[Closed] Corporate cycling bobbins...

Ah, '**** word bingo' eh?

I call it bullshit bingo and you don't stand up and shout "house" you stand up and shout "BULLSHIT". Got me on a verbal warning once..

It is a bit like those cheesy talent shows where a mate should really have spoken to most of them and told them honestly - 'No, you are crap'

Dear lord what a load of tosh.

not enough nerbs in there for me - needs frameworking to leverage incentivisation ?

Eh?

We have built a network of the best cycling professionals, suppliers, advertisers, marketeers, techies and teachers to create the world’s first corporate cycle brand: a one-stop-shop of high quality solutions which organisations can use to inspire and build value from cycling.

PleaseCycle provides two core services to businesses and their employees for one annual fee:

A client-branded cycling intranet with exclusive content and assets covering education, market research, internal marketing, journey tracking and a store.

Bike Concierge: a portfolio of innovative, high quality cycle services specifically tailored to work within the corporate environment.

More eh?

A turnkey solution for corporate cycling.
Developed with industry veterans, cycling professionals, advertising experts and the very best market suppliers we have created the world’s first corporate cycling package. For an annual membership fee we provide everything organisations need to start inspiring cycling within the workplace. The PleaseCycle package includes:

Employee Education – An online hub / intranet of engaging information from industry experts.
Marketing Communications – Inspirational cycle ads created by behavioural economists.
Journey tracking – Record, audit and incentivise bicycle journeys with company leaderboards.
Digital Research Surveys – Gain a robust understanding of your current cycle landscape.
PR pack – A top line doc which lists all the great things a client can to laud to stakeholders.
E-store – A discounted and simple online store only accessible to members of PleaseCycle.
Bike Concierge – A collection of cycling services tailored to the corporate environment.

Bike Concierge – A collection of cycling services tailored to the corporate environment.

I've just been sick.

What a pile of arse.

As I've just pointed out to HtS via email - what a crate of old tits.

I used to like the word "robust." But it's been tarnished by its corporate usage. I'm afraid it's entered the bullshit bingo ball bag as it were.

why is his helmet on his bars and not on his head?

How exactly can they state, in a factual manner, 'Cycling increases profits'

It increases their profits 😉

If anybody wants to send me money so that I can enourage them to ride a bike and tell them where their LBS is you can get me at takingmoneyofmugs@laughingallthewaytothebank.scam

There's a lot of buisness opportunities here:

www.pleasebirdwatch.com

www.pleaseplayswingball.com

www.pleasejog.com

www.pleaseexposeyourself.com

www.pleaseplaygolf.com

www.pleaseeffoff.com

....etc...

[i]"exposing yourself increases profit and energises individual development for deployment in new corporate arenas."[/i]

why is his helmet on his bars and not on his head?

You be foolish not to buy one, but then you'd be foolish to wear it due to rotational forces or some shit 🙂

You might well ask where his spokes are.

geetee1972 - Member

Ah, '**** word bingo' eh?

lol

http://pleasecrackoneoff.com

For a small fee I will send you pictures of nekid people and a roll of Andrex and some comprehensive instructions for constructing the "runway".

I don't know what to think. If done well that could be quite a good idea. One of the main stumbling blocks with Cycle 2 Work etc is that HR put the brakes on it by saying things like "it's too difficult/expensive, we don't understand it, we don't have time, no-one would be interested" etc (all excuses that I've heard from various HR managers in my time). So a one-stop-shop like that could work - come to us, we'll do all the hard work, put you in touch with approved companies to build your secure cycle sheds, sort out your C2W, advise employees on safe routes to/from work, supply a list of local bike shops etc.

It looks like that's what they've tried to do except they've covered the website in utterly meaningless and very annoying ****y management speak...

Hello to all of Singletrack,

Given the comments above I simply wanted to introduce ourselves to the community, and stress that we're very much open to feedback from avid cyclists such as yourselves.

As you've rightly identified, we're targetting a very corporate market and as a result have had to use a certain style of speak. Although our package tries to get the entire workforce involved in cycling, the individuals who will make the ultimate decision to sign-up will be Human Resource managers. The type of language on our website reflects that.

I'm glad that crazy-legs (above) recognises that underlying intent, namely to get more companies focused on cycling and provide everything they need to do just that. It's somewhat disheartening to see keen cyclists (whom we feel our package also benefits) getting up in arms about a company which is ultimately looking to encourage a stronger cycling culture within businesses throughout the UK.

If any of you wish to have a direct discussion about it then we're obviously keen to hear your thoughts. Please get in touch through the website or email us at info@pleasecycle.com (I promise there won't be a "pointy haired manager" on the other end.)

I cannot stress enough that we're simply trying to get more people cycling to/from work - for a variety of great reasons - and hope you can understand our use of business-speak on a website which is specifically attempting to communicate with businesses.

Nice idea in principle (I think - i'm not 100% sure exactly what it does), although not something I imagine I'd ever feel the need for personally.

From a quick view of the site it's not actually clear what PleaseCycle does:

PleaseCycle is a British start-up with one purpose:
“Deliver tangible and intangible value for employers by inspiring cycling.”

This could be a spoof/parody. No normal person speaks like that 🙂

Brilliant. Just when my faith in STW to raise a smile was waning.
😀

I actually want [i]less[/i] people to cycle to my work cos there's only 1 shower.

is pleasecycle a regular under a pseudonym?

I checked google and this thread isn't showing up under searches for pleasecycle yet... so they're either monitoring the airwave in some complicated manner, or they were already here!

Dave

IIRC webmonkeys can see where people access your site from (other than typing it into the address bar), that link at the top that we all clicked on will link back to this page.

More people on bikes good thing, but management speak? Do PHBs really talk like that? Thought it was just made up for us coalface numpties to laugh at

alfabus - pretty easy to monitor the referring link for hits to your shiny new website and see loads of action from STW.

pleasecycle - why do you feel the need to write in buzzword bingo to reach management types? I often got flyers through where I'd read the first paragraph of that sort of langauge and still have no idea what the company did so it went into the bin. Some managers do appreciate a bit of plain language without 'harmonising synergistic leverages' etc. Plus if you want employees to find your company in response to the 'No we can't run C2W here' stance from their management then surely it'd be a benefit if the average joe could work out what you did as well?

My experience is that you need to speak in words of two syllables max if you want an HR Manager to understand it, not business drivel.

Laudable aims, but to me "Please Cycle" sounds entirely plaintive. Doesn't sound appealing in any way, just makes me think of a pitiful toddler that's about to burst into tears.

YMMV.

Thanks for your comments thus far - a lot of the points raised are very valid and something we obviously need to look at, especially the language style.

The site only went up last week and we haven't started promoting it yet for just that reason - it still needs tweaking. So keep your opinions coming and we'll try our best to take them on board. Again, feel free to drop us a line if it's easier and we'd be happy to chat.

As a general question, would you not prefer your employer to have a more positive outlook on cycling?

ay ay crazy-legs, you've got a friend 😉

"[i]we obviously need to look at ... the language style[/i]"

Whilst that stuff comes across as ghastly bullshit-bingo management speak to most people on here, you're not pitching to proles like us.

If that's what ticks boxes with the stakeholders who green-light your turnkey solutions then you need to strategically project that into the marketplace leverage its influence going forward.

If you gets me drift.

Innit.

PS I keep reading "turnkey" as "turkey", which kind of takes the edge off.

Given the demographic of STW, I think it's fair to say that the pleasecycle.com website is bordering on offensive.

Pictures of directors in Raybans and references to the CEO captaining the basketball club. Nah!

I can assure PleaseCycle that the UK CEO of the top 5 FTSE100 company I work for uses normal, simple language and would echo the views of most of the comments above. Our HR people are all fairly normal too.

However - we're not based in London, so maybe that's how they talk up there...

I can understand the concept, I can see a market - but although you have targetted appealing to a certain corporate audience through your style of language, the people directly using your output will be the normal employee who might be interested in cycling to work. Your site and corporate comms also needs to engage them, otherwise the moment they get the email from HR saying "we've hired PleaseCycle to help with our efforts to encourage riding to work" they'll be googling your site and coming to the conclusion in the thread title.

OK. I’ll stop taking the piss now.

One of the reasons why we [b]didn’t[/b] have a 3rd party cycle scheme at our place is that HR couldn’t be bothered with all the ambiguous BS. All they wanted to know was how to set it up and how much it would cost/save. In the end we set up our own in house scheme and the first bits of kit arrived yesterday. 😀

I (in my role of in house Ride 2 Work Czar) do the rules and the order vetting. Purchasing do the purchasing. Accounts do the accounts.

If somebody had offered a “plain English” alternative they may have considered it.

Whatever… Good luck and I hope it all works out for you. Fair play to you for coming on here and fighting your corner 😉

As a general question, would you not prefer your employer to have a more positive outlook on cycling?

Yes. But isn't the best way to tell it like it is? [i]"Right Boss, these are the scheme rules, this shop will give us 10% discount, the showers need upgrading and you'll need more bike racking. Does that make sense?".[/i]

Then again we are a Manchester based engineering firm. If you are chasing the buzz word and fixie market you may need a different approach.

Oldgit: looks that way doesn't it?!

I can see what they're trying to do and it's a great aim. But I can just imagine Alan Sugar looking at the people behind this and telling them that the idea is sound but their branding is crap, WTF does the language mean and by the way, you're fired. 😉

Pleasecycle: honestly, it's a good idea, it's great that what I mentioned earlier can be found in one place, help businesses to promote cycling but you're out of date with the management buzzspeak. I thought most places had abandoned that kind of talk and (as others have said), if you want to promote it to the wider marker it needs to say exactly what you do in clear plain language.

I think everybody's being very cruel about the website.

After all, it's only just half way through half term. I'm sure he'll have it looking quite good by the time he has to hand it in on Monday.

Deliver tangible and [u]intangible[/u] value for employers by inspiring cycling.

So you want to deliver value that is for all intents and purposes unseen, unknown and unverifiable?

I'm in!

Bag of ****.

They'll end up on 'The Apprentice' in a year or twos time, no doubt.

Rich

Ok bullshit bingo jokes aside, it is amusing language, it is actually a laudable intent. If they are telling the truth or not who doesn't want more business supporting cycling? If I was an employee I would want my boss to be a pro cycling as possible, more bike racks, more showers cctv on the bike rack, bike to work schemes etc etc.

Dear PleaseCycle,

I put it to you that HR managers in large corporates are also human beings capable of understanding plain english.

I'm sure you've done your research and been told that people like to be spoken to in that way but in the 8 years I've been marketing to folk like that I've always tried to make language as easy as possible for them to understand - because otherwise they switch off...

Also my lady friend is an HR manager who works for a large corporate and has worked for many big banks and she HATES that kind of speak!

Maybe you could try having two websites with different copy and see which does better. If you do, please let me know as I'd love to know the outcome.

Best of luck with it though - I do think the idea is a good one

The people signing the deal will not be HR. If a company cycle to work strategy is being adopted, it's going to be CEO level individuals who will be making noises about it and they *love* that sort of stuff. Coloured crayons, incomprehensible buzz words, pretty pictures.

That said I do think it's a bit over the top myself. What is needed here (and I presume this is what's on offer), is a consutancy team who will come in and provide a complete plan for your new green transport policy. The senior management involved will not want to get involved in any of the detail, they want good company image, productive employees and a nice bubble wrapped solution.

If this company can help this happen and get more people on bikes with corporate sponsorship then I'm right up for it. Time will tell if it will actually work.

I tried to access the registration page, and it was blocked by my corporate firewall 🙄

The language is laughable, and it is all unsubstantiated bullshit that just doesn't make companies get the chequebook out. It's an idea, but without content it doesn't work.

The people signing the deal will not be HR. If a company cycle to work strategy is being adopted, it's going to be CEO level individuals who will be making noises about it and they *love* that sort of stuff. Coloured crayons, incomprehensible buzz words, pretty pictures.

But who will be presenting it to the CEO? I'm pretty sure that our MD is busy doing other stuff and would trust the sourcing of a scheme provider to others who would report their findings too him.

Obviously I'm still working on a lot of presuppositions here Harry as it's their business model not mine but you're assuming the way this will reach the MD will be through the company. I'm guessing it's more likely the MD will be following a green drive of some description.

These people need to intercept him directly at that point while that driver is in one side of his mind and the huge gaping hole of panic on the other side is yet to be filled. (Although I agree that by suggesting that he might be alarmed about something is probably incorrect, after all that's how senior management get to those positions, by being supremely confident).

MD looking for a solution to his problem - This company jumps in at whatever forum they choose to engage, he likes what he sees because it's language he understands, calls up the board, points them at the company, "Make that happen. The door is the wooden thing in the wall."

I'm just going from my own experience here.

I've just implemented our scheme myself. The instruction from the Directors was to go away and come back with some answers. If they liked them they got the nod.

They did. It did.

Also... if it had gone tits up it had my name on it. 😉

If I'm going to knock on the MD's door I want to be 100% happy with what I'm going to present.

[img] [/img]
Harry the Spider 100% happy with what he's presenting to the MD.

It's bullshit but at least it's promoting cycling.

Do the ends justify the (bullshit) means?

Harry the Spider 100% happy with what he's presenting to the MD.

I've just had a bit of a read. A bit BSy but not as bad as some stuff I've read and TBH not enough to put me off.

My biggest complaint would be that if I do what most financial people do and click on 'pricing', it tells me what it costs but it's not obvious what I actually get (tangible!) for that money.

Can somebody explain what "intrinsic unmanufacturability" is?

(from a magazine article NTDW pleasecycle)

I love the Team profile page, they all have other jobs doing other incredibly intangible work... probably with an offshore account, funded by mummy and daddy.

[url] http://pleasecycle.com/the-team/ [/url]

If you read the 'Team' link on their website...

[i]"Ry (their CEO) landed a placement at CURB Media during the summer of 2009 and gained a profound understanding of the advertising industry[/i]

That must mean he was stuffed full of BS words, rattled around a bit like a tombolo and out popped Pleasecycle.

Reading the resumes (from the site) of the people involved, it does beg the question of why they'd be involved in such a venture as this, and how they'd have the time to do so, given their illustrious careers.

Ry (their CEO) landed a placement at CURB Media during the summer of 2009 and gained a profound understanding of the advertising industry

That did make me laugh. A summer placement during which he gained a [b]profound[/b] understanding. LOL. That section really is BSy...

Oooo... and I love this:

Their head of communications:

[i]Oliver is the founding director of The Hunting Dynasty, a sustainability communications agency specialising in creative ways to promote products and behaviour, using a blend of advertising, innovative messaging, and behavioural theory.[/i]

Beautiful words.

I use innovative messaging all the time, like writing 'GFY' on post-it notes and popping it in the fridge on my workmates lunch.

You'd think we were selling stocks/oil instead of inspiring cycling given the personal comments, although we do love the activity PleaseCycle seems to have generated!

Admittedly our copywriter may have swallowed a scrabble-board while typing up the website, but it's something that can/will be changed according to feedback like this. That said, our overall intent and offering is very much a bike friendly one-stop-shop for companies to get more involved in cycling, and we're happy to see quite a few people identifying that as a very positive thing.

Many thanks to people who have made contact and expressed such opinions directly - keep them coming!

Continuing the discussion, how would you all feel if your employer offered an extra 5 minutes of holiday time for every return journey you made to work by bike? And no, pigs haven't grown wings quite yet, it's [url= http://www.maydaynetwork.com/journey-stories/forster-inspiring-behavioural-change-within ]actually starting to happen[/url].

P.s - Buttscratcher has been cracking us up in the office. If he/she is ever in London and fancies a beer then get in touch.

I must say, typical STW responses to someone actually doing something. Like the thread the other week about the scooters, this kind of thing brings out the worst kind of pack mentality.

Only here could a website encouraging cycling be seen as a negative thing.

Only here could a website encouraging cycling be seen as a negative thing.

I think you'll find I was actually very positive (and that was before "pleasecycle" came along and started posting). My constructive criticism (which is pretty much the criticism of everyone else, even if some folk have been a bit more vitriolic than others) is that the language they've utilised to roll out their tangible and intangible benefits and leverage positive outcomes isn't what 99% of us want to read...

Great idea, just fix the writing.

Admittedly our copywriter may have swallowed a scrabble-board while typing up the website, but it's something that can/will be changed according to feedback like this. That said, our overall intent and offering is very much a bike friendly one-stop-shop for companies to get more involved in cycling, and we're happy to see quite a few people identifying that as a very positive thing.

Write it yourself like this ^^^! You come over way better on here than on your own site.

5 minutes per round trip ride to work... by a rough calculation I make that about 2.5 days extra holiday per year up for grabs if you commute every day?

I'd take that (my company already lets me buy extra holiday, but this would be nice too).

No extra benefit for people who ride further? I can foresee resentment when the bloke who usually walks from around the corner brings a bike with him to get himself the same amount of extra holiday as my 15 mile commute through the teeth of a gale.

Dave

Not going to go into the website, I think that's been covered pretty accurately above, but...

how would you all feel if your employer offered an extra 5 minutes of holiday time for every return journey you made to work by bike?

So, approximately [edit] 2 days per year if you cycle to and from work everyday. It would be nice, but not as useful as showers & secure storage.

I don't commute to work anymore as I work from home these days but when i did the main drawbacks were the rate at which I went through components and clothing. So from an employee perspective I would say the most useful thing after storage and showers would be a hefty discount with a good local bike shop. The holidays thing is nice but it wouldn't sway me one way or the other.

Fair point crazy legs - but you get my point.

I think the idea itself is a good one, but the marketing of it is quite odd and comes across as a bit pretentious 🙂

To appease some comments on the first page this has just been sent to our copywriter:

[img] [/img]

Nice work.

Wind. Sorry.

Agree with the general opinion on here, good idea, flowery/****y language overdone even if the website is being pitched at HR/CEO level rather than employees. We are all cynics though...

3 main things I'd be concerned about:

- Nothing about showers and changing facilities/storage, most places have at least somewhere to lock a bike to a fence but without showers and changing rooms and lockers or similar, only the hardcore (read happy to strip off in the loos after a 15mile commute in the snow, wash their armpits with cold water in the sink, throw on yesterdays shirt with a liberal blast of deodorant) will be OK with cycling in. This is usually harder to sort in small places and is exactly the sort of thing they should be helping with.

- I've obviously only seen the website not the actual package, but the cycle storage all looks geared to internal space, something about locked and covered sheds and cctv would make most folks happier than outdoors bike racks when internal space is at a premium (lots of places).

- Possibly very importantly, there seems to be no mention of the cycle to work tax break scheme at all - do you actually assist with that, as again it's a great incentive but lots of companies big and small don't want the hassle of setting it up and need to be guided through the process. Maybe you could employ Harry-The-Spider as an example of premier class objective leveraging of MD level clients to facilitise envisaging and achieving goal led targets going forwards for the intangible and tangible benefit of multiple hierachichal stakeholders (or in plain language sorting out the c2w scheme to get more folks cycling for the good of everyone).

And you do come across way better on here than the website.

Can we take this off-line yet?

That's the spirit!

So, now that you've won us over...

What exactly do you provide?

I'm not trolling here. If I had 100 employees and got you in to do your stuff what would I get for my money? (I'm assuming that your services aren't free.)

companies big and small don't want the hassle of setting it up and need to be guided through the process. Maybe you could employ Harry-The-Spider as an example of premier class objective leveraging of MD level clients to facilitise envisaging and achieving goal led targets going forwards for the intangible and tangible benefit of multiple hierachichal stakeholders (or in plain language sorting out the c2w scheme to get more folks cycling for the good of everyone).

I only did it to get a cheap road bike! £700 down to £428 over 12 months if you know where to look 😉

Companies love this sort of 'greenwash' crap and if someone's trying to leverage some of the spare corporate cash by giving them what they want to please their stakeholders then good luck to pleasecycle.

I used to work for O2 and they organised a LEJoG relay once. I stupidly agreed to do a leg cos I was one of the only people in my control centre to cycle to work. I was astounded! The money raised was eclipsed by the fuel bill for the chase cars. About 12 cyclists doing approx 12 mph over 15 miles. One vehicle ahead of us , three behind us, all crawling along with hazards flashing. Some legs were completed by runners - imagine how slow they went! But the company went into green-fuelled charity ecstasy!

This company would love it!
http://www.reynholm.co.uk/profile.php

I use innovative messaging all the time, like writing 'GFY' on post-it notes and popping it in the fridge on my workmates lunch.

😆

"[i]Ry (their CEO) landed a placement at CURB Media during the summer of 2009 and gained a profound understanding of the advertising industry [/i]"

Heh. I read that as "Ry spent his internship money on a truckload of coke".

"[i]a bike friendly one-stop-shop for companies to get more involved in cycling[/i]"

Oh. HALLEBLOODYLUJAH! Print that out on a sheet of A0, staple a dead badger to it, and dump it on the desk of whoever wrote your current strapline of "We provide organisations with turkey solutions to inspire cycling in the workplace".

Thanks again to all who have been in touch and also to those who posted insightful comments on this thread. We really appreciate the feedback and will certainly make a few changes because of it. As a company our proposition is about getting more organisations to invest in cycling by creating one place to fulfill all their cycle needs.

In reponse to HtS above, we provide two main services to clients upon sign-up. [b]The first[/b] is an online hub of information which has (a) a section for employees where they can learn about cycling, record journeys/miles, plan routes, shop for discounted-equipment etc.; and (b) a section for employers with tools to promote cycing, the benefits of doing so, and how they could become more cycle friendly. [b]The second[/b] is called "Bike Concierge," a list of bookable cycle services to cater for any corporate cycling need - whether training, maintainence, parking solutions, c2w scheme, charity rides or otherwise. Access to both the online hub and Bike Concierge are included in a single [url= http://pleasecycle.com/how-it-works/pricing/ ]price[/url] per organisation.

If anyone else wishes to speak more directly about PleaseCycle and our offering then we're still happy to chat via info@pleasecycle.com - so feel free to get in touch.

So you provide a repository of cycle related information but don't actually provide any physical service beyond that?

@muppetWrangler - To clarify, [url= http://pleasecycle.com/bike-concierge/ ]Bike Concierge[/url] is a "list" of accessible services. I.e. we actually provide the service as/when required, such as quarterly maintenance sessions or a staff cycle event, for example. A lot of cycling services out there aren't specifically tailored to a corporate environment, so we've built a network of great cycle suppliers and tweaked their offerings to suit businesses. Ultimately, if a HR department wanted to give 50 employees the opportunity to become confident commuting by bike then they'd simply need to call PleaseCycle and we'd do the rest.

@pleasecycle

Cheers for taking my comments in the manner they were intended.

I'd love a beer next time I'm London-bound. I used to be a Technical Writer, so have a passion / pedantism for words and their use.

To all on STW:

We've now tweaked a LOT of the copy on the website according to the feedback on this forum and some individual emails. We'd love your ongoing thoughts (whether positive or negative) so feel free to check out the renewed text and get in touch: [url= http://pleasecycle.com/ ]www.pleasecycle.com[/url]

The "What We Do" pages have probably had the most work done, so be sure to give them a read... If any of it tickles-your-fancy or gets-your-goat then don't hesitate to get in touch: info@pleasecycle.com

Oh, and we recently created a fact-sheet to run under the noses of employers to relay the benfits of cycling ([url= http://pleasecycle.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/PleaseCycle_InspiringCycling.pdf ]Downloadable PDF[/url]). Any thoughts you have on that are equally welcomed.

(p.s - same email goes for you, Buttscratcher - London pint is on us.)

Please don't forget to leverage the synergies. Or something.

Pleasecycle - well done for taking the piss taking well and taking the comments on board.

here is a useful link for you

http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/

This is why I love STW, and Pleasecycle you have portrayed you and your company very well on here when it would have been very easy to hide. The Website is now reading much better.

I have sent you an email as I shall refer your services to my employer as they are currently looking to alternative transport arrangement.

All the best.