Very true again druidh. A mate of mine runs the local country tennis scene for junior and hates kids going to prep or boarding schools as he can’t get enough court time with them.

JY any parent who thinks that a school is a surrogate for them, is likely to be disappointed. IMO it can be a positive or a negative act depending on the child and possibly other factors. I wouldnt pass judgement on parents either way.

Edit: good job you havent read Fry’s biscuit experience. I would suggest leaving it that way.

Why have children and then send them to boarding school? Well, ask the children. As has been demonstrated in this thread, most that spent time at boarding school will tell you how great it was; those that spent time at the local day school will tell you how wonderful that was.
Of course, we are all looking back to those days from the point of view of now either being parents or prospective parents… mostly, at the time, none of us really wanted to be at school at all irrespective of whether it was day or boarding and the desires and needs of our parents were the last thing on our minds!

I went away at 8 and a bit because my father was in the army, it gave me considerable stability because my parents moved house 21 times in their first 24 years of marriage.

Schools have changed a lot since my day and there are loads of options now and the pastoral care is fantastic. I didn’t have a problem at the time but others did, this is less of the case now. I have not made a decision about my kid but my brother ended up sending his kids to schools where they could stay overnight at any time and they all ended up boarding pretty much full time because that was their preference.

I went day, my brother boarded after a while, and it diffused a difficult situation, and it is he who has then paid for his kids to go back to the same school, when mine have gone to state schools throughout.

I have two friends who were at the most famous boarding school (other than Hogwarts) and all of their kids have gone to state schools.

It is interesting. Before 13 I think it’s a bit odd, and I’d hate to send my kids… but on the other hand I’ve left their home and their mother… and only see them a few days a week… a bit like they were weekly boarders…

No simple answers.

drain, I may know you?

Very similar sentiments from me, born and raised in Nigeria (Kaduna), mum and dad travelled through West and East Africa for a few years then back to Nigeria in late 70’s through 80’s, went to local Nigerian schools until mum and dad decided to send me and little sister to a UK boarding school at 10 hated the first year then realised how much they had to offer with sports, education, extra curricular stuff etc etc, lasted in the same school through A levels, then left to fend for myself as Mum and Dad were still out in Nigeria, had no choice but to get to University, a house, a job and just get on with it.

Pros: Taught me to be self sufficient, tolerant of different personalities, knowing when to talk and when to listen, experienced all sorts of things I am sure would not have happened as I stayed in Nigeria. Had a great time with 3 regular longish holidays a year back home to mum and dad.

Cons: Our school lived in the tough love era, some of the bullying was brutal, not convinced my GCSE/A level education was any better though the overall package was enough to compensate.

Now: I have decided never to send my kids to boarding school, rather we all move around the world together as a family – read into that what you will, I liked it but the tears and homesickness I felt getting on the plane in Kano was tough, real tough, I would not put that back onto my kids, my wife or me….

Haaving been surrounded by them all my life, public schoolers on the whole are scum unless they went to one of the slightly less elitist institutions. The new lot I see coming through as Freshers are by far some of the biggest idiots I’ve met, everyday their attitudes become more like satire….. although I used to prefer the more intentional crowd with my public school mates. The state school kids at uni never mixed with anyone outside their social background or nationality.

I can also vouch that public school **** a lot of children up, they were often the children of divorced wealthy barristers or judges that never had time for them – high flying parents etc. I knew of plenty that went off the rail, the difference between them and the state schoolers was their parents had the money to bail them out and restart their lives if they went on methadone/cocaine binges and got expelled, dropped out of university or developed serious mental health issues. You only get one chance to get out of the working classes or lower middle classes during your state education and if you **** it up there’s nothing to fall back on. That in the end is why many public schoolers do better.

Brwaap – judgemental much!

I loved my school to pieces!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/9601243/Christs-Hospital-exemplary-education-without-the-fees.html

Couldn’t teach me how to spell though!

No, I am one. Never fitted in with many of the Rahs, never fitted in with the state schoolers.

Bwaarp, you must see it more than me, but I lurk on my old schools facebook, their website etc, and they have been through some big changes, do you think kids leaving the boarding schools of the 80’s are anything like the kids leaving boarding schools in the 2000’s?

Get a copy of the film “IF”, and see what really goes on in them, a great docu soap

Yeah right, of course…

& the Tooth Fairys real too…

Well for my brief perspective online, 20yrs ago I boarded until 1998 and was a weekly and at times when parents were working emergency shifts/weekends, a full timer lazer quest trip anyone? lol. Age 6-13 yrs of age then and met lots of foreign peers.
Was great memories of my educational life.
Even if I were bullied briefly until I put a swift end to it for being a boarder from a thicko set of dayers.
Mind you kids can be cruel especially before they have taken their first hit so to speak.
Full English every morn proper food too as we’ll as black pudding, not to mention all sorts of egg from poached to scrambled. Tuck shop was especially fav past time for the thick kids and had a vast range of all the Clark s which I may EBay them sometime in the next 20 yrs or so when we are all eating full English outta toothpaste tubes floating around the moon.
Bizarre.com

The fun really starts after skools out for the night.
Roller hockey/ ice hockey visits/ basketball / baseball / shooting range/ ripping the shit outta the stately grounds on my grifter and a m8’s Raleigh and muddy fox etc.
Punctures proved interesting as we had no repair kit as nearest shop was like 8 miles or so away!
Plus we never were really allowed to have time to fix the bikes up otherwise I probably would of been a spanner monkey on the race scene by now. ;d

The list is endless of activities. Absailing / hit the dj’s on a late summers eve then hop in kamikazes style into pool with bbq’s etc.
Not to me too. The missions we had creeping into kitchen to dine’n’dash to the be caught later on the following week by matron as we were cheeky little bad Times at chosen times that is as it was purely yes sir every step of the way in terms of when the speados were around. I was a day pupil at a certain messed up in a conservative Tory voting type way institute in Cheltenham which were found to have their fair share of actual found in court fully fledged kiddy …. The one incident involving a teacher or head of house who filmed a pupil with another having intercourse after being told to was deeply disturbing not to mention the head teacher and governors withholding this information to protect the DC reputation.

That’s just a factual example though in previous yrs there were numerous forced dismissals of heads for corrupting the rugby boy’s team physically and mentally obviously.

I have been fortunate as I was recently new to that school at time then joined rugby team a while after on e the carnage had settled that is.

Apart from the good the bad and the ugly , I of course taught myself discipline, a healthy respect for others for many yrs it was extremely arduous and trying but thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

FYI op firstly my mother has been a dedicated nurse 24/7 pretty much for the last 46 yrs or so, my father worked all over the world as a MR consultant and seeing as they mutually parted directions in life when I was 8, needs must rather than want to be apart from their child.

So my advice would be next time to set out in the op to ask for feedback real life opinions through actual experience and not to judge from YOUR “BELIEF” SYSTEM.

Either that or royally piss off over to a certain motorcycle forum where they’ll bum the living spaff outta ya!

Weeksy will know what I am on about if you read this.
Oh Weeksy, have been meaning to pm your inbox bout advice re: 29er frame sizing and a few other bits and bobs.

The public school system (which includes the preparatory school system that fed it) was designed to prepare boys for a life of service in the Colonial administration or the military. Obviously Britain no longer has these rquirements so the system is less widely used nowadays. Anybody who went to boarding school and was damaged by the experience can get in contact with an organisation founded by an ex-boarder called Boarding School Survivors: http://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk/

I was sent away at the age of eight, for no reason other than that it was the done thing. However for me, to be sent away from your family at that age was the ultimate betrayal and I remember coming to the conscious decision, within a day or two of arriving, that from then on I would rely on nobody and would be entirely self-sufficient in my emotions and everything I did. I expect this damaged me psychologically but I seem to have done OK in life.

Five years ago my own son reached the age of eight and I was shocked at how small and vulnerable he was, so I did go through a kind of mini-crisis, which was when I found out about the organisation I mention above. However in my usual tradition I mentioned it to nobody, not even my wife, and I carried on with my life.

Incidentally the education at prep school was excellent and formed a good foundation but as my school life progressed and I went to public school I dropped out, began wasting time, skipping lessons and failing and in the end my parents realised they were throwing good money after bad and put me in the local comprehensive. The public school (Douai near Reading) closed down some years ago in the face of reducing numbers and then a big paedophile scandal.

Edit: by the way, Drain and Underthethumb, wealthy Nigerians now send their kids to boarding school in the UK; Stonyhurst college just across the Ribble Valley from me has about a dozen Nigerians and many others from Ghana and various South American countries. I have Nigerian friends/customers whose kids are at secondary school in England, my wife and I are even the legal guardians for one of therm.

Never fitted in with many of the Rahs, never fitted in with the state schoolers.

So – despite the fact that you don’t fit in with the majority of the two groups identified, they are at fault and you are right?

My sister got sent to boarding school and hated it.
I wasn’t considered smart enough to benefit from it so I stayed at the local comprehensive with the farmers kids.

Education threads are ace. I went to x type of school and I’m **** awesome, so x type of school is best.

You’ve just become a dad right? Imagine sending your child away at age 11. How does it feel?

I don’t base my parenting decisions on what makes me feel best, I make them on what I consider best for my child. If sending her to boarding school was what I thought would be best for her, that’s what I’d do. Yes, it would make me terribly sad, but that’s the job of a parent, no?

For many/most school days are the happiest days of you life. So Bwaarp it’s a shame that doesn’t seem to be the case for you and that you felt that you did not fit in to either type. Perhaps that explains the degree of exaggeration that you felt necessary? Your opening line seems to be very similar to Andrew Mitchell’s recent gaffe only in reverse. Scum, plebs…….?!?! Sadly with current divorce rates, sampling of any school population will probably throw up similar conclusions about family life across the whole spectrum, so not really sure of the point. Ditto going off the rails. I hope that all people, especially young ones, get more than one shot at learning from their mistakes. All schools should foster and accommodate that, as should parents IMO?

Edit: drJ +1

Mrs Weeksy went to boarding school in West Berks, Bradfield. She’s well adjusted and happy… She had a wonderful time there and looks back on it fondly…

However… I want to a school in Liverpool, i barely attended…

She has a degree… i don’t….

I earn 2.5X her salary…

Who’s right…who’s wrong….

Neither… both…

It’s a simple matter of circumstances.

I was lucky enough when 11 to have a scholarship to a private school called St Edwards college in Liverpool, run by ‘brothers’… it was pure and simple hell… i hated every minute of it… I then went to standard local school, i hated that too… (but slightly less)

I have quite a few friends who went to boarding school. From what I can tell there were several reasons.

Quality of the education. They mostly went to top public schools and their parents considered them to be the best option for their children.

Lifestyle of the parents. Many of the parents had jobs that involved lots of travel or the possibility of relocation every couple of years (Military, Airline pilots and a few senior partners at the big 4). Most didn’t have money when they grew up and were working hard to provide security for their families, this meant some sacrifices.

Moving country every couple of years would not be good for a child, especially if the language of the teachers changed each time!

I have quite a few friends that boarded for a whole number of reasons. None of them have very strong relationships with their parents. I’m sure there are plenty of exceptions but spending so much time away from an early age is going to help.

I went to Eton for a couple of weeks on some kind of summer school. Fantastic place, unbelievable facilities, some inspiring teachers.

I have also heard that private schools have largely discarded the tough love/character building through misery approach.

But I would have felt trapped, I think, so the comprehensive down the road suited me fine.

I’ve also noticed that some people who have had very institutionalised lives (public school students, services families, church people) find it hard to adapt to non-institutional environments. They can also be deadly political – perhaps this is a survival mechanism.

A_A, as a teacher wouldn’t you hope that as a result of attending your school, your pupils felt awesome and that their type of school was best?

I use the threat of boarding school as a last resort to keep my kids in line. Seems to work – sometimes. They now think it’s a place where naughty kids get sent. I often wonder if the upper class use the threat of the local comprehensive in a similar way?

But lets take two generalised scenarios – (1) day pupil, ends days at @4. Goes home to no/one/both parent(s). Has food, does homework, chats with parents/siblings (?), watches TV, plays on computer, goes to bed; (2) boarding school pupil, day can start before 8 (music practice?), classes/activities/sport end @5-6. Socialises with friends. One hour of homework. One hour for dinner in full social environment. One more hour of homework. Finally one hour of sport, music, drama, fun etc….all in a social environment. Including call/skype home. Are either options better than the other?

Personally, I see no evidence that family bonds are dramatcially weakened or even altered by boarding from 13 and in many/most cases see the opposite. Personally, I feel that 7/11 is too early but even then it can be a great experience for the right child.
I agree with this entirely.
I went to boarding school from the age of 13 and although the changeover was a little tough for the first term I absolutely loved it – I didn’t come out of it with fantastic exam results but frankly that was my fault.
Would I send my three kids there? No, because I can’t afford it and secondly because they’re girls and I do believe that boys benefit from it more.
The relationships I built during those years are still as strong now 30 years on. It is a fantastic experience for the vast majority of children (probably even better now than when I went due to the internet/mobiles) and frankly I can’t see how those who insist on putting boarding schools down when they have very likely never even set foot in one.

I’ve also noticed that some people who have had very institutionalised lives (public school students, services families, church people) find it hard to adapt to non-institutional environments.

I’m not entirely sure you can compare a child that has been to boarding school with a soldier just back from Afganistan!
The be honest friends who went to state/day school say completely the opposite and that from what they see boarding school gives children much more confidence.

I’m not entirely sure you can compare a child that has been to boarding school with a soldier just back from Afganistan!

Nor am I – I mentioned services families, not the soldiers in Afghanistan.

LOL at the chippy ones.

I know four children at boarding school. Three asked to go and love it. One went to give it a go and loves it. I also know one child who went, found it wasn’t for them and is now a day pupil. Different strokes for different folks.

No history of boarding school here, but if Ms Markie wants to go then she can – and I’d miss her like mad!

Similar respondees to the ‘keeping kids away from school in term time for selfish parental reasons’ surfacing here.

I’ve also noticed that some people who have had very institutionalised lives (public school students, services families, church people) find it hard to adapt to non-institutional environments. They can also be deadly political – perhaps this is a survival mechanism.

Is it not the case that psychological profilers group ex public school, ex military and ex convicts together? Or did I imagine that. There are certainly traits that I’ve noticed are common to people I know who were sent to boarding school and people I know who were sent to borstal.

Me, wot me? Yes I’m an ex Boarder (5day a week Boarder). As an expat family living in the Good Ol US of A we had a skool for UK IBM employees and roughly 35 UK families used the Boarding Skool’idge.
I loved it, made me wot I am today. Got loads of experience doing outdoorsy stuff and edjumacated to a fine degree. Only hold back I had was transferring back to the UK Degree system where I had to do a “foundation” year before entering Uni.
Bit harsh that I thought.

HeyHo, I know loads of Boarders, met loads through work, through the Club, and friends I’ve made along the way. It’s rather lovely and the people I’ve met are too..

But then there are different grades of Boarding Skool, and they have their own traits, so do the Pupils.. There are a few folks I met at Uni who went to (cough) “famous” Boarding Schools and they were utter tossers, both Girls and Bouys, Indeed I went through a period during Uni and post Uni where the only conversations I seem to have revolved around “wot skool did you go to” & “wot does Daddy do” 🙄

Similar respondees to the ‘keeping kids away from school in term time for selfish parental reasons’ surfacing here.

Well, it depends doesn’t it.

Two weeks in Mayawka = bad and selfish
Two weeks touring vineyards in Provence = enriching.

😀

LOLing at the people who equate “boarding” with “very posh and expensive public school” and seem to base their knowledge of what it’s like on “If” or Yipping Yarns. Particularly loving the assertion that posh people are all scum. This isn’t really about education choices is it?

By the way, all cyclists are also scum, what with their constant red light jumping, riding on the pavement and silly clothes. Do you know they don’t even pay road tax?

Four years at an obscure boarding (prep) school here, absolutely loved it. Parents paid the fees which I still don’t quite understand how they could afford on my dad’s income. Yeah, my dad was a really selfish, lazy, irresponsible parent paying those fees so he could offload me for weeks at a time to enjoy the unencumbered high life, driving his crappy old Datsun around and having one week a year in Scarborough for his annual holidays. What a bastard.

I struggle with long sentences, but there seems to be some odd logic on the first page.

Yes, boarding school might be good education, but is being away from home a requisite part of that? Can you not have a good education and go home every night?

Err… Why have children and then pack them off to a childminder, or complain that the state doesn’t do enough for child care while the mother continues with her career? Isn’t being a mother enough of a job?

rather we all move around the world together as a family

Underthethumb – interested in this idea. May start another thread.

Why have children and then pack them off to a childminder, or complain that the state doesn’t do enough for child care while the mother continues with her career?

Well childminders only look after kids during the day, don’t they? You still get to see them in the evening, talk about their day, share stuff etc.

I use to go to a rough state school where I was a little **** and failed pretty much everything. All I wanted to do was join the Marines at 16. My dad had to move abroad with work and managed to sign school fees into the contract so I could finish education in the UK. I was angry at the time.

In reality, best years of my life to date! I loved boarding. Made some incredible friends got given responsibilities that I wouldn’t have got through state school. The opportunities are amazing. The school had a pub for sixth formers, golf course, equestrian club, clay pigeon shooting- the list is endless. More to the point though, it saved me. I was going nowhere at the old school but here I actually managed to get respectable GCSES (4 A*, 7 A) and then even stayed for sixth form where I got AAB. I then managed to get into Exeter Uni and now doing a Masters with a graduate programme to join when I leave. There is no way I would have got to this stage with the services offered from a state school. The extra exposure to teachers and the heavier discipline* pushed me. I learned fast that I couldn’t get away with what I use to, plus the mentality of other students is positive so you’d be a social recluse if you acted like a dick the whole time.

All in all, I can see why some parents would do it but other parents do it for the wrong reasons.. Great education and great fun.

* Punishment included being up at the football pitch at 6 in the morning and having to run laps around the muddy field- rain, snow, anything. If you didn’t show up you had to sit in the head masters office writing essays for a whole week.- had to have lunch in there too.

The other punishment was the report card. You’d have to wear full school uniform all day. In the morning you’d have t get the card signed at 7am and then every hour throughout the day for a week. Never a chance to put on your own clothes or do sport until you went to bed.

There is no way I would have got to this stage with the services offered from a state school.

But again you’re comparing private with state, not boarding with day, surely?

To add a little perspective if I may, I may? oh thanks..

One of my best sailing mates has a family (wife +2 kids, 4 + 6) Now they decided to sail around the world for a few years, take time out visit the world, give the kids a view of life yadda yadda. So off they trotted 3 years ago on a 75ft liveaboard and they are intending to continue until the eldest is 9 when he’ll be packed off to Boarding Skool. Now then, me and a few other mates have questioned all this time the kiddos will be attached to Mum n Dad in a very secular environment, for this to be torn away as kids head to Boarding skool upon return.
Both Mum n Dad are ex Boarders, both Uni/Post Grad/Medical types, best folks you could meet TBH, but we can’t reconcile the family unit break up that will indeed happen in a couple of years, they are adamant it will be the course of their family life

they are intending to continue until the eldest is 9 when he’ll be packed off to Boarding Skool

And they are going to carry on sailing? Holy cow, that would be harsh on the kid!

A_A, as a teacher wouldn’t you hope that as a result of attending your school, your pupils felt awesome and that their type of school was best?

yes if course but they have only been to one or two so are not best placed to judge.