[Closed] Another "Help - Tubeless" thread

I really could do with a spot of guidance setting up tubeless for the first time.....before I have Michael Douglas - Falling Down moment.
Tyres are Ardents, Tubeless ready on Stan's Arch with yellow tape. The beads simply won't seat, or at least stay seated. I've tried soapy water, neat fairy liquid, ghetto inflator and now and inflating with a compressor set to obscene pressures. As soon as the air source is removed the beads bugger off back to the centre of the rim.
I can't try the 'tube in overnight method' as I can't even get the tyres on the rim with a tube fitted.