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As a few have pointed out, your 12 1/2 hour round trip to work is a big part of the challenge, so perhaps have a look at what you can do about that.
That said, you're getting back at 8pm so that still leaves time for riding. Is there anything stopping you getting out for a night ride?
My most important advice is find a routine and make it work. The reason I don't ride as much as I want is that I've fallen out of the routine. There will ALWAYS be something else demanding your time and if you don't make a regular and routine time for cycling you will find yourself doing it less and less. I used to ride every Sunday morning without fail, but life got so busy that I just wanted one day - one morning - when I didn't have to get up and rush out of the house. That day was my bike riding day and now I'm a shadow of my former bike-riding fitness just because I fell out of the routine. It's my own stupid fault. Don't be me.
Once a week get up at 6am, straight out and back for 1pm.
Pretty much this.
Due to other half's work patterns I miss the two local nightrides that go out - my only free night is a Friday.
Tend to go out on a Sun, and if I can I'll go and do trail maintenance on a Sat AM for a few hours, again after getting up at 6.
Otherwise if you can commute it's worth looking at that. Personally I dislike it, but it's a very useful evil and great way of racking up halfway decent miles.
3 kids under 8 - commuting keeps me reasonably fit (20 miles a day, 2 or 3 times a week) & Monday night rides are sacrosanct! Occasional weekend rides, but they are occasional. My OH understands that it's something I need to do, just as I understand that there are things she needs to do and we sort the kids out as necessary. It's not hard really, but you do need to be organised!
I'd recommend giving up mtbing apart from the odd day here and there (unless you live very close to the trails). If you want decent bang for you buck then start running, or if it must be cycling then road riding.
Your working too late is the major problem.
I'd be looking to reduce that before thinking of ways to stay on the bike.
FWIW I practically gave up cycling for 5 years to look after my kids. This was in the days before decent off road lights though.
Wow, I feel pretty fortunate compared to most on here having clocked up 2300 miles this year, mostly on road but clocked up a few hundred off road in the summer. My daugther is 14 months.
My wife knows how much good cycling does for my mind so is happy for me to spend a weekend morning doing it both nights. I try to do 1 or 2 evening / night rides too although work and chores are more likely to get in the way of those. I work from home most days but am away 7am-7pm on days I'm in London, those days are generally a right off so I can understand the OP not being able to ride with his work hours, can you not cycle to work or at least partway?
Bike maintenance has been harder to keep up, and I understand why people take their bikes to get serviced even though I have the skills and tools to do it. For that reason I don't go on the mtb when it's muddy, especially as I have to drive to the nearest trails, road is much less faff, I'm just starting with Zwift too.
Although it is getting slightly easier in general now she is 14 months, I am actually riding less because as a father I'm finding her much more interesting now and can do much more with her, where as before all she really wanted was my wife and her boobs.
Decent set of lights for night riding for when you do get out. And a good turbo setup in front of the baby monitor to keep the legs in good shape when you can't get out. Fit them in when you can.
Though TBH it depends on what you want out of riding. If it's long rides on weekends with mates then IME that doesn't really happen much anymore.
Using that time to go for a ride feels unfair on my wife who also gets no time to 'do her own thing'...
I may be going against the grain here, but 'be more selfish' is my only advice.
Ours is 2.5 now, for the first 6 months, like you I sneaked a few in here and there, but the workload drops a lot at 6 months and get steadily lower after that.
I ride most weekends, it's my Wife's job that stops me not the kids, I leave after breakfast and I'm home just after lunch, plus 2 evenings a week (Gym in Winter, Ride in Summer) I leave work 5ish and I'm home 7 ish in Summer, 6ish in Winter - which means in Summer I'll usually miss bedtime which I don't like, but I still do it.
The truth is, I'm a better Dad and Husband when I've been riding, everyone is happier when I take those precious few hours a week. I adore my family and I'm a very hands-on Dad, but if I didn't have some time to myself I'd lose my mind and in case anyone was wondering, my Wife has time to herself too, not as much as me, but as much as she wants. I'm more than happy and capable of being Dad without Mum back-up, she’s hoping to go to NYC for a week in the Summer to see her Sister.
Put together a local route, be open minded. Mine sometimes includes winching up a deserted multi-storey car park before descending the stairs. (It's even got a lift, like a mini mid-week indoors uplift session...). Caveat...it's late at night, I've never seen another soul up there.
Cheeky footpaths, skirting the odd field etc. If you can head out the door, blast around for 40 mins+, you'll be a lot happier. If works for me.
I find myself scrutinising Google maps, looking for cheeky urban trails.
Let the chores slide and ringfence more time for riding.
Your work hours sound harsh though, is that a long-term thing?
My kids are older now so its less of an issue but for years 8am to 12 noon Sunday has been mine give or take an hour or two.
We are perhaps overestimating our importance if you don't think they'll survive without you for a few hours.
As others have said, find a routine. Agree when you're going to get out, and when your OH is going to have time to do whatever she wants to do. Changes to that are then by negotiation.
For us, having organised activities (i.e. a club ride for me) helps us stick to it.
I find myself scrutinising Google maps, looking for cheeky urban trails.
Me too!
Sounds like you are working and commuting far to much. Thats certainly isnt a good life balance and I am sure your wife will be climbing the wall soon if you don't get home until 8pm and she is stuck with you son the whole day. I would say that needs to change for the sanity of your family.
Then be selfish but also don't be selfish. You will probably have to cut back massively in the long run but try and keep fit by say running in your lunch hour. When you do get out riding you will then enjoy it and not be knacked quickly.
Try and work out how to get a short biking fix. My daughters now go to ballet on a Saturday morning so that gives me 2 to 3 hours of fun. Luckily trails are just 15minutes away driving so I can get a blast in most Saturdays.
To be honest that gives me my weekly fix. If I try and cram more biking in then it becomes a chore and not fun.
One word. Compromise.
That, as well as having an understanding, honest, sharing/caring relationship with your other half.
Having a child is hard work, compared to not having a child. But it need not be the end-of-the-world that a lot of folk make out. I'd rather be a happy, healthy dad than a lazy, miserable one and if taking time out to cycle, run, whatever helps with that then you need to find time to do it.
Also, I noticed that someone suggested putting yourself last on a list of priorities. Sure, your wife and child come top, but your own health and well being should also be high up the list. Working is there to pay the bills and that should be all.
I've found commuting helps, I managed to do night rides when I had my first but now I'm further from the club and work it's not so regular.
Quick (1.5-2hr) rides at weekends, if necessary getting up before the rest of the family and back for breakfast (usually my wife chooses a lie in and later ride for me instead).
Also the times you do leave for and get back from work are quite far apart, is there anything you can do about that?
takisawa2 - multi-storey carparks? inspired idea. I'm gonna try that tonight.
I also am always on the look out for cheeky urban trails, slag heaps are proving fruitful at the moment.
I commute over a couple of days with a few very early morning escapes to maintain moderate fitness.
Those are long hours op - go spinning for lunch?
Personally,I found it easier to get out when he was tiny and then in nursery. I now do the school run and that seriously has impeded on riding time.
Luckily my missus understands we (i) are all happier if I get get out.
Someone mentioned bike maintainance , I fondly remember the distant days when after a ride I'd clean my bike ,have a brew & stuff. Fettle it all up etc. No longer!I also paid my lbs recently for something I didn't have time to do.
Oh and sod DIY! 🙂
Having our three did end up restricting riding/canoeing/walking/adventures however I found a couple of things helped.
Compromise. While OH may want time away from child, you also are committed to work (long it seems) hours, and also need some down time. Both of you need to compromise on time for the other to get away from pressure of work and child - alone and as a couple.
Value the impact on you/other half/little one/relationships all round. I am better dad/husband/person if I have been to the mountains. It IS as important as wiping bums, sleeping and goo-goo-ing the little one.
Child seats and a trailer worked for me 😀
Take up running, much more time efficient, and a lot less faff.
And road biking when you go places ie if you are going out for the day, cycle either there or back to meet the family.
..and it is not just about you getting to do what you want, make sure your other half gets time out too, and that you both get time out without kids.
Same for me as many, she goes out and I go out, we share responsibilies with the kids and house stuff. We also spend time together as a family (not watching TV and all the other time wasting stuff) Its a juggling act though. It does get easier as they grow and you can take them riding too if only for a short (additional) ride.
In the last coupe of years ive also taken to riding from 5:30am on occasions. its great, nobody about just wildlife and smash a few miles out.
To the OP - it's a big challenge isn't it...
I'd love to cycle 3-4 times a week, plus extra fitness stuff.
In reality (for which I'm happy with) I ride on a tuesday evening, and when I can, a club road ride at the weekend.
However, I'm always the guy 'keen to get back' by lunch!
A few times a year I'll pencil in a date for a big ride, and can get a weekend or two away too.
One thing i've realised is that you 'judge your fitness' in YEARS..not weeks/months..
I.e, "next year I'll be fitter, this year is a 'write off' RE racing etc". Once I came to that conclusion, I was a bit more 'settled' in the fact that I couldn't get out as much as I'd hope.
It's amazing how quickly the years go by, so TBH enjoy it with the littleun..
DrP - father to (at least) a 2 and 7 year old...
Take up running, much more time efficient, and a lot less faff.
That's what I did .. started trail running ... but ended up entering an ultra which meant running for an hour after work 3 nights a week plus 5/6 hour long runs on a weekend which left me totally shattered and useless around the house ! 🙂
I didn't start riding again till Jnr was born.
Provided the mum has a similar amount of time for her thing, it shouldn't be a problem. A morning or afternoon each at weekends should be doable.
Lower your expectations on quality and quantity of riding to a realistic level. Night rides and commuting are a saviour. An hour is better than no hours. Road riding creates less mess and cleaning than off road.
Be careful that spending on bike stuff is sensible if money is tight.
From the many threads about anxiety, depression, isolation etc, not having the occasional couple of hours for your own needs is a real long term issue for some of us.
Things get better over time (mine are now 4.5 and 7 years old). I still don't spend every weekend in the mountains doing awesome rides, but those things are at last easier to plan and achieve.
The commute to work has been my bedrock throughout their early years - without it, I'd have cycled far fewer miles. I would only consider a job where I could do some form of bike commute now.
Otherwise - and just like with other areas of life when kids join the party - I've lowered my expectations.
Thankfully, I also live close to some local trails. I fit a rigid fork and singlespeed to my hardtail over winter, so that I'm always ready to grab an hour and just hose the bike down afterwards. I've also discovered the ace-ness that is night riding!
Mine is 17 months now.
I get out on an uplift most months and the odd day riding at weekends too.
I have found that using holiday for both myself and wife to get out riding together works well. We pay nursery fees so might as well make the most of it
Congratulation on the young one , more fun than biking.Lessen the hours at work, might not be easy financially but cut your sloth accordingly and all that, old guy I worked with told me that when I had kids, "24 hrs in a day son 8 for work 8 for bed and 8 for you", never quite got to that probably 9 work 7 bed and 8 me. So glad I did as managed to play rugby ,cycle socialize and see lots of the 3 children over the last 20 years. Hope you manage to crack it.
Although it is getting slightly easier in general now she is 14 months, I am actually riding less because as a father I'm finding her much more interesting now and can do much more with her, where as before all she really wanted was my wife and her boobs.
I've found this too.
When the little dude arrived in Sept 14, I didn't really ride much until the following Feb; I was tired and the weather crap so it was hard to get motivated to ride. Last year I did really well even though he was still hard work but this year I've found it harder to get out; he's down to one afternoon nap per day so weekend mornings are family time plus he goes to rugby tots every Saturday. He's also wants to do stuff like dog walking, crusing about on his balance bike etc.
Night riding helps a lot - Tuesday and Thursday for me. I can then normally get one afternoon on the weekend. I try and sneak in one full day per month for an uplift day etc.
My other half understands that I'm happier after some bike time and get a bit grumpy if I'm not out. I was also really buzzing after my first trip to Revo this summer and it finally twigged with her, how much I enjoy it.
I still manage to ride, but I have tailored when and where I ride to suit.
I managed a commute in the first year and still got out on a sat morning.
However, with commitments (such as childrens football now), my rides seem to be earlier and earlier. I'm done and dusted, and back at the house by 9am on a Saturday. I squeeze a pre work ride in once a week for an hour and sneak out for 45 mins once a week at lunchtime with a colleague.
Also had the option to go for the better job with my company in London, or remain local. To me, the family and ability to enjoy life a little was worth more than the increase, career progression and pulling my hair out because of the rail service.
Gone are the days of a long day out in the saddle though. Everything is very much against the clock. and that is with a very understanding wife!
Its got harder this year, we already had 2 boys now 4 & 6 and weve 6month old twins
The wife and I share a google calnedar and I plan any biking days well in advance and arrange to have her parents or mine come and visit
I also make sure my wife gets to do her stuff without the kids
and try and squeeze in the odd trip to the cinema together if we can get a babysitter.
The kids are pretty good and we have a very strict 7pm bedtime routine for all 4 kids, which I find really helps
Im home by 7 so do bedtime and stories and then once a week I try and get in a night ride, while my wife watches bake off on iplayer- with her favourite M&S meal I buy on the way home, its got harder as the weathers got grimmer but still well worth it
Got 3 and now they do swimming and rugby, the weekends have evaporated.
Luckily work is taking up the slack during the week, ensuring I don't fancy a night ride either.
All things must pass.. it will get better, just enjoy the change and grab what you can when you can. I'm not good with being selfish even when its good for me so running and riding is just down the list a bit for the moment.
Bit late to the party, but I've ridden about five times in the last two years. Definitely miss it, but wouldn't give up the time I get to spend with my son. He won't stay small, cute and cuddly for long so I'm getting in all the time I can. Sat under the dining table last night drinking milk and hiding from Old Brown Owl. Much more fun than a night ride.
Just get rides in when you can. I've booked a day off work this week specifically to go out on the bike.
I fully sympathise, having two kids under 5 and work / commute same amount of hours. During the lighter evenings I'll get out on my road bike for a quick blast, but mtb time is now limited to a planned trip or the rare days when the missus has plans that includes both kids.
Can't have your cake and eat it afterall.
Before my son started cycing with me from age about 14 we would arrange to meet at a nearby town or cafe and I would cycle there and they would drive. I rode from Blackburn to Bowness on Windermere, 70 miles, and they drove up and picked me up. More usually it would be 20 - 30 mile rides.
I sling the bike and gear in the back of the van, and if I get a quiet period, I shut the doors at work, and hoof off somewhere without going home first. I know once I'm home the self imposed emotional blackmailing would kick in and I wouldn't want to leave!
Things that have helped me juggle bike, work and family life:
1. I stay away with work most Tuesday evenings. I take my bike in the car for an evening ride (although not *quite* got into the night-riding habit for away trips yet)
2. Recognising that opportunities to ride might not be at the times I want to ride and that I must suck it up. Early morning rides, late evening rides, whatever.
3. Since having young children to look after, my body has become accustomed to less sleep. I try to make the most of that and fit more in the day by sleeping less. Who needs lie ins anyway? 😆
4. Sometimes my ride might be with the kids. That's a good thing, not a bad thing, but it might mean I'm not "shredding the gnar" all the time (fortunately I'm not a gnar-shredder anyway)
5. Less intense "me time" riding means I'm getting less fit compared to younger, more-time-on-my-hands me. I have to try hard not to let that bother me.
6. Recognising I have 3 amazing and additional things in my life now and each one of them is a joy. Why should I be surprised that other things have to give?
Wow! Thanks for all the advice and support chaps. I've only read a few posts and looking forward to reading more on the train home.
Yes, work is the main problem. I live in Kent and work in London. And I work for a tech startup (that you might be hearing about on here quite soon in fact) and so for any of you who work in that field you'll probably appreciate hours can be pretty challenging. Painfully the founder still thinks I actually have quite 'easy hours'!
Early morning rides during the week could be a good plan. Particularly in the summer. Will read more later to see what awesome tips there are. And loving how many Dads and Dads-to-be are on here. That in itself has made me feel a hundred times better (been feeling quite low recently). Dads-to-be, it is awesome by the way. Every minute of it. When I say feeling low, it's nothing to do with being a Dad. That bit is ace!
One last thing.
[b]You have *THIS* to look forward to...[/b] 8) 8) 8)
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2 young girls at home. I'm away 3 nights a week so feel even more guilty pissing off out on my bike at the weekend, but I think they all understand. I get up & out early and I'm back before lunch so still have most of the day. I don't work Fridays either which helps so quite often go riding when theyre at school/nursery. Also those 3 nights away in deepest Surrey are brilliant in summer, and occasionally do an off road commute if Ive got time. But I do prefer riding with mates on a Sat or Sunday morning.
1. Shared calendar is your friend. I asked my wife what most pissed her off about me riding and it was 'not knowing in advance'.
2. Road bikes aren't evil. Learn how to do hill reps properly and you don't have to resort to running. There are lots of MAMILS who try it briefly and give up so there are lots of cheap 2nd hand deals on a bike that will tide you over a couple of years. They're easy to transport and that ride back from the family outing is genius!
3. Admin is not a dirty word blackadder. I got 3 sets of clothing (cheap stuff is fine) and have three plastic 'really useful boxes'-even down to bottles prepped. You take over the washing (means Tech fabric doesn't get ruined in the dryer), she'll not like washing liquid poo out of baby grows anyway. Keep repacking the boxes and you can be out of the door rapido.
4. Thoughtful bribes work-avoid the obvious pitfalls of chocolates or fitness kit that she'll possibly misread your generosity.
5. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Tentatively point her towards using her spare time for activity that has true social or emotional benefit to her. A shopping trip, as much as she likes the idea, may only serve to be an un satisfying reminder of how little disposable income you have. Mrs H runs with a club, which she never thought she'd do, but they're friendly lasses and all in the same boat. She enjoys the post-run endorphin hit more than she thought she would.
6. Early and late rides were a thing I thought I could never want to do. However, do anything for 6 weeks and it becomes a habit and therefore much easier to do.
Work less - ride more. With those hours you're basically away mon-fri, so don't expect any riding hours during the weekend. Unless you wake up at 5 for two hour ride or commute by bike.
And this is not pointed to you, but many guys start doing longer hours at work when they have small kids. It's easier and more comfortable to stay at work than handle screaming kids and house chores. Please people don't do this. Earn your turns.
This is probably going to be a three year interruption, until they're happy on a balance bike. Then seek out a not-on-the-road cycle club where you can both (all?) have a bit of a ride. If you're lucky enough to be near a cycle speedway club; perfect, simple & very cheap cycle training in a controlled environment away from traffic while you watch with a cup of tea. Otherwise, your local MTB or BMX club.
In the meantime sorry mate, you can try hard to live your old life with one, you will face the facts with two. 🙂
Get yourself a computer-connected turbo trainer and a subscription to Sufferfest or Zwift, keep the dust off the road bike at least.
Mine are 13 and 10, the big one is national standard and I wont be able to keep up this year except on the endurance stuff. 🙂
There have already been a lot of good suggestions on the thread, this one pretty much sums up what I did:
Have a chat with the Mrs; she gets to go doing her thing on Saturday while you babysit, but you get to cycle on Sunday. Also she gets a week night off and so do you.
Someone else mentioned that you and your wife don't need to be a team all the time - both of you are (presumably) quite capable of taking care of the kid on your own for a couple of hours.
Your working hours sound fairly similar to Spanish working hours TBH, despite the reputation Spain may have... One thing that kept me sane (and fit) when the kids were small was fitting in a trip to the gym at lunchtimes - a couple of spinning classes a week really help.
Finally, even Hora can be right sometimes 🙂 His advice was spot on, make some time for you and your wife without the kid. Find a babysitter, use the grandparents. Having a meal together (or whatever) as adults at least once a month is critical when the kids are small, and will make negotiating your time off on the bike a lot easier.
As soon as my son was old enough to hold his head up, I started taking him out with me. You can't do anything too gnarly obviously but having him with me more than makes up for that. He sits up front so we can chat and point at things together, and I stash all of his food and nappies etc. In my seat pack. We have lots of quiet roads and bridleways around the coast here and we can easily do a 3 hour ride out and back. I use tough gearing to make it a worthwhile workout. My boy loves it and mum gets some chill time - everyone's a winner. Also just bought a fat bike so we've been beach cruising recently. It's singlespeed so again a good workout.