my new (second hand) Mountaincycle Fury. Does one run to get a feel for the bike, then on the second run I decide I am now skilled enough to "session" the tabletops at the bottom. The last bomb hole is massive, and I generated so much speed I completely cleared the tabletop and flat-landed, breaking a toe, a finger, and cutting my face with the peak of my full face. Also bending my bars completely out of shape - right in front of a group of local kids who do this stuff for a living.
A month later I'm out with a few mates, when we are shooting the breeze at the same set of jumps, and a couple of the same locals go "hey you're the guy that smashed his face in" - fame at last!!!!
Face planted the floor at the front on gorrick100 a few years ago, because of a cavernous puddle....and rigid forks
Nailed my favorite descent on my local hills - feeling chuffed.
Couldn't be bothered to put the seat back up for the short climb up the hill through town to my car (busy Saturday lunchtime).
See traffic lights turning to amber in front of me, start honking out of the saddle to make it before the change.
Baggy shorts somehow get caught on the end of my handlebars. As I stomp down on the pedals I'm catapulted over the bars into the middle of a busy junction.
Cars beeping, people staring and pointing, me quite sore and humiliated.
I rode straight into the back of a parked car while studying page 3 of a well known newspaper which I had on the handlebars. It would have been OK if it hadn't been seen by dozens of people.