I’m terrified of the day when I can’t do it
I don't know if you do or not, but a few years ago I binned off Strava because of the psychological effect it was having on my riding. Sections that I know I can ride perfectly fine became a big barrier simply because I knew the times of them, and the "need" to beat my time - I lived in a honey pot area and I wouldn't even get into the top 50 let alone top 10 normally, meant that I wouldn't ride unless I was feeling 100% ready to "smash it" So lot's of them time, I'd find an excuse not to ride. It made me pretty unhappy - especially at the time I was riding in a pretty good area for MTB. So off went Strava, and it's lifted a whole weight that I really didn't realise was there at the time.
Now I just ride. For myself. I don't set targets, I don't measure myself against others, I don't go if I'm not feeling it, but I do bimble and muck about if I want to "waste" a ride
I've barely touched my bike over winter, just can't be bothered with anything of late, but I'm sure once the sun comes out I'll be back at it, I've started running to drop a few pounds in readiness for spring, I've recently been diagnosed with an under active thyroid so that explains a lot.
How far are you from some good, mellow, quiet riding?
Is it too simple to say that you just need to grab some kit, now, then get on the bike and go - just plan to be out for an hour, no route in mind, just pedal and see how it feels?
Because
loving MTB’ing and the peace it brings me.
says it'll be worth it.
I know it is a simple answer and there can be so much more to all this. And I realise that genuine depression makes action difficult or impossible to take. But perhaps that's the point I'm getting at - when I'm a bit half-arsed needing willpower or to kickstart myself I just have to "JFDI right now" and crack on, and I know I'll feel better afterward for doing it, conversely I'll feel worse if I continue to procrastinate.
Because there's a big difference between being a bit 'CBA' one day/week and actual, genuine depression. I don't have it thankfully so I don't really have any excuse.
If you really can't do that - genuinely can't see the point of going out for a quick pedal and are worried about something going wrong- then try to some help as it might be something closer to clinical depression.
PS - a recommended read that I stumbled across last year.
I was on a bike tour in Wales, a second attempt at a route after bailing on day 3 last time due to cumulative effects of covid, job stress, injury and related lack of fitness plus maybe an element of burnout of some sort. I found it in a phone box bookstore and thought it looked like an easy read format on a topic that maybe I should know something about. The ride went well and I felt closer to back to fitness and the book was excellent, confirmed to me how big the difference between 'a bit low these days' and actual Depression was. I think it's really important for us to be able to recognise depression in others and try to understand how 'buck up, you'll be fine' isn't helpful to someone who's depressed in the clinical way (said realising what I posted above).
Are you in England OP? If so, which county?
Funnily enough I am documenting every (public) health & wellbeing service in England for my job this week, and it sounds like you might be a good candidate for the health coaching some of them offer. My company offers it too, and I've heard first hand how good it is from some of the service users.
And getting attention now is not a waste of resources - because it hopefully saves the NHS money down the line when you don't have chronic health conditions.
Edit: Feel free to message me if you like OP 🙂
There is nothing “pitiful” about this. We need to be more open about this - it happens to most of us.
There are some great suggestions of getting some blood tests done including thyroid, testosterone and iron.
You’ve taken the first step in posting about it - might be an idea to talk to someone about it - including your GP.
steamtb
I was 50 last year and just playing on bikes has been quite positive for me. Last year I was watching youngsters doing biggish gap jump lines and thinking that’s something I’d never have the opportunity or ability to do given my age. I’m now doing those jumps and having a lot of fun with it, all down to just playing and having fun instead of just doing a “ride”. The social side of it helps me a lot mentally too, although I know what you mean about solitude being good at times.
I barely remember 50... but most of my riding buddies are thereabouts.
The thing is we spend a lot of time just f%^@ing about in the woods we just have bikes.
Then we also do more pedal day or more jumps or bikeparks etc.
Some people only do some types and others do some of everything and I'll still go out alone 2-3 times a week anyway or sometimes I'll do a group ride then go on another more taxing ride.
The social side of it helps me a lot mentally too, although I know what you mean about solitude being good at times.
I'd struggle with my solo rides if it wasn't for the social as well.
We even change rides when someone is injured so we can still meet and be social or they can take some photos etc. even when they can't ride.
There are some great suggestions of getting some blood tests done including thyroid, testosterone and iron.
You’ve taken the first step in posting about it – might be an idea to talk to someone about it – including your GP.
Unless they have private insurance or can afford to pay themselves that's about as useful as the NHS adverts for if you are worried you might have cancer if you can only see a GP when its an emergency
Whatever you decide to do you're really going to have to force yourself to do it. Avoid procrastination or telling yourself 'you dont have time'.
Time is an illusion
Lunchtime doubly so.
