Calling you hardworking denizens of offices, workshops, spare rooms, laboratories. You fastidious computer users, shufflers of paper, sorters of laundry. You diligent princes, paupers and penpushers of all stripes. Put down your tools! The lathe, the chisel. The trusty spade! The mighty hoe! The venerable hamster!
Look up, with eyes to see! Gaze upon the mighty, and TREMBLE.
(kicks minion down well)
Well now, look at this. More orange than a carrot with a fake tan made of Irn Bru, it’s the Turner Czar*. 100mm of XC travel, and some very smooth lines indeed. We like the way this M version’s top tube segues wonderfully into the seat stays.
*Actually, some people think it’s ‘burnt ochre’ or something. Which is possible, I suppose, but I honestly have trouble seeing more colours than the normal six**
**Yes, six. Newton only turned ‘purple’ into ‘indigo’ and ‘violet’ because he was a mentalist, and thought that 7 was a holier number. HE DID! Would you trust someone who deliberately looked into the sun because everyone told him not to??***
***He went blind for quite a long time. Well, duh.
… and Easton Lockon grips which are 33mm wide. In a fetching orange, natch. Real orange, this time. Although there wasn’t a word for it in the late 15th Century – it was just called yellow-red. It was only when Portugese traders brought orange plants to Europe from Asia that we had a word for people who overuse tanning salons (apart from mentalist).
The Turner’s also got Easton EA90 XC wheels, shod – actually, I don’t like the word shod – let’s try for wrapped. No, enveloped. That sounds more chocolatey. EA90 wheels, lovingly enrobed with lashings of luscious Onza rubber in a Canis 2.25 flavour.
- Frame: £2395
- Seatpost: £119.99
- Wheels: R – £439.99 F – £399.99
- Tyres: £44.95
- Bar: £49.99
- Stem: £79.99
- Grips: £24.99
All from Silverfish
Suntour Axon Werx 27.5 fork
*Don’t fret – I’m consumed with self loathing as it is.
DO NOT USE YOUR XC 100mm TRAVEL FORK FOR FREERIDE EXTREME! Those, my friends, are wise words. All Mountain is OK though. Can someone tell me what All Mountain is these days? Anything up to and including Red Bull Rampage?
From: SR Suntour
Here’s Tom, ladies and gentlemen. He’s modelling some lovely kit from Norønna (I copied and pasted the funny letters from last week’s FGF, if you’re worried). And, yes, there are more photos of Tom, you lucky people. If you’re good I’ll put them at the bottom – only if you’re good, mind.
- fjørå lightweight shorts – £99
- fjørå equaliser lightweight long sleeve (M) – £79
All from Norrøna
CarbonCycles eXotic Full Carbon Riser Bar
CarbonCycles eXotic Carbon Seatpost
CarbonCycles eXotic Alloy flat Pedals
No carbon here, just good old-fashioned aluminium in a marvellous orange colour. It occurs to me that we’re running quite a lot of orange this FGF – I have to reassure you that it’s not intentional. I don’t think. Maybe Chipps is auditioning for a new Tango advert.
CarbonCycles eXotic Monocoque UD Rigid fork
Construction flows from tip to toe in this monocoque fork. This one is QR; a thru-axle is available soon. Uses a combination of unidirectional and high modulus 3k carbon to produce an extremely light and stiff fork (it says here). It also says there are no cable guides ‘to simplify right or left hand brake positioning’.
eXotic Meta L Stem
Price: Varies – but from £5.25 per pair
Rock gardz Downtube protectors
Purest carbonium in a downtube protetor/sacrificial carbon stylee. Pop them in hot water to soften, stick them on your frame and away you go! The one on the left is for Rich’s Mondraker Foxy, and the one on the right goes on James’ Kona Process. They’re available for a wide variety of bikes. Here’s what Rich’s looks like on the downtube:
From: Rock Guardz
Q Rings QX1 chainring
Sock Guy Socks
Both from: Silverfish
Clif Pizza Organic Energy Food
From: Clif Bar (eventually).
The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage
Yes, this has nothing to do with bikes. Yes, it’s a bit nerdy. No, I don’t care. Excellently informative graphic novel (with copious footnotes) about Babbage (Victorian computing pioneer) and Lovelace (daughter of Byron, maths whizz and the first programmer), and what would’ve happened if Babbage had finished the Analytical Engine and he and Lovelace had gone on to FIGHT CRIME. It’s also very funny indeed.
From: Good Independent Booksellers everywhere (or Amazon, if you must)
Skratch Labs powders
Energy/fuel/food/powder – you get the idea. More of the healthy; less of the sugar, apparently, in a range of flavours. One of them also has natural caffeine in, so you can feel wired and pure at the same time!
- Single portion: £1.50
- Box of 20 singles: £24.95
- 1lb bag: £13.95
- Bottle: £7.95
Skratch Labs Feed Zone Book
Right, that’s it! At half twelve (in a bit, folks!) we’ll be live Periscoping stuff from this Fresh Goods on.. er .. Periscope. If you’ve not got the Periscope app, you can get it here. It will, rest assured, be disconcertingly amateurish. Hopefully the twitters will let you know when we’re actually on – and you can watch it for 24 hours after than on Periscope, apparently.
And with that, we’re off to ride bikes (or drive to Salisbury for a thing, if you’re Barney – which is a looming way from Yorkshire) So toodleoo!
…Oh, one more thing. Did you think we’d forgotten? Seeing as you’ve been good, here’s a couple more pics of Tom (and trusty sidekick Greg). Enjoy: