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[url= http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm ]Not me obviously[/url]
Lost the front at the bottom of Beacon Hill in the Downs and ended up on the farmers field rolling in cow shite..
At 2012 Bristol Bikefest - that stupid ****ting bmx jump on the finish straight, in front of about 200 people. I had in mind:
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The reality was:
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The worst thing was everyone trying to high five me after I'd picked myself up - but I'd achieved a grade 2/3 shoulder separation and was in agony.
I once rode a Trek when i though no one would see me.
Turns out I was wrong.
Ohh the shame. 😳 😀
riding down a trail in the lakes (I forget where - near keswick somewhere I think.)
Somehow plant my wheel in a pot hole, rather than go head over the bars somehow one leg goes over instead. I pitch forward, the forks decompress and the the bike tries then throw itself and my other leg over my back. My momentum and the gradient conspire to then make me hop along, head down, bike in the air. And I can't stop.
Non of the elderly walkers further down the track are aware of this because the all have their backs to me. Until involuntarily yell. '******* shit jesus!'
.
,
On another occasion - clambering over a tall stile with bike on shoulder, the woodwork all gets a bit wobbly at the top so I decide to throw the bike to safety in a bush. Saddle rails, it turns out, are a prefect fit for the clips that hold the drink hose on my backpack. So the bike doesn't reach the bush and neither do I.
On the final day of a week with Riviera Bike we were joined by a group of French downhillers. Intent on preserving British honour, I set off from the top of the first run like a bat out of hell, and on approaching a tree that had fallen diagonally across the trail, I thought that I could easily fit beneath it if I crouched down over the bars, which I did manage to do. Unfortunately the elastocated mesh on my camelback didn't, and as it snagged on the stump of a branch everything went into slow motion, as I initially parted company with the bike, only to be shot backwards through the air, rotating helplessly before slamming back into the tree.
I gave up trying to pretend to be a riding god after that incident. 😳
Mine was bird spotting and riding at the time. Tow path with family going no more than 5 miles an hour out of the bushes there is flash of electric blue and orange "look a king fisher" one cue my family turn along with a barge full of student types to see me go over bars and rip the arse out of my shorts . Still not every day you see a king fisher .
Running one of our newbie-to-the-Alps weeks. We were going to do an intro-to-bikepark day. My gear cable had snapped while riding to the lift, so I'd gone into the shop to grab a new one. Iona had taken the group on up the hill and was doing a lesson on manuals prior to hitting the drops in the bike park. I caught up just as she was about to demo how to manual, so she says "OK, Stevo will show you!".
I came in with a bit of speed, thought I'd better make it look good, and for the first (and still only) time in my life popped a huge manual that probably looked awesome right up until the moment where I manualed myself right off the back of the bike.
The worst thing was it really, really hurt (jarred all the way up my spine) but I had to do the jump-up-I'm-fine-wasn't-that-a-laugh thing!
I rolled across the finish line, victorious. Whipped helmet off to take the acclaim, jammed strap in spokes, OTB, fractured skull.
Fell off in Inners car park once, right in front of the DH uplift guys. 😳
The 1st time I rode into a parked car on a climb the owner (in the car, just about to set-off) could hardly believe I was sprawled across his bonnet 😳
The 2nd time, I had to interrupt a kendo lesson to find the owner to apologise for the minor damage; far from hitting me with his stick he looked at me like I was a loon and questioned how I'd managed to do that going up a hill 
Last week, a steep, rutted, wet and slippery descent about 18-20 metres in length, I couldn't for the life of me get down it without sliding off, unlike everyone else who achieved it.
On the umpteenth attempt I gave up and threw my bike down in anger, only for it to stay upright all the way down and come to a nice sedate stop against a tree at the end....in full view of everyone else.
Outside Hatton Cross tube I pulled up to the lights in rush hour. As I was stopping I heard a lorry behind me, turned around to check and fell flat on my face, clipped in. Lorry driver thought he'd hit me, put his hazards on and jumped out of the cab shouting for someone to come quickly with a phone to call an ambulance. He saw the funny side though.
Approached a ford, plenty of warning signs about cyclists falling off
Good knobbly tyres, should be no problem, I thought
Finished the ride with a bleeding knee and green slime-coated side
Sessioning the hope line at gisburn in mid winter with mates, a group of 10 "novice" riders turn up watching me, so the speed and the air increase until a point when I arrived at the bottom section going so fast I couldn't stop. My head tells me to jump over the left hand berm at the end but what happened in reality was I took off over the berm and landed front wheel first into a deep frozen muddy pool that stopped my front wheel dead sending me on my head unconscious in a heap to the groups feet. Broken ribs / headache and a few days off work and the sound of the groups laughter still makes me cringe now.
Stewartc - that is brilliant, wish i'd seen that!
Took a crap line across a sea of wet roots in a corner during Garbo DH practice and had a really stupid crash that lasted forever right in front of Stevie Smith and Nick Beer.
No doubt about it that they thought 'what is this idiot doing?'
Rode the W2W at Afan in best ever time, so feeling ace rolled into the cafe at Afan. Didn't notice a tiny manhole cover lip and stacked it in front of everyone sitting at the cafe and mashed up my knee (knee pads were in the car where I'd forgotten to put them on). Couldn't ride for a week from the pain Doh.
Not me but still memorable. Standing at the start of a full field 80rider road race and the legendary Keith Butler (Surrey League) is giving us the talk. One guy in the front (complete knob) holding his bike, raises the handlebars slightly. His - not done up wheel - rolls out of the forks and 79 riders look on mesmerised as it rolls to Keith Butler who catches it without blinking or breaking the race talk. Then finishes the talk by suggesting that everyone tries using 2 wheels.
Back in my yoof I was out on my old Raleigh bike thinking I was the nuts, tried to do a jump off a speed bump in the local car park and binned it in front of some bloke and his kids. They were trying so hard not to laugh.
I worked a summer season in Alp D'Huez 10 years ago. I got a hire bike and thought I could be so cool riding down the steps outside the hire shop (only 3 of them) and went OTB landing in a heap at the side of the road in front of a very large crowd of people.
I ride 3x9 on 26" wheels in 2014. #so-red-face
(1) Aged 14. Brand new road bike. Go past bus stop with 6 girls. "PHWOOOOR!" shouts one girl. I turn and smile. "Nice bike!" she says. Cue fits of laughter.
(2) New to SPDs. Family holiday. Half a bottle of wine. Trip to the local pub. Decide to film journey on iPhone. Downhill on narrow lane. Notice tractor round corner at last minute. Brake with remaining hand. OTB, clipped in, get up… not a scratch. Cue farmer saying to my wife and daughter "He… he… just went over… he should be dead… he's not even scratched!"
Few weeks ago did the red kite gravity enduro, during one of the transitions was a river crossing with a kinda bridge constructed from logs - it was genuinely easier to ride through the river. Anyway, group of guys on the bridge so my mate rides through the river. I thought I'd be a bit cocky and go for a deeper part... Next thing I know my front wheel drops into a big hole and I'm lay on my back in the river. It was pretty funny tbf...
failed descent of a small flight of steps in the Malverns and I ended bouncing down the steps and then crashing onto the pavement next to an old dear waiting for the bus, she was genuinely concerned and came over to help and ask if I was ok, picked myself up, thanked her and slowly went on my way, when we went to the pub next door for lunch I was bleeding so badly from one knee that another customer(nurse)came over and started doing first aid
There a few for me...
When I was 14 I went to Germany with my uncle, aunt and sister to stay with relatives and my uncle and I insisted in taking our bikes because we weren't to far from some mountains. We planned a big ride but the night before the Germans introduced me to the joys of very strong Polish vodka. I was absolutely battered andffelt so sick that I slept in the bathroom floor to be near the toilet in case the worst happened. After a few hours if very bad sleep it was time to get up. I managed to force a banana and a glass of OJ down and didn't feel too bad. Half way up a steady climb I was blowing out of my behind and had to stop. I promptly threw up chunks of banana all over the trail just as some German ladies cheerfully spun last and said good morning. I felt likes proper fit. My uncle never let me forget.
When I was doing my A Levels I took design and tech and decided to try and build a bike frame for my final project so I enlisted a mate to get some action shots. First jump I decided to try and send it..overshot the landing, onto my face and broke both my brake levers. My ex-girlfriends mum had to come and pick me up.
Not bike related, but I was at the Milton Keynes indoor ski slope and mucking about on the rail. Got cocky, flew onto it nearly got to the end and somehow my board slipped out and I landed on my ribs. I remember lying on the floor unable to breathe having winded myself and having people ask if I was ok. Again felt like a tot and never lived it down.
Stuck in a an electric fence, getting electrocuted every 5 seconds when it pulsed
rolled across the finish line, victorious. Whipped helmet off to take the acclaim, jammed strap in spokes, OTB, fractured skull.
This is incredible.
Stuck in a an electric fence, getting electrocuted every 5 seconds when it pulsed
you are Homer Simpson and I claim my fiver
Lanzarote, was on a guided day riding a Ghost 100mm FS. Had got used to the reverse brakes easily and quickly enough.
Pedalling through a village later in the day and remembered an article about raising and lowering the seat using the QR and holding seat with your legs while riding along. Thought I'd give it a go... Completely went wrong and I grabbed a handful of brake, sadly it was the front brake and I went straight over the bars into a crumpled heap on the tarmac and many cuts and bruises.
Out on a group ride starting in Oxford.
Stop in a line by the traffic lights.
Rider at the end falls into the rider next to him, starts a domino effect.
Five of us on the floor all recorded by Japanese tourists with cameras.
Pedalling extremely slowly uphill at the end of a long ride, on an MTB on the road. Front wheel hits a pebble - a PEBBLE FFS - and stops dead. In my brain-dazed state I keep pedalling, forks compress, and catapult me spectacularly over the bars to much acclaim.
Or the time I proceeded to demonstrate how to ride over a boggy patch, which finished with me lying flat on my back still clipped in, and facing the wrong way with the front wheel firmly embedded in the bog.
Or the time I didn't see a tiny little tree in the trail and managed to ride straight into it.
Duggan - Member
Stuck in a an electric fence, getting electrocuted every 5 seconds when it pulsed
Thanks Duggan. Mentally picturing that has brightened up a dull Monday morning 😆
There are so many, but mine was probably the aftermath of too many post-work pints convincing me I was Danny Macaskill on the way home. So I attempted to jump a (small) flight of steps in the city centre. The combination of questionable Stella-fuelled balance, locked-out forks and wet, slippery paving resulted in the front wheel washing out, and me hitting the deck like the proverbial sack of ****! To add insult to injury, a concerned looking old dear tottered over and helped pick me up. I broke two ribs 😳
My slow-motion OTB, then disappearing head-first, forward rolling down an embankment, a few weeks ago on the Monday night pub ride, was pretty special too.
First one - SPD's, big wheelie, and straight up and onto my a***e. Right in fron of my sister in law and the kids, my own kids, the wife and my mother in law, what a ****.
Second one - off to Golspie I goes on my new (second hand) Mountaincycle Fury. Does one run to get a feel for the bike, then on the second run I decide I am now skilled enough to "session" the tabletops at the bottom. The last bomb hole is massive, and I generated so much speed I completely cleared the tabletop and flat-landed, breaking a toe, a finger, and cutting my face with the peak of my full face. Also bending my bars completely out of shape - right in front of a group of local kids who do this stuff for a living.
A month later I'm out with a few mates, when we are shooting the breeze at the same set of jumps, and a couple of the same locals go "hey you're the guy that smashed his face in" - fame at last!!!!
Face planted the floor at the front on gorrick100 a few years ago, because of a cavernous puddle....and rigid forks
Nailed my favorite descent on my local hills - feeling chuffed.
Couldn't be bothered to put the seat back up for the short climb up the hill through town to my car (busy Saturday lunchtime).
See traffic lights turning to amber in front of me, start honking out of the saddle to make it before the change.
Baggy shorts somehow get caught on the end of my handlebars. As I stomp down on the pedals I'm catapulted over the bars into the middle of a busy junction.
Cars beeping, people staring and pointing, me quite sore and humiliated.
I rode straight into the back of a parked car while studying page 3 of a well known newspaper which I had on the handlebars. It would have been OK if it hadn't been seen by dozens of people.
More recent one- we're cutting in a new trail for the enduro world series, and one of the guys had brought up a bike to help test ride lines. He didn't fancy riding one of the sections though so I said, no bother, give it here. Borrowed helmet on, bike I'd never ridden, sprung for a man that weighs about 50% more than me, straight into a steep section which is more or less surfaced with clay- rode all of 20 feet, lost the front end and binned it right in front of the team.
Still- first tyre marks on the new trail AND first crash, so that's got to be worth something.
Shouting something along the lines of "rider coming through" and barging past another competitor on a timed downhill special stage section during the the 2011 Trans Wales. I cant remember the exact wording of my call to him, I would like to hope that it wasnt a nobbish "faster rider coming through" but I can t be sure, needless to say, I crashed and cut my kneecap open about 200 yards later, and was out of the event. I was pleased to see that the guy I had just passed had the decency not to shout "rider coming through" as he went past my wreckage, he actually had the class to simply ask if I was ok as he passed by, which made me feel even more like an idiot 🙂 A lesson learned
When I was about 12 I nicked a trike off the little kid at the end of our road and tried to ride it off a kerb, I tipped it over and chipped one of my front teeth.
My mum went ballistic as were due to go on holiday later that day, and I ended up delaying our trip due to an emergency dentist visit.
February 2000, I'd recently bought a new BMX, and rode it to venture scouts (a was an assistant leader - mid 20's) while waiting for everyone to arrive I spent some time practicing whips, I somehow got it horribly wrong, and stabbed my thigh with a brake lever.
I had to drive the minibus with the kids in it to a climbing wall.
By the time I got home my jeans were soaked in blood, and my girlfriend took me to A&E.
I had 5 stiches, and ended up with a hematoma which needed surgery to sort out.
Crossing the tiny trickle of a stream (at the time) at the top of High Cup Nick at about 5mph, managed to wipe out completely and looked like I'd been thrown in a washing machine despite there only being about an inch of water. Cue a cold and soggy ride back to Cow Green.
Fell in the river a Cwmcarn just after the bridge not paying attention, in full flood so went right under.
Riding with a large group of locals rode a dh section with then DH wc rider behind me so fast as possible, finished section with rolling stoppy to stall on front wheel for about 20 seconds in front of the crowd, lost balance fell into a heap over bars to piss taking for months 😆 Deserved that
17 yrs old riding (carrier bag of groceries in each hand) no-handed around an empty traffic island in small village.
Way too stupid and cocky as it just started raining and didn't expect to see a friend to whom I attempted to wave.
Boy, bike and groceries slid all over the road. School of hard knocks = now am not cock on bikes.
Aged about 9 I decided that as my right hand was stronger, I would be as well to swap the brakes over so the rear brake was on the RHS to allow me to pull the biggestest skidz eva...
Hit warp speed on wet grass, turned the bars slightly, foot down and pulled the front brake harder than I ever have before or since, tunring me and the bike into a cartwheeling mass of flesh and metal. Somehow I only ripped my jeans and bit of of bruising. Got home and rapidly swapped brakes over, pretended it didnt hurt and never told anyone.
Aged about 13 I was cycling to school a couple of days after slamming my thumb in car door. I was in a sling so no idea why my parents thought it was a good idea, but got halfway down the road before needing to chage gear. Simply let go with my left hand and reached over to the other side of the bars, pushed a bit too hard, jackknifed, and went straight over the bars slamming my thumb on the ground. decided too walk to school for the next couple of weeks.
I havent improved much since sadly
Pedalling extremely slowly uphill at the end of a long ride, on an MTB on the road. Front wheel hits a pebble - a PEBBLE FFS - and stops dead. In my brain-dazed state I keep pedalling, forks compress, and catapult me spectacularly over the bars to much acclaim.
Are you Hora's twin? He has issues with pebbles... 😆
2 weeks ago - Dunkeld Enduro - Stage 1 - queue of about 50 folk. I start and go OTB within 10 feet of start.
Big cheer. Mention in enduro-mtb.com race writeup as the "fastest OTB in history".
Still, it was a soft landing and the day just got better after that.
Visiting the in-laws in Romania. I'd taken my bike to have a go riding in the Carpathians.
I didn't make it as far as the mountains before my first crash though. A combination of a fork I had forgotten to put air back in and a massive pothole had me over the bars and lying flat on my back just outside the main train station.
Now in the UK its customary to laugh and point at such stupidity. In Romania the custom, apparently, is to gather round and silently stare at the strange foreigner prostrate on the ground.
Very embarrassing and not a little bit weird