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tv and gym bits, damn you're brave
swearing / eating in bed, im with you all the way.
you recently had your hand/wrist broken didnt you? were does that fit into the above story?
Something allong the lines of "well excercise clearly isn't THAT good for you" was probably said!
She regulalry comments on my tubbyness so I figured fair's fair
😆 @ Mr Spoon.
Well of course those celebrity mags should be banned as all they do is fuel womens angst and insecurities. We could never emulate them so why bother trying?
Currently on the maximum BMI for my height and have gone up 4 dress sizes in less than 3 years. Due to health issues. 👿
I hate it and the daily ritual of getting clothes out of the wardrobe and wondering what I can get into that day. It makes me feel rubbish and am rubbish on the bike too. Currently wearing the largest cycling clothes I can find but how much easier it would have been to give up. So glad I didn't. 🙂
That's probably enough info. 🙄
Now after 5 years and being 5 stone overweight things seem to be going the right way as she has finally joined a sliming club and is now actually eating sensibly, but still won't do any exercise!
You met a girl that within 6 months of gong out with her, you found unattractive due to her size, yet persisted for 5 years with this? 😕
Do that many people REALLY feel the need to be with someone else, rather than be on their own, THAT badly they'd put up with someone they'd only just met but already didn't fancy? The mind boggles...
Weight is an issue for 99% of women, having a borderline anorexic girlfriend is just as bad, really difficult and stressful for all involved.
It may not be as high as 99%, but it's certainly a large proportion. Certainly if you find a woman who is of a shape you find attractive, and is neither piling on the pounds nor shoving her fingers down her throat daily, and actually likes the way she looks, you are a very lucky man!
What I find so frustrating is that they don't just say 'for gods sake, you NEED to do excersice as well as diet to loose weight!
Hell yeah!
My Dad has recently lost nearly 2 stone just by cutting has calorie intake right down, to what I would call almost an unhealthy level (1200 calories per day!), but it's stopped falling off now and he's still probably 2 stone or so overweight. He used to be very fit and active, these days although he does walk his dog some days (his wife others), even thinking about getting his bike out of the shed fills him with dread. The problem is that for people who have got so used to doing no exercise, the thought of having to do anything hard or strenuous fills them with fear, cos they know it is going to be painful and unpleasant for even longer than it would be if they were fit and healthy, due to their size!
There is only one simple answer... Exercise and burn off more calories than you consume, and you will lose weight. Eat more than you burn off, and you will gain weight!
When you see these guys on these "fat clubs" on TV that lose 6 stone here, 8 stone there etc. It's not just cos they eat a few lettuce leaves, and miss out the occasional cake. They're drilling them day in day out, like new army recruits, putting them through hell and back to shift that kind of weight!
I'll bite! The reason it's a no go topic is that the truth hurts. Far easier to ignore the problem than face it head on.
This is the answer to pretty much every problem... No matter what it is. Once we face up to anything, and accept the consequences of what is involved and how to fix it, we usually gladly move on. The human race is a pretty adaptable species, but we get so hung up on emotions and lack the ability to move on.
Well of course those celebrity mags should be banned as all they do is fuel womens angst and insecurities. We could never emulate them so why bother trying?
They're people doing 'jobs'* that probably involve longer/less social hours than most of us and still manage to stay fit and healthy**.
*Ok, limit that to the 'talented' ones who do something resembling a job, not the ones who've slept with a footballer 5 years ago and still seem to be famous for no reason.
**coke addiction not withstanding.
There definately seems to have been a shift towards an oppinion that ' it's OK to be fat but anorexics are unhealthy' which seems odd to me.
I weighed myself this morning, 98kg! not a happy spoony 🙁
CG
I know someone who has recently gone through a similar problem to you, though hers due to depression and the drugs they gave her to calm the depression causing her to have a voracious appetite and her inability to stop comfort eating to make herself feel better. She, by her own admission, gained over 5 stone in less than a year.
And to be fair to her, she knew nothing was going to happen unless she faced up to it and did something about it, so has sorted her diet out better, is riding her bike more at the weekends, and has started riding to work too now so I understand.
Health issues are unfortunate, but excusable though, and generally hit the kind of people (like yourself) who at least have the desire and drive to fix it for themselves. Just being a lazy slob, is totally inexcusable...
If she's already at weight watchers she wants to lose weight so you don't have to tell her. If it's not working you can offer to help her stick to it (or go one better, add in exercise and make sure she eats the exercise points as if she doesn't it slows down weight loss).
The clubs do work - although I think they work better for people who don't follow blindly (my business partner gets dirty looks for running to her weekly weigh in - she's lost weight really quickly as she is very knowledgeable about nutrition and exercise and just needed a framework to get fit again after having a baby).
I lost a stone from cycling to work - top of healthy weight to lower end of healthy weight - and it's been really motivating to keep it off - I like being faster and fitter and looking good in clothes. Once weight comes off it feels worth it - just got to get into the positive spiral. You can help by making it worth it... everyone loves new clothes!
If she's going to weight watchers then she knows already.
What's helped me is using a tool that counts calories for me (myfitnesspal), it really opened my eyes to why I've slowly got heavier over the last few years and has really made me think about what I eat. I've now stopped the rot and lost a few pounds, there's plenty more to go but I'm feeling much better about it.
Good luck, whatever you do.
she eats chocalate like its going out of fashion, then goes to weight watchers,
Milkman - you don't need to tell her she's fat, she's going to weight watchers so she already knows, and at least partially wants to be a bit thinner. I know people who have lost a lot of weight at weight watchers (and similar) but you need to really want to and not lie to yourself about counting the points/calories etc. Usually they quit when after their holiday / wedding / target weight etc and pile it back on again to repeat the cycle as necessary!
I think the reason they don't promote exercise as much as they should is that exercise builds muscle which adds weights - so whilst you might get fitter, slimmer and more toned you don't loose as much weight which is their one essential metric.
I think if I were trying to broach this subject I would be more inclined to suggest you want to change your diet (you could claim some super-cycling diet such as iDave*) to improve your health/fitness etc. See if she would be willing to share it with you - its a pain catering for different people - that then lets you clear out all the tempting snacks etc too.
You can then explore doing some sort of exercise, she probably wont want to go cycling with you as she will expect not to keep up / be any good. If it were me I would pick something like kayaking because (1) I'm crap at it with virtually no experience, so she would be starting at the same level of technical ability; (2) My upper body strength is pathetic so I have no inherent advantage; (3) From an outsiders perspective it doesn't look like an energetic sport compared to swimming/running/cycling; (4) I'd quite like to do it anyway - so I'm not making up some bollox about line dancing appealing!
So you don't need to tell her to shape up - all you need to do is show some interest in improving both your lifestyles. Afterall - are you that much healthier or do you just go out on your bike a lot so burn off the crap you eat?
* other diet plans or eating sense also exist, and may be less radical so more socially acceptable.
mboy - 5 stone is a lot! But yes medication has a lot to answer for hence my decision to stop all mine and take alternatives. I actually eat less than I used to. Went from a size 10/12 to current size 18 and it's slowly coming off. 🙂
Am hoping that the days of going out on my own for a bike ride, bursting into tears half-way round cos it was such a struggle, are well and truly over. Hell, there's no way I could part with my gorgeous bikes!
The reason it's a no go topic is that the truth hurts. Far easier to ignore the problem than face it head on
too true.
Another thing to remember is that they already know; weight is not exactly an issue that women are unaware of or have no interest in.
And so any way of saying "you're fat" actually says "[i]I've noticed[/i] you're fat (and dislike it so much that I feel the need to raise the subject, even though its likely to cause upset)".
Also, with the amount of pressure to look like celebs and the number of articles/weigh****ch clubs/fad diets being promoted to them, "you're fat" can be taken badly as meaning far more:
"you're fat and lazy",
"you're fat and weak willed",
"you're fat and stupid",
"you're fat and I don't fancy you as much anymore",
Re-reading this, I don't mean it to sound cruel. What I'm trying to say is that almost every weight-loss product or method on the market is sold as providing "the best results ever, easiest ever, suitable for Everyone" so people can get down when they appear to be the exception and become very self critical or sensitive.
poly's advice above about sharing a healthier diet (perhaps take on more of the cooking) and a new active hobby is perfect.
Just be upfrontand tell them you are worried about their health.
Open and honest relationship.
I've never been to one but these 'slimming clubs' just sound like a license to print money!Does anyone have any experience of them?
I’ve been going to Weight Watchers on and off for about 8 years. What normally happens is I realise I want to lose weight, get to my goal, stop going to meetings, am fine for a few months then get hit by illness/winter and the weight creeps back on again. It’s not Weight Watchers fault though – the group I go to is actually really good. They really push having a balanced diet and not using all your points on snacks and biscuits, and try to help you identify what makes you ‘crack’ around food. They also promote exercise a lot, not just as something that helps you lose weight, but for general health.
It’s all fairly obvious – eat less, do more, stop eating junk – but it does help to have the public shaming of a weekly weigh in, especially if you tell people you’re doing it. My mother, without fail, will say every time I call her, “So what are you weighing now?” Normally followed by, “I can’t believe you’re heavier than me” (considering she’s two dress sizes bigger and taller than me, neither can I…), and “You’ve always been big boned, not like me, I have a very fine bone structure. You take after your nan. YOU LIKE YOUR PUDDING.”
There was one woman in my group who’d lost 12 stone. She looked absolutely amazing (quite a bit like Alex Kingston) – I’d only ever seen her at her goal weight, so it was quite a shock to realise how big she used to be. What triggered her desire to lose weight was that she’d gone to Las Vegas on a family holiday, but the heat had made her ankles swell and she couldn’t walk, so her son and husband were pushing her around in a wheelchair. She said she realised that if she didn’t do something, she’d probably never see her son get married. She joined WW, completely changed her diet, and joined a gym. Then she started cycling.
Ha! It's the other way round with me and my mum. Who recently went all iDave* when told that her blood pressure was near fatal and she'd have to be on medication for the rest of her life. Suddenly full of resolution she cut out carbs (bread and potatoes) and ate plates of veg with meat on the side and lost several stone. Not quite enough to come off medication completely but she has been able to reduce it and is still going so maybe she will eventually.
*Her own version, I didn't point her at Singletrackworld although maybe I should have done.
I'd recommend her going to acid house parties every weekend and taking ecstasy/speed.