[Closed] Are you this Dad?

My own kids love exercise and activities,

So yes, you will sometimes see us riding up a steep hill, 50 miles into a ride, with my son in tears, bellowing obscenities at me, while I tell him to "man up and push harder for the top!

Sometimes, it's so bloody frustrating that my Son at 9 didn't love the same thing I found by accident at 28.

I have the opposite problem.

I hate football. I've always hated football. I hate the whole culture of football. I've been to matches with my mates when I was young to try and fit in and enjoy it because there must be something to it right? It's so popular and it's pretty much all some blokes talk about. I just don't get it.
I have two sons and a daughter . My youngest son who is 9. lives and breathes football. As a consequence I spend at least 6 hours every week on a football pitch coaching his team because it's more productive than just standing in the rain watching.

I wish he liked something else. I really do.
I'd never tell him that though.

You just have to remember that when you're riding with your kids it's about them not you.

If they have an awesome time, you'll have a an awesome time too.

+1.

I always ride alongside/behind my kids, the only time i'll go in front is to check a route or deal with traffic/road crossings.

I see time on the bikes as a good opportunity to talk to/spend time with my kids, which I can't do if I'm 200m up the road.

definatly not this dad , was out with gnusmas and the rest the weekend past with my 12yr old , he really dosent like up hills ,so even though every one else was only bumbling up to the top me and the took it even easier little cycle little pushing , it may have taken a extra hour to get to the top and me pushing both bikes up at points but when you stop on the downs look back and see the ear to ear grin its well worth spending the time pushing up and having a laugh and joke with him , we see kids his age and younger riding past us whilst he is having a rest or pushing up but all kids are different , I know from experience with mine that its a very fine line between encouragement and him getting a touch angry , if your out with the kids its exactly that your spending time with them so go at their pace , also cake and fizzy drinks at the end work a treat (we do look a bit strange though both on the same bikes , it was a case of I want one the same as dads )

God I hope I'm not like that. My son & I cycle to his school twice a week, sometimes more depending on my work. Its great. He chats all the way there and all the way back. I push him up the steep bits and shadow him all the rest of the way. We've started to practice skills on the way - little tiny manuals & bunny hops. He thinks its so funny that I can jump straight over horse poo on the track!

It took loads of patience to get him riding. Sometimes he'd get really frustrated & storm off and I just had to accept that. In the end though he got it and now I can't keep him off his bike. Which is awesome.

We're off skiing in Feb. I hope he enjoys his first week at ski school, but there's every possibility that he'll find it hard & get really pi$$ed off with it all (I did). Which is fine, he's his own person & will make his own mind up about what he wants to do. I'm just there to open the doors for him.

He's only 4 after all.

a lot of the dads in our school related social circle are involved in the local rugby club and have asked a few times when I'm going to bring my lad down to join. Now, despite the constant bantz about the internal politics of the U-13 B team, from everything I hear its a really well run club that doesn't tolerate pushy touchline parenting. But, good god, I'd rather stick a blunt fork in my eye than watch rugby so I politely decline and keep my fingers crossed the lad doesn't get interested in it.

However if there's one thing you learn as a parent it's that your children are not you and they will make up their own minds about what they like and dislike and the one thing you need to do is support them, at least as long as its a healthy interest. I've even learned to tolerate musical theatre for my daughters sake so don't tell me I haven't made sacrifices.

My own kids love exercise and activities,

So yes, you will sometimes see us riding up a steep hill, 50 miles into a ride, with my son in tears, bellowing obscenities at me, while I tell him to "man up and push harder for the top!

It [i]is[/i] a tough line knowing how far to go. Kids do complain about stuff (I've got a lot of sympathy for the chap who stated that he managed 45s on a run with his son!) and building it up so they can do longer rides doesn't happen overnight and, inevitably, you hit something where you need to decide whether to push over it or turn back. That's a hard call to make, and I won't pretend that it's one we always get right.

The point is that, IME, kids do need a bit of prodding in the right direction and while at the specific moment when you're challenging them to do something tough they may well complain about it, when they succeed in climbing that hill, completing that race (or whatever else it might be) the sense of achievement they feel makes all of the tough bits seem worthwhile.

I have the opposite problem.

I hate football. I've always hated football. I hate the whole culture of football. I've been to matches with my mates when I was young to try and fit in and enjoy it because there must be something to it right? It's so popular and it's pretty much all some blokes talk about. I just don't get it.
I have two sons and a daughter . My youngest son who is 9. lives and breathes football. As a consequence I spend at least 6 hours every week on a football pitch coaching his team because it's more productive than just standing in the rain watching.

I wish he liked something else. I really do.
I'd never tell him that though.

I feel your pain - I have a son (16) and a daughter (12). They both bloody love football. 2 x trainings a week, 2 x matches on a weekend (usually one on each day). They do both own bikes, but wear football boots much more often than bike helmets. I don't really like football.

Think I'm pretty lucky.. got this text from dezbjr yesterday 😀

[img] http://tinyurl.com/y8ns7rku [/img]

Not quite that dad, but I do lack patience sometimes. Youngest just randomly decides he isn't riding or he hates it, sigh. And eldest can be mard about stuff he's ridden before or stuff I know to be well within his limits. Those times I can sometimes err to the "stop dicking about and get on with it" parenting style. What so many of my teachers said of me still stands "needs to try harder"
<ashamed face>

It is a tough line knowing how far to go.

It's not that tough. I follow a simple rule of not reducing my children to tears.

The point is that, IME, kids do need a bit of prodding in the right direction

They get that all week at school. They need some time to do stuff they enjoy, without being yelled at because they're not trying hard enough.

It is a tough line knowing how far to go.

It's not that tough. I follow a simple rule of not reducing my children to tears.

The point is that, IME, kids do need a bit of prodding in the right direction

They get that all week at school. They need some time to do stuff they enjoy, without being yelled at because they're not trying hard enough.

When I did normal bike repairs, the number of parents who would say "I don't want to spend too much money repairing it, it's only for the kid". I often ended up doing quite a bit more than was asked (and paid for) because I felt sorry for the kid.

When I did normal bike repairs, the number of parents who would say "I don't want to spend too much money repairing it, it's only for the kid". I often ended up doing quite a bit more than was asked (and paid for) because I felt sorry for the kid.

[i]I suspect I'm not the only one here who has had his kids' friends turn up on bikes while working in the garage and after a brief glance, say "just pop it in here and let me see if I can't make those brakes / gears / chain / handlebars / saddle work a little better for you"[/i]

My kid's friend turned up for a ride: It was more "Here stick that bike in the garage and use this one" 😆

However if there's one thing you learn as a parent it's that your children are not you and they will make up their own minds about what they like and dislike and the one thing you need to do is support them, at least as long as its a healthy interest. I've even learned to tolerate musical theatre for my daughters sake so don't tell me I haven't made sacrifices.

+1.

Hence why I spend most of my weekends running backwards and forwards to Gymnastics with youngest daughter, and dance/drama/musical theatre stuff with the eldest daughter.
All the time they're doing good, healthy activities I'm not complaining, the youngest (aged 7) looks exhausted after Gymnastics - and it isn't because they're pushing her, it is because she 100% believes she's going to the Olympics one day.

I'm not complaining, the youngest (aged 7) looks exhausted after Gymnastics - and it isn't because they're pushing her, it is because she 100% believes she's going to the Olympics one day.

My eldest has discovered climbing and absolutely loves it, I think secretly because there's quite a lot of standing around so she can chat to her friends in between climbs, but it's been nice to see her enjoy a sport that I know nothing about (in fact, I'm terrified of heights, so couldn't do it even if I wanted to!)

That's great and I'm glad it's working well for you. I'm sure you've got your hands quite full enough with your own family to not need to spend too much time criticising how others raise their own. Suffice to say, there's nothing like a bit of variety in life

If you're going to explain in some detail (taking valuable time out from your peculiar brand of motivation) how you are choosing to raise your children then don't be surprised if people comment on it.

When I did normal bike repairs, the number of parents who would say "I don't want to spend too much money repairing it, it's only for the kid". I often ended up doing quite a bit more than was asked (and paid for) because I felt sorry for the kid

I've seen the flip-side of that. A friend was quoted £50 by her LBS to service a Frog bike she had just bought second-hand for her daughter. I gave it the once over - it needed new inner brake cables, the gears and brakes adjusting, some oil on the chain and the tyres pumping up. Took me less than 30 minutes - and I reckon a bike shop mechanic would do it in 15.

The OP is overbearingly outrageous.

I prefer to angrily chase mine around a U10 XC track shouting motivational sentences 😉

If you're going to explain in some detail (taking valuable time out from your peculiar brand of motivation) how you are choosing to raise your children then don't be surprised if people comment on it.

And did I say that I ever actually shout at my children? Or in fact, that I am ever anything but entirely encouraging to their love of this sport? In fact, I would say that 90% of the rides we do are done entirely at their pace, but like any good parent, I want to encourage my own children to better their performance and try things that they wouldn't have done before - perhaps a longer or more challenging ride, or perhaps an endurance event or race. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail but they will keep trying and I will keep encouraging them. And nothing here is specific to cycling either - I will always encourage my children to challenge themselves and not be willing to accept the status quo.

Perhaps my original post was poorly worded and gave the impression that I am a cruel taskmaster. In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth. I want to encourage them to discover their own potential.

Just to be completely clear here. If you are mid-way through a ride and one of your own children declares that they've "had enough", would you immediately pull into the side and call for a taxi to recover you back home?

Every ride I've ever done with them is planned so it can be cut short either by taking a train or by getting my wife to pick us up.

Perhaps my original post was poorly worded and gave the impression that I am a cruel taskmaster. In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth. I want to encourage them to discover their own potential.

Every ride I've ever done with them is planned so it can be cut short either by taking a train or by getting my wife to pick us up.

Well done, I bow to the awesomeness of your parenting. You are clearly superior and I feel that I can't compete any more!

Thanks! You may get on better if you stop seeing everything as a competition.

Thanks! You may get on better if you stop seeing everything as a competition.

Yes, don't be competitive, be judgmental. 😉

I'm sorry, but if you're reducing your children to tears and tantrums, then "cruel taskmaster" is exactly how you sound

My then 8 year old cried at Brechfa, it was 2 below and hard for him, but we were on a trail in the mountains, what else could we do. There was no bailout option.

I ended up putting his feet in my mouth with his sweaty socks on and warming them with my breath!

He cried more later though too.

That's not bad parenting, as the parenting above you've chosen is also not. Kids take encouragement sometimes completely the wrong way and feel it's an insult.

I ended up putting his feet in my mouth with his sweaty socks on and warming them with my breath!

My then 8 year old cried at Brechfa, it was 2 below and hard for him, but we were on a trail in the mountains, what else could we do. There was no bailout option.

I ended up putting his feet in my mouth with his sweaty socks on and warming them with my breath!

Yes, don't be competitive, be judgmental.

Yes, I formed a judgement from the description given.

So you did your best in a difficult situation, rather than tell your kid to man up

Both. I told him to man up plenty as the climb was tough when 8 on the route we did.

Yes, don't be competitive, be judgmental

yeah, this was quite a good thread until the mumsnet passive aggressive bollocks.

Hence why I spend most of my weekends running backwards and forwards to Gymnastics with youngest daughter, and dance/drama/musical theatre stuff with the eldest daughter.
[b]All the time they're doing good, healthy activities I'm not complaining, the youngest (aged 7) looks exhausted after Gymnastics - and it isn't because they're pushing her, it is because she 100% believes she's going to the Olympics one day.[/b]

My daughter (also 7) is the same with dancing - she's convinced she's going to be a ballerina so works her backside off for 4 hours a week - with no prodding from us what so ever.

And on a Saturday after her 2.5 hours dancing she'll often come home and ask to go out on the bikes.

This was a good thread before the bickering 🙄

Both. I told him to man up plenty as the climb was tough when 8 on the route we did.

I see. I wouldn't call it bad parenting, but I would see it as a mistake.

My daughter (also 7) is the same with dancing - she's convinced she's going to be a ballerina so works her backside off for 4 hours a week - with no prodding from us what so ever.

That's the point, isn't it? If they really want to do something, they don't need us standing over them providing "encouragement".

Brilliant.

Another frustrated dad here - my kids do occasionally go riding with me, but nowhere near as much as I imagined they would, or as much as it seems a lot of other people's kids do. I suppose I don't actually go riding all that much myself nowadays, so they don't have me as the role model doing all that stuff, but I'm not sure that's it - I do go rock climbing regularly, and whilst they do enjoy doing that it's still a struggle to get them to do that with me. It was also a struggle even when I was doing a lot more - the one and only time I tried taking oldest riding on the Malverns he got fed up most of the way up the first climb (it got a lot easier and more fun shortly after) and I've never managed to persuade him again. Before anybody gets ideas that I'm trying to do stuff which is way too hard, as pointed out above I ride a unicycle so have spent time finding easier riding for myself and I'm sure he can ride anything I can ride on my unicycle (he gets around bits of the skills trail in the FoD I find really hard without any problem). Similarly the couple of times I've tried riding Verderers at FoD we've never got very far round - yet I see younger kids riding it, and there's nothing wrong with the physical capabilities of mine. Maybe I should have tried pushing them harder, but apart from not being keen on that I suspect it would have been counter productive - oldest is very obstinate. I took them along to the kids sessions run by the local bike club, and some low key racing but whilst their skills are good, my oldest got fed up that other kids were quicker - it's a vicious circle, he could be a lot quicker very easily if he did a bit more riding. Even more frustrating though is that my youngest is far less obstinate and I'm sure I could have got him out doing more, but he doesn't want to because my oldest doesn't (youngest is actually less bold and skills aren't so good, but he would learn if he rode more).

I'm not sure what the point of all that is, apart from that kids are different and if you can get your kids to go out on proper rides with you then you should count yourself lucky (prompted by this I did just suggest to oldest he could come for a ride with me and got a very definitive no). I suppose I should be happy they are busy doing active things, even if not anything I do or anything with me.

I find passive aggressive behaviour fascinating.

I find passive aggressive behaviour fascinating.

Making a point whilst avoiding direct confrontation?

My view is, surely its a god thing the parents are doing something with their kids. Sure some questionable parenting going on, but better that then letting them sit to rot on their xbox in a bedroom.

For me, i dont push my kids. I get frustrated with my little boy (7 year old) at Rugby, football etc. because he just doesn't listen. I never bollox him mind. If he decides one day he doesn't want to do it, then thats fine. My daughter was the same. I spent a fortune on a boat, all the kit and we sailed together for a few a while (she is now 12) I asked her if she enjoyed it and she said she enjoyed the 1-2-1 time, but not the sport. So we stopped. I have a pimped up Carrera Luna in the garage, included Fox forks, super light bits, wheels and all. She never rides. But she is happy and i will support her with anything she decides to do. Not sure Im doing it the right way, but to me all i want is them to be happy. If that meant me shipping them around the country at weekends then that is what i would do...Luckily they dont!

aracer - Yeah, this is a problem that I have with my eldest. She's a good cyclist and is easily fit enough to do the rides I ask of her, but she just doesn't want to and would prefer to go shopping with mum! One of the things that has helped with her is riding in a club environment and even switching to a bit of road riding, as I think she finds the technical stuff both challenging and a little intimidating. In fact, she rarely uses her MTB at club coaching now.

One other thing that our club do is social road riding for kids - this introduces a very social element to the rides (frankly, my kids never stop talking when cycling!) as well as focusing on different aspects of cycling, especially the teamwork and group riding parts. This has worked well for my kids - maybe it's an option for you?

[i]Making a point whilst avoiding direct confrontation? [/i]

No, it's a behaviour.

Well, yes.

No.

Er...

i think one of the things that get me interested in MTBing aged 12/13 was that it was mine - my parents weren't involved, me and a mate could just go off into the hills and do our own thing for the day.

if they'd been there egging me on I think I would have lost interest, the contrary little sod that I was 😆

stuff this for a lark. I'm off home to shout at my kids for wearing their helmets incorrectly near a strangulation hazard.

Making a point whilst avoiding direct confrontation?

No, it's a behaviour.

I was describing a way in which it can manifest itself. It seemed to be what you were doing, but maybe I misinterpreted your post.